Performance Anxiety

As William Shakespeare once wrote: “All the world’s a stage and all men and women merely players. They

have their exits and entrances and one man in his time plays many parts” . In the case of Victoria Bellamy she

is doing double duty playing many parts. A woman who gave up her career to pursue her passion for writing

finds herself forsaking love and working as a drag queen impersonator despite being a straight woman in

order to bring her dreams to fruition. She never planned on Philip Renault moving in next door, nor did she

ever entertain the idea of revealing her alter ego and falling head over heels in love with him. Can her dreams

of having it all really come true? Follow the adventures of this couple and discover the reality that they forge

together as two passionate souls finally unite on centre stage for all the world to see.

Happy Reading!

Cerridwensheart

ACT I OF PERFORMANC ANXIETY

We’ve all got secrets in life, they may be of varying degrees but we’ve all got them. Depending on

the emphasis you put on them I’d consider mine a middle of the road kind of a secret. I’m not

ashamed of it but I still treat it on a ‘do they really need to know this?’ kind of a basis, as not everyone

would understand it, or more specifically my mother wouldn’t. She’d just think it was all a part of my

“escalating nonconformist madness” as she’d put it. Sheesh, you give up one little lucrative career on

Bay Street to follow you dreams and suddenly people think you’ve gone off the deep end and have

lost your marbles. Personally I prefer to think of it as following my dreams and my heart and finally

starting to really live.

So you may be sitting there thinking, so what is this secret that’s she’s trying to hide from the rest

of the world in a rather cloak and dagger manner. Well a couple of nights a week I transform into my

alter ego of Miss Kitty and perform on stage. While it’s true that Miss Kitty is a somewhat frisky little

feline with a sassy stage presence, she’s definitely not an exotic dancer. You could say that I’ve got

more of a Victor/Victoria kind of a thing going on. I’m a straight woman who pretends to be a man

who’s performing as a woman. In other words I’m a drag queen impersonator and for the most part I

think I do a pretty fair job of it.

Mind you it does have its draw backs, as currently it’s my main form of a social life and is may not

be the most conducive environment ever, for finding the man of my dreams. The moneys great, the

tips are better and best of all its fun having this alter ego that’s capable of saying and doing things I’d

never dream of. Okay so I do have to find some of my courage in a stiff drink before I strut myself on

to the stage but that’s a minor detail in my books. Now you might ask yourself about how a girl that

pretty much comes off looking like the quintessential girl next door came to be a drag queen

impersonator. Initially the motivation was the extra income it could provide me while giving me a

chance to knock off a couple of things on my “to do” list in life. I’d always wanted to give both acting

and stand-up comedy a shot but being somewhat shy about appearing in front of large groups of

people, neither of these had ever really been a viable career option for me.

The reason why I was so desperate for the extra income was the house I’d inherited from my great

Aunt Emily. It was a great home, in the heart of Cabbagetown and I loved it dearly but it was quite

frankly a money pit that was rapidly draining my bank account. It was a bank account that was

mortally wounded and hemorrhaging money rapidly. The new roofing and windows being two of the

major hits it had taken, since I had decided to give up the daily grind of the 9 to 5 rat race on Bay

Street. I’d always been passionate about writing and truly believed that one day I’d be a published

author on the New York Times best seller list. Until I made it big though I spent a lot of time doing

free-lance work as well as my one solid writing gig on my way to being a published author which was

writing an advice column for a local weekly paper.

It was because of this new life style of mine that I was home on a Wednesday afternoon and since

my column for the week was ready to go, I’d decided to roll up my sleeves and apply a little elbow

grease into my efforts to improve the house. Today I was going to do some painting in what I

dreamed was going to be my study where I would while away the hours writing my best- selling

novel.After hours of painstakingly stripping away several layers of old wall paper I was finally ready to

begin painting. I flipped on some music to keep me company as I worked and was really getting into

the swing of things when the doorbell chimed. “Oh crumb, who could that be?” I said to no one in

particular since the only other living thing in the house was my cat Sydney. I found a rag to wipe my

hands off on and headed for the front door. Maybe it’s those books I ordered off of Amazon last

week, oh well the mystery would solve itself as soon as I opened the door.

I didn’t bother to even cast a passing glance at my reflection in the hall mirror as I headed for the

front door knowing I looked like a walking disaster. I gave the door a good stiff tug as it always

seemed to stick. Just another thing that needed fixing I thought to myself as I pulled it open with a

slight grunt from the exertion of the yank I had just given it. “You are such a class act Victoria” I

mumbled under my breath, as I took in the person standing before me. Clearly he wasn’t the UPS

delivery guy or the mail man. He didn’t seem to be a door to door salesman nor did he seem like he

was going to try to save my mortal soul from the fires of hell either, but he did have a rather bemused

smile on his handsome face.

“I apologize for barging in on you like this but I’m in a bit of pickle and was hoping you’d be kind

enough to help me out. Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m Philippe Renault and I’m your new

neighbour. I recently purchased the house next door to yours and my land line hasn’t been installed

yet and my mobile has gone flat on me and to top it all of the moving vans haven’t arrived yet either. I

was hoping you’d allow me to make a quick call, I’d be most obliged to you if you would.” He said

ending his litany of woes and flashing me a beseeching smile. I sized him up a minute while deciding

whether or not to invite him in. He was definitely a striking looking man, in khakis and a polo shirt

which gave him a casual but polished look to him but I never was one to judge a book by its cover.

“I understand your reluctance to let a strange man into your home. I can only assure you that I

mean no harm and just want to track down when my furnishings and personal effects will be arriving.

I’ll make the inconvenience up to you, I promise.” He said flashing me another dazzling smile. “I can

show you some I.D. if you’d like.” He said as he began to reach for his wallet in his back pocket.

“That’s not necessary. Neighbours are supposed to help out each other in a pinch.” I responded.

“Thank you. That’s very kind of you.” He said as a smile of gratitude painted itself across his lips.

Dressed in a pair of faded old jeans, paired with a faded t shirt from a long ago attended concert, bare

footed, my hair pulled back with a bandana, and paint flecks across my face I must have looked quite

the sight to this well put together and polished looking man who was now invading my personal

domain. I offered him a reticent invitation to enter, acutely aware of not only my appearance but the

house itself, and I was vexed at myself for caring about what this stranger’ opinions of not only me but

my home were.

“The phone is right in here.” I said motioning him into the living room. “I’ll just go back to my

painting and give you some privacy while you make your calls. If you need me I’ll be down the

hallway first door on the left.” He thanked me and I returned to the study to continue on with my

painting. I carried on with my work but my mind kept straying to the man in the next room. I hated to

admit it but he was intriguing to me. There was just the slightest trace of an accent when he spoke

that gave him this delicious mysterious air. He wasn’t hard on the eyes either. He had the more

incredible eyes I’d ever seen warm dark orbs that were penetrating, leaving you shivering involuntarily

as you felt them probe your inner most being. It was his smile though that was most disarming of all.

I was still lost in thought when I was startled out of my reverie. He’d cleared his throat obviously in

an attempt not to startle me but it had the exact opposite effect on me. I jumped and with my usual

lack of finesse ended up stepping into the paint tray and sending paint flying everywhere as a result.

“Crap” I yelped out loud as the paint oozed between my toes. Toes which had only that morning had

a fresh coat of Bikini Pink nail varnish applied to them. “I’m so sorry.” He said as he rushed forward to

help me out of my predicament. “I truly didn’t mean to startle you like that, let me help you.” “I’m fine

thank you.” I replied stiffly, not wanting to be rude but clearly indicating I was not impressed either.

The problem was it was me, that I wasn’t impressed with. If only I hadn’t been concentrating so much

on him, I would have been non-pulsed by his arrival. I certainly did not need any more complications

in my life at the moment and a man was one of them, even if he was totally dreamy looking.

I plunked myself down on the floor to avoid walking and tracking the paint any more than was

necessary. Which is precisely the time Sydney arrived on the scene to see what all the commotion

was about, then proceeded to traipse through the wet paint and then scampered off leaving a trail of

little paw prints in his wake, which left me quaking inwardly and groaning at the thought of the mess

he’d just made. I was torn between bursting into tears and laughing hysterically over the situation. I

chose the latter of the two. I’m sure my new neighbour thought I was a complete lunatic.

I’d found her a breath of fresh air since the moment she’s yanked her front door open.

Dressed as she was she was clearly a confident woman who was not afraid to roll up her sleeves

and get dirty and at the same time she was proud of her feminine side as well with her prettily

pained toe nails. She now sat laughing hysterically on the floor and I found it only added to her

charming demeanor. Scanning the room quickly I spied a pile of what I hoped were clean up rags

and grabbed several to offer to her as a peace offering of sorts. “I’m really so sorry, I didn’t

mean to startle you that way.” I apologized profusely to her. She merely shrugged it off. “No big

deal in the grander scheme of things it’ll wash off.” And with that she took a swipe with the

sleeve of her t shirt at her cheeks. It only served to make the matter worse as the paint smeared

across her face giving her the appearance of a warrior princess painted and ready for battle.

Taking one of the rags I began to gently daub at her cheeks. If she offered any resistance I’d

tell her I was merely trying to be helpful but the reality was I wanted to get a better look into

those eyes of hers’, which were a most striking shade of blue and something more, which was

fascinating to me. “It’s a genetic defect.” She said in a matter of fact tone. “I’d hardly call it a

defect it’s beautiful and unique” I said with a firm conviction. In her left eye there was a small

dot of brown and in it were flecks of gold and green.” “That’s the first time anyone has ever

called it that.” She responded with a short snort of laughter. Colour was seeping into her cheeks

between the streaks of paint and she seemed to be flustered by my honest compliment.

It was unnerving to me to have this handsome stranger engaging in such an intimate act as

touching my face and looking so intently into my eyes and telling me they were beautiful and unique.

I pulled back from his touch and jumped up. “Well, I can clean this up later. I guess I should be a

good hostess and offer you some form of refreshments while you wait for the moving vans in the

meantime.” My hand brushed against his as I leapt up and it sent a current of electricity thought my

body and I gave an involuntary shiver, and dare I say that it was a shiver of delight. “Would you like

coffee or something cold perhaps?” I asked him as politely as I could muster. I was trying

desperately to appear poised and in control. “Coffee would be great if you’re sure it’s no bother.” He

responded politely. “It’s fine.” I assured him. “It’s been my experience when most women answer a

man with the word fine that things are not the least bit fine.” He observed while arching an eyebrow at

me.

“You’re a clever man than if you’re aware of that fact. You must be married or in a relationship.” I

answered him. “No, neither.” He was quick to point out to me. “You’re also right except for one thing

when a woman is truly annoyed with you she’ll respond with just ‘fine’. “I stand corrected then. You

are also not the average woman and your only moderately annoyed then.” He shot back at me I was

taken aback by his directness but responded “Guilty as charged about the being moderately annoyed

at you.” I laughed having been caught so red handed about my thoughts.

“Well if we are going to be neighbours, I’d like us to have an amiable relationship so what do

you say to a mulligan? You know put things behind us and give our new found status as neighbours

a fresh start?” Cute and reasonable, two points for his team. “Sounds like a plan to me. How

about we make ourselves comfortable in the kitchen and I’ll put on some coffee and see if I can

rustle up some sort of a snack to go with it?” I asked. “Sounds great, but I’d like to know one thing

before we do. You’ve never told me your name, and I’m not in the habit of dining with ladies not

of my acquaintance.” He said giving me one of those rakish smiles of his which only caused me to

start flushing again.

“It’s Victoria, Victoria Bellamy.” “Well Victoria, Victoria Bellamy it’s a great pleasure to

finally make your acquaintance.” His voice was like a bowl of melted chocolate, warm and

decadently rich. He folded his hand over mine so that it became less of a hand shake and more of

a caress, as his thumb brushed against my knuckles slowly and he looked at me intently. I found it

disarming that I was becoming enraptured by this man and said “Right now that were introduced,

let me get to that coffee.” As I slipped my hand out of his grasp. I could have held her hand for

hours, it was soft and delicate and her eyes were mesmerizing to me. She might be trying to

come off as having a prickly personality and being standoffish but her eyes betrayed her. In her

eyes I saw a woman that did indeed share a mutual attraction but was unwilling or perhaps unable

to acknowledge it. I knew I wanted to definitely get to know her on a much deeper level. For

now though I’d have to just bide my time as she got to know me and felt more comfortable

opening up to me.

She went about preparing the coffee and I couldn’t seem to take my eyes from her, though I

tried not to stare and make her feel self-conscious if she were to catch me watching her. Her

unvarnished openness about being herself faults and all, I found to be very attractive. She wasn’t

out to impress me or anyone else for that matter. This was a woman of substance. She also

baked a pretty wicked chocolate chip cookie if the ones she served with the coffee were any

indication. “So I take it your relatively new to the neighbourhood yourself?” I inquired. “Yes and

no.” She responded. I cocked an eyebrow at her. “Yes I recently moved in and have been

renovating pretty much since I moved in, and no I’m not really new to the neighbourhood. I spend

a great deal of time visiting this neighbourhood and spending weekends and vacations in this

house while I was growing up. It belonged to my great Aunt Emily who left into me in her will.”

“My sincere condolences to you, on the death of your Aunt Emily, I’m sure you must miss her a

great deal.” I said. Death was often one of those awkward topics to deal with. “Thank you, but

there’s no need. Aunt Emily lived to a ripe old age and was sharp as tack right up until the end. I

do miss her though she was quite the character and knew how to live life.” She said smiling at the

memory of her Aunt. “I take it that you take after your great Aunt?” I inquired. “You could say

that.” She smiled with a smile that had an air of mystery to it. It was a smile that reminded me

of the Mona Lisa, whose secretive smile had beguiled a great many over the years as to the

underlying cause of it.

“Enough about me tell me more about you, Philippe.” “Please call me Philip or Phil, I find

Philippe so stuffy and pretentious sounding.” I informed her. “Okay Philip, so what’s behind you

relocating here?” She asked in an effort to deflect the conversation away from her. “Well I’m

actually relocating from Montreal.” I responded. “So then I did detect a slight accent, not to

mention your name giving it away.” She smiled pleased with her keen sense of observation.

“Indeed you did. I’m fluent in both French and English.” “I think that’s wonderful.” She

responded. “It’s not nearly as romantic as the Parisian French though.” I answered her truthfully.

“Perhaps not but a romance language is still a romance language and has a certain something

about it.” “You mean a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’?” I asked her. “Precisely,” She acknowledged and

gave me a shy smile in return.

“Do you speak any French?” I inquired of her. She laughed a soft tinkling laugh, “Just a little

and I’m afraid that it’s terribly rusty from lack of use.” “I’d be happy to help you practice if

you’d like.” “Maybe” she answered softly as she flushed. “Once again enough about me, so what

brings you to Toronto?” She inquired doggedly, determined to get at least some of my story out of

me. “Well I’m expanding my business. I’m opening a new art gallery in Yorkville.” “So you’re an

artist then?” she asked seeming to warm to the topic. “A generous person might refer to me as

that.” I shrugged. “Which mediums do you work in?” She asked, seeming genuinely interested.

“They vary, sometimes I paint or sketch, I also sculpt and love to find abandoned objects which I

breathe new life and form into.” “That sounds fascinating. I’d love to see some of your work

sometime.” She added.

“I’d be delighted to have you come down to the gallery and I’ll give you a personal tour. I’d

even be happy to show you my studio where the magic happens.” I told her. I hoped she would

take me up on my offer as I wanted to spend more time with her but at the same time I didn’t

want her to feel overwhelmed. “I’d like that. After you get a bit more settled, I’d like to take

you on your very kind offer.” She replied. The more we talked over coffee the more I genuinely

liked her and wanted to find out still more about her. We talked about her trials and tribulations

with her renovation projects. I commended her on taking on so many of them on her own even

though she had no real experience with it. “Well it’s partially trial and error, not to mention

google, and some great friends that are willing to pitch in and lend a hand.” Sh e confided in me.

Clearly she was modest as well and not the sort to take credit for something that she didn’t feel

she rightfully deserved.

She also told me about the how she had recently changed her career path as well. “Oh I was on

the fast track, great salary and fantastic benefits but at the end of the day my heart wasn’t in

it.” “So you just decided to take a leap of faith and start fresh. That’s a pretty bold move.” I

observed. “You mean for someone my age?” she grinned. “No, I mean for anyone at any age. Not

a lot of people would have it in them to give up a sure thing with a solid future, for something

that they had no real control over.” I added seriously. “I just never want to have any regrets

about how I live my life. Maybe it is foolhardy of me to give it all up for something so uncertain

but they say you should do what you love and love what you do.” She summed up.

“No I totally get it, life should be lived and money isn’t everything in life. Besides you strike

me as the type woman that will make a success of anything she puts her mind to.” I hoped that I

was coming across as sincerely as I thought it and meant it. “Thanks, that’s really kind of you.”

She said softly as she flushed but still managed to look me straight in the eyes as she did. I knew

in that instant that she did in fact believe that I was in fact being sincere. We heard the

unmistakable sound of large trucks pulling up out front and grinding to a halt. “Sounds like your

things have finally arrived.” She said and I detected just a note of regret in her voice that our

conversation would soon be coming to a close for the time being.

“That it does.” I was none too anxious to abandon our little tete a tete myself. Especially

since it seemed we were getting along so well. “Thanks so much for the coffee and for keeping me

company while I waited, but I guess I should get going.” “Yes I suppose you should.” She added as

she began to rise as well. It looked as if she were going to walk me to the door, which I thought

was a good sign. She did indeed walk me to the door but it wasn’t in a bums rush sort of a way,

which to me was another good omen. “Hey I just had a thought. How about I have you over for

dinner tonight? My way of saying thanks for everything and for all the extra work I caused you.

What do you say?” I asked trying to sound very casual about it.

“I’d say you’re either a nut or dead brave you’ll be unpacking boxes for ages.” She laughed. “I

never said I was going to cook, at least not tonight. I’m thinking more along the lines of take out

and having an al fresco style picnic in the back garden perhaps?” “That actually sounds nice and I

do want to finish painting the walls in that room today if I possibly can. So yes I’ll accept your gracious

invitation to dinner. I could bring along a bottle of wine if you’d like. We could celebrate.” I felt my

cheeks going crimson. “Great Victoria he probably thinks you’ve got a thing for him and your treating

this like a date and not just a casual meal between two neighbours.” I quickly amended that “I mean

to welcome you to the neighbourhood.” “Sounds great and if I can impose just one more time would

you mind bringing along a couple of glasses, as I have no clue which box mine are packed in and it

may take me a few days to find them.” He grinned totally non-pulsed by my implication this might be

considered some sort of a date on some level. I was grateful for that.

“I think I could manage that.” I smiled at him. “Great then shall we say a bit of a late dinner then

so we can both finish up? How does eight o’clock sound to you Victoria?” he asked me. “Sounds,

fine. I’ll see you then.” I told him as I opened the door. He lingered in the doorway for a split second

before the shout from one of the furniture movers broke the moment. “Hey mister, do you happen to

know the guy that lives over here? He was supposed to be here to let us in so we can unload.” “That

would be me. I’ll be right with you.” He turned back to face me. “I’m sorry to cut this short but I really

do have to go. I’ll look forward to seeing you later though.” He turned on his heel bolted down the

steps and was gone before I could respond.

I closed the door behind me, and was left to my own thoughts once more. I went back into the

study to pick up where I’d left off and to clean up the paw prints Sydney had left, but I just wasn’t in

the mood at the moment. I flopped into a drop cloth covered armchair and let my mind begin to drift.

Sydney wandered in and hopped into my lap and I absent mindedly stroked his soft coat while I

thought. My thoughts of course were on my new neighbour Philip. This was so unlike me to be so

taken with someone that I barely knew. I was also pretty certain it went a lot deeper than his surface

good looks. Yes outwardly he was more than attractive and I’d be lying if I said otherwise, but in the

short time that we’d talked I’d found myself drawn to him in other ways. I also knew in some ways

he’d drive me totally nuts but I still couldn’t help but like the guy…..a lot.”

“Oh Sydney what the hell am I thinking? There is no way he could ever possibly be attracted to

me, especially if he finds out I’m a drag queen impersonator and I tell him I write an advice to the

lovelorn column which can get a little risqué with some of the questions that I deal with. He’d be more

at home with the woman that grabs her briefcase and races off to the office every morning in her

black pencil skirt, white blouse and tailored jacket ready to do battle in the boardrooms of Bay Street.”

I looked down at Sydney who cast his wide green eyes at me staring in that intense way only cats

seem to be able to manage to. “Why do you humans have to complicate things so much? Just go on

your date tonight and have fun, and see what happens.” He seemed to be saying to me and with that

he leapt fleet footedly off of my lap and wandered off.

I finally finished painting the walls and cleaning everything up about half six, which still gave me

ample time to shower, get dressed and select a bottle of wine to take with me. I was on the verge of

an anxiety attack when I took a look in the bathroom mirror and saw the state of my face. I positively

looked like someone out of the pages of National Geographic with my paint smudged face. That man

sat there and talked to me like nothing was out of place for over an hour and he even told me I had

beautiful eyes, he must be blind as a bat. I look like a reject from a Halloween movie, was all I could

think.

I quickly shucked the clothes I had on and was soon standing under the soothing hot water that

was cascading down. I was alone and naked and thinking about the man that had caressed the back

of my hand with his long fingers and the way he had tried to help me remove the paint from my face.

If just those simple gestures could have such an effect on me, then dare I even imagine what it would

be like to kiss him or even more? I could just envision sharing a kiss with him, those sensual lips of

his, brushing against mine, oh so tenderly at first, but not before he had stared intently into my eyes

and brushed his fingers against my jawline. He would be the sort that would test the waters of

attraction before the actual kiss which would only increase the sensuality of it and make it all the more

perfect. To feel his arms encircling me would be rapture.

I was getting so caught up in my little fantasy that at first I didn’t realize the warm tingling sensation

that was beginning to ebb throughout my body. When it struck me I was more flustered than ever

before about my thoughts about this new still unknown factor in my life known as Philip. What kind of

power was I giving this unknown quantity and why was I thinking of it as a permanent sort of thing?

Turning off the shower I tried to get a grip on myself as I toweled off and then wrapped it around me

while I wandered into my bedroom to select an outfit for tonight. I stood in front of my closet for an

eternity holding various outfits up in front of me and rejecting them all. Why was I making such a

major production out of what was to be a simple meal shared between two people who were nothing

more than neighbours? I finally settled on peasant style blouse and a multi coloured flowing crushed

crepe looking skirt. Casual, not too revealing, and perfect for the casual bohemian style picnic we

had planned.

After I finished dressing making sure to add a funky beaded necklace, some bracelets and a pair

of dangling earrings to complete the look I went into the bathroom to do my makeup and style my

hair. When I was finished I thought I looked pretty, feminine but not like I was a woman with any sort

of agenda that would frighten him off. Grapping a bottle of wine, and a pair of wine glasses I was all

set to leave for my picnic. It was just a few minutes to eight so by the time I slipped on my sandals

locked the door and walked over I’d be there at 8 sharp. In a lot of ways I felt very confident and in

others I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life. “Don’t wait up Sydney.” I called as I

locked the door and made my way across the front lawn and up the walkway to Philip’s home.

ACT II OF PERFORMANC ANXIETY

After a few hectic hours of dealing with the movers and trying to locate some of the rather

essential things that I needed, I was more than looking forward to spending a delightful evening

getting to know Victoria, better. I was eagerly anticipating sharing dinner and a glass or two of

wine with her, looking at it as the calm after the storm in my day. The doorbell chimed at

exactly 8 on the dot and I rushed to answer it. “Good evening Victoria, come on in and make

yourself at home. I see you remembered the glasses. Thanks for that.” I said as I ushered her into

the interior of my rather chaotic and cluttered world. “I’ll be so happy when I finally manage to

get everything organized.” I said, even though I was pretty certain she understood. “It’ll all come

together, trust me. It just takes some time. I’d even be happy to pitch in and help you unpack if

you want. I know what a daunting task it can be to even just unpack the boxes.” She said smiling

warmly at me.

“Be careful. I might just take you up on that offer. As it is tonight I think I’ll end up flaked

out on the sofa as I have no inclination what’s so ever to put my bedframe together, led alone

search for the box with my bed linens in it.” I warned her laughingly. I thought she looked lovely

in the outfit she’d chosen to wear for the occasion. She was casually dressed in her colourful skirt

and off the shoulder blouse. The ankle bracelet she had on, had small bells on it which tinkled

softly with each movement. There was also a delicate scent clinging to her that my olfactory

senses were quick to pick up on.

It was her face though that was most pleasurable to my senses. It was now devoid of paint

splatters and smudges and I could clearly see what a truly striking woman she was. My instincts

had not been wrong about what lay beneath her earlier layer of her war paint. “I clean up rather

well don’t I?” she inquired of me teasingly and I knew I had clearly been caught in the act of

checking her out. “Indeed you do.” I responded trying to sound unruffled that I hadn’t been as

discrete as I thought I was being and had been caught red handed.

“I thought we’d wait in the back garden while we wait for dinner to arrive and perhaps enjoy a

nice glass of that wine that you so graciously brought along with you. How does that sound to

you?” I asked her. I was anxious to change the subject for the time being anyways as I suddenly

felt very self-conscious about having tried to secretly admire her. “That sounds great.” She

responded. “I’ll show you the way.” I offered. “No need for that. You may not realize it but

your house is a mirror image of mine. I always found that fascinating as a youngster. So I know

the layout of your house as well as I do my own.” She answered me. “Well then ladies first.” I

said bowing slightly and gesturing with my hand. “Gladly” she grinned and proceeded down the

hallway to the back of the house and the kitchen which led out into the back yard.

There was a certain gracefulness to the way she carried herself and I couldn’t help but notice

the soft, natural sway of her hips as she moved along before me. The ironic part of it all was that

she was in no way trying to be a seductress or entice me it was merely something that was a

natural part of her being. Personally I found it truly delightful that she was so natural and at ease

in my presence that she was just merely being herself. She skipped lithely down the few steps and

into the garden. She placed the glasses and bottle of wine she still had in her hands on top of the

small wrought iron table that was in the yard, than took a seat in one of the matching chairs.

“You can thank the former owners for leaving us a place to dine tonight.” I informed her.

“The Barkers were lovely people. Stanley passed away about three years ago, than Jane

decided to sell as the up keep of the house was getting to be too much for her on her own. She

was a friend of my Aunt Emily’s and I still go and visit her once or twice a month. She’s living in a

condominium in Forest Hills now. It’s closer to her children and grandchildren so she’s quite

content.” She told me. “So do you have memories of garden tea parties on this table then?” I

asked her knowing she had spent a great deal of time here in her youth. “Yes, among other things

I did have tea parties over here. I often played with the Barkers children when I was here visiting

Auntie Emily.” She smiled reflecting on her fondly remembered youth.

I could just imagine her in her party finery, pouring tea from her little china tea pot and her

stuffed animals and dolls as other guests. As an adult though I found that it was a small table

perfect for two, and I was thinking it how it would offer a bit of dining intimacy. The chairs were

currently situated on opposite sides of each other. I pulled out one of the chairs for her and she

gracefully flowed into it and thanked me. I took the seat opposite to her and opened the bottle of

wine. Thankfully, I had been able to locate my corkscrew after a mad search just shortly before

she had arrived. I poured two glasses and offered her one. She took it and gave me a smile.

“May I offer a toast to new beginnings and friendships” I said as our glasses clinked against each

other and we each took a sip. I pronounced the wine to be excellent and thanked her for bringing

it with her.

We were just beginning to get into a relaxed conversation over the wine, when the doorbell

chimed. “That must be dinner. I’ll be back in a jiff.” I told her as I bounded up the back steps and

into the house to answer the door. I returned a couple of minutes later with a brown paper bag of

take out in my hands. “I hope this was a good choice and that you’ll like what I’ve selected. I sort

of had to wing it not knowing your tastes in food. I hope you’re not a vegetarian.” I added as an

afterthought. I so did not want to get off of on the wrong foot with her once again. “I’m not,

your safe.” She laughed. The way she said it, I felt as if she could read my thoughts and she just

somehow knew intuitively that I wanted very much to stay in her good graces. “It smells

wonderful.” She sniffed the air daintily with her pert little nose. “The Butter Chicken Factory,

I’m detecting, dinner for two. Chicken vindaloo, their classic butter chicken, naan bread,

steamed rice, samosas, onion bhajia and chicken pakoras. How’d I do?” she asked.

“That’s totally amazing you got the entire order right.” I said in awe. “Are you psychic or

something?” I marvelled at her. She merely shrugged. “A bit perhaps, but I also order from there

frequently myself, and get exactly the same thing.” She smiled. I was secretly pleased that I had

ordered something that so suited her tastes as well as my own. I opened the bag and started to

unpack the items. “Rats, they forgot to pack the utensils I requested.” It peeved me just a little,

as I didn’t want her thinking I was some sort of uncouth barbarian. With the quirk of an eyebrow

at me she said. “It’s really not an issue. I can pop home and get some or we can use the naan

bread to scoop up the rice and entrees. It’ll just add to the bohemian picnic theme we planned on

if we do that. I don’t mind at all as long as you don’t. Besides fingers will wash and more

importantly it’ll be fun.” She grinned.

“Great.” I agreed with her. I was grateful that she was so relaxed and cool about it all, and

thankfully they had packed a generous amount of napkins with the order. I finished setting out our

meal and had the brilliant idea to move my chair next to hers. “It’ll be easier to share if I sit

beside you.” Was the guise I used but the truth of it was I wanted to catch another whiff of that

delicate scent she wore. I moved my chair beside her and settled in to enjoy what I hoped was the

first of many meals that we would eventually share together. She’d been right of course the food

was excellent, as was the wine but it was the company that I was enjoying the most. When a bit of

succulent sauce from the butter chicken escaped my naan bread utensil and began to slowly run

down my chin, Victoria grabbed a napkin from the pile on the table. She began to daub the sauce

from my face. I was immediately touched by both the intimacy of the gesture and the fact that it

came so naturally to her, as though we had been together for years.

As we ate she told me more about her former job and how she’d made the decision to toss in

the towel and go out on a limb and try something so vastly different. “What if you don’t make it

as a writer?” I asked her. “Oh I’ll make it. Failure isn’t an option for me.” She answered

confidently. The way she answered, I knew she truly believed she could and would become a

success with her writing aspirations, and she made me believe it as well. I found it quite

remarkable that she was willing to take a leap of faith and follow her dreams and not just

continue to trudge along in a profession that her heart simply wasn’t in, few people would have

had her pluck.

As much as I wanted to know how she was coping in the mean time I didn’t press the issue. She

didn’t strike me as a spoiled trust fund baby or a woman that has some man keeping her and

paying her way, yet she seemed to be making it work for her. Surely she must have some sort of a

job though, even a part time one perhaps she did some free lancing or consulting of some type.

Perhaps one day that mystery too would be revealed to me. We also discussed my art gallery and

the projects that I was currently working on. She seemed to be fascinated asking me intelligent,

thoughtful questions about my work. Once again I extended the invitation for her to visit the

gallery and allow me to give her a personal tour, wanting to reinforce the fact that I truly would

be delighted to show her around and have her give me her thoughts on my work.

“I’d love to see your work and give you my thoughts on it.” She rested her hand on top of mine

and gave it a small pat. “Really, I love art in all forms and I’m anxious to see yours. Especially

since it has an environmentally positive influence to it since you use refurbished and found items

in your works.” Her touch was warm and gentle and I was more than content to sit there with her

hand resting so naturally on top of my own. She resonated with this positive energy and had this

natural way of transferring it. I felt it running through my own veins and wondered if there

would ever come a time when her touch would be even more intimate when it came to me. For

now I would have to settle for these friendly supportive gestures and just hope for the best. It

might be pure insanity but I wanted to win this woman’s heart, and I planned on doing it.

Victoria had been right of course, eating dinner with our fingers had proven to be fun. It had

also provided the added bonus of occasional unexpected brushes against her hand. She chatted

with me freely and candidly, and the more we talked the more I liked her and the more I wanted

the evening to last forever. Unfortunately all too soon she was thanking me for treating her to

dinner and saying she really should be on her way as it was getting late. “I’ve been having such a

great time getting to know you but I really should be going.” Perhaps it was only wishful thinking

on my part but she sounded as if she truly regretted that that our time together was drawing to a

close. “I’ve got another busy day ahead of me tomorrow. Besides I’m sure you must be worn out

after a day of moving. I’ll help you tidy up before I go if you like.” She said.

“I am pretty wiped out” I admitted. “But you’ve been a most welcome and pleasant distraction

from the madness of it all.” It earned me a soft shy smile in return. “As for cleaning up it’ll only

take me a minute, so no need to bother. Thanks for the offer though. I saw her to the front door

and when we got there I longed to take her in my arms and kiss her good night but figured that

would be rather a brash and bold move on my part. “Take your time” I silently told myself “You’ll

be glad you did she’s going to be well worth the wait.” We tarried by the door neither of us quite

knowing what to say or do. There was definitely some form of mutual attraction on both of our

parts but neither of us seemed ready or willing to make the first move. It reminded me of those

awkward moments back in my freshman year of high school, wanting to ask a girl to dance but just

being far too shy to work up the nerve to do it.

“I should be a gentleman and walk you home, after all it is late.” The moment I said it sounded

rather silly even to me but in a nice sort of a way. I thought she might be tempted to accept for a

moment and perhaps I’d even get invited in for a late night cup of coffee. “That’s really sweet of

you but I’m sure I’ll be fine on my own. If it makes you feel any better though you can always

watch me to make sure I make it safely to my door.” She began to descend the steps when she

swivelled her head to look back at me. “I really did have a nice evening, thank you again.” She

said as she gave me a final little smile. I watched her glide along the lawn and up her own steps.

She put her key in the door and turned the knob them stopped to see if I was watching which I was

and gave me a little finger wave before she disappeared from view and shut the door.

I stood on the front steps for a few moments before I made my way to the backyard so that I

could tidy things up. We’d both been famished and had made justice of our little picnic, so there

was no food left over to store in the fridge. I put the empty take out cartons and crumbled

napkins back in the carry out bag they’d arrived in. I’d stow it just inside the back door for now

until I could locate my garbage bags in the morning. Next I picked up the wine bottle and found

there to still be enough left for one glass. “What the heck?” I thought as I poured the contents

into my emptied and earlier abandoned glass. I’ll just sit out here and finish it while I think over

the day’s events and try to decide just how Victoria Bellamy will fit into my life. The cool

darkness of the night enveloped me in its cloak as I sat silently pondering this newest development

in my world.

“Sydney, I’m home.” I called into the darkened house as I flicked on a light switch. I was forever

forgetting to leave a light on when I went out for the evening. My fleet footed housemate came

trotting into the entry way to greet me. “Hey, Syd, miss me?” I asked as I picked him up and gave

him a cuddle and a peck on the top of his wee fuzzy head. I received an appreciative purr as he

nuzzled his head under my chin. I slipped off my sandals, locked the front door and turned off the light

as I made my way up the staircase to my room. I flicked on the light switch and set Sydney down on

the top of my bed, where he proceeded to curl up on the foot of it while he watched me do my nightly

routine. “I had a great time Sydney, and I really like Philip a lot.” I confessed to my feline companion.

“He’s sweet, funny, intelligent and definitely not hard on the eyes either.” Sydney merely yawned with

total disinterest over my confessions and shut his eyes and promptly went to sleep. “Message

received Syd, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself for the time being.” I said as I proceeded to get

undressed.

There air was cool and still as I sat expounding on my thoughts about Victoria and how the

evening had gone. The moon and the stars were out in full force on this dark and cloudless night.

It would have been most conducive to setting a romantic mood with a certain woman of my recent

acquaintance. The coolness of the night would have been a wonderful reason to have the excuse

to drape my arm around her shoulders, under the guise of keeping her warm. I felt a dreamy

smile painting itself across my face at the mere thought of getting romantically tangled up with

Victoria. When I noticed a light flick on and illuminate an upstairs room. I knew it was the master

bedroom based on what she had told me earlier about the houses being mirror images to each

other.

The curtains were drawn together, but unlike a lunar eclipse they could not entirely conceal the

celestial body that came into my field of view. Victoria’s silhouette and her decidedly feminine

form were visible through the misty veil of fabric. It was a most enchanting and magical tableau

that I was being treated to. Perhaps it was the artist in me but it I loved the mysterious aura it

provided her. It somehow seemed to suit her to appear this way. I knew from our earlier

conversations that she was very open and forth coming about a great many things, but I also

sensed there was a great deal beneath it which she was yet unwilling to divulge to me.

I watched entranced as she disrobed, and wondered if she felt vulnerable as she did so but

then she had no idea I was sitting here enjoying the view and even beginning to have a little

fantasy forming in the recesses of my mind. She was a siren who was wordlessly enticing me with

her movements. An erotic game of hide and seek performed with the finesse of a burlesque

queen. The most enticing thing of all was she had no idea of what a seductress she in reality was.

Even with the curtain obstructing my view I couldn’t help but be enchanted by the outline of her

feminine curves discretely visible through the curtains which billowed ever so slightly in the night

breeze dancing around her. Watching silently as she peeled off her clothing unknowingly providing

me with fodder for the thoughts of an intimate nature that were formulating in my mind’s eye.

My body was beginning to respond to the visual stimulus despite the obstruction of my view.

I could feel the heat from the fire that was spreading throughout me, warming my heart and

my soul. There was a throbbing ache in my loins that yearned to be satisfied. I wanted to know

what it would be like to hold her tightly and caress her naked flesh. To run my hands over her

body as though I were moulding and shaping one of my sculptures. To coax it to a point of

perfection through my manipulations thus allowing her to see the same beauty I saw and take her

pleasure in it. Would I ever know the thrill of tasting the sweetness of those lush full lips of hers

and was I worthy of doing so? I wanted to press my lips against hers, and feel her responding with

equal ardour, I wanted to have that kiss cling to my lips and linger in my thoughts until my dying

day.

Oh to be able to taste the sweetness of her flesh running my tongue and lips over it. To be

able to experience and taste every aspect of it, from the savory saltiness of her naked skin to the

sweetness of the honeyed nectar that could be discovered only by a lover. My own desires were

rapidly manifesting themselves as my rigidness pressed against the cloth of my trousers begging to

be freed and sated. If only I could, I would happily indulge in a rather torrid and passionate love

making session with Victoria. It wasn’t just the physical that I yearned for with her either. I

wanted her on all levels and in all ways. I barely knew this woman or anything about her and yet

she was unknowingly working her way into my heart.

She faded from view and the light in the room was extinguished I sat caressing the stem of my

wine glass which was a poor substitute for a man with a longing ache in his loins. I gulped down

the remaining wine contained in the vessel that was capable of warming both the heart and the

soul on a cool night such as this, but this too was a poor substitute for a man that was falling in

love. The only one that could satisfy me now was Victoria who was filled with a vibrant life giving

source of energy in its purest form. Having swallowed the last of the fortified liquid I made my

way into the house, ready to call it a day. I ran some water in into the wine glasses and left them

in the sink for the time being, I’d deal with washing them out tomorrow. Returning them would

be a pleasure as it would give me a chance to see Victoria again.

Navigating my way around and between boxes and crates I found the sofa, which was great

for a nap but was rather unappealing to me as a place to rest my weary head if I wanted to really

stretch out and get comfortable for a good night’s sleep. My jacket which I had tossed over the

back of the sofa earlier in the day would just have to act as a makeshift pillow for tonight. I

rolled it into a ball and stuffed it under my head trying to find a comfortable position as I

stretched out. As tired as I was, sleep remained evasive and continued to elude me. Not being in

my own bed wasn’t helping the situation but neither was having so many thoughts of the woman

next door rushing through my brain. I laid there for what seemed like an eternity before sleep

finally over took me and when it did Victoria was very much in the forefront of my mind.

After I had turned off the light I crawled into bed, being careful not to disturb Sydney who was

already snoring away. It had been a long day and I should have easily dropped off to sleep the

moment my head touched the pillow but there was just a little too much Philip Renault running

through my head. “Victoria you need to get a grip on yourself. You are not the sort to go falling head

over heels for some man you just met. You have way too much sense for that. Also let us not forget

you are a drag queen impersonator, which would probably not be well received by most men and you

write an advice column that is on a par with Dan Savage and his Savage Love column minus the fact

your reader ship is limited to a local readership here in the city. You are definitely not the let’s take

this girl home to meet the parents material. You’d probably stand a better chance with him if you told

him you were Cat Woman and spent your free time traipsing around Gotham city in a leather outfit.” I

grinned at the thought of that as it really wasn’t that far of a stretch from my identity as Miss Kitty.

Only the name and the city were changed to protect the innocent. I started to laugh outright at that

thought. My laughter shook the bed and earned me a disgruntled meow from Sydney whose slumber

was disturbed by it.

I’d tried doing normal but it was so just so not me. Normalcy was a one trick pony and that just

wasn’t my style. If Philip or any man was going to be interested in me then he’d just have to accept

me as I was. Even if that meant embracing a life that seemed like it would be more suited to some

psychedelic acid experiment. My life at best could be described as trippy and I was more than happy

to embrace it. If nobody else could that would be their prerogative but I knew what made me happy

and I couldn’t or wouldn’t change it for love nor for money. Philip seemed to be pretty laid back and

being an artist and environmentalist he was probably more open minded than most but he was also a

business man and thus still an unknown quantity. I couldn’t help but think that we both had felt some

sort of mutual attraction towards each other this evening but it was still way too early to know for

certain. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part that he’d seemed at least moderately interested

in me and perhaps in time pursuing something more with me.

“Why isn’t there an easier way to tell if someone was interested in you or not?” I thought as I

flopped over on my tummy and punched my pillow a couple of times in an effort to find the sweet spot

on my pillow and drift off to sleep. Tossing and turning restlessly, trying to find just the right position I

finally gave up deciding it was senseless to remain in bed. Slipping out of bed I padded silently over

to the widow seat in my bedroom and curled up with my feet tucked beneath me. Moonlight was

streaming in the window and I couldn’t help but notice what a beautiful night it was. The moon hung

in the heavens in all its luminous glory and even the smallest stars that studded the midnight blue sky

sparkled with radiance. It had that natural ambience that would have set the scene so perfectly for a

first kiss. A kiss that would defy description, thrill you to your very core and leave you aching for

more. One that made your heart sing, the very kind of kiss that I just somehow knew Philip would gift

a woman with.

I sat there staring out into the night and wondering what was could possibly be making a logical,

sensible woman like myself even consider getting into a relationship with a man that I had just met a

few hours ago. I’d just barely met him and here I was wondering what it would be like to share the

perfect kiss with him. “Are you a grown woman Victoria or are you some smitten teenage girl?” I

chided myself. I sighed, stretched and returned to bed and buried myself under the duvet. I needed

to get some sleep one way or the other. I had a show tomorrow night and still had a load of things to

do to get ready for it. Perfecting dance moves in my routines, packing my costume changes, make

up, and props. By all rights I should never have gone over to Philip’s earlier this evening but the

allure of spending time with him had just been too great for me to resist. I wasn’t sorry that I’d gone

even though it would mean paying a price for it tomorrow.

The evening kept playing over and over again in my head, like some song that gets stuck in your

brain and you can’t seem to shake it no matter what you do. Why was this man leaving such an

indelible impression on my thoughts? Was it possible that there really was such a thing as love at first

sight? No I told myself don’t be silly that only happens in romance novels or to other people not

people like you. I continued to wrestle with my thoughts which included a physical tussle with my bed

linens and pillows. Sydney gave up any pretenses of sleeping on the bed with me for tonight and

curled up on the window seat I had abandoned. He was curled up paws over his eyes and sleeping

like a baby. I should take lessons from that cat he could just curl up and go to sleep at the drop of a

hat. Oh how I envied him that at the moment. Finally somehow I managed to drift off, my mind

floating on a sea of thoughts and all of them were of Philip.

ACT III OF PERFORMANC ANXIETY

Just as Philip and Victoria are settling into a domestic harmony with each other, Philip discovers some rather candid photos of Victoria. Which leads him to wonder is she really the woman that she claims to be? How

long can Victoria keep her alter ego a secret and even more importantly how is she going to explain it?

Mornings always seem to come way too early for a night owl like myself but at least now I didn’t

have to face dressing for success and racing off to the office. No more nylons, high heels and

sensible business suits in blacks, charcoal greys or smartly pinstriped navy ones. Blessedly no more

crowded commutes on the subway crowded in like sardines. Best of all no more taking my place in

the parade of the lemmings as I always thought of it as we all rushed from Union Station through the

underground Path to reach banks of elevators that would ferry us into a world of cold impersonal

chrome and leather furnished offices, that were like cookie cutter duplicates of one another.

I think it was the march of the lemmings I found the most distasteful part of the whole thing.

Marching along in a seemingly endless stream of body’s, faces devoid of emotion clutching cups of

Starbucks coffee, briefcases in hand with newspapers tucked underneath their arms. Scurrying along,

heels clicking like spiky little claws on the tiled floor, drumming out the song of the doomed. Their

destinies preordained for them just like the lemmings that follow each other off of the edge of a cliff in

rapid succession blissfully ignorant of the fate that awaited them. My wake up calls that this was really

not the life for me came as I watched my colleague’s marriages collapsing and ending in divorces

after their partners grew wearied and frustrated by feeling more like mistresses than spouses.

Esteemed colleague’s that I had known for years and I thought were solid as a rock, were suddenly

on the verge of nervous collapses, from the pressure they were under.

While I had a great deal of empathy for them, I also knew in my heart of hearts that I didn’t want to

end up like them. I wanted to live, to love and find what truly made me happy in life. Maybe I was

merely having some sort of mid- life crisis, and should have bought a little red sports car, had breast

implants and found a boy toy but somehow I knew that that wasn’t the right solution for me. So here I

was starting over, scared half to death by it all and now I was falling for the guy next door. I had to

laugh at the irony of it all, if I hadn’t of been already writing a book I could have simply written one

about my own life. Mind you nobody would have believed it was my reality, more than likely they all

would have thought it some very fanciful form of fiction. I chuckled out loud at that thought.

Admittedly my life was a bit bizarre these days but it was my life and I was fully embracing it and

loving it.

My thoughts seamlessly transitioned into the still unknown realm of that most engaging man that

now lived next door to me. Thoughts tumbled together as I wondered if he’d had any thoughts of me

before he’d drifted off to sleep. Did he look incredibly sexy and dishevelled this morning when he

woke up, with his hair tousled and stubble on his face, clothes that were rumpled after a night of

sleeping in them. I would have given just about anything in the world to know the answers to those

and so many more questions. What would it be like to wake up with our bodies tangled together, our

limbs entwined. To feel his lips skimming over my shoulder as he gently tried to rouse me from my

slumber. To feel his arousal and need pressing against me, prodding against my thigh telling me he

desired me. “Oh good grief” I thought its getting more than a little warm in here. I’m going to have to

throw myself under a cold shower if I continue to think about this much longer. A certain seldom felt

sensation was spreading through my nether regions and I blushed crimson that mere thoughts were

stirring me so.

“Right, Sydney old chap let’s get on with our day. I’ll get you fed and watered. Make some

breakfast for myself. Then I’ll do some rehearsing for tonight’s show.” I recounted to my furry

roommate as I sprang out bed. Typical male that Sydney was, he meowed his approval at the thought

of being fed. He followed me down the hallway and down the stairs and into the kitchen his tail

triumphantly held in the air. I filled up his bowl with kitty kibble and refreshed his water bowl. He

eyed me balefully as if to say “This is it? This is all you’ve got for a poor starving boy like me?” “Get

a grip Sydney I’ll give you a treat once I get my own breakfast underway.” Somewhat mollified by that

promise he began to chow down in earnest. In the mean time I got the coffee brewing, put some

music on in the living room to get me into the mood to rehearse and got some things out of the

refrigerator to start making breakfast.

I was dancing around the kitchen in fact whisking eggs when a tapping at the back door startled

me. Looking up at the door I found my new neighbour grinning back at me with a bemused look on

his face. He held up the wine glasses by their stems in one hand. I pranced over to the door and

opened it with a flourish still in my dance mode. “Good morning. I hope I’m not intruding on you, but I

wanted to return these before they got misplaced or worse yet broken while I’m sorting things out.”

“Oh no, its fine I’m just making some breakfast for Sydney and me.” I responded as I set the bowl with

the eggs and whisk down on the kitchen counter. “Come on in if you’ve got time. Would you care to

have some coffee or join us for breakfast?” I inquired. I was pretty impressed I was remaining so

calm and collected as what I had been wondering about earlier in bed had manifested itself in my

kitchen. He did have that rumbled, sexy air to his appearance just as I had envisioned it and it was

making me a little weak in the knees looking at him. An involuntary shiver shook me, as I felt that

feeling of sensuality flooding through me.

“Chilly?” He enquired. Damn him did he have to be so bloody observant? I flushed thinking he

could actually read the thoughts that were smouldering in my mind not to mention he more than likely

could see the perkiness of my nipples through the tight tee shirt I had worn to bed and still had on.

“No. I’m fine.” I mumbled. An awkward little silence followed. “I’m really sorry for barging in like this

and for looking like such a complete wreck but it seems I used the last of my shaving cream last night

and I’m still looking for the boxes with fresh clothes in them.” He hurriedly made excuses. “I’m also

willing to bet you don’t have anything to eat either in the cupboards or fridge either for that matter. So

come on in and have a seat and I’ll whip us up some breakfast. I can’t guarantee how good it will be

though.” I said laughingly. “I’m afraid I’m not really much of a cook but I’m learning since I started

working from home.”

“Your right my cupboards are bare, and I would kill for a cup of coffee and something to stop my

stomach from rumbling.” He laughed. “Besides I’m sure you’re a great cook.” He offered. “I’m getting

better, but I’ve had my share of disasters. If you’re willing to settle for scrambled eggs and toast you

should be fairly safe though.” I told him and couldn’t help but smile back at him as I did. “What no

eggs Benedict complete with hollandaise sauce?” He said stroking his chin with an air of mock

disbelief. His eyes danced with mirth as he said it. “You can have ketchup or salsa on those eggs,

final offer.” I said crossing my arms over my chest. “Well beggars can’t be choosers so I would be

delighted with what’s on the menu then.” He said smiling.

I was actually delighted to have been invited for breakfast as I truly was starving but more

importantly it meant more time spend with this vivacious creature who had been so freely dancing

about her kitchen only moments earlier. Just to spend time with her I would have eaten runny

eggs with the shells still in them and declared them perfect. After I offered to help set the table

for breakfast she’d pointed out where I’d find the items I need to do so and she scampered off to

turn down the music she’d been listening to. I was curious as to why she was listening to the

Divynl's song “When I Think About You, I Touch Myself.” After viewing the old concert t shirt she’d

had on the following day and the one she had on this morning, it was a bit of a mystery to me as

this song was vastly different than the artists that were proudly displayed across her rather ample

cleavage.

When she returned I had the table set and she started to make breakfast. She tossed a dollop of

butter into the pan heating on the stove and the sizzle of the butter melting reached my ears as I

sipped my first cup of coffee of the day taking in the scene before me. She poured the egg

mixture she’d been working on when I arrived into the pan and popped the slices of toast down to

brown in the toaster. Ordinary everyday things but somehow she made it seem like it was

something out of the ordinary. She hummed as she scrambled the eggs and her feet were keeping

time with the music in the background. Life just seemed to be one joyful dance for her and she

saw no reason to stop for any reason.

She turned off the gas burner, grabbed the toast when it popped buttered it, divided the eggs

on to the two plates I’d gotten out for her and carried them over to the table. Placing one of the

plates in front of me she said “You’re lucky this batch seems to be egg shell free.” She was

grinning at me triumphantly, over her latest culinary triumph as she set the plate to rest in front

of me. She looked so pleased about it that I swear even if they’d been burnt and had the whole

shell in them I would have dutifully choked them down and pronounced them the best I’d ever had

in my life. The woman that had seated herself at the table with me meant far more to me than

anything else at the present time. “It looks delicious.” I told her truthfully. They appeared to be

light and fluffy and as my stomach rumbled I was more than ready to dig into them.

“Thanks” She replied, seeming grateful for the compliment. “Now that I’ve mastered these I’m

thinking of venturing out into the wonderful world of omelettes and after that who knows,

pancakes, French toast? Look out Julia Childs here comes Victoria Bellamy.” She announced and

began to giggle. It was contagious and I joined her. After that we dug into breakfast with gusto.

The eggs were actually as light and fluffy as they appeared and I was hoping she planned on

keeping me around to try her other successes in the kitchen as well as for other reasons. Trying to

be a gentleman I avoided looking at her chest which was framed nicely in that faded tight tee

shirt it was swathed in. Her breasts were plump and pleasing encased as they were and with the

deep scoop of the neckline more than a hint of cleavage was visible which was playing havoc with

parts of my own anatomy. Quickly I focused my eyes and my thoughts on her lovely face. “So

what’s on your agenda today?” I asked her trying to get my mind off places I probably shouldn’t be

allowing myself to go to.

Secretly I was hoping she wasn’t particularly busy especially later this evening and I could

perhaps make another date of sorts with her. I had to head to the gallery at some point to ensure

that the renovations were going the way they should be but the majority of my day was going to

be devoted to arranging the house and scoping out the neighbourhood. Which I dared to hope my

lovely new neighbour would offer to show me around. “Oh it’s not too hectic of a day for me

today. I want to get the study put in order now that the paints dry. Do some laundry, grab some

groceries that sort of thing today.” She answered. I noticed she didn’t mention what she was

doing with her evening and that gave me reason to believe I stood a chance of garnering another

pseudo date with her.

“Well I should lay in some supplies for the kitchen as well, at least the basics. Would you mind

if I tagged along with you? Since you planned on going anyhow, it would be great to have a guide

around the neighbourhood. I can drive if you like.” I offered. “Walking would be easier, parking

can be a bit of a nightmare and it’s only a couple of blocks from here, as long as you don’t mind

carrying groceries.” She answered me, which gave me the impression she was open to me coming

along with her.

“Not at all, I think I’m up to the challenge.” I responded as I flexed my arm at her the better to

show off my manly prowess. I felt a bit like I was a preening peacock spreading my magnificent

tail feathers in an effort to entice her. It was obviously working as she grinned at me. “It would

be my pleasure to show you around.” “Great.” I responded “I’d really appreciate it. I could also

help you move your furniture back into place as means of repayment for you being my tour guide.

What time were you planning on heading out to do your errands?” I inquired. “I’d like to shower

first so how does say, half an hour work for you?” she asked. “Perfect.” I answered but my mind

had heard the word shower which meant Victoria in all her natural glory and which totally got me

off track and sent my train throttling ahead at full speed to amorous thoughts. She definitely had

an allure to her and exuded a sexuality which my poor male self was finding hard to resist.

Quickly switching gears before I found myself in a rather awkward situation thanks to nature

itself, which would be rather difficult for me to conceal from the lady. I said. “I’ll give you hand

cleaning up, then I’ll go try spruce up a bit myself then meet you back here on the front porch.

“It’s a deal.” She chirped back at me and added you want to “Wash or dry?” “I’ll dry thanks” and

she handed me a dish towel so we could set to work. It didn’t take very long for us to finish

putting the kitchen back in order and I was rather enjoying participating in this rather charming

little domestic scene with her. When we finished I bade her good bye and hurried home to grab a

quick shower and hopefully find a box with some clean clothes to wear.

I skipped up the stairs to the bathroom feeling as giddy as a school girl who had a date with that

cute boy from chemistry class. Sydney was hot on my heels as I did. I think I had the quickest

shower in history as I wanted to make sure I looked good for him but not make it seem like I was

trying to get his attention. It was a most delicate balance for a woman who was extremely interested

in pursuing something further with a man but not wanting to come off as desperate to pull off. I settled

on a pair of jeans which nicely showed off my assets and teamed it with a crisp white button down

shirt. It was a classic, casual look that would seem like I always dressed this way to run to the

grocery store.

Sydney seemed to be reading my thoughts. “Get real” He seemed to be saying “We both know

you wear yoga pants and a tee shirt when you do groceries what is this urban chic look of yours all

about missy?” “Don’t mess with the keeper of the tuna, Sydney.” I chided him as I swiped a layer of

mascara on and bolted down the stairs to meet my date. The doorbell chimed just as I was yanking it

open with as much grace as I could muster. “Hi neighbour. Great timing, shall we be off?” I smiled

before turning to lock the door behind me. I couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked even

with a day’s growth of beard on his face. His hair was still damp and he looked devilishly sexy and I

found myself desiring him. He’d obviously been able to find some fresh clothes to put on as he now

wore a pair of jeans which actually fitted his form magnificently and he had on a white polo shirt which

brought out the colour of his dark eyes even more. They were eyes that were captivating and I could

see myself surrendering to them, with little to no other effort required on his part.

“Indeed we shall.” I answered her and I’m not sure what possessed me but I offered her my

arm, which she slipped hers through in a companionable manner with no hesitation what so ever

and we started down the steps together. It somehow felt right to me to be walking along with her

in this manner, as if we were a couple and had been for some time. She chattered away pointing

out things that she thought might be of interest to me for either practical reasons or simply

because she thought I would enjoy them. We shared a shopping cart when we arrived at the

grocery store and I was quite relieved to find as we both added items to our allotted cart space

that it appeared we would be quite compatible in the future. I was mainly picking up some basic

staples to get me started, eggs, bread, milk, butter, cheese, peanut butter and the like. I also

extracted a promise from her to show me St. Lawrence Market as well as Kensington markets

where I would find the freshest of the fresh in the way of fruits, vegetables, meats, fish and

everything my heart could possibly desire food wise. I smiled inwardly thinking of the pleasure it

would give me to spend more time with her.

Our arms laden with bags of groceries we began to make our way back home once more. I’d

much preferred our walk to the grocery store arm in arm with her brushing against me every now

and again. I’d even been able to catch the faint whiff of her shampoo and it was as soft and as

delicate as she was. As we strolled the last half block or so she gestured ahead of us as best she

could with her hands filled with grocery bags. “If we kept going straight ahead and turned right

we’d end up at Riverdale Farm.” “A farm in the middle of the city, that’s rather fascinating.” I

answered her quite honestly. “Oh it is, back in 1888 it was originally known as Riverdale Zoo,

until it was relocated in 1974 to Scarborough and renamed the Toronto Zoo. Now it’s kept up by

the parks department and civic groups like the Horticultural Societies of Toronto. It’s maintained

like an old world farm from the 1880’s to the 1920’s period. I think you’d love there. It’s a great

place to have a picnic, and there’s always something going on. Farmer’s markets, Rites of spring

festivals, fall festivals. It’s a great place.” She summed up.

“It sounds delightful. Perhaps we’ll explore it together on some occasion in the near future.” I

said looking at her meaningfully. She flushed as I said it and smiled at me softly. “Perhaps.” She

added demurely. “Well here we are, home sweet home.” I didn’t want our time together to end.

“Give me a minute to put this in the refrigerator then I can come back and help you move the

furniture in the study. I mean if you want my help that is.” I added hastily. “That would be great,

if it’s not going to be any trouble for you.” She responded. “No, no not at all, it would be my

pleasure to be of assistance to you mademoiselle.” I said bowing to her. “Then I graciously

accept your kind offer.” She said to me. “I’ll leave the front door open for you if I’m not in the

study you’ll find me in the kitchen.” And with that she was gone.

I was grinning as I entered the house. Already she was treating me as if we’d been friends for

years and felt comfortable with me just letting myself in. I took that as a good sign. I stowed my

provisions in the kitchen and hastily departed for Victoria’s place. Bounding up the step at her

place two at a time, I squared my shoulders as I put my hand on the door knob. It felt almost

familiar to me and I fought back the urge to shout out, “Honey, I’m home.” as I entered. Instead I

settled for “Victoria, where are you?” “I’m in the study Philip.” Her voice floated back to me. It

had a melodic sound to it and I couldn’t believe it was the same voice that had sounded rather icy

and full of prickles and stings only the day before. We’d come a long way in only a short time and

I planned on taking it as far as I could. There was just something about her and I was for

whatever the reason was certain that I wanted this woman in my life permanently.

“Hey” I said as I entered the study and found her standing in one of the corners of the room

with her back towards me. “Hi” she said turning to face me and smiling brightly. “I’m just trying

to figure out the best place to put everything. I’m planning on doing most of my work in here and

I want it to be perfect.” “Yes the composition of the room is imperative to your creative flow.” I

answered her earnestly. “Exactly, you totally understand what I mean Philip. I need it to flow. It

has to be inviting in here so the placement is perfect. I want to take advantage of the natural

lighting as well as the view of changing seasons through the window. I need it to be calm and

soothing in here as well as having the environment stimulating to my mind and creative process.”

“It’s the same for me when I create my art. I want to work in a space where the energy flows

freely and my mind can be open.” “Precisely!” she said snapping her fingers in agreement. “Well I

think you made an excellent start with the choice of colours you selected for the room. Muted

tones will make it light and airy and make the room seem more open. Now what do you say, we

get these drop clothes off of the furniture and get a better idea of what we have to work with

and where it would fit in best.” “Good plan.” She responded as we set about removing the paint

splattered drop cloths together. We worked in wordless unison as we unveiled her treasures and

folded the drop cloths together and stacked them neatly by the door way. She had some stunning

antique pieces that had lovingly been hand crafted of quality woods. You could tell the time and

attention that had been lavished on them to keep them so glossy. Her desk was a work of art on

its own. It was an old fashioned one which had plenty of drawer space 3 on either side one

directly in the centre of it and best of all the pigeon holed top on the back was a thing of beauty

in its own right. Plenty of interesting little drawers and spaces to stash all the tools of her trade

and have it done in an intriguing manner. There was enough space to comfortably work on either

her laptop or scribble away onto notepads.

She also had two bankers style book cases each with three shelves and as I took a closer look I

realized it was put together with no nails or hardware save for the metal hinges on the interior. It

was a fascinating piece to me the way it fit together so snuggly and perfectly. There was also a

built in bookcase which allowed her plenty of room to store her books and any research materials

she’d require to spur her along. There was also a leather covered chair on coasters for the desk as

well as two very cozy wing back chairs that looked perfect for sipping tea or wine in as she read

over her notes and pondered what would make it a stronger piece of literature. After a bit of

debate we decided the best places for everything and soon we had the furniture arranged in such

a way as to be pleasing to the eye as well as the creative process. That left several boxes of what

I presumed were books, knickknacks and office supplies to be unpacked and homes found for them.

I figured that would be the end of our little venture together and I was desperately trying to

think of ways to somehow stretch it out longer. I was racking my brain to come up with a plan of

action, when I heard her voice in the silence of her room. “Would you mind if I took advantage of

your creative talents and asked you to help me arrange my books and a few odds and ends? I’d

really appreciate it if you would.” She said. I believe it was her way of signaling to me that she

was more than pleased with the arrangement of the room. “I’d love to.” I said and I truly meant

it. I was in my glory that I was being allowed to stay in any capacity. “Do you have a preference

as to how I group them?” I asked her. “No they are all old friends of mine and I can easily identify

them by the colours and fonts on the spine before I even focus on the titles. I’ll trust your

judgement.” “Then I shall rise to the challenge and create a thing of splendor for you.

I was happy to unpack the books, framed photos and other little odds and ends as it gave me

more insight into her character, her likes and dislikes which I would be able to discern to a degree

by what wasn’t included in the mix. There were leather bound copies of various poets, stacks of

classics some that I was aware were rather rare first editions of. There was also a mix of travel

books, true crime books, novels by a wide variety of authors everything from Hunter S. Thompson

to Richard Bach. Cozy murder mysteries, and a rather large collection of autobiographies of

musicians from Phil Lesh and Searching for the Sound, to No One Gets Out Alive the biography of

Jim Morrison. All in all a pretty eclectic mix but a lot of things I had similar interests in. I

started unpacking the box that was marked pictures. Pretty standard stuff really that I was

discovering as I unwrapped them to reveal the pictures.

Family members and friends who I was confident I’d come to know in time as well as I

knew my own family. The next one I unwrapped through me for a bit of a loop. There was a

photo of Victoria who was unmistakable to my eye even with the leather mask with cat ears

protruding from it. She was also dressed in a rather provocative manner. Her ample breasts were

rather prominent in a leather bustier, and oh my, oh my, was that a leather riding crop in her

hand? I was completely flummoxed by this discovery and let out a gasp of surprise. Had she been

lying to me about the job on Bay Street and being a writer? Was she in reality some sort of

professional dominatrix? Had my impressions of her been wrong all along? Try and get a grip on

yourself old man, I’m sure there is a logical explanation for this like maybe it as some sort of

Halloween outfit from a time she was feeling rather outlandish. I quickly rewrapped it and placed

it back in the box for the time being. I set about arranging my other finds on the shelves but my

mind kept straying back to that photo of her in the silver frame. She looked incredibly sexy in it

but I’d fallen for that girl next door, with the business smarts and the desire to ply her craft as an

author. That was a girl I could take home to meet my family and friends. Who was the real

Victoria Bellamy and would I ever find out?

ACT IV OF PERFORMANC ANXIETY

Sometimes when you find yourself falling in love with someone and unable to find the words to express it to them fully, a kiss can become a most valuable form of communication. A kiss can express so much on the part of the giver and speak volumes to the one receiving it. Philip and Victoria have discovered the wisdom and value of a kiss and it allows them to finally find their voices and declare their love for one another. A magical moment that they’ll cherish forever.

We’d have to allow for a margin of error on the research we did that night on the effects of

aphrodisiacs on people. Working in such close proximity to each other we often brushed up against

one another, sometimes it was hip to hip or even the odd full frontal contact as one of us would

spin away from the counter too quickly and catch the other one ferrying something to another

part of the kitchen. Those close encounters were welcomed by both of us and it led to several

stolen kisses while we worked. Preparing a meal together came so naturally to us as we laughed

and chattered away. She even managed to get me to sing a little with her, under the guise of

further practice for tomorrow night but I think she just wanted me to join her solely for the

entertainment factor I provided her. The truth of the matter is I’m not much of a singer as I can’t

carry a tune to save my soul, less charitable people would accuse me of being tone deaf when it

came to singing. Victoria however sounded like a nightingale to me as she trilled away. She’d

smile at me encouragingly and as sheepish as I felt singing out loud, I gave it my best shot, it was

worth it to be on the receiving end of one of her smiles was the way I looked at it.

With our combined efforts we created a meal that was everything a proper meal should be and

it contained the secret ingredient that could make even the simplest of meals a feast, we’d made

it with loving care. The simple act of sharing it with Victoria made the food taste even better to

me. She’d taken special efforts in laying out the table as well, using her late aunt’s best china,

lighting candles and placing the rose I had given her the night before on the table to add to the

ambience of the evening. During the meal we behaved as only lovers are apt to do which there

was a certain irony to as we had not yet made love to each other. We fed morsels of food to each

other with playful intimacy, the tip of a finger straying too close to open lips would be gently

drawn between them and suckled upon, which would cause smoldering sensual smiles to creep

across both the giver and the receivers lips. Hands would find their way on top of one another

and our fingers would interlock. Whoever’s hand was on top at the time would more often than

not find a thumb which of its own volition would stroke itself in gentle caresses along those

intertwined hands. Leaning into one another as we’d stare deeply into one another’s eyes and

then that all important moment when our lips would touch.

Of course I’d shared kisses with other women in the course of my life time but they paled in

comparison to what I experienced when I was joined in the blissful union of a kiss with Victoria. It

was a euphoric experience and my heart would soar with each and every one that we shared.

Kissing should be considered an art form and one that should be practiced frequently with a

passionate joy for mastering it. Maybe I’m odd with my thoughts on it but I’ve always found a kiss

to be a far more intimate act than making love. The roots of making love are based on an innate

knowledge that we all instinctively possess as a living being but a kiss is something that is sacred

act in its own right. Kisses can vary in the type and the intensities as to what you want to convey

to the person your kissing. They can easily undergo a complete metamorphosis which transitions

them into a whole new realm in meanings in the blink of an eye. Victoria was the type of woman

that could make a man hunger and thirst for a kiss from her of any kind. The moment I had laid

eyes on her I knew that each and every kiss would be perfect and all that a proper kiss should be.

Given the time I would wax poetic on the topic of all that it encompassed to engage in this most

soulful of activities with Victoria for an eternity, as it would take me that long to even begin to

start to expound on the topic. For the time being I’ll simply say it is an honour and a most

humbling privilege to be able to share kisses of any type with this woman whom I was falling more

and more in love with each moment that we shared together.

I’ve always believed that there was a certain degree of intimacy in sharing a meal with

someone that you loved. Sharing them with Victoria was taking that theory of mine to a whole

new level as to the validity of that thought. The fact we were sharing a feast of foods with

reported aphrodisiac properties just seemed to give even more credibility to it. From the smells,

tastes and textures of the food we’d selected there was a certain sensual element to it all. We

were supposed to be approaching this as research with clear heads and logical thought processes

but it seemed to me the emotional side of our brains was rapidly taking control of this situation.

Actually I doubt our minds had anything to do with it at this point as we seemed to only be

interested in the language that our hearts were speaking to each other. I was definitely in love

with her but I still hung back on saying those three little words to her. It wasn’t the fact I didn’t

believe them whole heartedly or that I had any doubts about how I felt that prevented me from

saying them to her. It was more a case of wanting to give her the time and the space to be sure

of her own feelings for me. This wasn’t just some flirtation to me, this was the real deal. I

wanted to share every aspect of my life with her, openly, honestly and with the knowledge our

love would withstand anything that happened to us in life.

Normally I wouldn’t open up so much and allow any me to get so close to me this quickly as I was

permitting Philp too. Somehow it was just different with him than it had ever been with anyone else I

found myself involved with. He was just so easy to open up to and be totally honest with. If I were

brutally honest about it, which I tended to be I think I had fallen in love with him the first time that I’d

laid eyes on him. There was something in his rakish grin, and the warmth in his eyes that had struck a

deep chord with me even though I stubbornly had refused to acknowledge it at the time. More often

than not I was the most logical and sensible person that you’d ever want to meet, so falling in love at

first sight was not something I was readily going to admit too. Maybe it was too many years spent in

the boardrooms being hardnosed, to the point of being clinically by the book about things that made

me pooh, pooh the idea of love at first sight. Yet here I was falling head over heels in love and I

couldn’t imagine being any happier than I was right now.

In the short time we’d been together he was not only opening my mind but my heart as well. We’d

known each other less than a week and yet now I couldn’t imagine my life without Philip in it. There

was just this natural ease between us which we both acknowledged and reveled in. It may have

taken us time our entire lives to find each other but now that we had there would be no letting go. It

was still wildly new and mysterious to me how all of this had happened but for once in my life I was

totally willing to take a chance and ride this wave of love that life had given me, wanting to see how

far it would take me. Each and every moment we spent together was something that I treasured. As

much as I desired Philip and was looking forward to the day we’d declare our love for each other and

consummate that love we shared, it was his kisses I lived for. Those kisses we shared could leave

me weak kneed and tongue tied, and yet at the same time they lifted me to heights I had never

previously known. There was magic infused in his kisses. The kind of magic that could conquer and

overcome any of the ills in the world, they were a healing balm that lifted the spirit and lifted the soul

to a state of nirvana. Depending on the moment and the vein they were given in one of Philp’s kisses

could convey so many sentiments to me. His kisses spoke of gentle tenderness, truth, affectionate

playfulness, passionate desires, and a deep and unwavering love. He offered me this and so much

more. What’s more I knew it came from an open willingness to that that and so much more with me

and only me.

“So should we consider our research a success” I teased Philp softly after sharing one of those

glorious kisses. His lips broke into an easy, sensual smile that only made me want to kiss him yet

again. “I’ll go with a yes on that, though I may be just a little biased on the issue given my research

partner on this project.” He returned flashing me a come hither look. I couldn’t resist, and leaned

forward so that once again I could taste the sweetness in those divine kisses of his. With one hand

he stroked the nape of my neck and the other ran through my tresses in a slow sensual dance as our

lips hungrily sought each other out. It made me feel like the two of us could truly live on love alone.

Philip nuzzled my neck and then delicately kissed my lips once more with a final gentle kiss on the tip

of my nose. “You look beautiful, positively radiant Victoria.” He said to me softly. My first instinct was

to protest that it was merely the wavering candlelight in the room that was causing the effect but when

I looked into his eyes I caught a glimpse mirrored in them that told me that was the way the truly saw

me. In that instant I wanted so much to tell him I loved him, that my heart, body and soul belonged to

him and were his for the taking but I suddenly felt so shy and awkward, despite his sincerity and the

way he looked at me with such tenderness in his eyes. This was a new world to me having a man that

adored me so ardently and at the still time had the utmost of respect for me.

“Thank you, Philip” I uttered back to him as I felt the soft flush of pink creeping up my cheeks at

his compliment to me. “Victoria” he said cupping my face in his hands and gazing intently into my

eyes. “I’m going to do everything in my power so that you realize the truth of my words. It’s not the

candlelight nor is it the effects of the food or wine that’s making me think that you are. One day you’ll

see the same beauty in you that I do.” I could feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes and

beginning to leak out. He gently wiped them back with his thumbs. “Come here you.” He said as he

pulled me over to him and into his lap and cradled me against his chest. He kissed the crown of my

head. “I’m not going anywhere I’m here to stay in your life unless you tell me to go.” He told me.

Which only caused me to begin to sniffle as well as I buried my head in his chest. His only response

to that was to hold me even tighter and stroke my back and hair comfortingly. “Even though I’m a silly

little goose that bursts into tears at a compliment?” I inquired fearful of his answer. “Especially

because of that, it shows me that you trust me enough to be vulnerable and expose your fears to me.

It takes a special kind of person to be able to really open themselves up to another human being

Victoria.” I couldn’t help myself as I felt a shy smile creeping across my face despite my tears.

“Now” Philip said briskly “You need to relax and pamper yourself, because tomorrow it’s going to

be a late night for the two of us at your show.. So while I clean up the kitchen you are going to take

yourself upstairs, draw a nice hot bath, complete with bubbles and have a nice hot soak in the tub.” I

began to protest but he stopped me short with a finger laid against my lips. “None of that Miss Kitty, I

am quite capable of washing a few dishes and putting them away. Besides aren’t you drag queens

supposed to enjoy being pampered and waited on seeing as how you’re such divas?” He teased me

his eyes twinkling as he spoke. I smiled and gave my head a dramatic little toss with a snap of my

fingers. “You know it, sweetie.” I quipped back. “But seriously.” I continued “shouldn’t I at least help

clean this mess up and I really wanted to spend some more time with you tonight Philip.” “No buts

about it, I’ll take charge in here and you go relax I’ll be waiting for you in the living room when you’re

done and no need to rush I’m a patient man.” “Well if you insist.” I said still a bit dubious about

leaving him to do all the work. “I insist. Now off you go.” He countered giving me a final kiss and an

affectionate pat on the bottom to get me moving.

I made my way upstairs, still feeling guilty about how sweet and considerate Philip was being

about everything. This man was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I couldn’t say three

simple little words to him to let him know the depths of my feeling for him. Maybe he was right a

meditative soak in the tub might do just the trick helping me relax and be able to sort everything out.

Since Philip had insisted I not rush and should just mellow out I decided to take advantage of it. I put

the plug in the tub and began to run the water being sure to add a generous portion of my favourite

scented bubble bath. I shut the door securely behind me and lit a couple of the candles that I kept in

the bathroom for just such luxurious soaks as these. After flicking off the light, I grabbed a freshly

laundered fluffy towel and turned off the faucets. I quickly stripped down quickly, somehow acutely

aware of the fact that Philip was a mere hop, skip and a jump away downstairs and here I was naked

as a jaybird. Flushing at the mere thought of him seeing me naked, I gingerly dipped the toes of one

foot into the water before I stepped in with both feet and eased my way down into the hot, soothing

water until I was submerged in it and covered in bubbles as well. I leaned back against the back of

the tub and took a couple long, slow deep breaths. It was wonderfully warm and comforting in my little

watery cocoon. I shut my eyes and could here faint strains of Philip working in the kitchen below me,

which made me smile. I shut my eyes and sank a little deeper into the water.

My body began to relax in the soothing water and my mind began to stray. Would there be a day

in the not too distant future when I might be sharing this quiet moment with Philip. His long legs

wrapped around me, his arms holding me close, as he nuzzled the nape of my neck. My hands slick

with the soapy bubbles would glide along those muscular arms of his in a caress. Meanwhile his

fingers so adept at molding clay into works of art would begin to work their magic on my nipples,

treating them as if they were small precious jewels that he was inlaying into his work. The pleasure

from that alone would have me purring with delight. As one hand explored the fullness of my breast

the other would slowly and tantalizingly work its way down my tummy, over the curves of my thighs

before finally nestling its way between the crossroads of my legs. Stroking the plump little mound

between them, until a fingertip delicately folded the petals of the lips of it back so that he could gain

access. Probing gently until he found my little pearl of pleasure, then zoning in on it. Arching my

back against his chest, mewling softly as he nuzzled my neck at the same time as he continued to

pluck my pearl with his skilled fingers, it was sheer heaven.

The heat of his breath on my exposed flesh only caused me to angle my head so that I could sate

myself with one of his kisses. Our tongues danced in unison with the need and desire that only lovers

can ever experience or know the true meaning of. The need the want, the desire on both our parts

was evident. With some skillful maneuvering on both our parts in the cramped quarters of the tub we

were soon face to face. To allow Philip to be as comfortable as possible I wrapped my legs around

him in what was an almost lotus like yoga position. Pressed against him in this position it was

impossible not to feel his manhood in all its glory. Looking deeply into his eyes, one hand resting on

his shoulder I took his free hand in mine. Together we guided that pillar of his so that the tip of it was

poised at my entrance of my womanhood. His free arm wound its self around my waist pulling me

closer. His eyes were bright and shining with a warm glow in them that no man had ever looked at

me with before. In that instant I knew that Philp was the only man in the world for me. Our lips

pressed together once more, it began as a warm welcoming kiss as though we were old friends that

had rediscovered each other after years apart. The kiss grew and deepened as our lips parted and

tongues slipped into one another, dancing in a choreographed harmony as though we had shared this

kiss a million times before and had raised it to an artistic expression of perfection together. The kiss

was a profound expression of the depth of our feelings for each other. As the loving embrace

continued between our lips, I pressed my hips forward so that the tip of his erection would deftly part

my lower lips, I felt him beginning to enter me…”

“Victoria?” The sound of my name being called coupled with the tapping on the bathroom door

broke my reverie. “I don’t’ want to interrupt I was just becoming concerned that you may have dozed

off in there. Are you okay?” Philip inquired softly. “I’m fine, just getting out now actually.” I hurriedly

responded as I floundered around none to gracefully in the now cold bathwater, stepping out of the

tub of icy water briskly and wrapping the waiting towel around me. I gingerly opened the door and

struck my head around the corner trying to keep as much of the rest of me concealed behind the door

as possible. “Just give me a few more minutes and I’ll be right down, just need to throw something

on.” “Sure thing.” He grinned at me. “Would you like glass of wine waiting for you when you come

down?” he asked. “That would be great, thank you.” I responded closing the door behind me and

collapsing with my back against it weakly. Remarkably I could hear the soft tread of his footsteps on

the stairs as he made his way downstairs, despite the pounding of my heart. “Oh my god, oh my god,

what if he knows I was fantasizing about making love to him. I may as well die right here and now if

he does.” I was in full panic mode at this point. My fingers strayed to my mouth and I was just about

to start chewing on my fingernails, like a beaver attacking a fallen tree to build its damn, when I

stopped myself. “Get a grip on yourself Victoria you were having a perfectly normal and natural

fantasy about a man that whether or not you’re ready to say it you are madly in love with, you have

nothing to be ashamed of now pull yourself together and go down there and enjoy spending time with

him.

While she’d been soaking I’d cleaned up the kitchen and had spent time watching some

television with Sydney curled up beside me as we did some more male bonding with each other.

Even though I’d kept myself occupied I’d missed her like crazy the entire time she’d been upstairs.

I really didn’t want to bother her but I was concerned she’d dosed off and might catch a chill as

the water had cooled, was the only reason I’d finally gone upstairs to check on her. When she’d

opened that door though man oh man was I conscious of the fact that she may actually be naked

and I found that to be a most exciting prospect of catching even a glimpse of her in all her glory. I

knew that no matter what she may have thought of herself nude I’d find her to be a living goddess

and want to fall to my knees and worship her. I could feel the stirring below and I knew I’d better

get my mind off of worshipping her body or I’d never be able to control my desires for her when

she arrived downstairs. Knowing her though she’d arrive in one of her t shirts and a pair of shorts,

cute as the dickens but I’d at least be able to keep myself in check and behave myself.

Going into the kitchen I grabbed a couple of wine glasses out of the cupboard then rummaged

around in the drawers until I located the corkscrew. I carried them back into the living room with

me and grabbed a nice bottle of red out of her wine rack and popped it open to let it breathe

until she arrived downstairs. Flopping down on the sofa I propped my feet up on the coffee table

and tried to wait patiently and keep my mind off erogenous thoughts about Victoria and I.

“Philip, I’m ready for that glass of wine now.” I heard the soft caress of her voice as I caught sight

of her. What I saw took my breath away she was more stunning than I had ever seen her look.

She wasn’t in the sleeping attire I was used to seeing her in. She had on a midnight blue baby doll

ensemble with spaghetti straps that showed off her shoulders to full advantage. I tried to keep

my eyes adverted from the neckline which exposed the fullness of her breasts and the cleavage

between them. I gulped audibly not even allowing myself to think what was or wasn’t under the

outfit. Her hair was long and loose, flowing over her shoulders. Her hair still seemed to be

snapping from the vigorous brushing she’d just given it and it glowed like a halo framing her face.

“So do you like it?” she asked timidly as she advanced towards me.

“Victoria you’re a vision of loveliness.” I answered her quite truthfully as I held out my hand

to her. I wanted to leap to my feet and embrace her but she seemed shy and timid about

appearing to me dressed in this fashion. She reminded me of the time I had chanced upon a new

born fawn one spring on a hike through the forest. The fawn was a delicate and gentle creature

still unsure of even of its own footing and I knew it would become skittish and flee if I advanced

too closely or quickly. I had no intentions of giving any reason for Victoria to take flight or be

self-conscious about having me so near to her. Encouraged by my out stretched hand and no other

advances on my part she slipped her hand into mine. “I’m glad you approve.” She whispered. I

patted the sofa cushion next to me and she sat down next to me. “How about that glass of wine

now, or would you rather not?” “Yes please, but just a half glass if you don’t mind.” I poured the

wine realizing how parched my lips felt at the moment and noticed that my hand had a slight

shake to it as I poured the glasses of wine. I was thankful that my back to her and she couldn’t tell

I was a little nervous about where this all might lead. I took the glasses and sat back offering her

the one with the half glass poured into it. “Thank you.”

Slipping my arm around her shoulder, I was careful to ensure my hand remained resting upon

her shoulder. Her skin was warm and silky smooth and she had this delightful faint aroma of

strawberries clinging to her skin. If I were the type of guy that gave into his own selfish wants I’d

probably encourage her to indulge more in the wine until it was impossible for her to say no to my

advances but that’s not the way I wanted it to happen with Victoria. The first time we made love I

wanted it to be pure unadulterated magic, slow, sensual and as perfect as possible for both of

us.“It’s okay you can hold me closer if you want to. I won’t break and I won’t make a run for it.”

She told me softly. “I know it’s not what you normally see me in but I wanted you to know there’s

more to me than concert t shirts. I do happen to have a very soft and feminine side to me as well.

I just don’t tend to show that side of myself too often or to just anyone. I just wanted you to

know that I want to try to be everything that I can be for you.” Her bottom lip quivered slightly as

she finished.

Ever so softly I cupped her face in my hands and looked into her eyes. “Victoria you are a very

dear and silly woman not to realize that I care about you just the way you are. I love that you

make no pretenses about yourself and that you feel so free to show me that. I think you are

beautiful and alluring no matter how you’ve chosen to wear. You were beautiful the day I meant

you, covered in paint and your eyes flashing daggers at me. You’ll always be beautiful to me no

matter what but more importantly than your looks is what’s inside of you. Victoria you are

everything I could ever want in a woman and I plan on doing everything in my power to prove to

you each and every day for the rest of my life exactly what you mean to me. I wish that I were

some sort of poetic genius with words but I’m not, but I do know one thing for certain and that’s

that I love you Victoria Bellamy. I love you with all of my heart.” The words came out more

rushed and not nearly as eloquently as I had hoped. When I had played this scenario of telling her

that I loved her out in my head, it had sounded so perfect. I’d wanted it to be the most sublime

declaration of love that a man had ever made to a woman, a memory she would always cherish.

Well for better or worse I’d told her, flat out exactly how I felt about her. Now that moment of

apprehension was upon me as I waited, praying that she felt the same. I studied her face intently

trying to gain even some small inkling as to how she would respond to me.

“Philip I love you. It’s been on the tip of my tongue to say it to you so many times and I could

never come up with the right words to say it to you, but the reality of it is that it only takes three small

but very powerful words, I love you, I love you. I love you.” I kept repeating over and over. Now that

they’d been said I no longer feared saying those words and kept repeating it as it were a sacred

mantra that I constantly wanted to affirm. “We’re in love.” Philip said more soberly, reverently like

he’d just been hit by the enormous impact of it. Then this massive grin began to creep over his face

and in it I saw all the awe inspired joy of that fact and how he could barely contain it. “Victoria you’ve

made me the happiest man in the world. Knowing you feel the same way that I do. I feel like a kid at

Christmas and I’ve just received the gift of my dreams.” Words seemed to be failing us but the desire

to express our happiness was the most pressing thing in the world to both of us at the moment.

Cradling my face in his hands once more, while gently stroking my cheeks with his fingertips he

looked into my eyes and the depths of my very soul. Slowly he leaned in and kissed my lips. It began

as softly as a whisper but soon grew deeper, the need to wordlessly shout out to me the depths of his

love for me. In that kiss a myriad of expressions were conveyed. The essence of a deep, abounding

love, the purity of that love, along with the promises of hope for our future together. It was a kiss that

stirred my soul and I knew that no matter how many kisses we would share in the future together this

would always be one kiss that would remain forever in my heart, for this was the kiss which bound our

hearts and souls together for an infinity which would only be the beginning for us.

Unfortunately all good things must come to an end and it was with great reluctance that our lips

finally parted. Philip held me close, cradling me to his chest, stroking my hair as he did so. For my

part I snuggled into him as close as I could as we basked in the glory of everything that had just

transpired. Love had just crowned Philp and I the King and Queen of its realm and we were

anxiously ready to begin this journey together. My heart was overflowing with love for this man and I

fought back this mad urge to run outside and shout it out so the entire would know. I started giggling

at the thought of it. Philip began to giggle along with me before he asked. “Okay let me in on the joke

will you, my love?” It thrilled me to hear him call me his love. “I’m just so happy and I was thinking

what would happen if I ran outside and shouted it to the world that we’re in love.” His eyes twinkled in

merriment as he formulated his response. “Well my dear I would imagine dressed as you are at the

moment you’d cause quite the sensation to say the least. Someone would probably shout back and

tell us to pipe down, because if you do go out and do it I’ll be in hot pursuit of you and shout the fact

out equally loudly and proudly. Then I would imagine someone would come after us with a butterfly

net and cart the two of us away for observation at the Clarke Institute.” He finished. We both just

started to laugh even harder as that scenario played out in our heads.

“Right now I’d have to say this is the most amazing day in my entire life Philp. You’ve made me

happier than I ever dreamed I could be. Yet I know it’s just the beginning and that things will just keep

getting better and better between us. It’s all wonderfully, overwhelming, my emotions are on circuit

overload but I know I’ve got you by my side and that makes it all okay. I know I’ll be able to do

anything with your love and support in my life.” I told him in all sincerity. “Victoria, I feel the same way

you do. With you by my side nothing can stop me, correction nothing can stop us. We will be able to

move mountains together if that’s what we choose. I’m confident that we can handle anything in life

because we’ll have all the love and support in the world from each other.” The clock on the mantel

chimed out the proclamation that it was midnight. We’d both gotten so lost in reality that it caught us

both off guard. “I had no idea it was this late Victoria, I should be going, so you can get some rest

before your big show tomorrow night, or more correctly tonight.” Philip finally said though he made no

effort to rise and leave. “You don’t have to go do you?” I asked him softly. “No I don’t.” he responded

equally quietly. “We don’t’ have to make love but I don’t want to stay in the guest room either if I do. I

want to be able to hold you next to me all night Victoria and have you be the first face I see in the

morning.”

I didn’t utter a word in response but raised my lips to his and kissed him before I stood. Offering

Philp my hand he took it in his and gave it a warm squeeze. The tread of our footsteps was barely

audible as we slowly made our way through the living room and to the bottom of the stairs. Philip

paused to give me another lingering kiss and looked into my eyes. Returning his look with a shy smile

and a nod of my head, he scooped me into his arms. We ascended the stairs, his strong, loving arms

wrapped around me protectively as he held me close to him. My own arms wrapped around his neck

I never once took my eyes from his. The outpouring of love in them was unmistakable and I knew it

mirrored my own. At the top of the stairs Philip didn’t hesitate but headed directly for the bedroom we

were about to share.

ACT V OF PERFORMANC ANXIETY

There’s no holding Philip back now that he’s seen that poster featuring Miss Kitty aka the lovely

Victoria Bellamy. He’s more determined than ever to discover her secrets. Nothing is going to deter

him, not his own personal comfort zone nor a group of fiercely protective drag queens. Will Victoria

be able to handle sharing her alter ego with him, along with all that goes with it? Is love going to be

able to truly conquer all for this couple or is it curtains for the two of them?

Squinting as my eyes grew accustomed to the darkened bar that I had just entered I scanned the

room taking it in. There was a small elevated stage area on the far side of the main room and

through a large open doorway I spied the bar. Once I laid eyes on the bar I made a bee line for it,

figuring that whatever the night was going to bring a stiff double shot of scotch certainly wasn’t

going to hurt anything. It would either serve to steel my nerves or in the worst case scenario it

could help drown my sorrows.

I grabbed a drink, slowly nursing it as I blended into the crowded bar room. “I’ve held her in my

arms.” I thought. Maybe it hadn’t been for all long but I still knew what a real woman in my arms

felt like. I also knew enough about anatomy from being an artist, to know the curves and lines of

the human form both male and female. She had none of the telltale signs of being the least bit

masculine, not a trace of facial hair, no hint of an Adam’s apple at her sleek throat, nor were her

hips boyish in their appearance and those breasts of hers were definitely all natural.

Was it some sort of social experiment for research for her novel? There simply had to be a

logical explanation for all of this. But for the time being it was eluding me completely. The show

on stage had already begun and some queen was finishing her rendition of Walking in Memphis to

rounds of applause and people offering her shooters and folded bills in various denominations.

She announced the next performer as she blew kisses to her adoring fans before departing the

stage.

Gulping down the last fortifying dregs of my drink, I strutted onto the stage and into the spotlight.

My entrance was met with a round of wolf whistles and applause from the crowd. Greeting my

audience, and licking my lips seductively I launched into my first number as the music was cued for

my performance. Now when I Touch Myself is a bit of a sexually charged number that was perfect for

a venue such as this but it wasn’t something I’d necessarily want Philip to see me doing at least not

publicly. When I came to the lines “I close my eyes and see you before me. Think I would die if you

were to ignore me, A fool could see just how much I adore you. I'd get down on my knees. I'd do

anything for you.” I actually do shut my eyes, sink to my knees and when I open them sing to

whoever happens to be standing closest to the stage as I continue to run my hands up and down my

skimpy little costume as seductively as possible. It always drew huge shouts of approval from the

audience and brought in some nice tips as well.

Imagine my horror as I opened my eyes, prepared to play the role of a temptress only to find Philip

gazing at me intently. His dark eyes staring into mine and despite all the makeup I had on I felt the

colour draining from my face and I sprang to my feet, six inch heels and all, as though I were a cat

that had had scalding water thrown on it. People that knew my routines and had seen them before

shouted out “Come on Kitty!! Do your thing girl, seduce him.” I felt completely trapped normally I’d

tease the would be Romeo I was singing to by ruffling his hair, and running my hands up and down

his chest, being a total flirt. Right now however I wanted to either throw up on my shoes or failing the

ability to achieve that, I figured that fainting would work rather nicely, I thought to myself miserably.

Instead the performer in me, and the person that needed this job kicked in and with a little back

kick of my leg I took a step and leapt into Philip’s arms. Where I wrapped my arms around him and

snuggled into him giving him a rather clear view of my cinched up breasts, as I continued my song

and my seduction. His eyes were sparkling at me and the smile on his face broadened as he glanced

at my rather prominent female attributes, which in all fairness he could hardly miss in our current

situation. He finally laid me gently on the stage where I made it to my feet once more trying to look

like the sex kitten I was supposed to be. This new twist to the routine seemed to be a major hit and

the crowd went wild. People pressed in offering me hefty tips which I gratefully gathered into my

hands and offered Hollywood air kisses and waves as thanks.

My next number, All That Jazz, quickly followed and somehow I managed to keep the momentum of

the energy I’d created going with the crowd, who were eating it up. As much as I was trying to be the

consummate entertainer my eyes kept straying back to where Philip stood. It was unnerving me no

end and I found it difficult to remember my leg kicks, jazz hands and the whole routine in general. By

this time I was in a cold sweat and I was sure my makeup which was pretty much caked on was

sliding off my face, exposing how I was really feeling despite my outward demeanor. The song which

normally seemed to speed by for me was tonight dragging on endlessly, no pun intended. When it

finally ended I couldn’t have been happier to collect my tips, and give my introduction to the next

performer. Thankfully I didn’t have to do any audience participation or real comedy until my next

appearance on stage.

After doing an introduction for that sweet treat you’ve all been waiting for Miss Candi Kane I beat a

hasty retreat off the stage. Only to be met by Philip who had maneuvered himself through the crowd

and to the steps leading off the stage. He offered me his hand as I descended the steps. In a way I

was thankful for it as I needed all the support I could get as my legs felt like rubber noodles beneath

me and my six inch heels weren’t helping the situation any. “May I buy you a drink Miss Kitty?” he

said sounding very suave and kissing my hand. I really just wanted to beg off claiming I had to

change for my next set on stage but part of my job was to chat up the customers and socialize with

them to keep them coming back. “Sure.” Was my rather less than enthusiastic response to him. He

escorted me to the bar and caught the bartender’s eye. “The lady will have a?” he inquired of me

leaving the question open ended. “My usual please Alex.” I said and smiled at him. “Coming up Kitty

and for the gentleman, another double scotch?” “Yes, thanks.” “He’s very good at remembering the

clients orders isn’t he.” “Alex is the best.” I responded. Our drinks arrived and Philip settled our tab

and left a generous tip on the face of the bar.

“Do you mind if we take these out on the back patio?” I asked. “I could use a little fresh air right

about now.” I stammered feeling rather miserable. The jig was up my secret was out. He’d more

than likely taunt me for a bit toying with me like a cat does a mouse, before moving in for the kill. I

squirmed uncomfortably as I led Philip out to the back patio area. It was quieter out here and was

fairly empty at the present time as most people were inside taking in the show on stage. We took a

small corner table that was even more secluded then the rest. He was a perfect gentleman holding

out my chair for me and as I sank into I felt like bursting into a torrent of tears but I valiantly fought

them off. “Miss Kitty or should I call you Victoria?” he asked in a far more gentle tone than I was

expecting from him. I was prepared for the confrontation from hell, and I took a large unladylike gulp

of my drink to steady my nerves. “Okay so you know my secret, now what? I inquired my eyes

downcast focused on my glass the tip of my finger circling the rim of the glass nervously.

“It’s really none of my business, but I hope you’ll tell me about all of this. I stumbled upon you

tonight completely by accident believe it or not I haven’t been stalking you, though I will admit that I

have been more than a little curious about you especially after I found those pictures of you earlier

today.” He said in a matter of fact manner. “Pictures?” I sputtered. “You couldn’t have seen those

pictures they were still in the packing box wrapped up when I took it from you.” I began to protest.

“Victoria, I did seem them. I just didn’t know what to make of it and was confused so I thought it best

to rewrap them and just put them back the way I had found them. I don’t understand what this is all

about, and it’s conflicting for me as I’ve found myself genuinely attracted to you, but I’m straight as an

arrow when it comes to relationships.” He told me.

“Oh crap.” Was all I could muster as tears slid down my cheeks in rapid succession and landed on

the table. “I know, you must be feeling like I ambushed you here today and in some ways I suppose

that I have. I was at home driving myself nuts thinking about you, and I couldn’t stand it any longer so

I decided to take a walk, try and clear my head. I don’t know the area well and I turned up here

completely by accident. I stopped to look at the playbills out front and imagine my surprise and shock

at seeing pictures of the same woman I was falling for. I’ve been trying to pass it off as they were

pictures from a costume party or this was some sort of social experiment because you’re really a

psychology major or something. I’ve even been struggling with the fact that despite the fact I’ve held

you in my arms you may not be a biological woman. It’s really messing with my head and my

emotions not knowing what’s going on here.” He explained with a certain edge to his voice.

Suddenly I was annoyed with him beyond belief I was downright vexed at him. “You’ve got some

nerve buddy. You couldn’t have just asked me out right when you found them, when it was just the

two of us. But no, you stumble onto me at my job, ambush me and to top it all off you start making all

these assumptions? Just who the hell do you think you are?” My voice was rising with each word I

spat out at him. It was enough to attract the attention of a couple of my sister queens who came out

to see what the commotion was all about. “Now Victoria, let’s not cause a scene here, calm down.”

He tried to soothe me looking uncomfortable at the approaching group and keeping a wary eye on

them. “Oh calm down yourself we queens are famous for being drama llamas honey. If you can’t take

it then feel free to leave.” I snorted to him. I could feel the colour in my cheeks rising just as my ire

was. “Is there a problem here, Kitty?” asked Sush giving Philip a glacial glare that would have made

anyone who was on the receiving end of it flinch. I had to give it to her Sush did fierce with the best

of them. “Not at all, he was just leaving.” I hissed at him between clenched teeth. “Get those

claws out too, Miss Kitty.” Miss Conception, added with a diva like snap of her fingers. “Get him

girlfriend.”

“Victoria, please. I’d really like us to discuss this. Alone.” I added pointedly. “I appreciate

the fact you want to protect your friend, uh ladies, but I’d really like this to be a private

conversation.” Victoria was still fuming and I could have almost sworn I saw wisps of smoke

coming out her ears. Her friends were glaring at me utter distain and it was quite clear I was a

wanted man. Wanted that is if the man were to be drawn and quartered or shot at dawn.

“Please?” I implored her one more time. “Fine, but you’ll have to make it quick. I’ve got another

number coming up and still have to change.” She sniped at me. “Sugar you want us to stay?” asked

Sush and Miss Conception in unison, as each one rested a hand protectively on her shoulders.

“Thanks, it’ll be okay. I’ll shout if I need you.”

“Okay, if you’re sure then.” Victoria nodded her head and with a final look that could kill

directed at me, they flounced away. “So talk and make it snappy.” She growled at me. Her eyes

were narrowed cat like slits and she did indeed look like she could pounce on me at any given

minute and claw me to shreds. “Okay first of all I apologize. I’m going about everything all wrong.

I shouldn’t have ambushed you at work, shouldn’t have jumped to any kinds of wild conclusions

and should have been honest with you from the start and simply asked you about the pictures and

I should have told you I was falling for you.” She said back in her chair arms crossed over her chest

as a smug cat like ‘I’ve just had a saucer of cream.’ Look crept over her face. “That’s a step in the

right direction.” She said and I noticed her voice had lost some of the edge to it that had been

there only moments earlier.

“Now you listen up buster.” I sat intently waiting for a barrage of what I believed would be

well deserved berating. “For starters, I would never dream of coming down to your gallery and

causing a scene. This job is only help me make ends meet while I work on my writing my novel

and writing an advice column once a week just wasn’t cutting it for me with all the renovations

I’ve been doing to the house. I’m also straight as an arrow, not that there would be anything

wrong with it if I were gay, lesbian, bi or transgendered. The only reason I got this gig was

because I used to be roommates with Sush years ago and in my world friends look out for each

other.” The words came out in a rush but then she hesitated before continuing. “I’ll probably

regret saying this especially since I’m so annoyed at you right now, but I’ve got a thing for you to,

so quit being a jerk so I can go back to liking you.”

Gulping audibly I looked at the woman seated before me in an entirely new light. “Your right

I’ve been a jerk. I should have kept out of your way while you were working and not freaked you

out like that. If I want to know something I should be up front and ask. I also should probably

adjust my attitudes about people that lead different life styles than I do. I can tell that your

friends here care about you and that they’ve got your back. I’m still not sure quite what to call

them they are guys aren’t they?” I asked desperately trying to figure out what was the correct

thing to say. I certainly didn’t want to incur any more of her wrath or anyone else’s here for that

matter. “Yes they are, men who love men and choose to dress up as women for entertainment

purposes. Yes there are a couple of them that want to transition. So the basic rule of thumb

around here is when they are dressed as guys then that’s how you treat them when they are in

their heels wearing gowns they are for all intense and purpose to be addressed in the feminine

manner. Got it?” She said leaning in until we were almost nose to nose.

“I’ve got it.” Answering her, as only a man that knows he’s in the dog box with a woman can.

“Good. Now if you want to hang around until closing, you can walk me home and we can talk

about that other thing.” She said giving me a small smile. “I’d like that but for now I guess you’d

better go get ready to go on and I’ll go grab another drink. It’s been a rather unusual evening me

for me.” I returned. Right now I was grateful for the fact she was being civil, it might mean I still

had a chance at getting to know her better. Then again this might just be the calm before the

storm and she was really going to give me an earful on the way home. The only thing I could do

was tough it out and find out what was going to happen.

“I’ve got to hustle. I’ll talk to later, enjoy the rest of the show.” And with that she was gone.

Sitting at the table alone I let the cool night air wash over me allowing it soothe my somewhat

still frazzled mind. Alone with my thoughts I sat in silence, the only interruption the occasional

blast of music that streamed out when the door to the patio was opened and people came out for

a quick cigarette before rushing back inside the bar again. Pushing open the door to the change

room I could overhear the girls talking amongst themselves about what had just transpired on the

patio. “Oh, no he didn’t! Girl let me just…” the voices trailed off when they realized it was me who

was entering. “Are you okay?” Sush asked as she cast a pair of wary eyes on me, sizing me up

before giving me a hug. “Everything’s okay.” I assured her. “Who is he though and what’s he doing

here?”

“That ladies is my new neighbour that just moved in yesterday…” my voice trailed off as I wriggled

out of the skin tight outfit I currently had on and started getting into my next costume. “Well what’s he

doing here? Don’t tell me you’ve got some nut job for a neighbour that stalks you?” She gasped out

dramatically. “Chill, he’s a nice guy actually, or I think he might be...” I said as I fastened the short

little blue plaid skirt around my waist, “and he seems to have this thing for me and he got a little

freaked out trying to figure out a few things.” I continued as I buttoned up my tight white blouse.

“You’ve so got to tell me this whole story honey but right now I’m on, and as long as you’re sure that

you’re okay I’ll take your word for it. We’ll get together and do lunch tomorrow. I’d stay and talk to

you after the show but I’ve got my eye on that cute little blonde that’s been hanging by the steps to

the stage all night.” She winked adjusted her cleavage, blew me a kiss and flew through the door.

I sat down before one of the mirrors in the change room, as I picked up my hairbrush and began

brushing my hair out and pulling it back into a pony tail. “You like him don’t you Vic?” Miss Conception

asked me. Trying to shrug it off as nothing more than a casual thing I answered her. “I guess he’s

okay. I don’t really know him.” I responded trying to sound very nonchalant about it all and touching

up my makeup. “Girl, don’t you dare try and pull one over on me. I saw the way you were looking at

him and more importantly I saw the way he was looking at you. You two will end up together yet,

even if you are getting off to a rocky start. He looks at you the same way my James looks at me and

we’ve been together nearly ten years now.” She surmised. Then she burst into one of her Cher

routines and started bopping around me singing into a hair brush “if you want to know if he loves you

so it’s in his kiss that’s where it is.” I took a playful swat at her in retaliation. I had to wonder if I was so transparent about my feelings that everyone knew how I felt about him.

With a swish of my pony tail and dressed like a private school girl I was off to do my next numbers

which I did with one of the drag kings that was guesting at our show this evening. I had to admit I

felt like a fish out of water as I wandered about the bar looking for a quiet little nook to hang out

in while I waited for Victoria to return to the stage. The more I people watched from my perch at

a solitary bar stool that I’d found in a darkened corner. It was a totally voyeuristic activity but I

was one of those people that enjoyed observing other people, as I often thought you learned more

about them in those brief moments than you could in years of knowing them. The little vignettes

of everyday life that you saw and heard were intimate glimpses of people just being themselves.

Part of me I think had been thinking it would be nothing but bawdy perversions and a major

meat market for those looking for one night stands. Sure there were a few there with that on

their agenda, but then that happened in any bar you could walk into. What I was hearing more of

were things like “Come on Todd, time to leave honey, I promised the sitter we’d be home by

midnight.” Some of these guys were raising kids?????? I was totally dumbfounded by this thought.

But why not, adopting and giving a kid a good home with loving parents was a good thing right?

“Another bottle of water, please Alex I’m the designated driver tonight.” They aren’t all just

here to get into some alcoholic stupor? I overheard another guy offer to buy a drink for someone

that had obviously caught his eye. It struck me that he sounded as nervous as any guy, including

myself would be asking someone that we were attracted to and wanted the opportunity to get to

know if we could buy them a drink, the implication being we were interested and would like to

spend some time getting to know them.

When I heard a “Hi there.” Directed at me I nearly fell of my bar stool as I’d been so lost in my

thoughts that it startled me no end. “Hey.” I returned cautiously recognizing Kandi Kane. “I’m a

friend of Kitty’s.” she said extending a rather large gloved hand for me to shake. “Kandi Kane,

isn’t it?” I inquired politely. Only when I’m in drag, otherwise I’m Randy.” She replied as I shook

her hand. “Nice to meet you, both of you.” And I let out a small nervous laugh. “Relax, it’s all

good. We get straight guys in here all the time. They come to be supportive of family members

and friends and enjoy the shows like everyone else does. We don’t often get them in here and

wanting to date one of us. We all know you’ve got a thing for Victoria. Word travels quickly

amongst us as were like family to each other.” I appreciated her straight forward manner. “Yes I

do. I’ve only met her recently but she seems to be a wonderful woman and I really hope to get to

know her much better.” I added. “Your right about that she is amazing, and we love her here like

she’s one of us.

So I wanted to offer you some friendly advice.” I waited anticipating another brow beating. “I

heard you had a bit of a run in earlier and just wanted to tell you to chill. Be yourself with her

and with us. Just keep an open mind, sure you might not become BBF’s with us but we can all still

have a healthy mutual respect for each other at the very least. If you plan on getting involved

with Victoria you’ll have to accept we are part of the package and she’s not going to bail on her

friends just to please you.” I thanked her for the advice as she said “I’ve got to scoot I’m on

next.” I really was getting some valuable life lessons this evening about jumping to conclusions

and about letting go of preconceived notions about people. It was high time I started to get to

know people as individuals and not as stereo types.

Scanning the room as I entered the crowd I was searching to see if he’d in fact chosen to hang

around or if he had in fact changed his mind and ended up bolting, having decided this was just all

too much for him. In all fairness to him I wouldn’t have blamed Philip if he had headed for the hills.

My heart gave a little skip when I finally caught sight of him in the crowd and I broke into a grin. He

flashed me the two thumbs up sign as he lounged against the back wall and smiled back at me.

Before I knew it I was back on stage and was being serenaded to Billy Joel’s , Only the Good Die

Young, as I acted out the roll of the good girl being sought out by the bad boy in school, you know the

one your mother always warned you about. Next he broke into High School Confidential, and I

slipped off my blouse to reveal a shockingly tight tube top which showcased my breasts and became

the teen temptress for that song as I strutted about. At the end of it a quick, flirtatious wave and I was

off to change for my final number of the night. I groaned as I heard part of my stage partner’s spiel,

“remember rehab is for quitters.” That old chestnut again, was all I could think.

In a whirlwind of activity I stripped off my current outfit and changed into a poodle skirt and

conservative blouse and was back on stage in the blink of an eye. The music was right on cue and

the two of us launched into Summer Loving Happened So Fast from Grease. It was such a relief to

me to be skipping around the stage singing in saddle shoes and bobby socks after being in those

killer stilettos for so many hours. Tonight’s crowd was having a ball and really getting into our act and

shouts of encore followed as we graciously accepted our tips from our fans. I downed a shot that was

offered to me as my partner shouted out his request to the DJ and he handed me a leather jacket

from someone in the crowd. Which I knew was my cue to go into bad sexy Sandy mode as we’d be

doing “You’re the One That I Want.”

It was high energy and we both had a blast doing it but when it was over I was just as happy to be

able to be able to call it a day. I descended the stage and worked my way through the crowd many of

whom were heading towards the bar as last call was being announced. I finally made it over to where

Philip was, “So what did you think of the show?” I blurted out. I wasn’t really sure what the proper

protocol was when you had only a couple of hours before wanted to annihilate someone and in the

next breath still hoped that he still wanted to take you in his arms as much as you wanted him too.

“You were great.” He congratulated me. “And if it’s not too bold of me to mention you’ve got some

dynamite legs.” “It’s the heels.” I mumbled and blushed, as I remembered I now had on some rather

unsexy saddle shoes on. “Give me about ten minutes and we can go, I just have to grab my things

and we can leave.” “Sounds good to me, I’ll just meet you out front it’s a bit of a zoo in here at the

moment.” “Okay see you in ten.”

I pushed my way to towards the dressing room to collect my things and pack up my drag bag.

Thankfully I was alone while I did so, the other girls were either at the bar or hanging out with friends.

I was too tired to change and I didn’t want to keep Philip waiting so I just tossed the whole kit and

caboodle of my belongings into the case and zipped it shut. I grabbed my jacket did a quick check of

my hair and lipstick and headed out. It was always crowded at closing time and I bumped along,

offering apologies as I went. Stopping briefly to take congratulations on how well the show had been

and turn down offers to buy me a shot. I politely declined and made my way out the front door, past

the bouncers and down the steps. Sush was outside talking to some friends but she caught my eye

and gave me the hand signal for ‘call me’ I nodded affirmatively at her as I smiled and waved

goodnight.

I found Philip who was waiting for me at on the street as people milled about. Some were chowing

down on slices of pizza from the pizzeria across the street other were munching hotdogs from street

vendors some were puffing away on cigarettes. Cabs lined the streets as the bars let out on either

side of the street. All I had eyes for though was the man that stood waiting patiently with a single red

rose clasped in his hands. “I thought you might like this” he said as he strode towards me and

handed it to me. “Try and think of it as an apology for jumping to conclusions earlier and kudos for

having such a great show tonight.” He told me. We both knew the roses sold by the people that

circulated through the clubs would more than likely lose its petals by the next day but it was still a nice

gesture I thought. “Thank you, that was really nice of you.” I said and I meant it.

“Here let me take that for you.” He said indicating the bag I had been pulling along behind me.

“Did you want me to hail a cab or would you rather walk?” he asked me. “I’d rather walk if you don’t

mind.” I told him as I handed the handle of the bag over to him. “As you’d like it, my lady we shall

walk.” He replied. We walked along in companionable silence until the bar crowds were behind us

and it. “It really is a beautiful night out here, the moon is still so full and the stars are so bright.” He

finally said breaking the silence. “It is.” I agreed. “Listen Victoria, I really do hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me and give me another chance. I behaved badly and there’s no excuse for it, other

than I deserve a gold medal for jumping to conclusions and not talking to you first. I really am sorry.

You’re friends there are really nice people too and I can tell that they care about you…a lot. I talked

to some of them while you were getting changed and got to know them a bit.”

Slipping my arm though his, “I’m very happy to hear that.” I said as glanced over and saw a smile

spreading across his face. “So….” “So now is this the part where we talk about us and the attraction

we’ve been feeling towards each other?” he asked clearly taking the bull by the horns. “I think so.” I

responded softly my voice barely above a whisper. I was thankful for the darkness that surrounded

us as we rounded the corner to our street which was dimly lit despite the brightness of the moon

which only peaked through the foliage of the tall trees that lined the street. “I’m attracted to you

Victoria, in more ways than one, and I have been since our first meeting. Even though I was clearly

annoying the living daylights out of you.” He said frankly. “Yes you did.” I said laughing at the memory

of it. “I seem to be having a change of heart about you though.” I confided to him as I squeezed his

arm.

“I’m happy to hear that.” He said stopping as we came up to the walk which led to his house. “So”

he said smiling down at me. “What happens next? I’m not sure what the proper protocol is for this

situation. Do I shake hands with you and call it a night. Do I invite you in for a nightcap or coffee or I

escort you home and hope you’ll invite me in?” “The gentlemanly thing to do is see me home at this

late hour I believe.” I responded to him. “Then it would be my great pleasure to do so.” We made our

way the short distance to my place and climbed the steps. I took my keys out of coat pocket.

Fiddling with them nervously I looked up at him, “So would you like to come in for a while?” I asked

him quietly. “I’d love to if you’re sure that it’s alright with you.” He answered looking down at me. His

eyes were dark but even in this light I could see the twinkle in them. I nodded my head yes. “Then I

think we should get this out of the way as it can be so awkward.” And with that he leaned down

cupped my face in his hands tenderly and pressed his lips against mine.

A warmth began to spread though out me as I found myself responding to him. My arms instinctively

wound themselves around his neck and I pressed my lips against his more firmly. His tongue parted

my lips and eased itself between them. The kisses kept coming varying from warm and sweet to,

those sloppier wet kisses that were fueled by a need deep within both of us. I had to catch my breath

when we finally broke the kiss. “I think we’d better take this inside before we cause some sort of

neighbourhood scandal.” I gasped. “I couldn’t agree with you more.” He returned.

ACT VI OF PERFORMANC ANXIETY

After discovering her secret identity and being appraised none too kindly, at least initially by Victoria’s drag queen friends Philip is still determined to hang in there and woo both Victoria and her alter ego. Offering her his arm he escorts her home and like any gentleman would he sees her safely to the door. Now behind closed doors, away from prying eyes and well meaning friends things begin to become must warmer between them. Even though they both want to take things further, the desire to honour and respect each other remains greater. Yet the morning finds them greeting the day securely wrapped in each other embrace, with both their desires and values intact. Could this truly be the start of a relationship that will last a lifetime for both of them?

It took some fumbling with her key in the lock before we finally found ourselves safely behind

closed doors. Her lack of concentration in fitting the key securely in its slot had everything to do

with the fact I was nuzzling the nape of her neck, while she was attempting it. Once inside the

look in her eyes mirrored my own and I knew the delay had not dashed either of our desires for

one another. I took her in my arms and pressed her back against the closed front door. With that

first kiss out of the way we were both far more confident and our lips sought out each other like a

pair of heat seeking missiles. Her hands were laced together as they encircled my neck and

pulled me down towards hers. I could feel the silken strands from her pony tail brushing against

my hands as I ran then up and down her back as we kissed passionately.

It would have been so easy for me to scoop her up in my arms and carry her up to her bedroom

and really continue this in earnest but the irony of her being dressed like a rather innocent teeny

bopper wasn’t entirely lost on me either. Nor was the fact that I knew that I was falling for this

woman big time and I wanted to make sure that this was going to be more than a heat of the

moment one night stand that had been fueled by the consumption of rather copious amounts of

spirits. Breaking the kiss I held her close and planted several soft kisses on the crown of her head,

as I began to transition to a softer gentler vein than the one we were both more than willing to

mine for its precious treasure of intimacy, instinctively she understood the change in direction.

“I’m not supposed to be falling for you, you know. You can annoy the stuffing out of me at

times.” She mumbled into my chest.

“Moi? Annoying I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I teased her which only earned me a

gentle little poke from her. “Yes you.” She replied trying to sound exasperated at me but she

snuggled into me even closer as she said it. “This is insane you know. I don’t have time for this

falling in love business. I’ve got a house to renovate, more importantly a book to write and …”

“And, and, and.” I gently hushed her by pressing my finger against her lips. “That’s part of the

magic of love it can’t be scheduled into your agenda like a business meeting.” “You have to admit

all of this has been pretty weird you meet a woman she practically bites your head off on more

than one occasion and to top it all off you find out she’s moonlighting as a drag queen

impersonator. This is the stuff of really bad fiction books not real life.” She finished as she tilted

her head up to better gauge my reaction to her assessment of things.

“You’re probably right about that but it’s going to make a heck of a story to tell our family and

friends one day,” I grinned at her and tapped her with my index finger on the tip of our nose for

emphasis. “You’re hopeless.” She sighed at me. “Yes a hopeless romantic who believes that you

and I belong together, despite a somewhat rocky start.” I grinned at her and cuddled her close to

me once more. “So where to do we go from here, what’s next?” She asked me softly. “Well for

starters I think we decide if I’m going to stay, at least for a while longer or if you want me to go.”

I told her as I gazed down into her eyes, which had taken on this gentle tenderness to them. “I’d

like you to stay but I don’t want you to think…” Her voice trailed off. “Victoria” I said as I looked

down and into her eyes. “I want very much to stay. Nothing has to happen either I just want to

spend time being with you and I’ll leave anytime that you ask me too. Okay?” “Perfect.” She

responded as she stretched up, so she could place a gentle kiss on my cheek.

“So what do you say we get these jackets off for starters and make ourselves more comfortable

in the living room?” She asked. My response was to help her slip out of her jacket, and then

slipped my own off and went to hang them in the hall closet. This having mirror image homes was

going to work out well for me in helping me feel even more at home here than I already did. She

just grinned as she took her saddle shoes off. We had our arms wrapped around each other’s

waists as we made our way into the living room together. I’d been in there briefly the first day

we’d met and it seemed to be far cozier to me tonight with her by my side. We settled on to the

sofa side by side and I wrapped my arm around her and drew her close. She snuggled into me,

which was just the reaction I’d been hoping for. She let a small tiny yawn escape as she did.

“You’re tired Victoria, I should be a gentleman and leave so you can get some rest.”

“No please don’t. I’ll admit I’m tired and that it’s late but I really do want to spend some

more time with you unless you have to be up early. I know that you’ve got things to do at your

gallery for the opening.” She said offering me the perfect excuse if I chose to use it. “I do have

things to check on at the gallery which I meant to do tonight before I got sidetracked with you and

your performances. Seeing as how I’m the owner however, it offers me certain advantages as does

the fact the grand opening isn’t for several more days yet. I knew with this move I’d need some

time to get my personal affairs in order as well as taking care of things for the business side of my

life. I hadn’t planned on meeting you but I give you my word here and now that if you and I are

going to be a couple you will be a priority for me.” She squirmed in what I perceived to be delight

at that pronouncement from me. I based my hypothesis on the flush on her cheeks and the smile

on her lips.

“So does that mean you’re staying at least for a while?” she questioned. “Yes it means I’m

staying.” I told her as I kissed her forehead and she snuggled into my shoulder. “Tell me, what

your schedule is like tomorrow. Perhaps if it works out you’d like to come down and spend some

time there with me. A behind the scenes look at things.” I smiled at her. “Nothing too concrete

tomorrow, I’m supposed to phone Sush so we can do lunch and she can do her mother hen thing

with me and make sure I’m okay after the blow up you and I had earlier at the bar. I don’t have

another show until Saturday night, and my next column isn’t due until next Wednesday. So I’d be

delighted to spend time with you tomorrow if you’re sure I won’t be intruding on you or get in the

way.” She told me and her eyes were shining.

“I won’t be disrupting any creative time you want to devote to your writing?” I asked her

honestly knowing how important it was to devote time to the craft of your choosing.” “No, in fact

I think I’ll more than likely be more inspired to write after spending more time with you.” “You

must be writing a romantic piece then.” I said my eyes sparkling at the thought of what a pleasure

it would be to help her research it. “Well they do say a writer should draw from personal

experience.” She smiled up at me. Dropping my head just enough so that my lips could graze

against hers, slowly, gently as we began this union of affection. With one hand she played with

the hair at the base off my neck and the other ran lightly over my shoulder. I could hear the

quickening beat of her heart and increased the tempo of the kisses. Her lips were full and soft

and yielded to me willingly. The tip of my tongue lightly pressed between hers and they parted to

receive this more intimate form of a kiss. The feeling of the coolness of that moist pink tongue

against my own, the heated friction of our lips was in direct contrast to that coolness. Our

tongues danced with each other in exploration of this newly found terrain.

As I pressed against her I was able to feel the swell of her breasts pressing against my chest.

Trying to hold back my carnal desires for her I made sure my hands stayed strictly away from her

erogenous zones on both her southern and northern hemispheres. I didn’t want her to think I was

after only one thing. The temptation not to reach out my hand and feel the swell of those perky

breasts of hers was proving to be quite the challenge for me. Not to mention the fact I could feel

a certain hardening in my nether regions as we continued to kiss, even though it was with a

restrained degree of passion on both our parts. It would have been so easy to blur that line

between us forever but once we did there would be no turning back. Neither of us seemed willing

to risk it, the stakes were just too high. We had a life time riding on making this relationship work

and staying together.

Remembering something from my high school days when such a problem would arise, I

whispered into her ear seductively, “How about those Blue Jays?” She suddenly went from purring

like a kitten to a rather startled looking deer in headlights. “Pardon me did I just hear you

correctly”? She queried, as she sat upright looking totally mystified about my comment.

Apparently my old gym teacher’s trick still worked even as an adult as I felt myself starting to

calm down, which I was thankful for. I think she must have had a similar teacher as she suddenly

burst into laughter and said “I think this was the part where I was supposed to suggest we go and

grab a burger to prevent any forbidden use of carnal knowledge.” We both started to laugh

heartily over that.

“Not if it’s like the one we had for dinner, that thing was massive.” I chuckled at her. She

merely shrugged at me. “Don’t be silly they close at 3 and it’s long past that now.” She

deadpanned at me and for a split second I thought she’d been serious until I saw the mischievous

twinkle in her eye. “You had me going for a minute there.” “I know, just part of my charm.” And

she giggled. “Seriously though, may I offer you something to eat or drink?” She added which I felt

was an indication that she was clearly not on the menu and available for sampling despite the fact

we’d both more than likely enjoy that immensely. “Glass of water would be great. Need to

rehydrate after all that scotch earlier.” I told her. “Be right back.” She said hopping up than

disappearing with a swish of her skirt and a bob of her pony tail. She was so darn cute. There

were just so many sides to this woman that I was discovering. From the hard nose cynic that had

sized me up the first time she’s opened the door, to the girl next door in her bobby socks and

poodle skirt, and let us not forget the sex kitten on stage or the heavenly body that had appeared

to me just last night under the light of the moon.

She bopped back into the room with a frosted glass of ice water in each hand, the ice cubes

tinkling against the sides of the glasses as she did. She handed me one and sat down beside me, so

with my free hand I reached behind her and drew her to me as we each took a long sip of the icy

water. “I suppose I should be going after we’re finished.” I said as I set my half empty glass down

on the end table beside me. “I guess so” she didn’t sound overly convinced though. “I should

probably grab a shower and scape the layers of makeup off of me anyways. You could stand to

clean up a bit yourself.” She smiled as she used her thumb to try to stroke some of the stage

makeup she’d left on my face as a result of our little make out session. Inwardly I quaked and

could feel that longing stirring just below my belt once more. The thought of taking a long, hot,

shower with her was more than the average red blooded male could handle without getting

aroused, at least it was more than this one could handle.

“Tempting, but I’m trying to be a gentleman here and behave myself until we are both in a

place to take this further.” There was both honesty, mixed with a certain degree of regret over

the fact I was choosing to take the high road here and be a man of character. “I wasn’t trying to

imply that you join me. So you needn’t be so presumptuous.” I huffed at him hotly. Once again I was

more annoyed at myself than at him because there was a part of me a very big part of me that

wanted to take him by the hand and lead him upstairs. To have him undress me as I undressed him,

to explore each other as we washed away the past tensions between us under the hot cascades of

soothing water. Then afterwards slip hand and hand into my bedroom and make love passionately

until the sun rose and we drifted off to sleep in one another’s arms completely sated.

“You’re absolutely adorable when you’re annoyed. Though I’m not sure who you’re more annoyed

at the present time you or me.” And with that he kissed me on the tip of my nose. “Damn him.” I

thought, he’s very perceptive and what’s worse he knows he’s right. “Okay I give up. You’re right I’m

annoyed at both of us because I want you to stay and because it would be so easy to take you

upstairs and totally lose control of any inhibitions about you. But and this is a big but I am not the sort

of woman that just brings a man home and loses complete control and gives into my urges. I don’t

have an arsenal of prophylactics on hand, and if you think I’m that sort of woman I’m not and we

should end things here and now.” I was being very straightforward with him and feeling miserably

wretched at all that the same time.

“Victoria,” he began as he took my hand in his and squeezed it affectionately. “I desire you as well

and I know that you are the type of woman that is to be respected. This isn’t meant to be a one night

stand with you. I want to get to know you, I want us to become intimate on all levels “not just the

sexual ones. So please put that concern to rest once and for all. Now I seem to be getting a bit of

second wind despite the late hour and it would be wonderful to sit and talk and get to know each

other better. I know you’re anxious to get more comfortable though so why don’t you go up and

shower alone.” He said emphasizing the word alone. “You freshen up, I’ll watch a bit of television or

check out one of your books to read if that’s okay. Then we can just sit and get to know each other

better. Alright?” he asked. “That sounds great to me. I’d like to just spend some more time together

and I’m pretty wide awake myself despite the time.” I rose to go then leaned down and kissed his lips

softly. “Thanks for being so understanding about all this.” I told him quietly.

“It’s not a problem. Some things in life are worth waiting for at least the really good things are and

I’ve got a strong hunch your one of the best things life will ever offer me.” He told me with such a tone

of sincerity to his voice that I got this feeling deep inside of me that he was in fact the one. The

keeper I’d been looking a life time for. It was with a light heart and a smile on my lips that I kissed him

once more, slowly and lingeringly before I headed up stairs to shower and change into something

more comfortable. The hot water felt good to me as it washed away the residual doubts I’d been

harbouring about Philip. I also scrubbed away the layers of heavy makeup I’d had caked on for my

stage performance and felt refreshed and knew that my face would be pink and glowing when I

stepped out of the shower. By the time I was done I’d feel like an entirely new woman. One that was

eager to spend some more time with the man that I was growing even fonder of as we spend more

time together.

I played over the events of the day as I shampooed and conditioned my hair quickly as I wanted to

not only feel my best but look my best for him as well. There had been a comfortable familiarity about

making and sharing breakfast with him. The stroll we’d shared arm and arm on the way to buy

groceries had been chummy to say the least. Even the fact we’d helped each other organize our

living spaces spoke volumes to me. We’d done it without argument over where this or that should go.

We had respected and valued one another’s opinions more so than a great number of long

established couples I knew would have done. It seemed we were made for each other. I turned off

the water and toweled off before crossing into my room to find something comfortable to wear. I

brushed out my hair even though it was still damp with the fruity scent of my shampoo still clinging to

it. I slipped into a pair of jogging shorts and slipped one of my favourite t shirts over my head. Not

very sexy but it would show my rather toned legs off and not come off as being too suggestive. As for

the t shirt it was comfortably soft and would be perfect to do some cuddling and late night or should I

say early morning chatting in.

I felt pretty comfortable being alone here in the living room, though I will admit it was hard

not to think of what was going on upstairs. All in good time though I’d be the one sharing that

shower with her, so until then I decided to amuse myself, I considered going into the study and

grabbing one of the books that had attracted my attention earlier when I’d been helping her

display them. I decided against that though as I didn’t want to get so caught up in something that

I might not want to put down. Instead I opted for flipping on the television and channel surfing

until I found something of interest. Sydney wandered in gave me a perfunctory sniff, deemed

me acceptable and leapt up on the sofa beside me, curled up into a ball and dozed off. It made

me smile seemed like I was passing mustard with her four footed roommate. I reached out and

gave him a little scratch behind the ears then left my hand resting on his soft little fur body.

Stretching out my legs I felt pretty comfortable as I waited for Victoria’s return.

Giving myself a quick look in the mirror I gave my reflection a small satisfied smile. I may not look

like a goddess but I did look have a certain attractive earthy quality that I hoped Philip would

appreciate. Skipping down the stairs I was eagerly looking forward to spending time with him getting

to know him better. I bounced into the room hoping to see a smile spread across his face at my

arrival. What I found made me smile instead. There was Philip on the sofa, his head resting against

his shoulder and his hand resting on Sydney’s sleeping form. I probably should have woken him and

sent him home to his own bed where he could stretch out and really be comfortable and get a good

night’s sleep. I just didn’t have the heart to though he looked pretty relaxed and for the most part

comfortable. I flicked off the television but he was in such a deep sleep he didn’t even flinch when the

sound and brightness of the screen cut out. Gently I placed a throw pillow under his head to make

him more comfortable. Then I grabbed a blanket I kept folded over the sofa, it was perfect for

snuggling under on cold nights while reading or watching television. It was also great for hiding under

when I chickened out during really scary parts of horror movies that I always insisted on watching in

the dark and ended up scaring the living daylights out of myself so that I had to sleep with the lights

on.

I covered Philip up and gave him a soft kiss on his temple and whispered “good night” to him,

trying not to disturb him, The knowledge I’d been successful in waking him came in the form of a

small smile that crept across his handsome face and remained there but he didn’t stir otherwise.

Debating with myself I was torn between simply turning off the light and returning upstairs to my own

bed or slipping under the blanket and curling up next to Philip. I flicked off the light and was on my

way upstairs when I suddenly turned and crept back into the room and slipped under the blanket next

to Philip and snuggled in. As I drifted off I was aware of the fact that the smile on my face matched

the one that was still on Philip’s face.

It was somewhat disorientating to me at first as I opened my eyes to the morning light

streaming in the window. Taking a quick moment to collect my thoughts I realized I was still

seated in Victoria’s living room and best of all I wasn’t alone. Victoria was curled up beside me

her feet tucked under her and her head resting on my chest. I took advantage of the fact that she

was still slumbering to study the features of her face. Her eyes were crimped shut against the

early morning light, her nose was crinkled like a bunny and I had to wonder if I started a pot of

coffee would it twitch in eager anticipation of sipping that first brew of the day. Her cheekbones

were superb and I tentatively ran my index finger along her jawline. The morning sunlight gave

her hair a lustrous sheen. Best of all there was an angelic smile on her lips which I hoped against

hope was there because even in her sleep she was aware of the fact that I was there by her side.

I drew her close and savoured the innocence and warmth of having her by my side. As much as

I would have liked to have had a good stretch and make a dash for the bathroom to relive myself, I

was more than happy to stay right where I was. I wanted my face to be the first thing she saw. I

had no intentions of having her awaken only to think that I had abandoned her during the night.

There was no way I’d have her thinking I had skulked off under the cover of darkness like some

sort of cad that had only been trying to shall we say get lucky with her. I had totally meant what

I’d said to her last night about wanting to get to know her before we took this to a more physical

level. Sydney appeared out of nowhere and hopped up onto her lap and began to nuzzle her under

the chin. “Oh Syd.” Her sleep drenched voice mumbled “Can’t ever let me sleep in after a late

night out?” Despite her protests her hand traveled to begin stroking his soft fur. “You know I love

you Sydney, now just give me another minute okay?”

One day Sydney wasn’t going to be the only person she woke up to and whispered those magic

words “You know I love you.” to. One day I felt pretty confident that we’d be saying that to each

other as we started our day. “Good morning, my shining star.” I said softly and grazed my lips

against her cheek. Her eyes immediately flew open. As she focused on my face looking into hers

she smiled then giggled “Good morning to you too. For a split second I thought Sydney had

actually learned to speak and I was starting to freak out just a little about that.” Smiling into her

eyes I told her “I’m just glad I wasn’t the one to wake you.” And I leaned in and kissed her once

more only this time on the lips. I was rewarded with a warm smile and a pair of very alert and

twinkling eyes.

“Sydney is the master of waking me up no matter what but I think I like the way you wake me

up just a little more.” “Just, a little more?” I questioned her with a note of mock dismay in my

voice. “We’ll discuss that more in depth a bit later.” She smiled and stretched up her neck to kiss

me. “Now unless you want me to scratch your tummy too, I’d better take care of feeding

Sydney.” She said slipping out from under the blanket we’d been sharing. I caught her hand as she

did. “Well I wouldn’t say no that.” I informed her. “Men, you guys always stick together don’t

you?” she returned. “But of course.” And with a laugh and another stolen kiss she departed with

Sydney in hot pursuit of her, his tail proudly pointed straight in the air as he hustled along after

her. I took the opportunity to have a leisurely stretch and then made a dash for the bathroom.

After taking care of business I took a look in the mirror as I washed my hands. All things

considered I didn’t look to horrific for such a late night out and several drinks of scotch not to

mention sleeping in an upright position.

Even if I was a little sore later in the day I didn’t care, it had been worth it to spend the night

laying the ground work with Victoria that I wanted to truly be with her and get to know her and

not just physically. I ambled downstairs to discover Victoria still in the kitchen. She’d put on a

pot of coffee while I’d been upstairs and it was definitely perking up my senses. The coffee might

have been working its magic on me but the sight of Victoria stretching up to grab a couple of mugs

out of the cupboard was putting an even more powerful spell on me. She had a dynamite pair of

legs I observed as my eyes travelled from her bare feet up to the hem of her shorts. Smooth legs

that still retained the tan from the summer that had so recently ended. They were perfection in

my eye but then again all of her was perfection in my eyes. One day I hoped to be permitted to

sketch her and more than just her legs. I really was quite the smitten kitten when it came to this

woman.

Striding up behind her I wrapped my arms around her and nuzzled her neck affectionately.

“You smell wonderful.” I murmured into her ear. “That’s just the coffee.” She teased me back.

“No, it’s definitely you.” She spun around in my arms to face me and I leaned down and kissed her

ardently before she could utter another word. My arms were wrapped around her and with her

back pressed against the edge of the kitchen counter we embraced and said a proper yet

completely wordless good morning to each other. It was a wonderful way to greet the day and one

I planned on making a part of my daily routine. When we were finally satisfied that our lips had

said a proper good morning to each other, she looked up and me and asked. “I suppose we should

have some breakfast, you know keep our strength up?” “Oh, most definitely we need to keep our

strength up.” I responded my eyes twinkling at her.

“Since you got the coffee going I’ll do the cooking this morning.” I told her. “That would be

really nice of you, but only if it not out of self-preservation because my cooking is that horrible.

No you’ve been doing fine. I assure you I have not suffered any ill effects from your cooking. I

think it’s great that you’re learning to cook and your certainly nailing the basics down after that

the more complicated things will come easily to you.” I said to her reassuringly. “I just want to

be sure I handle my fair share of domestic duties as well in this relationship.” “A relationship is

that what we’re in?” she asked me looking up into my eyes. “I’d like to think we are at the start

of one that will last a life time.” I answered her quite truthfully as I picked up my coffee and took

a fortifying sip of the black stuff. “Well then, here’s to being in a relationship.” She said as she

clinked her mug against mine in a toast our new adventure in life together.

ACT VII OF PERFORMANC ANXIETY

After discovering her secret identity and being appraised none too kindly, at least initially by Victoria’s drag queen friends Philip is still determined to hang in there and woo both Victoria and her alter ego. Offering her his arm he escorts her home and like any gentleman would he sees her safely to the door. Now behind closed doors, away from prying eyes and well meaning friends things begin to become must warmer between them. Even though they both want to take things further, the desire to honour and respect each other remains greater. Yet the morning finds them greeting the day securely wrapped in each other embrace, with both their desires and values intact. Could this truly be the start of a relationship that will last a lifetime for both of them?

It took some fumbling with her key in the lock before we finally found ourselves safely behind

closed doors. Her lack of concentration in fitting the key securely in its slot had everything to do

with the fact I was nuzzling the nape of her neck, while she was attempting it. Once inside the

look in her eyes mirrored my own and I knew the delay had not dashed either of our desires for

one another. I took her in my arms and pressed her back against the closed front door. With that

first kiss out of the way we were both far more confident and our lips sought out each other like a

pair of heat seeking missiles. Her hands were laced together as they encircled my neck and

pulled me down towards hers. I could feel the silken strands from her pony tail brushing against

my hands as I ran then up and down her back as we kissed passionately.

It would have been so easy for me to scoop her up in my arms and carry her up to her bedroom

and really continue this in earnest but the irony of her being dressed like a rather innocent teeny

bopper wasn’t entirely lost on me either. Nor was the fact that I knew that I was falling for this

woman big time and I wanted to make sure that this was going to be more than a heat of the

moment one night stand that had been fueled by the consumption of rather copious amounts of

spirits. Breaking the kiss I held her close and planted several soft kisses on the crown of her head,

as I began to transition to a softer gentler vein than the one we were both more than willing to

mine for its precious treasure of intimacy, instinctively she understood the change in direction.

“I’m not supposed to be falling for you, you know. You can annoy the stuffing out of me at

times.” She mumbled into my chest.

“Moi? Annoying I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I teased her which only earned me a

gentle little poke from her. “Yes you.” She replied trying to sound exasperated at me but she

snuggled into me even closer as she said it. “This is insane you know. I don’t have time for this

falling in love business. I’ve got a house to renovate, more importantly a book to write and …”

“And, and, and.” I gently hushed her by pressing my finger against her lips. “That’s part of the

magic of love it can’t be scheduled into your agenda like a business meeting.” “You have to admit

all of this has been pretty weird you meet a woman she practically bites your head off on more

than one occasion and to top it all off you find out she’s moonlighting as a drag queen

impersonator. This is the stuff of really bad fiction books not real life.” She finished as she tilted

her head up to better gauge my reaction to her assessment of things.

“You’re probably right about that but it’s going to make a heck of a story to tell our family and

friends one day,” I grinned at her and tapped her with my index finger on the tip of our nose for

emphasis. “You’re hopeless.” She sighed at me. “Yes a hopeless romantic who believes that you

and I belong together, despite a somewhat rocky start.” I grinned at her and cuddled her close to

me once more. “So where to do we go from here, what’s next?” She asked me softly. “Well for

starters I think we decide if I’m going to stay, at least for a while longer or if you want me to go.”

I told her as I gazed down into her eyes, which had taken on this gentle tenderness to them. “I’d

like you to stay but I don’t want you to think…” Her voice trailed off. “Victoria” I said as I looked

down and into her eyes. “I want very much to stay. Nothing has to happen either I just want to

spend time being with you and I’ll leave anytime that you ask me too. Okay?” “Perfect.” She

responded as she stretched up, so she could place a gentle kiss on my cheek.

“So what do you say we get these jackets off for starters and make ourselves more comfortable

in the living room?” She asked. My response was to help her slip out of her jacket, and then

slipped my own off and went to hang them in the hall closet. This having mirror image homes was

going to work out well for me in helping me feel even more at home here than I already did. She

just grinned as she took her saddle shoes off. We had our arms wrapped around each other’s

waists as we made our way into the living room together. I’d been in there briefly the first day

we’d met and it seemed to be far cozier to me tonight with her by my side. We settled on to the

sofa side by side and I wrapped my arm around her and drew her close. She snuggled into me,

which was just the reaction I’d been hoping for. She let a small tiny yawn escape as she did.

“You’re tired Victoria, I should be a gentleman and leave so you can get some rest.”

“No please don’t. I’ll admit I’m tired and that it’s late but I really do want to spend some

more time with you unless you have to be up early. I know that you’ve got things to do at your

gallery for the opening.” She said offering me the perfect excuse if I chose to use it. “I do have

things to check on at the gallery which I meant to do tonight before I got sidetracked with you and

your performances. Seeing as how I’m the owner however, it offers me certain advantages as does

the fact the grand opening isn’t for several more days yet. I knew with this move I’d need some

time to get my personal affairs in order as well as taking care of things for the business side of my

life. I hadn’t planned on meeting you but I give you my word here and now that if you and I are

going to be a couple you will be a priority for me.” She squirmed in what I perceived to be delight

at that pronouncement from me. I based my hypothesis on the flush on her cheeks and the smile

on her lips.

“So does that mean you’re staying at least for a while?” she questioned. “Yes it means I’m

staying.” I told her as I kissed her forehead and she snuggled into my shoulder. “Tell me, what

your schedule is like tomorrow. Perhaps if it works out you’d like to come down and spend some

time there with me. A behind the scenes look at things.” I smiled at her. “Nothing too concrete

tomorrow, I’m supposed to phone Sush so we can do lunch and she can do her mother hen thing

with me and make sure I’m okay after the blow up you and I had earlier at the bar. I don’t have

another show until Saturday night, and my next column isn’t due until next Wednesday. So I’d be

delighted to spend time with you tomorrow if you’re sure I won’t be intruding on you or get in the

way.” She told me and her eyes were shining.

“I won’t be disrupting any creative time you want to devote to your writing?” I asked her

honestly knowing how important it was to devote time to the craft of your choosing.” “No, in fact

I think I’ll more than likely be more inspired to write after spending more time with you.” “You

must be writing a romantic piece then.” I said my eyes sparkling at the thought of what a pleasure

it would be to help her research it. “Well they do say a writer should draw from personal

experience.” She smiled up at me. Dropping my head just enough so that my lips could graze

against hers, slowly, gently as we began this union of affection. With one hand she played with

the hair at the base off my neck and the other ran lightly over my shoulder. I could hear the

quickening beat of her heart and increased the tempo of the kisses. Her lips were full and soft

and yielded to me willingly. The tip of my tongue lightly pressed between hers and they parted to

receive this more intimate form of a kiss. The feeling of the coolness of that moist pink tongue

against my own, the heated friction of our lips was in direct contrast to that coolness. Our

tongues danced with each other in exploration of this newly found terrain.

As I pressed against her I was able to feel the swell of her breasts pressing against my chest.

Trying to hold back my carnal desires for her I made sure my hands stayed strictly away from her

erogenous zones on both her southern and northern hemispheres. I didn’t want her to think I was

after only one thing. The temptation not to reach out my hand and feel the swell of those perky

breasts of hers was proving to be quite the challenge for me. Not to mention the fact I could feel

a certain hardening in my nether regions as we continued to kiss, even though it was with a

restrained degree of passion on both our parts. It would have been so easy to blur that line

between us forever but once we did there would be no turning back. Neither of us seemed willing

to risk it, the stakes were just too high. We had a life time riding on making this relationship work

and staying together.

Remembering something from my high school days when such a problem would arise, I

whispered into her ear seductively, “How about those Blue Jays?” She suddenly went from purring

like a kitten to a rather startled looking deer in headlights. “Pardon me did I just hear you

correctly”? She queried, as she sat upright looking totally mystified about my comment.

Apparently my old gym teacher’s trick still worked even as an adult as I felt myself starting to

calm down, which I was thankful for. I think she must have had a similar teacher as she suddenly

burst into laughter and said “I think this was the part where I was supposed to suggest we go and

grab a burger to prevent any forbidden use of carnal knowledge.” We both started to laugh

heartily over that.

“Not if it’s like the one we had for dinner, that thing was massive.” I chuckled at her. She

merely shrugged at me. “Don’t be silly they close at 3 and it’s long past that now.” She

deadpanned at me and for a split second I thought she’d been serious until I saw the mischievous

twinkle in her eye. “You had me going for a minute there.” “I know, just part of my charm.” And

she giggled. “Seriously though, may I offer you something to eat or drink?” She added which I felt

was an indication that she was clearly not on the menu and available for sampling despite the fact

we’d both more than likely enjoy that immensely. “Glass of water would be great. Need to

rehydrate after all that scotch earlier.” I told her. “Be right back.” She said hopping up than

disappearing with a swish of her skirt and a bob of her pony tail. She was so darn cute. There

were just so many sides to this woman that I was discovering. From the hard nose cynic that had

sized me up the first time she’s opened the door, to the girl next door in her bobby socks and

poodle skirt, and let us not forget the sex kitten on stage or the heavenly body that had appeared

to me just last night under the light of the moon.

She bopped back into the room with a frosted glass of ice water in each hand, the ice cubes

tinkling against the sides of the glasses as she did. She handed me one and sat down beside me, so

with my free hand I reached behind her and drew her to me as we each took a long sip of the icy

water. “I suppose I should be going after we’re finished.” I said as I set my half empty glass down

on the end table beside me. “I guess so” she didn’t sound overly convinced though. “I should

probably grab a shower and scape the layers of makeup off of me anyways. You could stand to

clean up a bit yourself.” She smiled as she used her thumb to try to stroke some of the stage

makeup she’d left on my face as a result of our little make out session. Inwardly I quaked and

could feel that longing stirring just below my belt once more. The thought of taking a long, hot,

shower with her was more than the average red blooded male could handle without getting

aroused, at least it was more than this one could handle.

“Tempting, but I’m trying to be a gentleman here and behave myself until we are both in a

place to take this further.” There was both honesty, mixed with a certain degree of regret over

the fact I was choosing to take the high road here and be a man of character. “I wasn’t trying to

imply that you join me. So you needn’t be so presumptuous.” I huffed at him hotly. Once again I was

more annoyed at myself than at him because there was a part of me a very big part of me that

wanted to take him by the hand and lead him upstairs. To have him undress me as I undressed him,

to explore each other as we washed away the past tensions between us under the hot cascades of

soothing water. Then afterwards slip hand and hand into my bedroom and make love passionately

until the sun rose and we drifted off to sleep in one another’s arms completely sated.

“You’re absolutely adorable when you’re annoyed. Though I’m not sure who you’re more annoyed

at the present time you or me.” And with that he kissed me on the tip of my nose. “Damn him.” I

thought, he’s very perceptive and what’s worse he knows he’s right. “Okay I give up. You’re right I’m

annoyed at both of us because I want you to stay and because it would be so easy to take you

upstairs and totally lose control of any inhibitions about you. But and this is a big but I am not the sort

of woman that just brings a man home and loses complete control and gives into my urges. I don’t

have an arsenal of prophylactics on hand, and if you think I’m that sort of woman I’m not and we

should end things here and now.” I was being very straightforward with him and feeling miserably

wretched at all that the same time.

“Victoria,” he began as he took my hand in his and squeezed it affectionately. “I desire you as well

and I know that you are the type of woman that is to be respected. This isn’t meant to be a one night

stand with you. I want to get to know you, I want us to become intimate on all levels “not just the

sexual ones. So please put that concern to rest once and for all. Now I seem to be getting a bit of

second wind despite the late hour and it would be wonderful to sit and talk and get to know each

other better. I know you’re anxious to get more comfortable though so why don’t you go up and

shower alone.” He said emphasizing the word alone. “You freshen up, I’ll watch a bit of television or

check out one of your books to read if that’s okay. Then we can just sit and get to know each other

better. Alright?” he asked. “That sounds great to me. I’d like to just spend some more time together

and I’m pretty wide awake myself despite the time.” I rose to go then leaned down and kissed his lips

softly. “Thanks for being so understanding about all this.” I told him quietly.

“It’s not a problem. Some things in life are worth waiting for at least the really good things are and

I’ve got a strong hunch your one of the best things life will ever offer me.” He told me with such a tone

of sincerity to his voice that I got this feeling deep inside of me that he was in fact the one. The

keeper I’d been looking a life time for. It was with a light heart and a smile on my lips that I kissed him

once more, slowly and lingeringly before I headed up stairs to shower and change into something

more comfortable. The hot water felt good to me as it washed away the residual doubts I’d been

harbouring about Philip. I also scrubbed away the layers of heavy makeup I’d had caked on for my

stage performance and felt refreshed and knew that my face would be pink and glowing when I

stepped out of the shower. By the time I was done I’d feel like an entirely new woman. One that was

eager to spend some more time with the man that I was growing even fonder of as we spend more

time together.

I played over the events of the day as I shampooed and conditioned my hair quickly as I wanted to

not only feel my best but look my best for him as well. There had been a comfortable familiarity about

making and sharing breakfast with him. The stroll we’d shared arm and arm on the way to buy

groceries had been chummy to say the least. Even the fact we’d helped each other organize our

living spaces spoke volumes to me. We’d done it without argument over where this or that should go.

We had respected and valued one another’s opinions more so than a great number of long

established couples I knew would have done. It seemed we were made for each other. I turned off

the water and toweled off before crossing into my room to find something comfortable to wear. I

brushed out my hair even though it was still damp with the fruity scent of my shampoo still clinging to

it. I slipped into a pair of jogging shorts and slipped one of my favourite t shirts over my head. Not

very sexy but it would show my rather toned legs off and not come off as being too suggestive. As for

the t shirt it was comfortably soft and would be perfect to do some cuddling and late night or should I

say early morning chatting in.

I felt pretty comfortable being alone here in the living room, though I will admit it was hard

not to think of what was going on upstairs. All in good time though I’d be the one sharing that

shower with her, so until then I decided to amuse myself, I considered going into the study and

grabbing one of the books that had attracted my attention earlier when I’d been helping her

display them. I decided against that though as I didn’t want to get so caught up in something that

I might not want to put down. Instead I opted for flipping on the television and channel surfing

until I found something of interest. Sydney wandered in gave me a perfunctory sniff, deemed

me acceptable and leapt up on the sofa beside me, curled up into a ball and dozed off. It made

me smile seemed like I was passing mustard with her four footed roommate. I reached out and

gave him a little scratch behind the ears then left my hand resting on his soft little fur body.

Stretching out my legs I felt pretty comfortable as I waited for Victoria’s return.

Giving myself a quick look in the mirror I gave my reflection a small satisfied smile. I may not look

like a goddess but I did look have a certain attractive earthy quality that I hoped Philip would

appreciate. Skipping down the stairs I was eagerly looking forward to spending time with him getting

to know him better. I bounced into the room hoping to see a smile spread across his face at my

arrival. What I found made me smile instead. There was Philip on the sofa, his head resting against

his shoulder and his hand resting on Sydney’s sleeping form. I probably should have woken him and

sent him home to his own bed where he could stretch out and really be comfortable and get a good

night’s sleep. I just didn’t have the heart to though he looked pretty relaxed and for the most part

comfortable. I flicked off the television but he was in such a deep sleep he didn’t even flinch when the

sound and brightness of the screen cut out. Gently I placed a throw pillow under his head to make

him more comfortable. Then I grabbed a blanket I kept folded over the sofa, it was perfect for

snuggling under on cold nights while reading or watching television. It was also great for hiding under

when I chickened out during really scary parts of horror movies that I always insisted on watching in

the dark and ended up scaring the living daylights out of myself so that I had to sleep with the lights

on.

I covered Philip up and gave him a soft kiss on his temple and whispered “good night” to him,

trying not to disturb him, The knowledge I’d been successful in waking him came in the form of a

small smile that crept across his handsome face and remained there but he didn’t stir otherwise.

Debating with myself I was torn between simply turning off the light and returning upstairs to my own

bed or slipping under the blanket and curling up next to Philip. I flicked off the light and was on my

way upstairs when I suddenly turned and crept back into the room and slipped under the blanket next

to Philip and snuggled in. As I drifted off I was aware of the fact that the smile on my face matched

the one that was still on Philip’s face.

It was somewhat disorientating to me at first as I opened my eyes to the morning light

streaming in the window. Taking a quick moment to collect my thoughts I realized I was still

seated in Victoria’s living room and best of all I wasn’t alone. Victoria was curled up beside me

her feet tucked under her and her head resting on my chest. I took advantage of the fact that she

was still slumbering to study the features of her face. Her eyes were crimped shut against the

early morning light, her nose was crinkled like a bunny and I had to wonder if I started a pot of

coffee would it twitch in eager anticipation of sipping that first brew of the day. Her cheekbones

were superb and I tentatively ran my index finger along her jawline. The morning sunlight gave

her hair a lustrous sheen. Best of all there was an angelic smile on her lips which I hoped against

hope was there because even in her sleep she was aware of the fact that I was there by her side.

I drew her close and savoured the innocence and warmth of having her by my side. As much as

I would have liked to have had a good stretch and make a dash for the bathroom to relive myself, I

was more than happy to stay right where I was. I wanted my face to be the first thing she saw. I

had no intentions of having her awaken only to think that I had abandoned her during the night.

There was no way I’d have her thinking I had skulked off under the cover of darkness like some

sort of cad that had only been trying to shall we say get lucky with her. I had totally meant what

I’d said to her last night about wanting to get to know her before we took this to a more physical

level. Sydney appeared out of nowhere and hopped up onto her lap and began to nuzzle her under

the chin. “Oh Syd.” Her sleep drenched voice mumbled “Can’t ever let me sleep in after a late

night out?” Despite her protests her hand traveled to begin stroking his soft fur. “You know I love

you Sydney, now just give me another minute okay?”

One day Sydney wasn’t going to be the only person she woke up to and whispered those magic

words “You know I love you.” to. One day I felt pretty confident that we’d be saying that to each

other as we started our day. “Good morning, my shining star.” I said softly and grazed my lips

against her cheek. Her eyes immediately flew open. As she focused on my face looking into hers

she smiled then giggled “Good morning to you too. For a split second I thought Sydney had

actually learned to speak and I was starting to freak out just a little about that.” Smiling into her

eyes I told her “I’m just glad I wasn’t the one to wake you.” And I leaned in and kissed her once

more only this time on the lips. I was rewarded with a warm smile and a pair of very alert and

twinkling eyes.

“Sydney is the master of waking me up no matter what but I think I like the way you wake me

up just a little more.” “Just, a little more?” I questioned her with a note of mock dismay in my

voice. “We’ll discuss that more in depth a bit later.” She smiled and stretched up her neck to kiss

me. “Now unless you want me to scratch your tummy too, I’d better take care of feeding

Sydney.” She said slipping out from under the blanket we’d been sharing. I caught her hand as she

did. “Well I wouldn’t say no that.” I informed her. “Men, you guys always stick together don’t

you?” she returned. “But of course.” And with a laugh and another stolen kiss she departed with

Sydney in hot pursuit of her, his tail proudly pointed straight in the air as he hustled along after

her. I took the opportunity to have a leisurely stretch and then made a dash for the bathroom.

After taking care of business I took a look in the mirror as I washed my hands. All things

considered I didn’t look to horrific for such a late night out and several drinks of scotch not to

mention sleeping in an upright position.

Even if I was a little sore later in the day I didn’t care, it had been worth it to spend the night

laying the ground work with Victoria that I wanted to truly be with her and get to know her and

not just physically. I ambled downstairs to discover Victoria still in the kitchen. She’d put on a

pot of coffee while I’d been upstairs and it was definitely perking up my senses. The coffee might

have been working its magic on me but the sight of Victoria stretching up to grab a couple of mugs

out of the cupboard was putting an even more powerful spell on me. She had a dynamite pair of

legs I observed as my eyes travelled from her bare feet up to the hem of her shorts. Smooth legs

that still retained the tan from the summer that had so recently ended. They were perfection in

my eye but then again all of her was perfection in my eyes. One day I hoped to be permitted to

sketch her and more than just her legs. I really was quite the smitten kitten when it came to this

woman.

Striding up behind her I wrapped my arms around her and nuzzled her neck affectionately.

“You smell wonderful.” I murmured into her ear. “That’s just the coffee.” She teased me back.

“No, it’s definitely you.” She spun around in my arms to face me and I leaned down and kissed her

ardently before she could utter another word. My arms were wrapped around her and with her

back pressed against the edge of the kitchen counter we embraced and said a proper yet

completely wordless good morning to each other. It was a wonderful way to greet the day and one

I planned on making a part of my daily routine. When we were finally satisfied that our lips had

said a proper good morning to each other, she looked up and me and asked. “I suppose we should

have some breakfast, you know keep our strength up?” “Oh, most definitely we need to keep our

strength up.” I responded my eyes twinkling at her.

“Since you got the coffee going I’ll do the cooking this morning.” I told her. “That would be

really nice of you, but only if it not out of self-preservation because my cooking is that horrible.

No you’ve been doing fine. I assure you I have not suffered any ill effects from your cooking. I

think it’s great that you’re learning to cook and your certainly nailing the basics down after that

the more complicated things will come easily to you.” I said to her reassuringly. “I just want to

be sure I handle my fair share of domestic duties as well in this relationship.” “A relationship is

that what we’re in?” she asked me looking up into my eyes. “I’d like to think we are at the start

of one that will last a life time.” I answered her quite truthfully as I picked up my coffee and took

a fortifying sip of the black stuff. “Well then, here’s to being in a relationship.” She said as she

clinked her mug against mine in a toast our new adventure in life together.

ACT VIII OF PERFORMANC ANXIETY

Apprehensive about spending time with Victoria’s dear friend who is fiercely protective of her, Philip still feels up to the task and joins them for their lunch date. Things go surprisingly well after the previous evenings confrontation between the two of them and an unspoken peace treaty is signed between the two men. After lunch Philip is immersed further into Victoria’s alternative world, with a trip to a chic erotica shop. Then its home to do some research for her advice column where Phillip even kicks up his heels learning some of her dance routines to the next nights show. It turns out to be a lot of fun and besides she’s just kidding about him about ever joining her on stage for a guest appearance in drag.

She is just kidding...Right?

It was astounding to me that Philip had decided to gift me with such a treasure as one of his

beloved works of art. My mind was reeling with romantic thoughts that one day I might become his

muse and inspiration for other pieces of art and I felt giddy at the prospect of that. Having him hold

me so close in his arms I was also having some rather idealistic though perhaps cliché ideas about

making love to my artist lover in some garret in Paris where we had gone to seek inspiration for his

work. Other visions flashed through my head like working on a potter’s wheel shaping a lump of cold,

grey clay which would lead to a scene between us that would put the one in the movie Ghost to

shame, as it would pale in comparison to what would unfold between us. My thoughts were surging

with creative ways to be intimate with Philip. Somehow I knew in my heart of hearts that we were

indeed destined to become lovers, just as I knew it would be as idealistic as any of the scenarios I

was creating in my mind. The energy from those thoughts was sweeping though my body and

making me acutely aware of how much I desired this man that held me in his arms raining gentle

kisses on the top of my head. My body was inflamed with passionate desires and I was dangerously

close to becoming very unladylike.

My hands were caressing his back and one had strayed and was beginning to knead the firm flesh

of his well-toned buttocks through his trousers. He responded by raising my head and lowering his

own so that he could kiss me. It was the kiss of a man that knew exactly what he wanted and this

woman wanted to give it to him without question or reserve. His hand travelled up my waist and

cupped one of my breasts which he began to manipulate through the fabric of my blouse. I moaned

softly as he did and our tongues danced together in unison. An unmistakable hardness was now

beginning to press against me and I longed to explore it in every imaginable manner known and

perhaps even a few that would be a new experience for both of us. Clinging tightly to Philp, kissing

him deeply, wanting to make lo….

The strains of one of the ringtones on my mobile emitted from depths of my purse and I silently

cursed it as our lips ceased their friendly frolicking. “I have a feeling you’d better answer that.” Philip

mumbled at me between short staccato kisses which indicated he didn’t want me to answer it any

more than I did. With great reluctance I found my purse and rummaged through it, found my phone

and connected. “Victoria? Thank God is everything okay? I’ve been waiting nearly twenty minutes

for you two.” The concerned voice of Hinesh sounded earnestly in my ears. “You’re not ill or

anything, are you? It’s just that you’re always so punctual is all and if you are running a little behind

you always ring up and let me know. It’s part of why I’m starting to freak out just a little over you being

late. Did you and Mr. Wonderful get into some sort of a tiff?” He continued to gush on, the genuine

level of concern he felt for me clearly evident.

“I’m sorry hon, everything is just fine. Philip and I just lost track of time while he was showing me

his art gallery. I’ll explain later. Philip just has to lock up and we’ll be there in a jiff. See you soon, love you.” And I disconnected before he could manage to get another word in edgewise. I was

touched by his motherly concern for me of course but this wasn’t the best of times for me to start

spieling off exactly what Philip and I were potentially on the verge of either. “I take it we’re late. We’re

late for a most important date?” Philip asked me as he stroked my hair and looked into my

eyes.“Indeed we are and we mustn’t keep her majesty the Queen of Hearts waiting or I fear heads

will roll.” I volleyed back my eyes shining with mirth as I watched Philip cringe ever so slightly. He

clearly remembered his first encounter with Hinesh’s alter ego. “It’ll be fine. I promise.” I told him as I

looked into his eyes. “We’re just doing lunch with an old friend of mine, nothing more nothing less.”

Philip gave me a final sweet lingering kiss. “I believe you.” He told me softly but his kiss spoke

far louder than his words did about his belief in me. Philip set about turning off lights and getting

ready to lock up the gallery while I gave myself a quick grooming so that nothing would appear amiss

to Hinesh’s eagle like vision. He’d be quick to notice a strand of hair out of place or worse a coating of

lipstick that had been smudged. After ensuring everything was in order, then locking the door firmly

behind us Philip slipped his hand into mine, it felt as warm and comforting to me as those solar rays

that were beaming down on us as we entered the street. As we swiftly navigated the crowded streets

of Yorkville on our way to the restaurant, I felt as if I were on the ultimate natural high. The

bombardment of energy I was experiencing was in no doubt due to the pheromones that were surging

throughout every square inch of my being. The more time I spent with Philip, the more I reconciled

myself to just who the victor was going to be in the battle between my head and my heart.

“So what are you smiling about?” I heard Philip ask me as I glanced up at him to see him smiling

down at me in return. “Just, thinking.” I responded softly, suddenly feeling rather shy. He seemed to

know what was on my mind as he squeezed my hand firmly in his “I like you too Victoria and in case

you had any doubts it’s quite a lot as a matter of fact.” He told me as his eyes gazed down at me. My

face flushed and I squirmed in delight. I squeezed his hand back just as tightly “That’s good to know.”

I grinned back at him. It was on the tip of my tongue to want to say more to him but for now, it was

enough for me to know that he too was definitely developing the same kind of feelings that I was.

Philip ushered us into the foyer where we were greeted by the hostess on duty. After being

pleasantly greeted and informing her that the rest of our party was waiting inside for us she guided us

into the crowded dining room and over to an anxiously waiting Hinesh.

He rose to greet us and gave an appraising look and a hug. He took the opportunity to whisper in

my ear “Girl I so know you were up to something and you are so going to tell me about it.” I flushed as

he released his bear hug grip on me and he offered his hand to Philip in a gesture of courteousness.

“Philip it’s nice to see you again.” He said as they shook hands. “Nice to see you as well, Hinesh.”

Philip responded. Philip was a total gentleman as we took our seats, holding out my chair for me as I

took my place at the table seated between the two of them. I have to admit I was a little

apprehensive about all of this, after last night as I knew how fiercely protective Hinesh is with towards

the people that he cares about. My fears turned out to be totally unfounded as both of them were

both sensitive to how I might be feeling about all of this and were on their best behaviour as a result.

The conversation was a bit stiff and formal on all of our parts initially but as food and drinks were

ordered we all began to relax and enjoy ourselves. Philip very tactfully and skillfully engaged Hinesh

in a conversation about the fact that they were both artists. The only differences being that they

choose to use different mediums and outlets for the expression of their creativity. I was grateful to

Philip for choosing a common ground we could all enjoy discussing. Hinesh warmed to the subject of

art and design and by the time we had finished our desserts the two of them were bantering away like

old chums. It warmed the cockles of my heart to see one of my dearest friends getting along so well

with the man that I hoped to have in my life on a permanent basis.

Both men were obviously prepared to put last night behind them and start a fresh chapter on

getting to know and respect each other. I was as pleased as punch over the fact, as the blending of

old friends with new love interests can be a dauntingly nerve racking experience. The only quibbling

that occurred the entire time we were together was over which one of us was going to pick up the tab

for lunch. Each of us felt we should be the ones to do the honours and the victor was Hinesh who

gave me a playful swat across my hand as I was reaching for it and so that Philip wouldn’t feel left out

gave him one as well, which only served to leave the three of us laughing. Philip and I thanked him

profoundly for his kindness and generosity of course, but he merely waved it off and reminded there

would be other times where we could return the favour. As we walked out of the restaurant together

we exchanged hugs just before we parted company. I was surprised when Philip accepted the hug

from Hinesh, even though I noticed he tensed up noticeably. It was going to take time for him to get

totally relaxed and accepting of everything he’d so recently been thrust into the heart of, and I

understood that. Still it was touching how much effort he was putting into this and I knew it was

genuine on his part.

Being a bit rushed for time Hinesh ducked into a cab waiting in front of the restaurant, rolled down

the back window and was waving madly as the cab pulled away from the curb with a light hearted “

Bye bye you two lovebirds. I’ll see you two tomorrow night at the club.” It was meant as an innocent

comment on his part, but I found myself turning beet red as a result of it. Philip however didn’t seem

to the least bit flustered by it and perhaps the remark hadn’t even reached his ears due to passing

traffic on the busy street. “So what’s next? Is there anything pressing that you needed to do today?”

He inquired. “I was going to stop at Lovecraft and pick up a copy of a book that they special ordered

for me. I need it for research for…”and my voice suddenly trailed off as I imagine how this was all

going to sound to Philip. If my face hadn’t already been flushed from Hinesh’s comment just

moments earlier it most certainly would have turned crimson now.

“Lovecraft?” Philip inquired a twinkle in his eye. “Sounds like a rather interesting place. So why

don’t you enlighten me as we head over there. That is if you want company.” Part of me very much

wanted him to accompany me as I didn’t want to be parted from him any more than I had to be but at

the same token I was flustered about having to explain why I was ordering books from one of the

oldest and best known erotica shops in the city. What on earth was Philip going to think of me now, I

brooded silently. Philip took my arm and we wended our way to our destination. I felt a bit sheepish

about our intended stop and was far less animated with him than I normally would have been. Would

he be thinking I was trying to push for some kind of more intense physical intimacy with him and thus

having Philip brand me as some sort of immoral fast sort of woman? How do I manage to constantly

get myself into all these scrapes with him? I fretted. Well as we like to say in the entertainment

industry, “It’s show time.” I told myself as we arrived. Somehow I must have managed to say it out

loud. “It’s show time?” Philip parroted back to me only now he formed it as a question rather than a

statement of fact.

“Thinking about tomorrow night’s routines was all.” I mumbled at him. “Okay.” He responded

sounding just a tad dubious of my answer but still willing to accept it for the time being. Squaring my

shoulders I grabbed Philips hand firmly as we mounted the step to the front door. He pulled it open

and I glided in as he did so with him entering directly behind me. The shop was bright and clean as it

always was and there were several customers milling about some clearly more comfortable than

others were in their current surroundings. Normally I would have felt comfortable here as it was warm

and friendly and not the least bit seedy as so many of these sorts of shops tended to be. The ones

that I would pass while walking along certain streets of the city would positively make me cringe and

I’d never dream of darkening their doors. I had no intentions of looking around today. This was going

to be a strictly in and out transaction if you’ll pardon the pun, considering my surroundings. One of the

sales clerks approached us and unfortunately for me it was one that I dealt with several times in the

past and who was one of those wretched creatures that possessed an amazing memory recall.

“Hi Victoria, how nice to see you, I’ve got that book for you in the back room. Just give me a

moment while I pop back and get it for you.” “Thanks Melanie.” I responded. “Not a problem I’ll be

back in a jiff, feel free to look around while you wait. We’ve got a great sale on bustiers, brassieres,

and boas on if you need some new pieces to wear for your shows.” With that she spun on her heel

and took off on her appointed task. “On a first name basis with the staff here are you?” Philip

teased me softly seeing I was clearly flustered being in these surroundings with him. “Yes.” I

responded to him evenly. “I’ve shopped here on several occasions buying things to wear for my

performances as well as picking up books for research on the column that I write.” “Well shall we take

a quick look about seeing as how we’re here and have to wait?” He inquired politely. “Sure, why not I

shrugged.” Was the answer I gave him but I was secretly thinking I’d rather run with the bulls in

Pamplona, it’s probably far safer than browsing at lingerie with a man that you’re majorly attracted to

and very much want to be intimate with.

Outwardly I may have appeared as cool as a cucumber about being in an establishment such as

this, not to mention being with a woman that I was incredibly attracted to and would do anything

necessary to be intimate with her even making the commitment of marriage if that’s what it was

going to take to be with her. Inwardly however I was nothing but a massive bundle of nerves

which I felt positive that at least fifty percent of them were in a liquid state. “What do you think

of these?” I heard Victoria inquire as she turned to me with a pair of gloves in her hand.

“Gloves,” I thought to myself. “We’re in a shop like this and she’s checking out gloves, bless her

heart.” I thought. She must know I’m on edge and trying to give me an easy out here. “They’re

very nice silk, I believe?” was my audible response to her as I fingered the fabric. “Yes I thought

these would be a nice addition to my wardrobe when I do some of my cabaret numbers. She rolled

up the sleeves of her blouse and slipped her hands into them and pulled them up to her elbows.

She did a little jazz hands motion with her hands and did a little “Ta da.”

“You’re always the consummate performer, under any conditions.” I grinned at her and

applauded her little mini performance. She just grinned back, did a few little dance steps

grabbed a boa from a display caught me around the neck with it did a little shimmy before she

broke into uncontrollable fits of giggles. “Now that’s entertainment.” I heard someone behind us

say and realized our antics had caused us to become the centre of attention. We were saved from

further reviews and requests for encore performances by other customers in the shop by the

arrival of Melanie. “Here it is Victoria. We don’t get a lot of requests for this one, but I hope it’s

going to be helpful to you.” “Thanks I’m sure that it will be.” Victoria answered her. “Shall I ring

that up for you or did you want to look around a bit more?” Melanie inquired politely.

Glancing down at the gloves still on her hands and the boa around my neck she answered rather

meekly. “I guess we’ll browse for a bit.” It struck me how easily we could both get caught up in a

moment and feel the chemistry that continued to grow between us and still have that innocence

of two teenagers on a first date which left us bashful and blushing. It only caused her to endear

herself even further to me. She was as confident and free as a bird in flight one minute and in

the next instant would show me her vulnerabilities and wasn’t ashamed to show me either side of

her. It was the confident strong woman that I desired to make love to with a ferocious passion

that would leave her sated but still wanting more to come back for more, time and time again.

The innocent and vulnerable side of her made me want to protect her, to cradle her in my arms

and kiss her tenderly as we made love slowly and gently. To me she represented the best of both

worlds. She was the ideal woman.

“You know that pink boa suits you, maybe you should consider joining me on stage sometime.”

She smiled up at me. “Not on your life.” I protested. “What happened to Tommy Toothpaste and

his career on stage?” She teased me. “I gave Tommy the brush off.” I joked back. She rolled her

eyes and groaned at me, “Very cute.” “Would you be referring to me or to my response?” I asked

her quickly in return. “Both” she responded as she stretched up on her tiptoes and gave me a

peck on the cheek. The kiss left me with a warm feeling wafting throughout and a smile spreading

across my lips. “So is that a yea or nay on the boa?” She asked as casually as if we were shopping

for groceries together and had asked if I wanted to purchase smooth or chunky peanut butter.

“Are you asking about buying it for you or for me is my first concern?” I teased her.

“Hmmmm” she murmured with her index finger poised on her lips, with a questioning little

pout on them, as she mulled her response over. “Both.” She answered with a cheeky little twinkle

in her eyes. “In that case I vote yes.” As I took the boa off my own neck and placed it around her

and pulled her close, before leaning down and kissing her gently. “Now I think we’d better take

these things to the register and carry on with our day.” It was the only response that I got from

her, which was fine as I really wasn’t expecting a declaration of her love for me, though I grew

closer all the time to professing mine for her. “So what’s the title of the book and what’s so

special about it?” I asked as we headed towards the register with your purchases in hand. She

handed it over to me and I scanned the title Plants of Love: Aphrodisiacs in Myth, History, and the

Present. “That’s a rather interesting title.” I observed.

“It’s an exploration of the science and symbolism of aphrodisiacs throughout history. I’ve

gotten several questions in the column that I write asking about natural substances that will

potentially enhance intimacy with their partners. So after some research on the internet I came

across this title and was in here one day, happened to be browsing in the book section and decided

to see if they happened to have a copy in stock. They didn’t but graciously ordered it for me.”

She said as she signed the receipt from her credit card purchase with a flourish. “Thanks again

Melanie.” She said to the salesclerk as she picked up her little black bag of purchases with a

distinctive logo featuring a bright red apple with an equally red lipstick print for its leaves

emblazoned on the bag.

We soon exited shop and were back on the street where we had decided to start making our

way towards home. It was a relief to me actually as I had gotten an eyeful of some of the other

items that were on display and I have to admit that it got my blood racing to think of her

modelling those outfits for me. Modelling them for me was as far as I’d allow myself to go or I

figured I’d become completely unglued at the thought of removing them from her. A healthy red

blooded man like me could only take so much before I’d find myself yearning to help her out of

them and unwarp her like the gift I considered her to be and who could blame me for that?

As her bag filled with her purchases swung jauntily in one hand, the other one was firmly

planted on my forearm where she had placed it after linking her arm through my arm I was one

happy fellow to be escorting a lady such as Victoria. We talked as we walked of course and it was

wonderful to learn more about her. It was more and more evident to me that she was the right

woman for me. She was bright and inquisitive, had a love for life that equalled my own zeal for

it, not to mention the fact that I was beginning to worship her heart body and soul. Victoria was

perfect in my eyes. Neither of us seemed to question the fact we’d be spending the rest of the

day together when we arrived on our street. We just naturally gravitated towards Victoria’s

home. We slipped our shoes off in the entry way and proceeded to the kitchen to grab some cold

drinks before we retired to the living room together. “So now that we’re home, what’s next?” I

asked as I nuzzled her neck gently as we sat snuggled together on the sofa. “I suppose I should be

a responsible adult and do some reading and start working on my column for next week, that or do

some rehearsal for tomorrows night show.” She answered me not sounding overly keen on either

of those options.

“Would it make it any better or worse for you if I offered to help with either of those in any

way that I could or should I just leave you alone so you can get on with it?” I asked her. She

brightened up considerably at my offer and got a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “Well, you

could help with the research for the column by skimming over some of the reputed aphrodisiacs

and we could sample them at dinner over the next couple nights and see what the result…” Her

voice dropped off as she seemed to realize the implications of them truly being actual enhancers

of love might have on the two of us. “In the name of research I’d be delighted to.” I said and

kissed the tip of her nose, once again trying to save her feeling the least bit pressured for us to

take things between us to another level. “That would be amazing. Thank you so much.” She

enthused throwing her arms around me and hugging me tight. “Are you sure you don’t mind? I’m

not going to be keeping you from anything pressing that you should be doing am I?” she asked me

anxiously. “No, its fine I assure you I want to help. We’re a team right? People in relationships

are there for each other and support one another no matter what it is.” I assured her as I hugged

her back with equal fervor. “Will it bother you if I practice my dance routines while you’re

reading and making a list of things for us to experiment with?”

“The music won’t bother me at one little bit, however my desire to keep my eyes on you and not

the book will be an issue for me.” I smiled at her. “Oh” was all she said as she smiled over that

fact. “In that case would you like to read in the study or perhaps stretch out on the bed in my

room if you’d prefer. I just want you to be comfortable.” Ideally I would have loved to have

stretched out on her bed and get relaxed with the book as I so often did in my own bed.

Realistically though I knew being in her room and lying in her bed, would only lead me to thinking

thoughts of what would happen if she were lying next to me in that bed. “I think I’d better read

in the study. The light in there is fantastic for it and I won’t run the risk of dozing off as I might

if I stretch out on the bed. Besides there’s notepads and what not in there for me to write things

down on.” I told her. I was trying to sound logical and practical about all of this. My heart

however was screaming “Tell her you love her, tell her you want to be as close as humanly

possible with her and have your souls unite as one. Then show her that you mean it as well and

keep showing her.” “I suppose you’re right about that.” She answered me almost sounding

disappointed about my choice of reading venue.

“Now let’s get on with things because I’ll be starving again before you know it.” I grinned at her.

I gave her a gentle lingering kiss on the lips before I rose and picked the book up where it lay on

the coffee table. “Okay I’m off.” “Have fun with your dance practice.” I called over my shoulder

on my way out door to the study. The study really was perfect for reading in as we’d done a great

job of setting it up. Making myself comfortable at her desk, I settled down with the book propped

up on the top of it. With a notepad and pen close at hand to jot down any points of interest that I

came across, I was ready to get to work. I immersed myself in my project reading the introduction

fully and then skimming over the chapters that seemed they’d be of the most benefit to her.

Some of the information I’d read wasn’t really anything new to me while others I found truly

astonishing. I rapidly scribbled down notations and hoped she’d be able to read my penmanship.

It was easy to lose myself in the book and I was barely aware of the music playing in the next

room. As the light began to fade in the room I finally closed the book and stretched my arms over

my head. Now it was time to go take a peak on Victoria and see how she was coming along with

her rehearsal.

Lounging against the door with my arms folded across my chest I watched as she animatedly

went through her routines. Her back was too me, so she was oblivious to my presence. I loved

watching her, as she danced, the way her hand gestures and body flowed together in unison as she

moved. She spun around quickly and finally caught site of me which brought a radiant smile to

her face. “Hi.” She gasped her face pink with the exertions of her efforts as she whisked a stray

stand of her hair off her face. Applauding her efforts I walked towards her calling “Encore,

encore.” and whistling appreciatively. “Only if you dance with me, then you can have your encore

routine.” She replied with a sly little smile.

“If we’re talking a slow romantic dance I’m totally game otherwise, my dancing skills leave

something to be desired I’m sorry to inform you.” “Oh give me a break, if I can do it you can as

well.” She said as she recued the CD in the player and grabbed me by the hand. The next thing I

knew she was indeed coaching me through the moves of her routines. “That’s it one, two, three

and hip thrust, back one two and side, step, side step…” By the time she was through putting me

through my paces I was ready to collapse. She made it seem so effortless but there clearly was a

great deal of work that went into perfecting her craft, and it was exhausting me. I finally

dropped on to the sofa, protesting. “Enough, sweetheart, I can’t take any more.” She merely

laughed and stuck her tongue out at me. I reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her into my

lap. “I can barely keep up to you in my sock feet, how on earth do you manage to do this on those

spiked heels or yours?” “Practice, practice, and more practice.” She laughed before she kissed

me.

To me this was the perfect day and it just kept getting better. I’d had the pleasure of waking

up with the woman of my dreams nestled by my side and she was fast becoming a permanent part

of my reality. As far as I was concerned things were going to just keep getting better, even if it

meant I was going to have to learn to dance. I’d draw the line at ever getting up on stage with

her and doing it but here in the privacy of the house just the two of us I was fine with it. Besides I

was pretty confident me performing publicly was never going to become an issue between us.

Right now I was looking forward to sharing an evening sampling some of those aphrodisiacs I’d

been researching for her and finding out just how much of an effect they would have on our

libidos. No matter if they did enhance our desire for each other there was still not going to be any

pressure to go any further than we were comfortable with. There was a level of trust and respect

being built between us and I wasn’t going to do anything to ruin that, even if it meant going home

to a cold shower and an endless night of tossing and turning. This was a woman of distinction and

she was timeless to me. She brought out something in me that made me want to be a better

person, one that was going to be worthy of her.

“So going to do a special guest number with me at tomorrow night’s show?” I heard her asking

me. I snorted at the very thought of me up on stage performing beside her side. “Absolutely not,

I fully plan on leaving the performing up to you my dear. Besides I’d feel positively naked in a

place like that without my tiara and unfortunately it’s in my safety deposit box at the bank.” I

joked. “Pity, about that as I’m sure that the sparkle of it really brings out your eyes. Also I bet

that your Mom would love some new photos of you on stage.” She shot back at me before joining

me in a hearty laugh.

ACT IX OF PERFORMANC ANXIETY

We’d have to allow for a margin of error on the research we did that night on the effects of aphrodisiacs on people. Working in such close proximity to each other we often brushed up against one another, sometimes it was hip to hip or even the odd full frontal contact as one of us would spin away from the counter too quickly and catch the other one ferrying something to another part of the kitchen. Those close encounters were

welcomed by both of us and it led to several stolen kisses while we worked. Preparing a meal together came so naturally to us as we laughed and chattered away. She even managed to get me to sing a little with her, under the guise of further practice for tomorrow night but I think she just wanted me to join her solely for the entertainment factor I provided her. The truth of the matter is I’m not much of a singer as I can’t carry a tune to save my soul, less charitable people would accuse me of being tone deaf when it came to singing. Victoria however sounded like a nightingale to me as she trilled away. She’d smile at me encouragingly and as

sheepish as I felt singing out loud, I gave it my best shot, it was worth it to be on the receiving end of one of her smiles was the way I looked at it.

With our combined efforts we created a meal that was everything a proper meal should be and it contained the secret ingredient that could make even the simplest of meals a feast, we’d made it with loving care. The simple act of sharing it with Victoria made the food taste even better to me. She’d taken special efforts in laying out the table as well, using her late aunt’s best china, lighting candles and placing the rose I had given her the night before on the table to add to the ambiance of the evening. During the meal we behaved as only lovers are apt to do which there was a certain irony to as we had not yet made love to each other. We fed

morsels of food to each other with playful intimacy, the tip of a finger straying too close to open lips would be gently drawn between them and suckled upon, which would cause smoldering sensual smiles to creep across

both the giver and the receivers lips. Hands would find their way on top of one another and our fingers would interlock. Whoever’s hand was on top at the time would more often than not find a thumb which of its own

volition would stroke itself in gentle caresses along those intertwined hands. Leaning into one another as we’d stare deeply into one another’s eyes and then that all important moment when our lips would touch.

Of course I’d shared kisses with other women in the course of my life time but they paled in comparison to what I experienced when I was joined in the blissful union of a kiss with Victoria. It was a euphoric experience and my heart would soar with each and every one that we shared. Kissing should be considered an art form

and one that should be practiced frequently with a passionate joy for mastering it. Maybe I’m odd with my thoughts on it but I’ve always found a kiss to be a far more intimate act than making love. The roots of making love are based on an innate knowledge that we all instinctively possess as a living being but a kiss is something that is sacred act in its own right. Kisses can vary in the type and the intensities as to what you want to convey to the person your kissing. They can easily undergo a complete metamorphosis which transitions them into a whole new realm in meanings in the blink of an eye. Victoria was the type of woman that could make a man

hunger and thirst for a kiss from her of any kind. The moment I had laid eyes on her I knew that each and every kiss would be perfect and all that a proper kiss should be. Given the time I would wax poetic on the topic of all that it encompassed to engage in this most soulful of activities with Victoria for an eternity, as it would take me that long to even begin to start to expound on the topic. For the time being I’ll simply say it is an honour and a most humbling privilege to be able to share kisses of any type with this woman whom I was

falling more and more in love with each moment that we shared together.

I’ve always believed that there was a certain degree of intimacy in sharing a meal with someone that you loved. Sharing them with Victoria was taking that theory of mine to a whole new level as to the validity of that thought. The fact we were sharing a feast of foods with reported aphrodisiac properties just seemed to give even more credibility to it. From the smells, tastes and textures of the food we’d selected there was a certain sensual element to it all. We were supposed to be approaching this as research with clear heads and logical thought processes but it seemed to me the emotional side of our brains was rapidly taking control of this

situation. Actually I doubt our minds had anything to do with it at this point as we seemed to only be

interested in the language that our hearts were speaking to each other. I was definitely in love with her but I still hung back on saying those three little words to her. It wasn’t the fact I didn’t believe them whole heartedly or that I had any doubts about how I felt that prevented me from saying them to her. It was more a case of wanting to give her the time and the space to be sure of her own feelings for me. This wasn’t just some

flirtation to me, this was the real deal. I wanted to share every aspect of my life with her, openly, honestly and with the knowledge our love would withstand anything that happened to us in life.

Normally I wouldn’t open up so much and allow any me to get so close to me this quickly as I was

permitting Philp too. Somehow it was just different with him than it had ever been with anyone else I found

myself involved with. He was just so easy to open up to and be totally honest with. If I were brutally honest about it, which I tended to be I think I had fallen in love with him the first time that I’d laid eyes on him. There was something in his rakish grin, and the warmth in his eyes that had struck a deep chord with me even

though I stubbornly had refused to acknowledge it at the time. More often than not I was the most logical

and sensible person that you’d ever want to meet, so falling in love at first sight was not something I was

readily going to admit too. Maybe it was too many years spent in the boardrooms being hard nosed, to the

point of being clinically by the book about things that made me pooh, pooh the idea of love at first sight. Yet here I was falling head over heels in love and I couldn’t imagine being any happier than I was right now.

In the short time we’d been together he was not only opening my mind but my heart as well. We’d known

each other less than a week and yet now I couldn’t imagine my life without Philip in it. There was just this

natural ease between us which we both acknowledged and reveled in. It may have taken us time our entire

lives to find each other but now that we had there would be no letting go. It was still wildly new and

mysterious to me how all of this had happened but for once in my life I was totally willing to take a chance and ride this wave of love that life had given me, wanting to see how far it would take me. Each and every

moment we spent together was something that I treasured. As much as I desired Philip and was looking

forward to the day we’d declare our love for each other and consummate that love we shared, it was his kisses

I lived for. Those kisses we shared could leave me weak kneed and tongue tied, and yet at the same time they

lifted me to heights I had never previously known. There was magic infused in his kisses. The kind of magic

that could conquer and overcome any of the ills in the world, they were a healing balm that lifted the spirit

and lifted the soul to a state of nirvana. Depending on the moment and the vein they were given in one of

Philip's kisses could convey so many sentiments to me. His kisses spoke of gentle tenderness, truth,

affectionate playfulness, passionate desires, and a deep and unwavering love. He offered me this and so much

more. What’s more I knew it came from an open willingness to that that and so much more with me and only

me.

“So should we consider our research a success” I teased Philip softly after sharing one of those glorious

kisses. His lips broke into an easy, sensual smile that only made me want to kiss him yet again. “I’ll go with a yes on that, though I may be just a little biased on the issue given my research partner on this project.” He

returned flashing me a come hither look. I couldn’t resist, and leaned forward so that once again I could taste the sweetness in those divine kisses of his. With one hand he stroked the nape of my neck and the other ran

through my tresses in a slow sensual dance as our lips hungrily sought each other out. It made me feel like the two of us could truly live on love alone. Philip nuzzled my neck and then delicately kissed my lips once more with a final gentle kiss on the tip of my nose. “You look beautiful, positively radiant Victoria.” He said to me softly. My first instinct was to protest that it was merely the wavering candlelight in the room that was

causing the effect but when I looked into his eyes I caught a glimpse mirrored in them that told me that was

the way the truly saw me. In that instant I wanted so much to tell him I loved him, that my heart, body and

soul belonged to him and were his for the taking but I suddenly felt so shy and awkward, despite his sincerity and the way he looked at me with such tenderness in his eyes. This was a new world to me having a man that

adored me so ardently and at the still time had the utmost of respect for me.

“Thank you, Philip” I uttered back to him as I felt the soft flush of pink creeping up my cheeks at his

compliment to me. “Victoria” he said cupping my face in his hands and gazing intently into my eyes. “I’m

going to do everything in my power so that you realize the truth of my words. It’s not the candlelight nor is it the effects of the food or wine that’s making me think that you are. One day you’ll see the same beauty in you that I do.” I could feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes and beginning to leak out. He gently wiped them back with his thumbs. “Come here you.” He said as he pulled me over to him and into his lap and cradled me

against his chest. He kissed the crown of my head. “I’m not going anywhere I’m here to stay in your life

unless you tell me to go.” He told me. Which only caused me to begin to sniffle as well as I buried my head in his chest. His only response to that was to hold me even tighter and stroke my back and hair comfortingly.

“Even though I’m a silly little goose that bursts into tears at a compliment?” I inquired fearful of his answer.

“Especially because of that, it shows me that you trust me enough to be vulnerable and expose your fears to

me. It takes a special kind of person to be able to really open themselves up to another human being

Victoria.” I couldn’t help myself as I felt a shy smile creeping across my face despite my tears.

“Now” Philip said briskly “You need to relax and pamper yourself, because tomorrow it’s going to be a late

night for the two of us at your show.. So while I clean up the kitchen you are going to take yourself upstairs, draw a nice hot bath, complete with bubbles and have a nice hot soak in the tub.” I began to protest but he

stopped me short with a finger laid against my lips. “None of that Miss Kitty, I am quite capable of washing a few dishes and putting them away. Besides aren’t you drag queens supposed to enjoy being pampered and

waited on seeing as how you’re such divas?” He teased me his eyes twinkling as he spoke. I smiled and gave

my head a dramatic little toss with a snap of my fingers. “You know it, sweetie.” I quipped back. “But

seriously.” I continued “shouldn’t I at least help clean this mess up and I really wanted to spend some more

time with you tonight Philip.” “No buts about it, I’ll take charge in here and you go relax I’ll be waiting for you in the living room when you’re done and no need to rush I’m a patient man.” “Well if you insist.” I said still a bit dubious about leaving him to do all the work. “I insist. Now off you go.” He countered giving me a final kiss and an affectionate pat on the bottom to get me moving.

I made my way upstairs, still feeling guilty about how sweet and considerate Philip was being about

everything. This man was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I couldn’t say three simple little

words to him to let him know the depths of my feeling for him. Maybe he was right a meditative soak in the

tub might do just the trick helping me relax and be able to sort everything out. Since Philip had insisted I not rush and should just mellow out I decided to take advantage of it. I put the plug in the tub and began to run the water being sure to add a generous portion of my favourite scented bubble bath. I shut the door securely

behind me and lit a couple of the candles that I kept in the bathroom for just such luxurious soaks as these.

After flicking off the light, I grabbed a freshly laundered fluffy towel and turned off the faucets. I quickly stripped down quickly, somehow acutely aware of the fact that Philip was a mere hop, skip and a jump away

downstairs and here I was naked as a jaybird. Flushing at the mere thought of him seeing me naked, I gingerly

dipped the toes of one foot into the water before I stepped in with both feet and eased my way down into the

hot, soothing water until I was submerged in it and covered in bubbles as well. I leaned back against the back of the tub and took a couple long, slow deep breaths. It was wonderfully warm and comforting in my little

watery cocoon. I shut my eyes and could here faint strains of Philip working in the kitchen below me, which

made me smile. I shut my eyes and sank a little deeper into the water.

My body began to relax in the soothing water and my mind began to stray. Would there be a day in the

not too distant future when I might be sharing this quiet moment with Philip. His long legs wrapped around

me, his arms holding me close, as he nuzzled the nape of my neck. My hands slick with the soapy bubbles

would glide along those muscular arms of his in a caress. Meanwhile his fingers so adept at molding clay into

works of art would begin to work their magic on my nipples, treating them as if they were small precious

jewels that he was inlaying into his work. The pleasure from that alone would have me purring with delight.

As one hand explored the fullness of my breast the other would slowly and tantalizingly work its way down my

tummy, over the curves of my thighs before finally nestling its way between the crossroads of my legs.

Stroking the plump little mound between them, until a fingertip delicately folded the petals of the lips of it back so that he could gain access. Probing gently until he found my little pearl of pleasure, then zoning in on it. Arching my back against his chest, mewling softly as he nuzzled my neck at the same time as he continued

to pluck my pearl with his skilled fingers, it was sheer heaven.

The heat of his breath on my exposed flesh only caused me to angle my head so that I could sate myself

with one of his kisses. Our tongues danced in unison with the need and desire that only lovers can ever

experience or know the true meaning of. The need the want, the desire on both our parts was evident. With

some skillful maneuvering on both our parts in the cramped quarters of the tub we were soon face to face. To

allow Philip to be as comfortable as possible I wrapped my legs around him in what was an almost lotus like

yoga position. Pressed against him in this position it was impossible not to feel his manhood in all its glory.

Looking deeply into his eyes, one hand resting on his shoulder I took his free hand in mine. Together we

guided that pillar of his so that the tip of it was poised at my entrance of my womanhood. His free arm wound its self around my waist pulling me closer. His eyes were bright and shining with a warm glow in them that no man had ever looked at me with before. In that instant I knew that Philp was the only man in the world for

me. Our lips pressed together once more, it began as a warm welcoming kiss as though we were old friends

that had rediscovered each other after years apart. The kiss grew and deepened as our lips parted and

tongues slipped into one another, dancing in a choreographed harmony as though we had shared this kiss a

million times before and had raised it to an artistic expression of perfection together. The kiss was a profound expression of the depth of our feelings for each other. As the loving embrace continued between our lips, I

pressed my hips forward so that the tip of his erection would deftly part my lower lips, I felt him beginning to enter me…”

“Victoria?” The sound of my name being called coupled with the tapping on the bathroom door broke my

reverie. “I don’t’ want to interrupt I was just becoming concerned that you may have dozed off in there. Are

you okay?” Philip inquired softly. “I’m fine, just getting out now actually.” I hurriedly responded as I

floundered around none to gracefully in the now cold bathwater, stepping out of the tub of icy water briskly

and wrapping the waiting towel around me. I gingerly opened the door and struck my head around the corner

trying to keep as much of the rest of me concealed behind the door as possible. “Just give me a few more

minutes and I’ll be right down, just need to throw something on.” “Sure thing.” He grinned at me. “Would

you like glass of wine waiting for you when you come down?” he asked. “That would be great, thank you.” I

responded closing the door behind me and collapsing with my back against it weakly. Remarkably I could hear

the soft tread of his footsteps on the stairs as he made his way downstairs, despite the pounding of my heart.

“Oh my god, oh my god, what if he knows I was fantasizing about making love to him. I may as well die right

here and now if he does.” I was in full panic mode at this point. My fingers strayed to my mouth and I was just about to start chewing on my fingernails, like a beaver attacking a fallen tree to build its damn, when I stopped myself. “Get a grip on yourself Victoria you were having a perfectly normal and natural fantasy about a man

that whether or not you’re ready to say it you are madly in love with, you have nothing to be ashamed of now

pull yourself together and go down there and enjoy spending time with him.

While she’d been soaking I’d cleaned up the kitchen and had spent time watching some television with Sydney curled up beside me as we did some more male bonding with each other. Even though I’d kept myself

occupied I’d missed her like crazy the entire time she’d been upstairs. I really didn’t want to bother her but I was concerned she’d dosed off and might catch a chill as the water had cooled, was the only reason I’d finally gone upstairs to check on her. When she’d opened that door though man oh man was I conscious of the fact

that she may actually be naked and I found that to be a most exciting prospect of catching even a glimpse of her in all her glory. I knew that no matter what she may have thought of herself nude I’d find her to be a living goddess and want to fall to my knees and worship her. I could feel the stirring below and I knew I’d better get my mind off of worshiping her body or I’d never be able to control my desires for her when she arrived

downstairs. Knowing her though she’d arrive in one of her t shirts and a pair of shorts, cute as the dickens but I’d at least be able to keep myself in check and behave myself.

Going into the kitchen I grabbed a couple of wine glasses out of the cupboard then rummaged around in the drawers until I located the corkscrew. I carried them back into the living room with me and grabbed a nice bottle of red out of her wine rack and popped it open to let it breathe until she arrived downstairs. Flopping down on the sofa I propped my feet up on the coffee table and tried to wait patiently and keep my mind off erogenous thoughts about Victoria and I. “Philip, I’m ready for that glass of wine now.” I heard the soft caress of her voice as I caught sight of her. What I saw took my breath away she was more stunning than I had ever seen her look. She wasn’t in the sleeping attire I was used to seeing her in. She had on a midnight blue baby doll ensemble with spaghetti straps that showed off her shoulders to full advantage. I tried to keep my eyes adverted from the neckline which exposed the fullness of her breasts and the cleavage between them. I gulped audibly not even allowing myself to think what was or wasn’t under the outfit. Her hair was long and loose, flowing over her shoulders. Her hair still seemed to be snapping from the vigorous brushing she’d just given it and it glowed like a halo framing her face. “So do you like it?” she asked timidly as she advanced towards me.

“Victoria you’re a vision of loveliness.” I answered her quite truthfully as I held out my hand to her. I wanted to leap to my feet and embrace her but she seemed shy and timid about appearing to me dressed in this

fashion. She reminded me of the time I had chanced upon a new born fawn one spring on a hike through the

forest. The fawn was a delicate and gentle creature still unsure of even of its own footing and I knew it would become skittish and flee if I advanced too closely or quickly. I had no intentions of giving any reason for Victoria to take flight or be self-conscious about having me so near to her. Encouraged by my out stretched hand and no other advances on my part she slipped her hand into mine. “I’m glad you approve.” She

whispered. I patted the sofa cushion next to me and she sat down next to me. “How about that glass of wine now, or would you rather not?” “Yes please, but just a half glass if you don’t mind.” I poured the wine

realizing how parched my lips felt at the moment and noticed that my hand had a slight shake to it as I poured the glasses of wine. I was thankful that my back to her and she couldn’t tell I was a little nervous about where this all might lead. I took the glasses and sat back offering her the one with the half glass poured into it.

“Thank you.”

Slipping my arm around her shoulder, I was careful to ensure my hand remained resting upon her shoulder.

Her skin was warm and silky smooth and she had this delightful faint aroma of strawberries clinging to her skin. If I were the type of guy that gave into his own selfish wants I’d probably encourage her to indulge more in the wine until it was impossible for her to say no to my advances but that’s not the way I wanted it to happen with Victoria. The first time we made love I wanted it to be pure unadulterated magic, slow, sensual and as perfect as possible for both of us.“It’s okay you can hold me closer if you want to. I won’t break and I won’t make a run for it.” She told me softly. “I know it’s not what you normally see me in but I wanted you to know there’s more to me than concert t shirts. I do happen to have a very soft and feminine side to me as well. I just don’t tend to show that side of myself too often or to just anyone. I just wanted you to know that I want to try to be everything that I can be for you.” Her bottom lip quivered slightly as she finished.

Ever so softly I cupped her face in my hands and looked into her eyes. “Victoria you are a very dear and silly woman not to realize that I care about you just the way you are. I love that you make no pretenses about

yourself and that you feel so free to show me that. I think you are beautiful and alluring no matter how you’ve chosen to wear. You were beautiful the day I meant you, covered in paint and your eyes flashing daggers at me. You’ll always be beautiful to me no matter what but more importantly than your looks is what’s inside of you. Victoria you are everything I could ever want in a woman and I plan on doing everything in my power to prove to you each and every day for the rest of my life exactly what you mean to me. I wish that I were some sort of poetic genius with words but I’m not, but I do know one thing for certain and that’s that I love you Victoria Bellamy. I love you with all of my heart.” The words came out more rushed and not nearly as

eloquently as I had hoped. When I had played this scenario of telling her that I loved her out in my head, it had sounded so perfect. I’d wanted it to be the most sublime declaration of love that a man had ever made to a woman, a memory she would always cherish. Well for better or worse I’d told her, flat out exactly how I felt about her. Now that moment of apprehension was upon me as I waited, praying that she felt the same. I

studied her face intently trying to gain even some small inkling as to how she would respond to me.

“Philip I love you. It’s been on the tip of my tongue to say it to you so many times and I could never come

up with the right words to say it to you, but the reality of it is that it only takes three small but very powerful words, I love you, I love you. I love you.” I kept repeating over and over. Now that they’d been said I no longer feared saying those words and kept repeating it as it were a sacred mantra that I constantly wanted to affirm.

“We’re in love.” Philip said more soberly, reverently like he’d just been hit by the enormous impact of it. Then this massive grin began to creep over his face and in it I saw all the awe inspired joy of that fact and how he could barely contain it. “Victoria you’ve made me the happiest man in the world. Knowing you feel the same

way that I do. I feel like a kid at Christmas and I’ve just received the gift of my dreams.” Words seemed to be failing us but the desire to express our happiness was the most pressing thing in the world to both of us at the moment. Cradling my face in his hands once more, while gently stroking my cheeks with his fingertips he

looked into my eyes and the depths of my very soul. Slowly he leaned in and kissed my lips. It began as softly as a whisper but soon grew deeper, the need to wordlessly shout out to me the depths of his love for me. In

that kiss a myriad of expressions were conveyed. The essence of a deep, abounding love, the purity of that

love, along with the promises of hope for our future together. It was a kiss that stirred my soul and I knew

that no matter how many kisses we would share in the future together this would always be one kiss that

would remain forever in my heart, for this was the kiss which bound our hearts and souls together for an

infinity which would only be the beginning for us.

Unfortunately all good things must come to an end and it was with great reluctance that our lips finally

parted. Philip held me close, cradling me to his chest, stroking my hair as he did so. For my part I snuggled into him as close as I could as we basked in the glory of everything that had just transpired. Love had just

crowned Philip and I the King and Queen of its realm and we were anxiously ready to begin this journey

together. My heart was overflowing with love for this man and I fought back this mad urge to run outside and

shout it out so the entire would know. I started giggling at the thought of it. Philip began to giggle along with me before he asked. “Okay let me in on the joke will you, my love?” It thrilled me to hear him call me his

love. “I’m just so happy and I was thinking what would happen if I ran outside and shouted it to the world that we’re in love.” His eyes twinkled in merriment as he formulated his response. “Well my dear I would imagine

dressed as you are at the moment you’d cause quite the sensation to say the least. Someone would probably

shout back and tell us to pipe down, because if you do go out and do it I’ll be in hot pursuit of you and shout the fact out equally loudly and proudly. Then I would imagine someone would come after us with a butterfly

net and cart the two of us away for observation at the Clarke Institute.” He finished. We both just started to laugh even harder as that scenario played out in our heads.

“Right now I’d have to say this is the most amazing day in my entire life Philip. You’ve made me happier than

I ever dreamed I could be. Yet I know it’s just the beginning and that things will just keep getting better and better between us. It’s all wonderfully, overwhelming, my emotions are on circuit overload but I know I’ve got you by my side and that makes it all okay. I know I’ll be able to do anything with your love and support in my life.” I told him in all sincerity. “Victoria, I feel the same way you do. With you by my side nothing can stop me, correction nothing can stop us. We will be able to move mountains together if that’s what we choose. I’m

confident that we can handle anything in life because we’ll have all the love and support in the world from

each other.” The clock on the mantel chimed out the proclamation that it was midnight. We’d both gotten so

lost in reality that it caught us both off guard. “I had no idea it was this late Victoria, I should be going, so you can get some rest before your big show tomorrow night, or more correctly tonight.” Philip finally said though

he made no effort to rise and leave. “You don’t have to go do you?” I asked him softly. “No I don’t.” he

responded equally quietly. “We don’t’ have to make love but I don’t want to stay in the guest room either if I do. I want to be able to hold you next to me all night Victoria and have you be the first face I see in the

morning.”

I didn’t utter a word in response but raised my lips to his and kissed him before I stood. Offering Philip my

hand he took it in his and gave it a warm squeeze. The tread of our footsteps was barely audible as we slowly made our way through the living room and to the bottom of the stairs. Philip paused to give me another

lingering kiss and looked into my eyes. Returning his look with a shy smile and a nod of my head, he scooped

me into his arms. We ascended the stairs, his strong, loving arms wrapped around me protectively as he held

me close to him. My own arms wrapped around his neck I never once took my eyes from his. The outpouring

of love in them was unmistakable and I knew it mirrored my own. At the top of the stairs Philip didn’t hesitate but headed directly for the bedroom we were about to share.

ACT X OF PERFORMANC ANXIETY

Never breaking my stride, I crossed the threshold of Victoria’s bedroom and confidently crossed

the room to her bed. Carefully I stood her on her feet, my arms wrapped around her waist. My

arms had slipped down her torso and were now wrapped around her waist. Her arms were

stretched upwards with her hands clasped behind my neck. We gazed into one another’s eyes for

the longest time before she pulled me down and into a kiss. The kiss as always was perfection and

as she paused for a brief moment to smile I slid that kiss down her chin and continued down her

throat as I eased her down on to the top of the bed as though we were performing one of her

routines and it was part of the act to lean her back so dramatically.

She didn’t let go of me for an instant and I found myself drawn towards her in a combination

of gravity and desire. I nuzzled the nape of her neck and stroked the smooth skin of her exposed

arms and shoulders. Soon we were lying next to each other nose to nose, eyes shining and cloaked

in the robe of love that the two of us now shared openly. “You should know I didn’t bring any

pyjamas with me. I hadn’t planned on a sleepover tonight.” I said softly to her and smiled at her

warmly. Her eyes sparkled with mischief. “Well I could always loan you one of my nighties,

seeing as how it’s a special occasion.” She teased me. “Well” I said seeming to seriously consider

her offer. “Oh, you goof.” She giggled and me and kissed the tip of my nose. “I love that we can

be silly together like this it means more to me than you know.”

“Victoria, you and I will always be able to share light hearted moments with each other. Right

now, though I am torn between keeping things on a somewhat platonic level and very seriously

ravishing each and every inch of you. I want the latter more than anything in the world. I’d be a

fool not to. It would be so easy for both of us to make love right now but part of me wants to just

hold you close, to kiss you over and over again, to continue to savour the fact we are in love with

each other. It’s like I have this need to prove to you that I want you for more than just your body.

The need to affirm to you that I want not only your body but your heart and your soul, is very

strong. You need to know I really am different and I want you, all of you, not just the physical. I

promise you it will be well worth the wait.” I told her as I pulled her closer to me.

Studying her face as I made my revelation to her it was her eyes that spoke to me. Her eyes told

me that she had the utmost respect and admiration for what I’d just said to her. Eyes shining

with a loving tenderness I’d never seen in anyone’s eyes before and I knew in a heartbeat that she

understood. She understood that I truly did want all of her, that I honoured and respected her. If

it wasn’t for the fact she had already declared that she loved me, this would have been the

moment that she did.

“I really do love you Philip, more and more all the time, for reasons just like this. There is a

wisdom in your words and believe it will be even sweeter for both of us if we take our time and

grow into this transition of becoming lovers.” Was her response before she kissed me, touching

my heart as only she could. “I still have every intention in the world of sharing your bed with you

tonight though, but I am going to make myself more comfortable for bed, with your permission of

course.” I said as I quirked my eyebrow at her in a question mark. “I’m glad you’re staying and

yes you have my blessings on making yourself more comfortable.” She answered that smile of hers

illuminating the features of her face. I kissed her gently before rising from the bed. She pulled

herself into a sitting position as I had gotten up and now sat hugging her knees as she watched me

intently.

“You’re making me feel like I’m the one taking centre stage.” I joked at her as I unbuttoned

my shirt and began to slip it off, then laying it over the back of a chair in the corner of the room.

For some reason I felt almost a little shy about undressing in front of her like this for the first

time. But my mind reasoned, fair is fair Philip and you’ve already watched her undress that first

night you met her even if it was through a second story window. She was smiling appreciatively at

my now exposed torso and it gave me a little more confidence about removing my trousers. I

pulled my socks off first in this awkward couple of moves while I was still standing and she giggled

at my awkwardness but still had that loving look in her eyes. Okay so I’d never be a force to be

reckoned with on stage but this woman loved me and that was all that mattered to me. Next I

unbuckled my belt and pulled it from belt loops, with a little flourish trying to show her I had a

little showmanship in me even if it wasn’t of the same calibre as hers was. Next I undid the

button at the top of my pants and pulled the zipper down. She was still hugging her knees tightly

but now she was biting her bottom lip as if she too were a bit nervous about my next move. I

eased my pants off, exposing the fact that I had a pair of my boxers on underneath. I tossed the

pants over my shirt on the chair and slowly made my way back to the bed and the waiting arms of

my beloved Victoria.

The butterflies in my tummy were working overtime and the thought of a nearly naked Philip next

to me was a bit unnerving to me. He took a seat on the edge of the bed and took my hands in his as

he looked at me searching my face. Then it dawned on me he as nervous about all of this as I was.

It was something we both wanted but it was a big step for both of us. Finally he said, “It’s getting a bit

chilly in here with the night air, shall I shut the window?” “I suppose you could or we could just

snuggle under the covers.” I suggested. It was probably the dumbest thing in the world to have said

to him but that’s what came out of my mouth, of course we were going to get under the covers

together. “I like your idea better.” He said as he smiled at me and leaned in to kiss me. With a bit of

effort which I’m sure looked more like a comedy routine than a romantic scenario, as I scampered on

my hands and knees to draw the covers back and position myself under the covers leaving plenty of

room for Philip to join me. He slipped in beside me and lay down pulling the covers over us. He

wrapped his arm around me and I curled the contours of my body against his. It was amazing to me

that despite the difference in our sizes we still fit together as snuggly as the intricate pieces of a

jigsaw puzzle.

As we wound our legs between each other it struck me that last time I had felt anything so hairy

brushing against my own smooth ones was Sydney when he’d been burrowing under the blankets

one morning trying to wake me up by nipping at my toes, when I had slumbered on long past his

breakfast time. I stifled a giggle at the thought that now I had another furry beast to share my bed

with. “”You must think I’m part gorilla next to your smooth silky skin.” Philp said as if he were

reading my thoughts. “Actually I think of you as more of a big virile jungle cat, that’s going to love

snuggling with me and keeping me warm and protected.” I answered. “I can totally live with as

being thought of like that.” He grinned at me. I rested my head on his chest as we continued to

talk, my hand making slow languid strokes over his shoulders and chest.

“You know when I relocated to Toronto I’d had no inklings whatsoever that I’d literally find the

woman of my dreams right next door to me. I don’t know what I’d expected for a neighbour maybe

some motherly soul that would bake cookies for me on occasion and shout out the door at me in

inclement weather to put my galoshes on before I caught my death of cold. I never expected a

beautiful, vivacious, intelligent woman that I’d fall in love with at first sight and it would be the

best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life.” He told me.

We talked and laughed softly sharing our hopes and dreams with each other as well as exchanging

generous amounts of kisses in various forms. There was also a great deal of exploration going on

despite the clothing we both remained in. Philips kisses would stray down my throat to the plump

exposed mounds of my breasts and he would land feather light kisses over their exposed flesh.

Stroking and massaging my breasts, teasing their very aroused nipples through the silk that covered

them. My hands in turn would caress his back and shoulders. My fingers would roam down his torso

so that I could stroke his thighs. It was hard for both of us to hold back on our more primal urges

to couple but I knew Philip wanted our first time to be as special as I did. It’s a rare for a woman to

find a man of Philip’s calibre and I knew exactly how lucky I was to have him in my life. Philip and I

had comfortably entwined our bodies together as we both grew more and more drowsy and sleep

began to overtake and claim the two of us. It was warm and comforting and to paraphrase

Goldilocks “It was just right.” I couldn’t swear to it by any means but I believe that the two of us

drifted off together amidst whispered “I love you.” to one another.

What a pleasure it as to wake up in the morning and realize that my reality was finally better

than my dreams ever were. Nestled in my arms was the warm form of my beloved Victoria. She

remained still but her eyes were cast upon me and were shining brightly at me. “Good morning.”

I whispered as I drew her even closer to me. “Good morning, sleep well?” She returned to me

smiling. “I’m hoping it was a major improvement after a night on your sofa, and the next one on

mine.” She grinned at me as only a woman that already knows the answer to the question can

smile. I didn’t answer her just pulled her on top of me, wrapped my arms around her and gave her

a good morning kiss that would more than provide the answer for her. When I finally released her

from it, she was more than a little breathless and fanned herself with her hand. “I’ll go with a

yes on that.” She giggled happily. I’m pretty sure that it was also obvious to her that other parts

of me were feeling rather amorous as well from the position she was in.

She straddled me and leaned forward to kiss me again and the view of her breasts rising to

greet me as she leaned in did nothing to hinder my natural reactions to having a beautiful

desirable woman sitting astride me. God this was pure torture for me, but she did it so lovingly

that I knew I would control myself even if it killed me. Her breasts now pressed firmly against me,

her one hand resting on my shoulder which she caressed with her soft smooth hand, her lips

pressing against mine to continue our good morning greeting. I loved this rendezvous our lips

were sharing and knew it would become an important part of our morning routine together. It was

so easy to surrender, losing myself entirely to this woman and I didn’t want it any other way

either. An indignant pawing at the top of my head told me that the other man in Victoria’s life

was more than a little miffed that his mistress’s attentions were being lavished solely on me this

morning. I reached my hand over my head and gave him a scratch on the top of his head. “Good

Morning buddy.” Which Sydney returned with a somewhat surly “meow” clearly indicating that

this was unacceptable to have to wait for his breakfast to be served and I must be taught a lesson

as to who was the top dog so to speak, in this house.

“I guess I should be a responsible pet parent and get up and feed the little guy.” Victoria said.

Sydney sensing he was about to get his own way, leapt onto my chest and landed squarely between

Victoria and I as though he were some sort of furry little chaperone and would ensure Victoria’s

virtue would be safe from my advances for the time being anyways. With a quick kiss to the top

of Sydney’s head and leaning over him as I rose to meet her lips for a quick kiss of our own,

Sydney let out a disgruntled meow at being trapped between the two of us even briefly. She

hopped out of bed and landed on the floor as fleet footedly as if she herself were a feline. The

hem of her outfit rose up exposing even more of those gorgeous legs of hers which I’d gotten to

know much more intimately last night as we’d shared a bed together for the first time. She blew

me a kiss and told me she’d put the coffee on if I was interested. I nodded affirmatively and told

her I’d be down in a minute to join her.

I was definitely interested but it wasn’t the coffee that held its usual morning allure for me, but

rather the natural sway of her hips and those legs of hers as she walked across the room and out

the door. If I wasn’t trying so desperately to behave myself like a gentleman I probably would

have leapt out of bed, pounced on her thrown her over my shoulder and dragged her back to bed

caveman style where I would make mad passionate love to her. As it was I stretched, and hopped

out of bed myself, made a quick pit stop in the bathroom and hot footed it downstairs as I found

myself missing her presence after even this brief period of time. She made me smile as I came up

behind her in the kitchen. She was merrily dancing her way around the kitchen as she prepared

Sydney’s breakfast and refilled his water bowl. As she was gracefully rising from placing Sydney’s

bowls on the floor for his dining pleasure, I caught her around the waist and spun her around to

face me. She laughed and rose on her tiptoes to give me a kiss as she slid her arms up and around

my neck to pull me into her. Beaming down at her when our lips finally parted, I was so enchanted

by her that I found myself saying “Victoria may I have this dance?”

Now if you knew me at all you’d know how out of character it was for me to actually dance

willingly let alone initiate it, but there was something about being here with her that was

contagious and it somehow just felt right. I’m sure I looked pretty damn silly waltzing her around

the kitchen with only my boxer shorts on but I didn’t care, the only thing that mattered to me was

making this woman in my arms happy. Sydney who had gobbled down his breakfast sat licking his

paws attentively and blatantly ignored our behaviour until he finished at which time he made a

hasty retreat. “I thought you didn’t dance?” she teased me softly as I continued to sweep her

across the kitchen floor in my arms. “Well maybe that was only because I’ve never had the right

partner to inspire me.” I quipped back as she smiled at my response to her. “I’ll have you up on

stage with me yet.” She continued to tease me good naturedly. “Nope, not going to happen in a

million years, but I do admire your persistence on the matter.” She didn’t say anything in

response but gave me one of those looks that clearly indicated that, “I so bet I could if I really

wanted you to.” Finally our morning bit of madness ended and we decided to get our own

breakfast on the go as we’d both managed to work up an quite the appetite.

After surveying the contents of the fridge we decided to make omelettes and use up some odds

and ends that we found. While she cracked and beat the eggs and got the coffee started, I

chopped up some mushrooms, a bit of ham, some onion, tomatoes and grated a bit of cheese.

“These are going to be so good.” She enthused as she watched me. “All they need is a few freshly

chopped chives and they’ll be perfect. The secret is to add them at the end so you don’t destroy

their delicate flavour.” I informed her. “I know you’ve got some growing out in the back garden,

I’ll just nip out and grab a few.” I told her as I rummaged through one of the drawers until I found

a pair of scissors to cut them with. “Dressed like that?” she asked with a bemused look on her

face. “I don’t see any harm in it. All my essential bits and pieces are under cover and it is fenced

in after all. “Be back in a flash.” I said as I jogged out the back door of the kitchen and down the

steps in to the garden.

As I was bent over snipping a few of the choicer looking chives I heard a distinctive “Yoo Hoo,

oh Yoo Hoo, Victoria.” I froze in horror, before standing up to my full height only to be

confronted by a rather shocked looking face peering over the back fence at me. “Oh my, goodness

gracious, you aren’t Victoria are you, dear?” “Uh, no, no I’m not.” I said clutching the bunch of

herbs in my fist directly over the front of my boxers. This must have been how Adam felt with his

fig leave in the Garden of Eden was all I could manage to think at the moment. “I’m so sorry. I

heard some rustling about over and thought it was Victoria. I just picked some of the last flowers

of the season and I thought she might enjoy a little bouquet to brighten up the house was all….Say

aren’t you that young man that just moved in next door to her in the Barkers old home?” She

inquired, and you could see she her mind was scrambling trying to make sense of what I was doing

there and why I was dressed or rather undressed the way I was.

“That’s right I’m your new neighbour Philip Renault.” Somehow offering a handshake of

introduction didn’t seem quite appropriate to me under the circumstances. “It’s a pleasure to

make your acquaintance, madame.” I responded. “Oh aren’t you the polite one? Now dear, would

it be an imposition for you to take these to Victoria for me? Oh where are my manners, I really

should introduce myself I’m Louise Langford, I’ve known Vicki since she was just a wee little

thing. Such a pretty little girl she was, grew up to be such a beautiful young woman, don’t you

think?” She continued to prattle on seemingly unaware of my growing discomfort at having a meet

and greet with the neighbours in my underwear.

Finally I couldn’t take it. “I’d be more than happy to take those to Victoria for you Mrs.

Langford, but if you’ll have to forgive me I really should be going now as we’re in the middle of

making breakfast. Perhaps we could make arrangements to have you over for coffee or tea

sometime in the near future and get better acquainted as neighbours.” I said kindly but firmly to

indicate this discussion had to be drawn to a conclusion. “Of course dear,” she said as she thrust

the bouquet of flowers at me. How thoughtless of me, you must be chilly dressed like that and the

morning dew on your feet must be rather chilly. Another time then, lovely meeting you, welcome

to the neighbourhood.” And with that her plump elfin little face disappeared behind the fence

once more. I hot footed it back into the house quicker than you could say Jack Robinson. At the

sound of my footsteps Victoria who was busily dishing up the now finished omelettes began

speaking. “I was beginning to think you got lost in that jungle I call a back yard. I knew you were

starving so I went ahead and finished these. I figured we could sprinkle a few chives on top. Hope

you don’t mind.” The words died on her lips as she turned with the plates and saw me clutching

the flowers.

As I caught sight of the bouquet of flowers in Philp’s arms I’m sure I must have gone a bit ashen, I

recognized them as ones that grew just over the back fence in my neighbour Louise Robinson’s back

yard. I was pretty sure Philip hadn’t scaled the fence dressed as he was and liberated them for me.

“Where did you get those?” I asked in a strangled squeak of a voice, as I clutched the plates I was

holding more firmly so I didn’t drop them in my shock. “Long story short they are a gift from your

neighbour whom I met while I was getting the chives.” “Crap. We’ve got thirty minutes tops then.” I

practically shrieked becoming visibly unglued. As I spun on my heel, hustled over to the trash bin and

dumped the food off the plates into it. Philip rushed over to me and took me in his arms, “What’s

wrong? Why are you suddenly so panicked? What do you mean we’ve only got a half hour tops?” I

began to babble at him insanely. “Louise has known me since I was born, guaranteed she’s on the

phone right now with my Mom wanting to know more about the half-naked man she just met. The

minute she’s off the phone she’ll be on her way over here with Daddy in tow. This so can’t be good.” I

sputtered and burst into tears. “There, there sweetheart, now take a couple deep breaths and get a

hold of yourself.” Philip comforted me as he cradled me in his arms protectively. “I’m going to be

standing right by your sides when she arrives.

Thanks to Philip’s cool thinking and level headedness by the time the doorbell rang almost exactly a

half hour to the minute after I had gone into panic mode, the kitchen was clean, the bed had been

made, we were both properly attired, the flowers were in a vase in the living room and we even

managed to have a fresh pot of coffee brewing for my parents arrival. If it hadn’t been for Philip

remaining stalwartly by my side I think I would have been a complete and utter wreck. He very calmly

stood behind me as I opened the door to my parents. “Mr. and Mrs. Bellamy it’s a pleasure to finally

meet you.” Philip said in a firm clear voice as he kept one hand protectively on my shoulder the other

extended to shake hands with my parents. His relaxed confidant nature, not to mention his protective

hand resting on my shoulder was throwing both my parents off their game and was taking the wind

out of their sails. They seemed to realize a lesser man would have long since fled rather than risk

dealing with the wrath of two irate parents’ intent on protecting the virtue of their little girl. Not to

mention getting to the bottom of why there was a man prancing around in her back yard in his boxer

shorts. Not exactly the ideal way to meet the parents for the first time. Philip had at least established

a grudging respect from my parents with his behaviour.

After Philip had shaken hands with my parents and introduced himself, I kissed both of my parents

hurriedly on the cheek and ushered them into the living room. My parents took seats side by side on

the sofa, still on their guard and presenting a united front as to this unknown quantity known as Philip.

“How about some coffee, while we all get better acquainted?” I heard Philip asking in an effort to

break the awkward silence in the room. “I’d love one.” My father replied. Grumbling under his breath

at the same time about being forced to abandon the one he’d been enjoying earlier and darting my

mother a dark look as he did. “Please excuse us for a couple of minutes.” I said as Philp and I rose

and headed towards the kitchen. Neither of us said a word until we reached the comfort of the

kitchen. “See this isn’t going so badly is it?” Philip asked me as he grabbed four coffee mugs out of

the cupboard and began filling them. “Better than I thought, but we still haven‘t gotten around to

discussing that delicate little subject as to why you were roaming around in your underwear gathering

herbs for breakfast either.” I whispered to him. “How do we answer that one?”

“Victoria, we are going to tell them the truth simple as that, no need for embellishments, just the

basic facts. We are adults, we are in love, and are planning a future together and they are going to

have to learn to respect that. I appreciate the fact that your parents love you and have only your best

interests at heart. They also know that I’m a gentleman and I’m here in your life to stay. Trust me on

this okay?” He said as he wrapped his arms around me drawing me close to his chest and kissing the

top of my head. “Okay.” I responded as I reached up to kiss his lips softly and seal our bond of trust.

We each carried two steaming mugs of coffee out to the living room and my waiting parents. My

father was somewhat mollified further by the arrival of a fresh cup of coffee in his hands. Philp and I

took our places side by side on the love seat adjacent to the sofa and my parents. Philip was clearly

going to take the bull by the horns and get to the heart of their visit. “Both Victoria and I have a pretty

good idea as to why the two of you have decided to pay us a visit this morning. Despite the fact that

we are all adults here, I can appreciate your concerns about receiving a phone call from an old family

friend informing you that some clown is roaming around your daughter’s back yard in his boxer

shorts.” My mother let out a major gasp as his bluntness and my father snorted derisively. “Well

seeing as how you brought it up, her mother and I would appreciate an answer.” My father responded

narrowing his eyes at Philip. “That’s exactly what I plan on doing, if you’ll give me a chance and hear

me out.”

My hat was off to Philip for being so calm and direct with my parents. As for me, a woman that

could handle dealing with a hostile takeover in the boardroom I was a complete and utter coward

when it came to the wrath of my parents. I was quaking inside and Philip being my constant protector

and sensing my distress slipped his arm around me protectively. My father’s lip was curling into a

sneer now, but Philip was providing me with a new found sense of courage and I sat up just a little

straighter prepared now to do battle with my parents if it came down to it, if push came to shove. “You

have raised a wonderful daughter. It’s true that we’ve only known each other a very short while.” “To

damn short.” My father muttered from between clenched teeth, looking like he was seriously

restraining himself from lunging off the sofa at Philip. Philip remained non-pulsed by it all and

continued. “We’re already very much in love with one another and plan on building a future with each

other. I assure you that I am a gentleman and my intentions are entirely proper where Victoria is

concerned.”

“Bull feathers you’re a gentleman, what kind of a man is running around half naked after doing

God only knows what with my daughter.” Snorted my father. The colour in my father’s face was rising

as quickly as the volume of his words. “I’m the kind of man that loves your daughter, respects your

daughter, plans on marrying her and will stand by your daughter no matter what and protect her with

every fibre of my being. Not that it’s any of your business sir, but all that happened was too

consenting adults who are in love and committed to each other shared a bed, held each other close

and talked about our hopes and dreams with each other for the future. I give you my word that’s all

that went on. “Marry her?” My parents echoed clearly shocked at the news not to mention the candor

with which Philip had used with them. “You want to marry me?” I stammered at Philip, totally

oblivious of anything but his face before mine. “Yes marry you. I know that we didn’t actually broach

that particular subject last night but I felt it was an unspoken understanding between us. I want you in

my life forever and I want to do it right. I thought we should wait at least a while before I properly

proposed to you. I’ve already started sketching designs for your engagement ring. If I have to get

down on bended knees here and now and ask you in front of your parents I will in a heartbeat if that’s

what you want Victoria. I love you, I want to be by your side for ever I want to be your best friend,

your protector, your lover, your partner for life.”

“I love you too Philip and I want those things as much as you do. When the time is right for both of

us, you’ll ask me and the answer will be a most emphatic yes. We’ll do the right thing, not to please

my parents but because its right for the two of us.” My eyes were shining with tears of happiness as

Philip took me in his arms and held me tightly. I impulsively kissed him in response and it brought a

warm smile to his lips. “Look at them William, they really are in love with each other.” My mother said

starting to sniffle. “Well I guess there might be some hope for him.” grunted my father. “He was man

enough to stay, even though he knew we were coming and wouldn’t be overly impressed by him. He

didn’t try to make up some cockamamie story about what happened, because I sure as hell wouldn’t

have bought that she was hemming his pants for him or anything like that. He wiling admits that he

was here, so I’ll give him credit for that as well.” “Sir, I realize that I still have to prove myself to you

and Mrs. Bellamy as being worthy of your daughter and I’m fully prepared to do just that if you’ll only

give me the opportunity. I’m asking you to get to know me before you pass any further judgments on

me. I’d never ask Victoria to choose between her family and me, so please don’t’ put her in the

position of having to make that decision either.” Philip said addressing my parents as he kept a

protective arm around me.

My father seemed to be looking at Philip in an entirely new light now. “Fair enough, the last thing I

want to do is lose my daughter. I may be a stubborn old man but I love my daughter and want to

protect her as much as it seems you want to. Victoria” my father said looking at me now as if he were

seeing me as an adult for the first time, “I just want you to be happy, and remember that I love you

and care about you as much as this young man of yours seems too.” “I know you do Daddy. Trust

me, I know Philip really is the man for me. I’ve known from the first day we spent together, I might not

be able explain it, but I feel it in my heart. There are no doubts about this for either of us. I love him

with all my heart.” What had started as a rather tense visit from my parents ended on a far more

harmonious note than I had anticipated that it would, with Dad offering to take Philip golfing with him.

There was even a handshake from my father and a hug from my mother when we walked them out to

the car as they left. I was certain they would still be hashing over the boxers in the backyard story for

some time to come. But that was there issue not mine and it would be strictly between Philip and I

when those boxers were coming off.

ACT XI OF PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

Once in a lifetime if you’re extremely lucky you’ll discover the other half of your twin soul when you least expect it just as Philip and Victoria have. Finding that one special person will have you exploring and realizing the power and magic of that love in all its glories, physical, mental and emotional. Join this couple as they begin to truly unravel the depths of this mystery that we call love.

Pausing at the entrance to Victoria’s bedroom I slipped my arms around her waist and looked

deeply into her eyes as I held her. “So you wanted to take a cat nap?” I asked her softly. She

shook her head no. “No that’s not what I had in mind unless of course you need one?” She said

with a gentle little smile on her own lips. Her hand reached up and she softly caressed my hair

and let it slip through her fingers as she did. “This is going to open up a whole new world for the

two of us, are we both ready for that?” She questioned me. Even now after everything we’d

experienced together and after her parents revelations she was still offering me an escape if I

wanted to choose to take it. “I’m in, I’m all in.” I assured her as I leaned down and kissed her

lightly. “I love you, now and forever no matter what.” With that we crossed the threshold ready

to enter then next leg of our journey together.

We advanced slowly towards the bed shyly almost timidly in the knowledge of about what was

to happen. Sitting on the edge of the bed together side by side I could feel my heart pounding in

my chest and it felt like it was trying to burst out of its confines. I was so very in love with this

woman that was at my side and just from the look in her eyes I knew her love matched my own. I

leaned into kiss her and in our nervousness about making love to each other for the first time we

actually managed to bump noses. It seemed to break the tension between us and we both giggled

like a pair of teenagers over it, our lips finally connecting in a natural loving union. The kiss

deepened, and the caresses of each other became more ardent in their need and urgency. I began

to unbutton the blouse she had on and with each button that I undid there was a sharp little

intake of breath on her part but looking into her eyes I knew she wanted this as much as I did.

Each button earned me a small kiss from her, each one I thought of as a precious reward from her.

Her hands were busily responding in kind by unbuttoning my shirt with own her delicate nimble

fingers. She would pause and caress my chest with each button that exposed me further to her.

Maintaining eye contact the way we were, it just managed to intensify the telepathic

communication we were sharing. With the last button undone she began to slide my shirt off my

shoulders. The air in the room was cool with the window open and yet my flesh was burning with

the warmth at my desire for her. As I removed her blouse she shivered, not from the cold but

from the anticipation that was coursing through her own veins. Embracing once more, holding on

to each other for dear life as we kissed again.

My fingers strayed to the lace edging of the bra that she wore and I toyed with it running my

fingers along its edges the tips of my fingers making contact with the tops of her full bosom at the

same time. From her kisses I knew this was pushing her further into wanting to make our coupling

a reality. Massaging her shoulders I slid my lips down her chin, and along her neck which she

stretched out regally as I slowly worked my way down it with kisses. Her breasts began to heave

with the warmth of my breath skimming across them as I slid more sweet kisses over their swells

of flesh. My hands eased down her shoulders and down her back to find that centre point with its

clasps that I so desperately wanted to undo and free her breasts so I could properly worship them.

“Why were the clasps on these damn things always more complicated than it would be to break

into Fort Knox?” I thought. Amazingly a man can accomplish great feats such as this when he puts

his mind to it even in the heat of the moment.

I sat back to look at her to make sure that she was still certain that now was the right time for us.

Her own hands moved to the straps on her shoulders and she slid them down her arms and slipped

out of her bra disposing of it with a careless flourish as she flung it to the floor. Her hands

cupped her breasts as she presented them to me as the gift that they were. My hands covered

hers and I lowered my head once more to kiss this present of herself that she gave to me so

willingly. She slipped her hands from under mine and alternated between caressing my chest with

one hand and playing with my hair with the other, allowing it to slip through her fingers. Every

now and again she would tug on it slightly as if urging me to explore her orbs of flesh further.

Following her lead I dipped my head lower until I caught her nipple between my lips. She moaned

softly as I began to inhale her nipple with my lips, sucking it in gently while my other hand not

wanting to neglect her other nipple began to probe it with my fingertips. Roiling it and tweaking

it, as my tongue and teeth mimicked their actions on her twin nipple.

Her hands ran down my chest now beginning to fumble awkwardly with my belt buckle in the

position we were in. She was as determined as I had been with the clasps of her bra and soon she

was victorious, and eagerly working on the button and zipper of my trousers. I didn’t want to lose

the connection we had so I somehow managed to half stand, bent at the waist so that we didn’t

have to break the kiss we were so engrossed in. With a little help from Victoria my trousers and

boxers slid over my hips and down my legs. With this wild little dance I managed to free myself

from them and kick them aside, not once breaking my kiss with her.

I was more than primed already for this and I was achingly hard with desire for her. With one

knee on the edge of the bed I managed to ease her back on to the bed and with a few more

movements we were soon lying side by side. Her eyes urged me to free her from the rest of her

clothing. Being a gentleman of course I would comply with her wishes. I wanted her so badly I

think I could have gnawed the buttons off of her jeans and torn the zipper out with my teeth. It

was taking great restraint not to do just that. I wanted this to be something tender and gentle

not rushed and hurried between us. I knew there would be countless other love making sessions

but I wanted our first time to be epic and something we’d both always remember. My kisses

began to stray from her lips once more as I slowly and loving kissed my way down her body.

Lavishing attention on her as I did so, her skin tasting oh, so sweet as I reined kisses over it and

ran my tongue over her. Her heart was beating like a locomotive racing down the tracks,

thundering in my ears and matching my own beat for beat. I worked my way down her tummy

teasing her belly button with my tongue as a prelude to the way I soon would be tonguing and

exploring another sensitive spot on her.

Reluctantly my lips left the sweet soulful presence of her flesh so that I could pause just long

enough to expose her completely. I undid her jeans and she arched her back raising her hips in an

effort to assist me with my task at hand. I made sure to slip my fingers under the elastic band on

her panties as well so I wouldn’t be wasting any more precious time waiting, as I set about

unwrapping my long anticipated gift of the woman that lay before me. They slipped off of her

with little resistance and without even touching her psychically I could already detect the

undeniable scent of her arousal rising to greet my nostrils. Once they off the greatest treasure in

the world lay before me in all her natural glory, pausing to drink in every inch of her with my

eyes, utterly in awe of her almost afraid to touch her delicate beauty lest I somehow mar its

perfection. “Come here you.” She cooed softly crooking her little finger to beckon me to come

nearer.

I needed no further encouragement and was soon covering her body protectively with my own,

supporting my weight as much as possible so as not to crush this delicate flower beneath me. Her

hands began to roam freely over my body, down my spine and over the mounds of my firm butt

cheeks. My arousal could not be concealed and it nudged against her begging for some attention

of its own from those graceful hands that were exploring me so lovingly. A final quick kneading of

my bottom and her hands slid effortlessly around my thighs seeking that firm probing member of

mine. Gently she took in her hand and squeezed ever so lightly, but the impact of even that small

connection set my mind skyrocketing with pleasure. Her fingertip glided easily over the moisture

that was already forming at the opening of my swollen head. It made me want to howl in

pleasure like a wolf baying at the moon, calling for its mate.

Pulling Philip closer to me so I could taste his lips once more, knowing his concerns about not

crushing me but not caring, just needing to feel the warmth of his fully naked body pressed

against mine. Needing him, wanting him, desiring him with all the loving passions that had been

pent up in me for so many years and overwhelmed with the joy of knowing that soon he I would be

experiencing the wonders of taking him fully as my lover for life.

I was trying to be so careful with her, as to me she was a delicate blossom but I felt her

unspoken need to have the two of us be able to connect completely not only physically but

emotionally. There was a deep rooted need within her to feel my full weight on her, my warmth

and my strength. She needed me to sheath her in the protective armor of my love and the only

physical manifestation of that was to impress my physical presence upon her. As for me I needed

to have her be secure in the knowledge of my desires of love and passion. There was an innate

inclination in me to be an anchor in the tumultuous sea of life for her, to provide a mooring with

my body and a safe harbour in my heart.

The way Philip gently enveloped, as he held me like a precious jewel filled me with a great strength

from the protection he was offering me. Knowing I was safely harboured in his embrace from all the

ills in the world. Knowing that being in his arms I had finally found the refuge I had sought my entire

life, as important as his physical presence was to me I valued even more that he protected me so

fiercely with his heart. For it was in his heart that the truest and purest form of protection came. The

physical body would age and wither one day but love that was nestled in his heart would only

continue to grow in its strength and power.

Victoria was the completion of my soul, the other half of my duality, my twin flame. As fragile

as I could view her being I could also see her strength and her passions for me, which were

boundless. She was the fire that burned within my soul and kindled my passions to burn bright.

Without even realizing it she brought out the best qualities in me, and helped me clearly define

them for the first time in my life honing them to precision.

This man that loved me so fiercely was my knight in shining armour, a warrior that would stop at

nothing to ensure my safety but at the same time would also be the kindest and most gentle soul I

would ever know. To know him was to know the purest essence and the truest meaning of love. He

was the meaning for my very being he was everything in the world to me.

I hadn’t really been alive until I had met her. She came into my life so unexpectedly and now I

couldn’t ever imagine my life without her. My life would be a barren wasteland without her. Only

with her could I grow and flourish.

The frenzied kisses we shared only served to fuel both our passions further. I moaned as he

began to work his way down my body once more but this time I trembled with the anticipation as well

knowing all too well the final stop of his destination. All of my senses were on a heightened level of

alert and I wanted him to take me to mold me and sculpt me with his hands and lips into the model

woman on the wings of passionate explosion.

Slowly savouring each and every inch of her I made my way down her body, the scent of her

nectar drawing me to her like a bee. She whimpered softly, like a new born kitten as the warmth

of my breath flowed across her scared mound of flesh. My fingers caressing it reverently feeling it

swell beneath them as the lips of flesh became more engorged with desire by my attentions.

Lowering my head my tongue made its first contact and her legs parted even more to encourage

my advances. Slowly as if I had all the time and world I ran the tip along her dew laden petals of

flesh, lapping at them gently. Finding the cleft between them I swept up and down its length and

with each stroke my pink serpent pressed deeper within her. Using my fingers I peeled back the

petals holding them so that I could probe further and nibble upon her little moonstone orb. She

wriggled beneath me not in an effort to escape me but to press herself more firmly against me as

I inhaled her sex with my mouth and tongue.

My mouth and chin were painted with wide strokes of her creamy essence and I was determined

to fully enjoy this sumptuous feast she was providing me. “Philip” she pleaded. I raised my eyes

to her almost fearful she had changed her mind but her hands were outstretched to me as I took

them in mine. She tugged at me with urgency. “Philip I love you and I want to please you, but

right now more than anything…”the words died on her lips. Words were no longer necessary

between us the look in her eyes told me she wanted the two of us to be as close as was humanly

possible and connect on the deepest levels we could. Poised over her my arms I lowered my groin

against hers. My already well lubricated head slipping against her moistened lips, her hand

snaked between us and began to guide me into her. Her petals of flesh open like a morning glory

in the morning sun as I slowly slid into her. She wrapped her legs around my torso pulling me

further into her. I pressed down further my hand stroking her hair back from her face as I did.

Her eyes so filled with love. I just remained nestled inside of her not moving a muscle she gripped

me tighter and our lips and tongues mimicked the actions that were to come between us.

Both a tenderness and a passion that we would take a life time to explore together. Even

though I had been intimate with other women in the past there was nothing that came even close

to what I was experiencing now my love was all encompassing for her, and I knew she was the one

that I had always been destined to share my life with. Neither one of us was ever going to look

back for both of us it was a path into the future that we would follow, side by side and hand in

hand. My chest crushed her breasts as I held her kissing her for all that I was worth. Even without

stirring within her I good feel the pulsating throb of natural desire for her. Finally ever so slowly

I began to rise and fall into her the sweet sensations of being so connected to her flooding my

body and baptizing me in her font of love.

Those first small tremors were beginning to build within me as I experienced the glory of finally

uniting with Philip for the first time. My soul and spirit were being freed by the power of his love for

me. His protective energy spun its self around me and drew me into the depths of his heart and soul.

With each movement we made we were intricately intertwining ourselves into this exquisitely beautiful

tapestry of love, which our hearts would frame and cherish.

As Philip moved into me with each stroke I would raise my hips to greet him our loins kissing each

other each time we connected. My arms wrapped about him stroking his back and shoulders, pulling

him into me more deeply still. The heated breath of our kisses smothering our mouths, until we would

break apart gasping for air and reaffirming our love for each other. His body was tensing and I knew

he couldn’t hold himself back much longer, he’d waited so long for this moment so patiently and now

he needed that magical release.

His tempo increased and I gripped him even more tightly between my thighs holding on for dear life

as we began to ride that train of ecstasy together. We had tickets to ride, and we planned on

validating them. He was far from alone on this pleasure ride we were on and my own volcano was

ready to erupt at any given moment as well. Finally all of those, telltale little signs that I instinctively

already seemed to know in him were pushing him over the edge. Crying out with a relief I began to

feel his heated seed being planted deep inside of me. The walls of my muscles tightened around

him, stretching as though a canvass for him to paint his greatest ever masterpiece upon it.

My own cries of passion were only silenced as he dropped against me burying his mouth about

mine as he kissed me so intently that my vision faded, for the first time I was experiencing the magic

of le petites morts. My soul fused with his and I was awed by the sheer intensity and beauty of it all.

We were both panting like we would never again be able to catch our breath after our exertions. Still

lying on top of me he remained inside of me, and even the after throbs from him sent shivers of

delight running through my core. We continued to kiss each other tenderly, stroking each other’s

hairs and faces, softly whispered I loves you floated in the air between us. Our eyes were focused on

one another speaking even more of those loving thoughts, without the need for further words.

Finally Philip rolled us on to our sides, still joined together with our legs entwined and him still inside

of me. “I truly do love you, my darling.” He whispered smiling at me as his eyes shone at me. My chin

trembled and my eyes were misty as I was so filled with happiness and abiding love for this man. He

just smiled more seeming to understand as he stroked my hair and kissed me softly holding me

gently. When he finally did remove his now spent organ from me I felt strangely momentarily empty

without him inside of me. “I wish we could stay connected like that for ever too.” Our connection was

already so strong that we knew instinctively what the other was thinking and feeling and our worlds

responded to each other thusly. It comforted me greatly to know he felt the same way and truly

understood me.

“So where do we go from here?” he questioned me quietly. “Well I’m guessing we’ll have to do some

serious thinking on that issue because now neither of us will be want to spend the nights apart from

each other, but for now,” I said glancing at the bedside clock on my nightstand “I, correction we have

to think about packing my drag bag, doing something about freshening up a bit, as well as grabbing

something to eat and getting there on time. If this were a perfect world I’d be more than happy to just

stay here cuddling with you and making love until all night until the morning sun comes up to greet us.

“Hmm I like that last idea of yours the best.” He said kissing the tip of my nose. “If you think that’s a

good plan I bet you’d love the fact that I desperately want to return that wonderful prelude to our

lovemaking that you gave me earlier.” I grinned at him giving a sexy smile that more that hinted as to

what I was thinking. “You have no idea how appealing that sounds to me, even as spent as I am at

the moment.” Philip responded to me.

The stirring in my nether regions began once more as I felt a stiffening begin to occur. “You’re

trying to do me in entirely aren’t you woman? Not even got your name on my insurance policy yet

and already trying to cash in on it.” I teased her giving her bottom a playful swat. She just

giggled, rolling on top of me and pinning me under her as she grabbed my wrists holding them

down and kissing me deeply. “This little lady’s taking charge here, mister.” She drawled at me. I

was more than happy to comply and become putty in her hands. “What about the show and being

on time?” I questioned her grinning broadly. “Honey, I am the show the party doesn’t start until I

arrive.” She said in her best diva voice. We both giggled madly and I wrapped my arms around

her as we continued to kiss, enjoying the closeness we were sharing.

Slowly I began to nuzzle the nape of Philip’s neck and he moaned as I hit those sensitive spots

there that I felt certain would start him thinking even more amorous thoughts. Working my way down

his strong broad chest, my nose titillated by the scent of the pheromones that still clung to him after

our recent love making. It was like a drug to me, fueling my desire to pleasure this man to show him I

wasn’t going to be a selfish lover, that I desired to give him as much or more pleasure that he brought

to me. I lavished attention on his nipples which I believe were as sensitive on him as my own were

judging from his little moans and the way his body would tense. I could hear his heart beginning to

beat in a more rapid tempo, and knew I was on the right track.

I rained soft kisses down his torso, my tongue making moist wet trails, playful gentle little nips,

gently pulling on his flesh which was becoming so sensitized with desire, my hand finally cradling my

prize in it, which I squeezed as my eyes locked upon his. He reached his hand down and stroked my

hair the look in his eyes telling me he loved me. I smiled at him before lowering my head and my

eager pink tongue stretched out flicked across the tip of his member which was swelling once more.

Touching my lips to it as they open just enough to envelop his swollen head and he sighed deeply as

I did. Slowly wanting to him to know I considered it an honour and a joy to pleasure him not a duty

that must be completed in some perfunctory manner as some women did. To me this was something

I planned to turn into an art form between Philip and I. An experience that was to be revered for the

loving act of selfless giving that it was to me.

Slowly inching him deep into the recesses of my throat holding him there, constricting my throat

muscles as I held him there in its safe warm confines, until I began to move my head up and down his

shaft now coated liberally with my saliva. With one had I cradled his under carriage of flesh which

was swelling as I gently squeezed and massaged. My other hand was caressing his lower torso as I

did so. His hands were in my hair running through it as if he were lovingly brushing it out with them,

the silken strands of it gliding through his fingers as he did. This tender exchange of intimacies

between us only served to make me more determined to please him. My eyes locked upon his as I

slid my mouth up and down his steely flesh. There was far more than mere desire in those eyes of his

for me, there was a knowing, a connection of far more than just the physical.

With each stroke he seemed to swell even more. His hands were now on my shoulders bearing

down, air hissing through his clenched teeth, caught in a rapture of delight but not wanting the

sensations to end fighting to hold on the moment we were sharing. His hips began to buck madly and

I knew he was on the brink of losing himself to me completely. My mouth, somehow managed to

keep up with his pace and before I knew it he was releasing himself into a new orifice of my body. I

drank down each and every drop he gave me an elixir of life, a precious gift he had chosen of his own

free will to share with me. Milking each and every drop of his seed, I held him protectively in my

mouth a safe haven for him to soften in. Gently slipping my mouth from him when he had, I lovingly

tongued him bathing off any remaining traces of his gift to me. Kissing my way up his body until I was

in Philip’s arms once more with my head resting on his chest, so that I could listen to the beat

beneath his breast as his heart began to calm I was back where I belonged once more.

Despite the fact I could be and was such an independent, strong willed creature in my own right,

the irony was not lost upon me that there was a refuge and peace in Philip’s arms that I had never

found anywhere else in my entire life. Philip I was learning more and more each day was the one

person that I could truly be myself with, to allow my vulnerabilities to be seen, to trust him completely

with all that was in both my head and in my heart. Making love to him the way we just had, made the

connection we already shared, sink their roots and entwined them deeper into my heart and soul. It

dawned on me that loving someone this purely was trusting in the knowledge that you gave them the

keys to every aspect of yourself openly and still held the faith and believe they would always be there

for you and never use anything they knew about you to harm you in any way and thus destroy you.

I snuggled in even closer to Philp safe and secure in my new found wisdom about his love for me

and let out contented little purr of satisfaction. “You seem pretty happy.” I observed as his arm

gripped me just a little closer. “I am, more than you could ever imagine.” He answered as he looked

down into my eyes which I knew were shining brightly. “Oh I can imagine.” I laughed, “I’m feeling

pretty on top of the world over the moon myself right now.” I answered grinning foolishly, as I gave

him a kiss that conveyed not only my happiness but my thanks as well for being the one that had

given me that gift so selflessly. “I could just stay here like this forever with you.” He murmured into

my ear, “Hmmmmmmm.”I purred back at him. “I do like the way you think.”

Victoria felt so right in my arms her body cradled against mine. “I wonder if we could teach

Sydney to bring us coffee and then we’d be all set.” “Sets!!” She frowned and scrambled to sit up

and look at the alarm clock. “The clocks ticking and I’ve so got to get my act into high gear. This

isn’t how it was supposed to be, it was always so different in my head whenever I thought about

it. The whole basking in the afterglow experience and…” I quieted her with my own words. “And

nothing, it’s all been perfect and the way it was meant to be for us. You can’t expect a man to

make love to a drag queen and not expect at least a little drama can you?” “Oh you.” She said

throwing her hands up in mock exaggeration and leaning down to kiss me. “I love you like nobody

ever has and nobody else ever could.” “I know and that feeling is completely mutual. Now while

you hit the shower, I’m going to go order a pizza for our dinner. We’ll have that to eat, now

while you’re in the shower, I’ll go grab some fresh clothes from my place, otherwise I’ll be sorely

tempted to join you. While I freshen up you pack your bag for tonight, then we’ll make like a tree

and leaf.” I told her in a take charge of the situation sort of a way. A final shared kiss and we put

my plans into action.

While Victoria showered, I phoned in an order for delivery, one of those twenty minutes or its

free deals, which would probably end up tasting like cardboard but would be better than no

dinner at all and we’d just managed to work up quite the appetites. After placing the call I

through on my pants and ran downstairs to grab my shoes and sprint over to my place to grab

some clean clothes and shaving gear. On my way over I ran into no other than my new neighbour

Mrs. Langford out for an evening stroll. “Oh hello dear, nice to see you again, lovely night out

isn’t it?” She inquired. “It’s simply brilliant.” I grinned at her conscious of the fact that once

again I wasn’t dressed all that well. “If you don’t mind me asking are you one of those what do

they call them these days naturalists?” She asked me searching for the proper word. “Nope, just a

fool in love that is befuddled by the wonders of a woman. Now if you’ll excuse me I must run. We

really must get together sometime and chat. Now if you’ll pardon me.” I responded and jogged off

on my mission.

Quickly snatching a few things at my place I arrived back at Victoria’s just in time to meet the

pizza delivery guy coming up the front walk. “Great that’s mine.” I called out to him. The guy

looked at me like I was a bit bonkers, especially when I plunked everything on top of the pizza box

as I fished my wallet out of my back pocket. I really couldn’t blame the guy here I was half

dressed and dumping a pile of clothes and grooming items on him. I gave him a generous tip and

grabbed my box laden with everything on top of it. “Thanks buddy.” He said giving me wide grin.

I might be a lunatic but at least I was a friendly one. So how managed to get back into the house

without dropping anything just as Victoria came down the stairs wrapped in a bath towel. I let out

an appreciative whistle in response. She just laughed. “Little overdressed aren’t you?” I said

meeting her at the bottom of the stairs. “I could say the same about you.” she said reaching up to

kiss me over the box in my hands. “That smells so good and I’m famished for some strange

reason.” She giggled at me. She scooped my clothes and things off the top for me and placed

them on the entry way table for the time being.

We headed into the kitchen, I grabbed a roll of paper towels and she grabbed us a couple drinks

out of the fridge to wash it down with. “I see that we’re dining formally tonight.” She grinned.

“It’s either this or we eat standing up over the sink, less crumbs and super easy cleanup that

way.” I told her holding out a chair for her. “At least you’re a gentleman.” She smiled taking her

seat. “Always” I responded flipping open the lid and serving her the first slice on my bachelor

version of the best china in the house. We wolfed dinner down and after a few kisses and well I

won’t deny it some rather friendly caressing, we moved on to the next phase of our plan.

I’d grabbed my clothes off the entry table as we’d headed upstairs and after another quick kiss

just to tide us over I hit the showers while, she dressed and packed her bag. The hot water felt

great as it cascaded down and I was in such a chipper mood I actually found myself belting out

that old Buddy Holly classic “I wanna tell you how it's gonna be, You’re gonna give your love to

me, I wanna love you night and day. You now my love will not fade away. You know my love will

not fade away, not fade away. My love’s bigger than a Cadillac I try to show you but you drive me

back, Your love for me has got to be real, You’re gonna know just how I feel. Love’s real, not fade

away, Not fade away.”

I was surprised when I turned around as I was lathering my hair to discover her face peeping

around the edge of the shower curtain at me. “Still sure you don’t want to perform on stage with

me some time.” She grinned hugely at me. “You’re not half bad you know.” “Absolutely not, now

grab you what you need and leave me in peace woman or I’ll have you in here with me in a

heartbeat and ravish you until you’re weak in the knees my love.” As I made a playful grab for

her. “I’m going.” she said sticking her tongue out at me before she closed the curtain.

Finally we were dressed and ready to go. There wasn’t much time to spare but if I drove we’d

be there in just the nick of time. “By Sydney, Mommy loves you. See you later.” She called over

her shoulder as she locked the door. We hustled over to my place to grab the car. I tossed her

drag bag in the back seat and we were soon off and running. As luck would have it we even

managed to find a parking spot directly in front of the bar. I grabbed her bag out of the back seat

and went around to open, the car door for her. She took the hand I offered her and gave me a kiss

of thanks. “You’re always such a gentleman.” She smiled as I slipped my arm around her waist as

we hurried up the steps.

We’d only been inside for a matter of moments, not even enough time for our eyes to adjust to

the dimmer lighting. “Oh my God girl there you are.” Gushed Sush as she rushed over to the two

of us in full diva mode, dramatically wringing her hands. It’s a complete and utter catastrophe.

Miss Conception isn’t coming. What are we going to do? Who’s going to take her place.” Sush

wailed clearly in distress. “Now take a deep breath honey.” Victoria soothed her taking her hands

in her own in effort to comfort her friend. “The poor thing can’t help it she was rushed to

hospital with a ruptured appendix. The doctors say she’ll be just fine, I’m a wreck over that to

begin with but how can the show go on without her? The show must go on who are we going to get

on this short of notice. Not to mention she’s in two key sets. This is my worst nightmare come

true. What are we going to do?” she pleaded as the words tumbled from her mouth in rapid

succession.

I stood in the wings not really knowing quite what do to in this situation. Did I offer to grab a

stiff drink from the bar, in order to help steady her nerves? My life had never really prepared me

for the proper protocol in a situation like this. While Sush had a small melt down before the two

of us, Victoria gave her comforting hugs of support. Suddenly her face lit up as though a light

bulb had just gone off in her head. “Philip could do it. I taught him the routines yesterday.” She

blurted out excitedly. “Philip could do it???” both Sush and I echoed in unison.

ACT XII OF PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

Victoria and her friends are hatching a scheme of epic proportions that will have Philip becoming one of the girls for just one night, kicking up his heels on stage in full drag queen style, Philip is more than a little reluctant to participate and the mere thought of doing it sends his anxiety levels soaring but his love for Victoria is even stronger. Despite his misgivings he finds himself being swept up in the energy of it all and being able to fulfill, his own secret life long dream of performing on stage if only for one night. Most

importantly though he wants more than anything to see the smile on the face of the woman he loves and show her what lengths he’s willing to go to show her that he does truly love her.

“Oh no, Philp can’t!” I protested vehemently. The absurdity of the idea hitting me full force.

“Oh yes, Philip can.” The voices of Victoria and Sush squealed at me in unison. “I’ve got nothing

to wear, I couldn’t possibly.” I responded hoping that I was going to be able to joke my way out of

their Lucy and Ethel style idea that these two were hatching. Sush grabbed me by the shoulders

and eyed me up and down. “We can so make this work, I may have to make a couple quick

alterations but if they could sew Oliva Newton John into those pants for Grease, I can sew him

into a dress if I have too. Oh and Henrietta and he have the same size feet. Think you can

manage a pair of high heels sweetie?” She didn’t even give me a chance to respond just kept

talking a mile a minute like this was a done deal. “Oh and I’ll do his makeup I’ve got some extra

eyelashes and some foundation that should match his skin colouring perfectly.” She gushed on.

I was beginning to feel like I was about six and my Mom was in complete control of my destiny,

there would be no arguments, you’ll just do as your told young man sort of thing being the

implied message. “Right I’ll go start getting things together.” She told me before rushing off.

Looking over her shoulder, she saw that I was still rooted to the spot. “Come along now, we

haven’t got all night here, so don’t dawdle.” She chided me as she disappeared into the gathering

crowd. “No, no, no.” I kept repeating shaking my head at Victoria. “This is so not going to happen.

I’m sorry about your friend being ill and about you ladies needing a hand, but there’s just no way.

I’m so not the man for this. Surely there’s got to be someone else you can call to pitch in?” I

asked her.

“Afraid not on this short of notice we wouldn’t be able to get a pinch hitter in for the show.

Philip, I know this isn’t something you’d planned on doing, and you aren’t very keen about doing

but I’ll love you forever if you do this one little thing for me.” She wheedled in a pleading voice.

Her voice combined with the beseeching look in her eyes was causing me to waver on the issue

slightly. “You’ve already told me that you’d love me forever. Is that love conditional on me doing

this?” I asked her. “No, my love for you has no conditions or demands placed upon it not now, not

ever.” She responded empathically. “Then my answer is…” she looked a bit crestfallen as if

knowing my answer was going to be in the negative. It was on the tip of my tongue to say “I’m

sorry the answer is still no.” But she reached up kissed my cheek, gave my hand a squeeze and

said. “I understand, and I’ll never try and force you to do anything you really don’t want to do. I

love you, now and always. I have to run see if we can figure this out while I get changed.” She

turned to go.

I was terrified of going on stage by itself let alone going out there in drag, but when she turned I

was overwhelmed by a swirling mass of emotions. To disappoint her was crushing inside and yet I

felt a part of me getting swept up in that backstage energy and here was a chance to be a part of

a real live show and if only for a little while it was that kind of a high I was always envious of and

possibly my only chance to experience it at this level. And best of all it would delight my love like

nothing else and that gave me a courage I didn't know I had.

Her hand was still in mine and I’m sure she had every intention of letting it slip out of hers at the

last possible moment, so we could keep our physical connection as long as possible. I squeezed

her hand and a little firmer and pulled her back. “I’ll do it.” I informed her. “You’ll do it?” she

sputtered at me quite clearly shocked as if she hadn’t heard me correctly. “Call me Tootsie, if

Dustin Hoffman can pull it off I guess I can too.” I replied still thinking this whole thing was

beyond insane. Victoria threw her arms around me and wrapped me in a bear hug which nearly

knocked me off my feet. She pulled me down and began smothering me with kisses in her

excitement. She punctuated the air with a volley of “Thank you! Thank You! Thank you!” in

between those affectionate frenzied kisses of delight. If I was going to make a major fool of

myself and I was pretty sure I was going to, at least I was doing it for the right reasons and for a

very appreciative audience of at least one person.

He nuzzled the top of my head affectionately and held me close in a warm and loving embrace.

Raising my head to look up into his eyes I could see his trepidation about all of this but I could also

see the immense amount of love he had for me. “I know that you’re probably freaking out about all

this inside and it’s totally out of your comfort zone. But I also saw how much fun you had practicing

with me yesterday and I honestly know you can do this if you choose to. I have all the confidence in

the world you can totally pull this off with finesse.” I told him as I nestled my head against his broad

chest.

“Are you sure you’ll still feel the same way even if I fall flat on my face and embarrass you and

your friends? It may even affect your job here if I totally screw up.” I asked her. “Yes.” She

responded emphatically, “I’m not going to change my mind about you or about us. I’m sure things

will go well, but if they don’t it’s you that matters to me not this job. I can always find another

job to tide me over financially. I’m pretty resourceful. You’re what matters to me.” She said as

she looked deeply into my eyes.

A snapping of fingers brought us out of our little world of PDA. “Hello. Could we move this along

people? We’ve got work to do and the show must go on.” There was Sush, impatiently tapping

her foot. “Are you coming or not?” She asked me quite pointedly. “I may live to regret this but

I’m coming.” I’d answered her. She broke into a wide grin her impatience seeming to vanish in an

instant. “Honey this one is definitely a keeper.” She said turning to Victoria. “I’ve got every

intention of keeping him.” Victoria grinned back at her, before turning that grin on me. It lit up

her entire face with a special radiance that only a woman truly in love is able to obtain.

The next couple of minutes were a complete and utter blur to me as I was ushered through the

bar. Sush barrelled confidently through to the dressing rooms, greeting regulars and friends alike

as she swept confidently along bracelets jinglingly merrily away as she went. Victoria hustled

along behind me her hand still firmly clasped in mine. There was a rush of adrenaline pumping

through me a combination of fear about what I was getting myself into and that same rush I’d

experienced as a kid performing at school plays.

It was a little overwhelming when we arrived and my eyes were darting all over the place trying

to decide just how I was going to fit into all of this. This was far different than anything I’d ever

seen, other than in movies of course. One performer sat dressed in a sequinned gown, skillfully

applying eyeliner and would have looked every inch the lady if it wasn’t for the fact his hair was

groomed into a most decidedly masculine haircut. I guess the wig when he finally donned it would

be his crowning glory.

I tried not to stare at anyone but it was rather hard not to as it was quite fascinating to watch

these transformations occurring first hand this way, the way they painted their faces so skillfully

using rouges, lipsticks, eyeliners and eyeshadows, as they created their ideals of feminine beauty.

It was mesmerising to watch traces of five o’clock shadows disappear beneath coats of

foundations, cheekbones appearing with strokes of various tones of blush. I watched as one queen

who must have somehow bound himself up to help create the illusion of a bosom was actually

creating quite a respectable looking bit of cleavage by brushing on various tones of makeup. He

caught me staring at him, and I tried to avert my eyes. He just chuckled. “It’s all good, sweetie.

Watching a drag queen transform into a diva is a bit like watching a magician and finding out how

me makes the magic happen.” I smiled back awkwardly before Sush whisked over to me costume

in hand.

“Okay Mr. Wonderful, strip down and put this on. I need to see where I need to put in a couple of

tucks or pin it up. Then we’ll move on to hair and makeup. You don’t have pierced ears by any

chance to you?” Sush questioned me. “No to the ear piercing and where exactly do you expect me

to change?” “Here of course.” She chortled back at me. “This is no time to be shy. Honey if any

of us sees anything we’ve never seen before we’ll shoot first and asked questions later.” She

joked at me. “Think of it as a sort of co-ed locker room if that helps you at all. Besides at the

end of the day we’re just a bunch of the guys…well with the exception of Victoria of course, she’s

all woman all of the time. I grinned at that last comment of hers. As I was the only one in the

room that knew just how much of a woman she was and it had been a sheer delight making those

discoveries as we’d made love to each other earlier in the day.

Glancing around the room one more time I could only thing, never in my wildest imagination could

I come up with a locker room like this. Sequined gowns, pantyhose, boas, makeup galore, wigs

draped over various places. “Would you be more comfortable if I left and changed elsewhere?”

Victoria asked seeing I was a little stressed out. I shot her a look that clearly indicated to the

contrary and that if she left I would make a break for it go over the wall and make my escape

from this madness I was setting myself up for. “No, no, by all means stay.” I answered. With that

I found myself plunked into a chair and was instantly surrounded by a circle of drag queens

eagerly willing to transform me. I caught a glimpse of Victoria reflected in the mirror and she

gave me a supportive smile and mouthed the words “I love you.” to me, which served to give me

the boost of courage I needed to know that I’d be able to get through this whole experience.

It was rather daunting having so many people hovering around me holding up dresses against me

and uttering little commands here and there as they worked. “Slip your shoes off and try these

on.” As a pair of red high heeled shoes were dangled before me. “Now suck in your cheeks we

have to contour in some cheek bones.” “Would you stop blinking, it’s going to be so much easier to

glue these eyelashes on if you stopped doing that. Do you want to look cockeyed?” “Okay pucker

your lips.” “Blot please.” I was directed as a tissue was handed to me. Victoria had slipped out to

the bar and had gotten me a double scotch, which I was certain she meant to both calm my nerves

and loosen up any inhibitions I had about performing. I gratefully went to take a sip from the

edge of the glass and was rebuked. “Oh no, you don’t. The straw is there for a reason, you don’t

want to smudge your lipstick any more than you have to before show time.” I obediently took a

long sip through my straw, which I must confess was the first time in my life I had ever drank

scotch that way but at least my lipstick was intact. Victoria leaned over and asked “You holding

up okay? I know this has got to be one of the weirder experiences in your life.” She said as she

squeezed my shoulder affectionately. “I’m okay, hanging in there.” “He’s being a total star

about all of this, bless his heart.” Sush interjected. “Now it’s time to get you into this dress and

see where I need to adjust it.

The moment of truth was arriving and I have to admit I’d never felt more self-conscious about

undressing before somebody in my life. Not even at the doctor’s office when I knew he was going

to ask me to bend over and cough. Taking a deep breath, I slipped off my jacket and began to

unbutton my shirt. Next I undid my trousers and began to slip them off, I could feel myself

blushing from head to toe and I kept my eyes focused on Victoria who was changed and already to

go. She stood smiling encouragingly at me. There I stood in my boxers barefooted before a room

full of drag queens, in full make up and feeling more vulnerable than I ever had in my entire life.

“Oh you are a furry fellow aren’t you?” One of the queens gushed at me. “This is going to take

two pair of dark tights to hide, unless of course you wanted to shave them for the occasion?” Sush

said with ethusiam, a little too enthusiastically for my liking. I must have had a most horrified

look on my face at even the thought of it and then noticed the teasing grin on her face. “Just

joking, you’re being such a good sport about all of this.” She said kindly. Relief swept over me as

I realized it was merely a joke and a jolly camaraderie seemed to develop as I transitioned for one

night only from being one of the boys, to becoming one of the girls.

As I struggled to encase my legs in not one but two pair of tights, I silently vowed to myself that

never again would I complain about how long it took any woman to get ready for a night on the

town. This was a far more complex process than I’d really ever thought about. The dress was

slipped over my head and Victoria zipped it up for me, after which she gave my fanny an

affectionate little pat. Sush ready with needle and thread made a couple quick tucks here and

there so the gown I had on defined my shape and made appear more feminine. Victoria took

control of organizing my cleavage for me which had managed to become lop sided from the way I

had put the brassiere on with the inserts sewn into it. I grinned at her as I she did and quipped.

“You know, I think you should at least buy a lady dinner first if you want to get so bold and feel

her up like this.” I squeaked at her in a falsetto voice trying to get into the spirit of things. Which

brought around of laughter from those still in the dressing room and a well-timed, “Trust me

you’re no, lady.” Shot back with a very cheeky wink, indicating she was clearly happy that I

wasn’t, but she still gave me a quick beck on the cheek. I’d slipped the high heels on my feet

once more and teetered awkwardly over to a chair to have my wig put into place and have a pair

of earrings clipped on to my earlobes to complete the look. “How on earth do people walk in

these damn things and not lose their balance entirely?” I gasped as collapsed in the seat offered to

me. Several bemused faces looked at me. “It’s really not so bad once you get the hang of it,

besides they make your legs look utterly fantastic.” Replied Sush as she placed a wig over my own

natural hair which was secured under a little nylon cap that kept my own hair slicked down. A

long blonde wig with waves in it was placed on my head. “Guess I’m finally going to find out if

blondes really do have more fun.” I mused. “Umph” I grunted as a pair of earrings, were snapped

onto my earlobes. “That smarts.” “Oh you’ll get used to it and forget all about it when your

shoes start making for feet ache. Just part of the price you pay for being a woman.” Sush laughed

gaily at me as she patted me on the back. “Okay now darling time for the big reveal. She spun

my chair around so that I was sitting directly in front of a mirror and for the first time saw the

new me.

“Holy Moly.” I exclaimed. “That can’t be me.” I marveled in disbelief as I looked into the mirror

at my now completed transformation. “Your own mother wouldn’t recognize you now.” Chirped

Sush, obviously pleased as punch at how successful she and the others had been at making me

over. “Actually, you did such a fantastic job she’d do a double take wondering how my sister had

had such a growth spurt at this stage in her life. This is just amazing.” I marvelled rather awe

struck by it all. I actually did look quite lady like and I was grateful that they hadn’t taken the

opportunity to make me look clownish with kewpie doll makeup.

“Well enough time admiring yourself, sweetie, time to get you out on stage for your adoring

public to admire. You, Victoria and I are on next girl.” Sush informed. Reality kicked in for me

once more and I was rooted to the spot, sitting here dressed like this was one thing but going out

in public, I was having some serious second thoughts about all of this. Victoria seemed to sense

my misgivings and quietly said to Sush. “Just give the two of us a minute okay?” “Sure hon, I

understand.” She responded. “Have another drink and loosen up a little Philip, you’ll find this is

going to be a lot of fun. We’re all friends here and we’ll take care of you, we’ve got your back.”

She reassured me amongst a murmur of ascent from the others in the room as she slipped from

the room.

“You really don’t have to do this you know. You’re entitled to change your mind about all of this. It is

a woman’s prerogative after all.” I whispered in Philips ear as I wrapped my arms around him from

behind and gave him a warm hug. “You’ve already gone farther with this than I thought you would

and I give you full credit for that.” I said softly. “I love you dearly for even agreeing to this but if you’ve changed your mind at the last minute I don’t blame you at all. It’s a lot to ask of anyone.” I assured

him. “I have to admit I am having second thoughts and doubts about all of this.” Philip’s voice trailed

off.

Walking around to stand in front I offered him my hands. He reached up and placed them in his then

pulled me into his lap. As I snuggled in, I gave him a soft kiss. “It’s okay.” I said stroking his face

with my fingertips. “If you get confused just listen to the music play. Do what’s in your heart Philip

and if it’s no than please don’t do this. I never want you to resent me, especially for something as

silly as all of this really is in the grander scheme of things.” I told him in the full knowledge that I

meant every word of it.

He kissed me softly. “I know but at the same time I need you to know that I’m a man of my word, you

are the world to me and that I will do everything and anything in my power to show you that. So if

taking to the stage and potentially making a major fool of myself it part of that so be it. Being laughed

at I can totally handle, disappointing you is an entirely different thing.” He said lovingly as he kissed

me once more. “Okay, let’s get this show on the road shall we? Then we can get me out of this

getup and out of these shoes.” I laughed at her. My eyes were filled with such respect and love for

the man before me. “I love you so much.” My voice caught in my throat as I said it as I was so

overwhelmed at how truly special Philip was. “Come on. Let’s go or we’ll both face the wrath of a

diva.” He grinned at me. Slipping off his lap I offered him my arm to escort him out to the stage.

By the time we reached the stage, Philip was still a little shaky but somehow managing to hold his

own, more than likely concentrating on not falling off of his heels I surmised. The act before ours was

just finishing and the performer was thanking the crowd and introducing our little threesome to the

crowd. Sush, Philip and I took to the stage, amid a round of warm applause. Sush said to the crowd.

“Now as some of you already know, Miss Conception is unable to be with us tonight due to a medical

emergency and I know that we all send her our love and best wishes on a speedy recovery.” It was

greeted with a murmur of agreement from the patrons on the floor. “However the show must go on

and in her place we are very fortunate to have for her first ever appearance in Toronto, the lovely and

luscious Tootsie straight from Montreal. So I’d like you all to show her some love and make her feel

welcome here tonight.” The crowd erupted into a warm round of welcoming applause, which seemed

to bolster Philip’s confident. “You’re definitely straight and from Montreal.” I giggled into Philip’s ear.

He turned and gave me a smile, as the music was cued and we began our first number together.

“Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister. Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, to sister. He met

Marmalade down in old New Orleans, Struttin' her stuff on the street She said "hello, Hey Joe, you

wanna give it a go?" mmm, mmm Itchi gitchi ya ya da da Itchi gitchi ya ya here Mocha-choca-lata ya

ya Creole lady marmalade…”

At first I felt rather stiff and awkward as I started into the dance steps and swaying my hips in

time to the music but with Victoria shooting me supportive looks I was beginning to warm up and

as I did the crowd really began to warm up to us as well. “Shake it ladies.” To which we all three

instinctively leaned toward the crowd and gave our bodacious ta tas a little shake, followed by a

quick turn in perfect unison and a shake of our bottoms. People were laughing and applauding

and I had to admit I was kind of getting a rush from the appreciative attention and it was

definitely bolstering my confidence in my ability to pull this whole thing off. The number ended

on a high note and I had to admit I was seriously beginning to enjoy myself and really get into the

whole experience.

“Thank you so much everyone.” Sush gushed. As she blew kisses to the audience and began

accepting tips from the people that were pressing towards the stage to offer tokens of their

appreciation. I was startled to see someone crooking their finger at me trying to get my

attention. Victoria gave me a little nudge. “Bend at the knees, drop and Hollywood air kisses.”

She coached me. I moved forward and did as she’d instructed me, and slipped the five dollar bill

from the hand that was beckoning to me as I blew kisses. What startled me even more were other

eager hands reaching forward with not only cash but with drinks as well. Victoria and Sush flanked

me on either side now and were both graciously accepting these little gifts of adoration from their

fans as well. It was all very gratifying but also extremely overwhelming, finally things seemed to

be dying down and Sush nodded at the D. J. who started spinning our next song. “Hi - Hi! We're

your Weather Girls - Ah-huh -And have we got news for you - You better listen! Get ready, all you

lonely girls and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting

low According to all sources, the street's the place to go Cause tonight for the first time Just

about half-past ten For the first time in history It's gonna start raining men. It's Raining Men!

Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen! I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get absolutely soaking

wet! It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! It's Raining Men! Every Specimen! Tall, blonde, dark and lean

Rough and tough and strong and mean…” The three of us shimmied and shook throwing our arms

in the air and wiggling our hips in time to the music as we lip synched to the words. I was actually

having a total ball doing this and began to wonder what my hang ups had ever been about. It

really was just playing a part after all and the dress was only a costume to ensure the

believability of me in this role. It really wasn’t all that different from me doing something like

this on Halloween, and I’d always loved getting into outlandish costumes for that. Granted I

didn’t want to do it weekly as Victoria did but as a once in a while thing in an emergency I’d

probably be willing to give it another shot. Besides, I could not believe the cash I was raking in

either, this was a pretty lucrative little job. I’d even had to playfully slap one guy’s hands as he

tried to tuck the folded bill into the top of my dress. “Don’t be naughty. I’m a lady.” I chided him

only to have him offer an apology and a smile in return.

After we’d slipped off the stage to a final round of applause and escaped through the crowd to

the sanctuary of the dressing rooms once more I collapsed into the first available chair that I

found and slipped those damn shoes off my feet, which was met with a chorus of protests. “No

don’t do that you’ll never get them back on your feet, your feet are probably swollen now.” So I

promptly wedged my feet back into them. Victoria leaned down and gave me a massive bear hug.

“You were brilliant. Better than I ever expected you to be.” She raved at me clearly tickled pink

by the success of my performance. I was basking in the glow of her congratulations as Sush burst

through the door. “Darling you were just fabulous.” She shrieked at me. “Are you sure that

you’re straight?” She teased me. Victoria and I looked at each other meaningfully but the look

wasn’t lost on any one. “Positive.” We both giggled in response.

Sush extended her hand to me and I took it as she gave me a firm hand shake of gratitude. “All

kidding aside you’ve been a total star about all of this and I’m much obliged and in your debt for

helping us out like this.” And I could tell that she meant it sincerely. “Well that’s what friends

are for, isn’t it?” I asked her. “Yes, they are.” She smiled back and I knew that Sush and Hinesh

and I were definitely going to be firm friends.

“You two wild and crazy kids relax for a few minutes before our big finale together, and then you

can go back to being you.” As she hustled everyone else out of the room to give us a couple of

minutes together. I flashed a look of gratitude at her to let her know I was grateful, to have even

a couple of fleeting minutes to be alone with Victoria. The strains of music that came through the

door were silenced as the last person closed the door behind them.

Victoria plunked herself down in my lap and snuggled in close. “You really were great.” She said.

“Thanks.” I responded. “But we’ve only got a precious few minutes do you really want to talk

now?” I asked her my eyes twinkling mischievously at her. “No but what you have in mind may

smudge your lipstick and mine.” She countered. “I’m willing to risk it if you are.” As my lips met

hers, it was clear we were both willing to risk it. Victoria’s kisses were like drinking salted water,

they left you thirsty for even more of them and right now I was completely parched.

Far too soon the door opened and a head popped in. “Sorry to interrupt but its show time. Let’s

go ladies. Be sure to fix your lipstick girls.” “I tried to tell you that you’d ruin your lipstick.” She giggled. “True but trust me it was worth it.” As she applied a fresh coat to my lips for me, as

well as a coat to her own. “Let’s go final number unless they demand an encore from us.” She

observed as we had headed back to the stage.

As we were announced once more the three of us hit the steps to arrive at centre stage as the

strains of the song rang out loud and clear. This was one of Victoria’s signature numbers as Miss

Kitty and she was the star of it. Sush and I were more back up dowop singers in this number. Sush

and I began to mime the words at Victoria in unison “Ooh wah, ooh wah cool, cool Kitty Tell us

about the boy from New York City. Ooh wah, ooh wah c'mon kitty. Tell us about the boy from New

York City.” We sang in silent unison along to the music. Victoria the consummate stage presence

began to sing back to us “He's kind of tall, “He's really fine. Someday I hope to make him mine, all

mine. And he's neat, and oh so sweet, and just the way he looked at me, He swept me off my feet,

Ooh whee, you ought to come and see. How he walks and how he talks.” Once again Sush and I

parroted the chorus back to her as we pranced around the stage. “Ooh wah, ooh wah cool, cool

kitty Tell us about the boy from New York City.” She swaggered in front of the two of us

snapping her fingers as she sang. “He's really down And he's no clown He has the finest penthouse

I've ever seen in town And he's cute In his mohair suit And he keeps his pockets full of spending

loot Ooh whee, say you ought to come and see His dueling scar And brand new car Every time he

says he loves me chills run down my spine, Every time he wants to kiss me He makes me feel so

fine.” There was a special connection or eyes made as she sang the last couple of lines. Once again

Sush and I kicked in with the chorus. Then Victoria took control once more as she strutted about

the stage singing about the man that she loved. “Well he can dance (He can dance, take a chance

with a little) And make romance (Romance baby, cause he's a looker) That's when I fell in love,

With just one glance (He's sweet talking and cool) He was shy And so was I And now I know I'll

never, ever say goodbye Ooh whee, say you ought to come and see He's the most From coast to

coast.” She sang fanning herself breathlessly as she did. A final rendition of the chorus and music

faded.

We began to take our bows and collect our tips and I honestly figured that would be it and my

little foray into the wonderful world of theatre would be over and I could get changed and into

some sensible shoes once more. But know they were clamouring for more from the three of us. I

was panicked at the thought I’d only rehearsed the three numbers with Victoria and had no clue

what to do. “You’re going to have to wing it.” Victoria whispered at me as the three of us joined

hands and bowed to the crowd. A nod at the D. J. brought the strains of We Are Family.

Thankfully it was a song I’d heard countless times in the past and new the words too. We basically

linked arms and began to sing as we swayed and strutted together. “We are family I got all my sisters

with me. We are family Get up everybody and sing Everyone can see we're together As we walk on by and

we fly just like birds of a feather I won't tell no lie, all of the people around us they say Can they be that close? Just let me state for the record We're giving love in a family dose.” It was hard for me not to grin as we sang and danced to the music. All of Victoria’s friends had embraced me warmly and

welcomed me into their tight knit if rather unusual blended family. It dawned on me that these

people really were family to each other, and they were good people that truly cared about each

other and supported one another through thick and thin. It was rather humbling to me that

despite my initial contact with them and my reluctance to do any of this they still accepted me.

Even if it wasn’t my world they still welcomed me into theirs.

We scampered off stage after final bows and accepting last minute gifts of tips amid applause and

warm calls of appreciation from the audience. I was laughing as I entered the change room

“Now?” I questioned. “Yes, now” I was rewarded with as I slipped off those wretched instruments

of torture known to the rest of the world as fashionable high heels. I also plucked the earrings off

of my lobes and immediately felt them throb with relief as did. Next I yanked off the wig and

scratched my head. “How do you guys do this and not go nuts from either the discomfort or the

itching?” Sush just shrugged. “I guess you just get used to it. Sometimes you have to suffer for

the love of your art and for love. You know I thought you were going to be a judgmental jerk the

first time I met you, but I’ve come to see you in a whole new light. Besides you clearly love Miss

Kitty here and she feels the same about you, so you both have my blessings……provided I get to be

the maid of honour of course.” And we all burst into gales of laughter.

“You’re all right yourself Sush, in fact all of you are, and it may still take me some time to really

get comfortable with all of this but give me time and I’m pretty sure that I’ll come around

entirely and feel more comfortable all the time.” “Does this mean we should get you a drag bag

of your own as a thank you gift?” She asked playfully. “Not on your life.” And the room erupted

into laughter once more. Sush cleared her throat “We do though have a little honorarium to

bestow upon you and a small gift to show our appreciation for you.” And she handed me a white

envelope and the pair of heels that I’d worn during the show. I opened up the envelope and was

astounded to find two crisp hundred dollar bills in it. I began to protest. “I didn’t do this for the

money, I did it for Victoria and because it was the right thing to help you guys out of a bind.”

Sush waved me off standard payment for a new queen, once you get to be as seasoned pro it goes

up considerably. As for the shoes, well you could use a bit of practice in them.” She chuckled

merrily at her little joke. “Well seeing as how this is a special occasion we’re going to have a

little after hour’s party here once the bar closes down. Just the family and a few close friends of

course and we’re hoping that you two will stay as well. But for now I must dash, as I’ve got a

couple closing solo numbers of my own to perform.” And with what pronouncement she floated off

in a cloud of fabric.

The others in the room also departed in order to catch the last few numbers of the evening, and Philip

and I were alone once more. He tried to stand to embrace me and moaned in discomfort as he did.

“Sit” I commanded lovingly and he sank back down into the chair gratefully. “My dogs are barking.”

He lamented “How do women do this on a regular basis?” He marvelled out loud. I pulled a chair

over by him and gently took his legs and helped him lift them as I put his feet in my lap and began to

massage them. “That feels heavenly. I could let you do that all night long it feels so good.” I ran my

hands up his calves as well massaging them and working out some of the knots that were there

caused by his first experience of wearing high heeled shoes for any amount of time. “You were pretty

amazing out there and seemed to really be getting a kick out of it…” I was saying. Philip cut me off “I

have to admit it I had a total blast once I got over the worst of my nerves. Think it went even better

than my last stage performance as a kid back in grade school. But then I didn’t have you in my

corner either back then. It’s good knowing you’ve got someone that’s going to completely support

you.” He said earnestly reaching his arms out to me.

I carefully placed removed his feet from my lap and placed them on the floor as I sat down on his lap

and wiggled comfortably into those welcoming arms that were waiting for me. He wrapped them

around me and held me close. “We’re a pretty good team already you know and I don’t mean the on

stage stuff either.” He said. “I know.” I agreed with him. “This whole thing may have started off as a

crazy lark in the heat of the moment but someone we managed to make it work. Believe me I do

know what it took for you to do this for me. Yet you still put aside your fears and anxieties and it did

out of love for me. You gave me the gift of yourself and put me first and those actions spoke volumes

to me Philip. I love you all the more for you being so lovingly selfless. I’m still not sure I deserve a

man like you but I know how incredibly lucky I am to have you.” I said softly. “Ironically I think I’m the

lucky one and still am trying to figure out what an amazing woman like you wants with a man like me.”

The warmth in his eyes was hypnotic and drew me towards him as our lips met. Our lips brushed

softly against one another at first, before locking together firmly, his tongue slowly working its way

between my lips, my own seeking entrance to his mouth, with gentle probing in return. It was a

deeply sensual kiss slow and unhurried as we savoured this moment of quite tenderness after the

earlier mad pace of the evening.

“So do you want to get changed and we’ll head home or do you want to stay for the after party?” I

asked as I remained curled up in his arms, feeling perfectly content with life. “It’s been such a long

crazy day of firsts for the two of us. Part of me is exhausted and just wants to pack it all in and call it

a day and go home and be alone with you. I mean we’ve dealt with neighbours, parents…” Philip

began. “Made love to each other for the first time.” I continued “Not to mention the newest addition to

my resume, drag queen performer.” Philp finished off for me. “A lesser man would have left after the

neighbours and before the whole parent thing, but you hung in there and kept going my little

energizer bunny.” I told him as I kissed the tip of his nose affectionately.

“I know the after parties are schmoozing that goes with it is probably part of this whole life style of

yours.” He said. “It is, but I’ve already told you that you come first and I meant that.” I told him stoutly.

“I know. But I’ve also still got this buzz going on from the whole performing thing and being so well

received by the crowd that I figure I may as well experience the rest of it.” I grinned at Philip “Okay

but tomorrow we sleep late, take a long soak in the tub together and spend the day just the two of us

okay?” “Lady you’ve got yourself a deal.” Philip responded and sealed the bargain with a kiss.

ACT XIII PERFORMANCE ANXIETY revised edition

Philip was able to conquer his performance anxiety and found out he’s a natural born entertainer, now he’s going to bask in the limelight of it with the love of his life by his side. When the oldest performing drag queen in Toronto, favours him with the compliment of asking him to perform again he’s rather overwhelmed. Will he or won’t he perform again is still a mystery, but for now all that matters to him is spending time with Victoria and continuing their life together.

After what I’d been through tonight a lot of my inhibitions were fading fast and I stood bare

chested in front of the sink still in my tights not the least bit self-conscious about stripping down

in front of the rest of the performers. As I scrubbed my face until it was pink, glowing and devoid

of makeup I was looking more and more like my old self once more. As I was toweling off Victoria

had come up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “How are you holding up?” She

asked me. I could feel her soft cheek pressed against my exposed back and wisps of her hair

brushing against me tickling me softly. There was a familiar intimacy to it even in these

surroundings and I couldn’t help but get this warm feeling inside of me. Draping the towel around

my neck I turned to face her and wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close. “I’m doing

surprisingly well.” I grinned and kissed the tip of her cute little nose. “My feet however are still

killing me after those shoes and all that dancing.” I added. “Does this mean no dancing at the

after party?” She asked her lips forming a slightly petulant mock pout of protest. “Well maybe a

slow one or two if you promised to hold me really close and not step on my toes.” I teased her.

She rested a crooked finger against her chin seeming to give my offer serious consideration. “I

think that could be entirely doable.” Her eyes were sparkling at me brightly at me as she

answered.

“So Miss Kitty, think I should get dressed and escort you upstairs to the party?” I asked smiling

down at her. “I rather like you like this.” She responded running her hand over my tights encased

bottom and lightly trailing her nails up and down my spine. Those simple acts were making my

rethink my decision to stay and socialize. “You keep that up and I’m going to scoop you up in my

arms carry you out of here and ravish you the minute we get home.” I growled low in her ear and

nipped her earlobe playfully tugging gently on it with my lips. She giggled in that sexy delighted

way that she had at my words and actions. “That does sound incredibly amazing and I assure you

there will be a very private celebration when we do get home for just the two of us. Right now

though I want you have your moment of glory and take your victory lap of the stage so to speak.” I

nuzzled her ear in response and whispered “I love you.” Sweetly into her ear which earned me a

warm hug in return and an equally heartfelt “I love you.” She returned to me as she rested her

head against my chest.

This was a far different celebration for me than the one I had had after I’d debuted in my school

play. While my mother’s hugs had been warm, her congratulations and pride in my

accomplishment sincere, it differed vastly from what I was experiencing now. With Victoria it

filled me, uplifting me with a sense that I was a force to be reckoned with in anything that I

choose to undertake. She gave me strength and courage, stemming from the simple,

uncomplicated fact that she believed in me.

A laughing head stuck itself around the corner of the dressing room door. “Oh there you two

are. We thought that perhaps you’d left already. Come on everybody’s arrived. One of the girls

ran over to the all night convenience store and grabbed some munchies. Oh and the pizza and

wings should be hear shortly as well if you’re hungry at all. The music is pumping and the joint is

jumping so come on get a move on.” We were informed before the jolly face vanished from view.

“I guess this is my cue to get dressed and wedge my throbbing feet back into my own shoes.” I

sighed, as I was quite content to just hold her forever. “I suppose so.” She agreed reluctant to

end our little cuddle session herself. “I’ll help you find your pants and shirt.” She added. It took

us a while to discover them, as my abandoned clothes had gotten buried beneath a mountain of

costumes as rushed performers had hastily changed their outfits during costume changes. Finally,

though I was dressed and ready to go, though I seriously considered slipping my shoes off and just

leaving them behind in the car along with Victoria’s drag bag while we enjoyed the party.

When we arrived back in the bar there was a definite party atmosphere in full swing. The

music was pulsating loudly people were dancing and laughing with drinks in hand. Food had been

set up on the bar for those that wanted it and I had to admit I could go for a slice or two. One

arm was wrapped around Victoria’s waist and in the other I held her drag bag. “I’m just going to

slip out and put these in the trunk of the car so we don’t accidently forget them later. We’ll just

enjoy ourselves and if we indulge too much we’ll take a cab home and pick up the car tomorrow

sometime. It’s after midnight and its free parking on Sundays so we should be safe from getting

towed.” I told her as I kissed her cheek. “Okay I’ll grab us a couple of drinks and slices as I’m sure

you must be famished again. I’ll be ready and waiting for you when you get back.” She said as she

smiled at me. I grinned and nodded my approval over the music. A final quick kiss to tide us over

and I worked my way through the party goers, drag bag in hand. The air was cool and crisp as I

exited and it felt good to inhale the fresh air. I took a couple of deep breaths and headed for the

car.

It was fairly deserted on the streets now as the bars had closed down and only a few stragglers

remained. A couple of restaurant workers taking out the trash and grabbing a quick smoke in

front of long emptied out restaurants. The low rumble of passing street cars, from nearby Carlton

Street and the odd car gliding by were the only other audible signs of life. It was peaceful and for

a few brief moments I had a chance to clear my head, which had been buzzing like a beehive for

the better part of the day. One minute I was making love to the woman of my dreams who I’d

spend an entire life time in search of and in the next breath I’m a wise cracking drag queen

kicking up my heels on stage. Life is often stranger than fiction and I wondered if someday some

of this might find its way into Victoria’s best seller that she was working on. Right now though I

was just the happiest guy on the face of the planet, there was a woman I loved waiting for me and

I was aching to be reunited with her.

Bounding up the steps to the door, I flung it open, only to feel a rather vise like grip clamped

on my shoulder. “Hold up a minute buddy and just where do you think you’re going?” I started to

answer before I’d even turned around. “Inside to meet my …” then I realized who it was, it was

the same guy that had offered me my first tip and tried to tuck into the top of my dress. “This is

a private party sir. I’m going to have to ask you to leave quietly.” He informed me firmly. “Oh

but I belong here, I’m meeting my girlfriend.” I protested. He snorted. “I suppose the next thing

you’re going to tell me is that you’re one of the performers?” He questioned me still quite

unconvinced that I did in fact belong. “Well now that you mention it yes, I am actually.” I

answered him feeling rather amused about all of this. “That’s a good one.” Clearly not believing

me in the slightest in fact he was becoming decidedly agitated by my responses.

Under normal circumstances I probably would have been a little more patient with him as I

tried to explain but right now I wanted to reunite with Victoria and join the party, besides my

feet were still killing me and I was in no mood to deal with this guy. So I did what any one in my

shoes would do I channelled my inner diva. “Oh, no you didn’t.” I said snapping my fingers at him

with a dramatic flick of my wrist. “Nobody talks to me like that, Tootsie is offended now.” I

snapped referring to myself by my drag moniker. “Not to mention you tried to stick that tenner

into my dress.” I barked at him. His mind was scrambling to process what I’d just snapped at him

and as he scrutinized my face trying to make the connection. Just then Victoria arrived. “Philip,

sweetheart there you are.” She exclaimed. Is everything okay? I was beginning to wonder what

was taking you so long. I’ve missed you.” She stopped short when she realized that everything was

not entirely hunky dory at the moment. “What’s on earth is going on here? Stephen why do you

have your hand on my boyfriend? I’ll admit that he’s a total hottie but I hate to break it to you

but he’s a breeder.” She grinned at him.

Stephen quickly released his grip on me. “So you’re legit, you really were planning on meeting

your girlfriend.” He said sheepishly. “Yes I’ve been trying to tell you that and I really did perform

here tonight as well, I’m that bombshell diva Tootsie from Montreal.” I couldn’t help but grin as I

delivered those infamous words after all they weren’t ones I was likely to be able to utter again

anytime soon. "I really am sorry. I so didn’t recognize you without your stage persona. I heard

from Sush how you pitched in at the last minute to help out and I’ve got to say that’s pretty damn

decent of you. You’ll have to forgive me for trying to detain you and toss you out on your ear. We

just don’t need any gate crashers causing any kind of trouble, like gay bashing or losing our liquor

licence. I care about these people and their safety, it’s my priority.” Stephen said. “No hard

feelings?” He said extending his hand. “No hard feelings. We’re cool.” I assured him. His words

did make me stop and think though. The possibility of someone crashing and trying to attack

anyone of these people for their lifestyle had never even entered my mind before. They were

decent people who worked hard, enjoyed living life and all that went with it, why should anyone

judge them for who they choose to love and have a relationship with. Definitely was giving me

something to think about and I was grateful to him for taking care of Victoria and her friends.

“Well I’m glad we cleared all this up.” Victoria smiles as she slipped her arm around my waist

and reached up to kiss my cheek. “Now come on I’ve got a couple of your admirers that I want you

to meet.” She said with a twinkle in her eyes. “I have admirers?” This news came as a complete

and utter shock to me. Had my mother secretly been in the crowd complete with camera in hand

just like back in my youth, as I couldn’t fathom anyone wanting to meet me after my debut

performance into the world of drag performance. Victoria led me stealthily through the throng of

revellers to a quieter corner of the room where a rather aged grand Dame seemed to be holding

court. She sat as regal as any Queen dressed in her ball gown, perfectly coiffed silver hair and

covered in jewels. Victoria did a small curtsey in her presence. “Miss Antoinette may I introduce

Philip Renault to you.” She smiled kindly at me as she proffered a delicately thin crepe paper like

hand out to me. I accepted it graciously and clasped it in my own. It was surprising warm with a

firm grip to it despite her fragile looking appearance. “Young man,” She began in a firm clear

voice. “I personally wanted to thank you for your performance here this evening. I’m quite sure

that you have no idea who I am so I shall enlighten you. My name is Antoine Dupre and over a half

century ago I took to the stage for my first ever performance as Miss Antoinette.

It was a relatively underground activity in those early days and there were only a few of us

that dared to even attempt it.” She cleared her throat and continued to speak as she held my

hand. “Now I understand that you were not an entirely willing participant in your performance

here this evening and I that you are in love with our Victoria, if I have been given to understand

the situation correctly, and I believe that I have.” She added quirking a perfectly formed eyebrow

at me. “You have indeed been informed correctly on both accounts.” I answered her, as I gave

Victoria a meaningful glance and received a smile that lit up her entire face. “Now as I said

earlier you may have been reluctant at first but as I watched you perform I can only say bravo and

kudos to the energy that you brought to the stage this evening. Once you found your natural

rhythm I must say… now how is it that you young people refer to it…oh yes you owned it. You took

charge and it became yours. I was very impressed with you to the point that should you choose to

perform again you will be welcome on my stage at any time you would like to join us.” She smiled

warmly and released my hand.

You could have knocked me over with a feather, perform again, me? I was in a bit of a state of

shock over her announcement as I tried to formulate a proper response. “Thank you. I am

humbled by both your assessment of my talents as a performance artist as well as your kind

invitation to perform again at my choosing.” I answered truly feeling as if I had been offered a

royal decree. “Now if you’ll indulge an old woman do have a seat, and let me get to know you a

bit better seeing as how you’re the newest addition to our little family here.” “I’d be delighted to

spend some time with you.” I answered her as I pulled out a seat for Victoria and then seated

myself next to her. Miss Antoinette made a couple of small gestures with her hand and soon I

found a glass of my favorite scotch in front of me along with a plate of food to nibble on. I must

have had a slightly mystified look on my face as she laughed. “This is just one of the many

benefits of owning the establishment, not to mention half the street, my dear.” She leaned in and

informed me in a confidential manner as though I were an old and trusted friend. “Now do

indulge yourself, while we get better acquainted with each other.” She said as she gestured at the

refreshments.

I had to admit she was a fascinating individual, who had had a wide variety of life experiences

behind her. I didn’t even mind missing out on the more rowdy elements of the celebrations that

were going on in the background. Miss Antoinette was delightful with her colourful stories. She

also seemed genuinely interested in me, my line of work and even more importantly what my

intentions were with Victoria but somehow I didn’t mind her interrogations in the slightest. I was

feeling a bit like a minor celebrity as a member of Miss Antoinette’s private court, as people came

up to the three of us to pay their respects and to congratulate me as heartily as Miss Antoinette

had done. Eventually though Miss Antoinette was growing weary and begged us to forgive her as it

was time for her to take her leave and retire for the evening. “I’ll just leave you young people to

enjoy yourselves.” She said as she patted Victoria affectionately on the cheek and shook my hand

once more. “Oh and young man, I meant what I said, you come and join us any time you like.

Good night my little loves.” And with a flounce of her gown she whisked away from the table with

stately grace. “Don’t you just love her half to death?” Victoria asked as we watched her

depart. “She is indeed a special person and I absolutely love her energy and vitality. Do you know

how old she actually is?” I asked. “Indeed I do, you probably won’t believe me but she’s turning 80

this October and she’s still a real pistol.” Victoria informed me, and I couldn’t have agreed with

her more.

She was indeed a grand lady elegant, charming, as well as clearly still being a vital member of the

community and I could easily envision Victoria years down the road still every inch the lady and

just as noble as Miss Antoinette was, with people paying tribute to her for the gentle, loving way

in which she ruled. It was something that should be captured and memorialized and what better

way than in a painting, which I of course would create. It would be the ideal tribute to both these

fine ladies. I made up my mind that I would propose the idea to Victoria as a special gift from the

two of us to Miss Antoinette as she celebrated her reign of over fifty years on the stage as well as

a tribute to the remarkable strength and courage of both these women to follow their dreams

despite what the conventions of society dictated. But for the rest of the night Victoria and I would

belong solely to each other.

“So what do you say you and I have a bit of fun with the rest of the guests and out on the dance

floor?” I inquired of Victoria as I held out my hands to her. “Why sir I thought you’d never ask.”

She grinned and with that we were off. It was one of the best parties I’d ever attended. People

were jovial, the music was incredible, laughter abounded, the food while not the least bit

pretentious was plentiful and the drinks flowed freely. The party atmosphere began to ebb slowly

and about quarter to five in the morning it was time to call it a night. We said our good nights to

those that were still there and quietly slipped out the door. It was still dark out but there was a

faint glow starting to rise in the sky. “Shall I see you home my good lady?” I asked as I slipped my

hand into hers and leaned down and nuzzled her cheek before depositing a soft kiss on it. “Sure

right after breakfast.”

“Breakfast, you want breakfast now?” I asked completely incredulous. “Yep breakfast, it’s a

guaranteed to ward off any potential hangovers from all those drinks we consumed and it will give

us a chance to talk over everything that’s happened. By the time we’re through we’ll be able to

drive home safely as well.” She chirped at me. “Your wish is my command Miss Kitty and where

exactly are we off to? “Eggstasy, should be the perfect spot they have killer breakfasts and it’s

only about a block and a half from here.” As she told me as she took my arm and guided me down

the street. Eggstasy as it turned out was a beehive of activity even at this hour of the morning.

We waved to a few friends from the night before who were already seated and sipping steaming

cups of coffee and digging into massive plates of what looked like deliciously prepared breakfast

entrees. We were whisked to a table, handed menus and offered coffee which we both gratefully

accepted. I sat across from Victoria at the small table for two and reached out to stroke her hand

before I enveloped it in mine.

She was beautiful, even just perusing the menu making faces of concentration and deep thought

as if what to eat was a critical decision. I smiled and watched as this cacophony of sounds around

us added to this feeling of joy and wonder. Probably from being on holidays with my parents

where we would always begin each days adventure at some kind of hotel dining room or diner so

these sounds of sleepy diners, cups and saucers gently tapping together, coffee machines bubbling

and the muffled noises of a busy kitchen just coming to life always reminded me that the day has

so much potential. The frenetic energy of both the kitchen staff and the wait staff whose lives

were based on a time scale so foreign to my own, was contagious and it gave me great excitement

for the day ahead as they prepared for the onslaught of the day. Now that excitement was

compounded exponentially with such a wonderful partner to share the morning meal with and it

compelled me to say so.

“You’re a pretty amazing woman you know that.” I told her. “Thank you I try.” She laughed. “No

I mean it, seriously. You are the one person that can ease me out of my comfort zone, assure me

that I can do it and that anything is possible and it’s all because you love me so unconditionally

and believe in me. I’ve never had that in my entire life and I’m so overwhelmed that you do. I

have got to be the luckiest person on the face of the earth.” I told her as my eyes penetrated into

hers. She squeezed my hand. “Philip, I’m the one that’s the fortunate one here because I have

the gift and protection of your love. You’ve opened yourself up to me so much and you give so

freely of your time and talents and have right from the start, even when I was pretty awful with

you when we first met. You didn’t judge me then and even after you got a rapid fire education

about me and my all too numerous faults and bizarre life style you still love me.” She concluded

her eyes looking as if they were welling up with emotion. “Hey now, none of that only happy

tears ever my love.” As I leaned raised her hand to my lips and kissed it. “Let’s just agree we’re

both very fortunate and blessed to have found each other. “That’s something I can totally agree

with you on.” She concurred just as our waitress arrived with pad and pen in hand to take our

orders.

“We’re sorry miss we’ll need a few more minutes to decide I haven’t even looked at the menu

yet” Philip apologized to her. Our waitress just grinned broadly at me. “Correction sir, you’ll

need a few more minutes I already know what this one wants. Let me make sure I’ve got this

right, two eggs sunny side up, bacon crisp, marble rye toast, home fries, blueberry pancakes extra

butter and maple syrup and of course another cup of coffee.” She reeled off quickly. “You’ve got

it.” I giggled at her. Philip just shook his head, handed his menu back to the waitress and said

“Make that two please.” As the waitress left Philip asked me teasingly “So just how far does the

radius extend that wait staff and delivery people are acquainted with you?” “Oh it’s pretty

extensive.” I assured him. “But I have this feeling I’ll be dining at home a lot more from now on.”

I smiled at him. “Probably be working out a lot more as well so I can keep enjoying meals like this

as well,” My implied meanings of how and just who I planned on having as a workout partner were

quite clear to Philip who flushed and as his eyes darted around the room to ensure no one else had

overheard me and had understand my true meaning. “You’re entirely too cute.” I said as I

squeezed his hand in mine. “I could learn to live with that.” He returned as he half stood and

leaned across the table to give me a gentle buss on the lips.

As we sat holding hands we discussed the previous day, his basic introduction to my parents, which

we both agreed could have gone a lot worse, but seeing as how we were both adults and had

handled things in a straightforward manner had gone pretty well over all. We also began to discuss in

depth just what his performing last night had meant to both of us. To me it had been a gift of love, his

overcoming his misgivings and anxieties just to make me happy. To him it was as much a gift of his

love and devotion to me as well as to realize one of his secret dreams of performing before a live

audience. Maybe not quite the way he had envisioned it but still had given him at least a taste of

fulfilling that ambition at least once in his life. Two large oval plates with hearty portions were placed

in front of us. “Oh yum, I’m starved.” I said. “Bon appetite.” Our waitress wished the two of us as we

unfolded our napkins and picked up our cutlery all ready to dig into the steaming dishes. It didn’t take

the two of us long to polish it off along with a couple of more cups of coffee which our waitress was

quick to keep topped up and hot for us. “I so can’t believe we just did that.” Philip moaned rubbing his

stomach. “But it was delicious wasn’t it?” I asked him slyly. “Oh yeah, I agree, definitely no

complaints about that.” He responded. “So what do you say we settle the tab, pick up the car and

head home to work some of this off work out partner of mine?” I asked him. “Check please, miss.”

Philip said as he caught the attention of our server.

After we’d settled up and had left a generous tip, which Philip insisted on paying for out of his tips

from last night’s performance. “Just one of the many perks of being a successful and well-loved

performance artist.” He informed me as though he was a seasoned veteran. We both began to laugh

heartily. “I love being able to be silly with you.” He told me as he kissed me on the nose before we

headed out the door. The sun was up fully now and it looked like it was going to be a perfectly

glorious day to be alive. By all rights I should have been utterly exhausted but somehow being in love

is this wonderful magic that makes you feel like you’re able to live on that and nothing else. Philip and

I sauntered back to the car, arm in arm at a leisurely pace with not a care in the world. We were

incredibly happy and very much in love with each other. We’d stop every few paces and share a

small gentle kiss before we would carry on. When we finally reached the car and were on our way I

rested my head against his shoulder and placed my hand on his upper thigh and languidly strummed

my fingers over it as we made our way home, which elicited little moans from his lips as he drove. As

we pulled into his drive he asked “So beautiful your place or mine?” He asked me giving me a dreamy

look. “Mine please I need to feed Sydney who should be pitching a complete and utter fit by now.” I

responded.

Philip grabbed my bag out of the trunk then came around and opened the door for me. He

escorted me out and we walked over to my place with our arms wrapped around each other’s waists.

Now I’m sure to some people this might be considered the walk of shame coming home at dawn with

a man you’d hadn’t even known an entire week but there was no shame for either one of us. We truly

were in love and were committed even now to remaining a couple for the rest of our lives. I dug

through my purse to find my keys and opened the door so we could enter. Sydney just as I expected

was howling in protest about being kept waiting for his breakfast. Catching him in mid jump I nuzzled

his fuzzy little head as I apologized to him. “I’ll feed Sydney, if you’ll take care of his litter tray.” Philip offered. “How about we reverse that?” I teased him. Sydney just howled plaintively as if to say

“Would you people just get a move on and take care of me, good grief are you going to quibble like

this if you ever have human kids?” Philip ended up feeding Sydney and I took care of the other

parental duty. Now fed and with fresh litter Sydney was a happy camper once more.

Philip and I made our way slowly up the stairs as fatigue seemed to finally be settling in with us.

At the doorway to what I know considered our bedroom Philip brushed a stand of hair back from my

face. “You look beautiful.” He whispered to me. I knew I must have looked a wreck after such a late

night out and so little sleep the night before but I loved the fact he still found me attractive even at a

time like this. “I’m sure that I’m not, but I’m happy that you think I am.” I smiled at him. “I know we’re

both running out of steam even after our second wind, so what would you say to a nice hot shower

before we slip into bed together.” I propositioned him. “Sounds perfect provide you’re planning on

joining me in that shower. It’s save time, seeing as how were both so tired.” He added his eyes

twinkling. “No arguments from me on that.” I answered amiably. “Give me just a couple of minutes to

use the facilities and brush my teeth before you join me? I’ll start the shower and get the temperature

just right too.” I added. “Sounds good to me, though I could use a bit of sprucing up in the oral

hygiene department myself, do you happen to have an extra toothbrush I could keep over here?”

Philip asked me. “Sure help yourself third shelf down in the hall closet there should be a couple extra

ones there. Help yourself to anything else you may need. After all, my home is your home now.”

Philip discretely shut the door behind him so I could have a bit of privacy while for a couple of minutes

before he rejoined me with a soft tap at the door to see if it was okay to enter now. “Come on in, I’m

decent.” I called back. He turned the doorknob and entered, toothbrush in hand.

As we brushed our teeth together sharing the sink it struck me as how familiar this all seemed

sharing space like this together. We performed this little ritual together as tough we’d been sharing a

sink together for years. There was just this natural synchronicity between the two of us, which was

beautiful in its own right. Of course when we were finished we had to test the minty freshness our

breath on each other. The test results were most favourable as slow kisses turned into something

more probing and intense. I got the shower started and those kisses resumed, loving affirmations of

our commitment to each. Slowly we began to undress each other, layer by layer until we were both

unfettered by clothes. With nothing binding us we moulded our bodies against each other as we

continued to kiss each other as if we could never have enough of those joyous little gifts to each

other. Somehow we managed to find our way into the shower together never once breaking the

contact of flesh between us. I could feel Philip’s arousal pressing against me wanting to find its way

home. We sighed into each other as the warm water cascaded down on us, soothing tired and aching

limbs, never once breaking the seal between our lips as we managed to locate the shower gel and

began to lovingly lather each other’s bodies. Philip worked his soapy hands over my shoulders and

breasts tenderly soaping and massaging me, causing any tensions that my body held to evaporate

into thin air. I moaned hot puffs of air into his mouth as his hands worked their way down my torso,

over my hips and buttocks, down my tummy and to that sweet hot spot he had more than a passing

acquaintance with after yesterday. I was in heaven and I never wanted the feeling to end.

I had just had one of the craziest days and nights of my entire life and here I was creating the

dawn of a new day with a beautiful woman who also happened to be wonderfully free spirited and

gave her all for me. She was now the focal point of my universe and I had to wonder what I had

done before she came into my life. Her warmth and gentle spirit fused with my own and made me

a better and stronger person because of it. I loved her with a vitality and passion that surpassed

anything I had ever experienced before. Her hands running over my body made me long to enter

her and to feel her special warmth that could only be obtained when were we coupled together as

lovers. Even with Victoria here in my arms and our lips conjoined together I ached to have her

even closer to me. The need to make love was over powering me and I couldn’t contain myself

any longer. I slowly began to sink to the base of the tub gently guiding her down with me. I

managed to somehow sit on the bottom of the tub and navigate her into a squatting position

above me. Her fragrant tantalizing sex was quivering in small spasms of anticipation as I guided

her down with my hands on her hips unto my own quivering shaft of flesh.

She sighed as her legs opened like the petals of a lotus flower and she accepted my gift. It was

an awkward position but we were determined to make love here and now. Our passions needing to

be sated, whether it was this unique position or our intense need for release it came to us both

mercifully at the same time. We clung to each other for dear life as wave after wave of orgasmic

pleasures over took us. My mind was in an erotic fog from the experience. I smothered her with

kisses of gratitude as wave after rolling wave of sensory overload racked our bodies. Her whispers

and cries of I love you Philip were the sweetest music in the world to my ears. I cradled her in my

arms joyfully repeating her refrain of I love you, I love you, I love you. Holding on to each other as

though we were each other’s salvation which is exactly what we were to each other, before

Victoria my life had been a barren wasteland.

The water had begun to run cool so we began to untangle ourselves and help each other regain

our ability to stand. I turned off the water and grabbed a towel off the towel rack to wrap

Victoria in and stop her from shivering from the coolness in the room. She purred and sighed

contentedly as she told me how much she appreciated me being so attentive towards her. Not for

one minute though did she stop to even consider she was duplicating my loving gestures as she too

had grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me. When we were sufficiently dry we ran like a

couple of playful little sprites down the hall and to our bed room. We pulled back the covers and

dove into the depths of the bed as we cocooned ourselves in the sheets and duvet that we’re on

it. The true warmth though came from the love in our hearts, as we entwined our limbs and

snuggled close together.

ACT XIV OF PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

It's amazing how manageable life can feel with only one blanket and the right two arms holding you close. Victoria has finally learned what it is to trust someone completely and know the haven of warmth that is to be found in a good man’s loving embrace. Philip has discovered the unmitigated joy of knowing the loving tenderness of having the perfect woman for him by his side. Love really is a many splendored thing.

Philip held me close, enveloping me with his body trying to warm me as I shivered slightly against

the coolness of the room. He drew the blankets around me tightly swaddling me as though I were a

papoose against his chest, an innocent babe, who need to be held protectively, kept safe and warm.

His body was my haven, a source of comfort and protection. It was still unbelievable to me how much

I trusted this man, as I had never been one to give my trust to anyone lightly. Yet somehow my head,

heart and soul knew that if anyone would defend me with no thought to themselves, putting me first

and foremost I knew it was Philip. Never would I have to question his faith or commitment to me. My

body trembled with the over whelming knowledge this of his devotion and love for me.

“You’ve got the chills.” He observed with tender concern in his voice, as he began to rub his hands

over me trying to infuse the warmth of his own body into mine. “No it’s not that, but I do like the way

you choose to warm a girl up.” I replied as I moulded the contours of my body closer against his.

“Then what is it? You can tell me anything.” He prodded me gently as he tipped my chin up gently

with his one finger so that he could gaze into my eyes. “It’ll sound silly.” I giggled self-consciously.

“My darling, if it has meaning and relevance of any sort to you then it is of the utmost importance to

me as well.” He promised me his voice liquid warmth that seeped into my every pore. “I’m shivering

because of the way you make me feel inside. Not just from the physical aspects of things either,

which is pretty fabulous, just for the record. You have this ability to just fill me with this feeling I’ve

never experienced before in my life before and I just never want it to end.” I was struggling helplessly

trying to formulate my feeling into thoughts. “Is it that feeling of this amazing inner peace, that all if

finely truly right in the world and if fills you with this incredible happiness?” he questioned me. “Yes,

yes that’s definitely part of it but it’s so much more it’s bigger than that.” I said growing excited at the

prospect that he truly would understand what I was trying to convey to him. “It’s all the best moments

of your life racing around in your mind then it becomes a comet and it hurtles through the space of

your entire body leaving trails of energy in its wake?” He added his own excitement seeming to grow

with my own. “Exactly and it fills you with this most amazing sense of elation this euphoric high in

your heart and your soul. At the same time it scares you just a little but not enough that you want it to

stop feeling that way.” “Oh you do understand.” I beamed in delight at him.

“I do understand my darling because I feel that same way myself.” Philip intoned solemnly. “It’s

the purest, most unconditional form of love that I have ever known or experienced in my entire life

and I have you to thank for giving me such a rare and precious gift. My heart and soul is forever

entwined with yours Victoria.” With that he tenderly cupped my face in his hands and drew his lips

down to kiss me.As much as it amazed me how completely he understood every little thing about me

and could finish my various thoughts, even when I couldn’t it just confirmed to me how very right this

whole decision to get involved with him had been. Philip was the North Star that would shine brightly

in even my darkest night’s and would help me find my way back to the safety he offered me. He

would be the sun that rose each day in my world and would shine his warming rays directly into my

heart.

The way we melded together so seamlessly often let me feeling as though I had been

bewitched and bewildered, but it never bothered me in the slightest. Quite the contrary I

revelled in this complete and utter unification we had going on between us. The depths of our

love allowed us to be in tune with each other, melody and harmony coming together to create

something of great beauty. Nuzzling her cheeks and forehead before rubbing the tip of my nose

against her in a playful gesture of affection, I felt totally at peace with the world. “Well we’ve

had quite the day haven’t we?” I asked her yawning ever so slightly as I did. She just smiled at

me. “Indeed we have and I’m so glad you did that first. I’m only just now realizing how

incredibly exhausted I am. What would you say to just holding each other close and allowing the

sandman to make a visit to both of us.”

She asked sleepily slipping her upper leg through mine its silky thigh overlapping mine now.

Her head resting on my chest as she made soft sleepy little sounds as she snuggled in making

herself comfortable in my arms and was softly slumbering before I could even answer her.

Stroking her cheek lightly with my fingertip I then brushed back an errant strand of still damp hair

from her face. She looked so peaceful and so happy lying there in my arms, positively angelic

despite earlier claims to the contrary by her parents. To them she may always be more sinner

than saint but in my eyes she was the ultimate in perfection. I kissed her ever so softly so as to

not disturb her and rested my head upon my pillow. I have no recollection of how long it took me

in reality to drift off myself but it seemed I had barely even closed my eyes before it happened.

Before I even opened my eyes, the sense of still being nestled next to Philip was evident to me, by

the warm of this body, the soft evenness of his breath as he continued to slumber, the gentle even

beat of his heart still at rest. The knowledge of his presence caused a smile to form upon my lips as

my lids gently began to flutter open. With my now open eyes I drank in the features of his handsome

face. As I gazed upon him I realized how much I truly adored and loved this man. These same

ruggedly handsome features of his had only last night been softened to become a beautiful woman

and yet to me he was and would always be all man. There was a also a childlike innocence to him

and the way he held me in the crook of his arm against his chest, as though I were some cherished

stuffed animal that he just couldn’t bear to sleep without. I had to smile at the thought that I was now

his very grown up version of his former faithful companion and sleep partner. Lightly I brushed kisses

over his chest before cradling my ear against him listening to the soothing beat of his heart. I was in

heaven safe in his loving embrace.

She was a thing of rare beauty that was beyond my abilities of description, lying there so still

in my arms. There was such comfort in having her snug in my arms this way. It took me back to

some pleasant memories of being just a young lad myself and insisting at bedtime that I could not

possibly get to sleep without my faith companion and partner in crime, Ruff. My mother more

than likely had him still packed safely away along with other childhood treasures of mine in hopes

that one day I’d pass them on to a child of my own. I’d be willing to bet there was a copy of the

Velveteen Rabbit in that box as well. As a child I had always loved that story and it suddenly

struck me that Victoria was my long lost friend finally come to life. She was my adult version of

my own brand of Velveteen Rabbit.

Magically at the same moment I had that thought flit though my mind, she stirred and glanced

up at me. Seeing my eyes were open she, she wriggled about until her lips were just a breath

away from my own. “Good morning, my love.” She whispered before that brief space between us

closed and her lips were upon mine. The kiss was everything a proper good morning kiss should be,

a welcoming form of warmth that gently stirred the senses, encouraging me to come to life once

more. It was a leisurely greeting that coaxed me to transition completely from my dreams into my

reality. “In a perfect world, every day would start like this.” I murmured softly as I placed a kiss

upon her forehead. She lifted her head slightly and kissed my chin. “It would be lovely if we

could always wake up like this.” She agreed running her hand over my chest her fingers seeming to

dance across my flesh. “Easing into the day together, knowing the rest of the day was ours to do

as we pleased. There are so many things I could do and perhaps should do but I am determined to

make this day ours. It wouldn’t matter what we do or where we do it, just as long as we’re

enjoying it in the company of each other.”

“I could happily just spend the day here in bed with you my love. Sharing cuddles, our hopes

and dreams for our future together, making love, just simply enjoy being us.” I told her as I tried

to draw her just a little closer to me if such a thing were possible. “I particularly like that stay in

bed and make love part of your plans.” She grinned at me saucily as she ran her tongue over her

lips lightly as though savouring the idea and barely being able to control her desires for me.

“You’re a naughty girl Victoria.” I chided her lovingly, which earned me a rather throaty little

purr from her along with a decidedly mischievous look in her eyes. “When I’m good I’m very good,

but when I’m bad I’m better.” She quipped back complete with her best Mae West imitation to go

along with it. As she started to kiss her way down my neck, chest and torso I realized she was

planning on showing me just how frisky and naughty she was feeling. Not surprisingly I was already

rather aroused when she met the object of her desire and began to lick at it with long languid

strokes of her warm, wet tongue. It felt amazing and I began to squirm under her administrations

to my member which was now beginning to throb, not only from the arousal I was experiencing

but the anticipation of what she’d choose to do next to me. She was truly an expert at making my

mind race as to what she’d do next to me.

Beginning with soft caress with her hands, squeezing, massaging, stroking and alternately

fondling me would have been enough to bring any man to his knees and make him beg for the

sweet relief she could provide. But it was that tongue and mouth of hers that was causing me to

convulse in spasms beneath her. She had this way of sucking the tip into her mouth and with a

little wink she was capable of devouring me in one fell swoop of her mouth where she would hold

me captive in the warm and depths of it. I’d moan in rapture as she continued to work my flute of

flesh and make it sing. She could coax the vibrations from me as I trembled and would raise my

hips to meet her in an attempt to kiss her mouth with my loins. As she drove me into a frenzy of

delight I became more and more vocal with her. I couldn’t hold myself back much longer and I

knew my release was going to be imminent. My hands stroked her shoulders urging her on as my

fingers entwined themselves in her hair. I felt that surge of energy pulsating thought out me and

I knew I was going to fill her with my hot sweet cream.

It filled me with a great deal of deeply felt satisfaction knowing that I pleasing Philip this way. The

way his body was responding to me filled me with my own desire which rose with each and every

level that his did. To me this was my own brand of art being able to pleasure him and evoke such

primal responses from him. I felt his legs quivering, his hips giving one final urgent thrust before I

began to milk spurt after spurt of his creamy essence. I eagerly swallowed each and every precious

drop of his fluids as I drained every single drop from him, continuing to suck gently on his still firm

flesh. His breathing was rapid and he was still having those delightful little aftershocks racking his

body. It filled me with an awesome sense of power knowing that I could exert such a means of

control over his body and its pleasure. As I rested my cheek against his thigh I kept his penis

ensconced in my mouth protected lovingly. I sucked on it softly finding it a soothing and loving act for

both of us to enjoy. Eventually he began to soften in my mouth, as his breathing returned to a more

normal rhythm. He stroked my hair, gently curling tendrils of my air around his fingers to form delicate

little curls. Small shared intimacies such as these were what made our lovemaking so special.

Finally with a little sigh, I released him from the protective custody of my mouth and gave him a few

tenderly devotional licks and kisses.

I drew her up to me and stroked her face softly with my fingertips, committing each delicate

feature to memory. Kissing her lips I could taste the salted essence of my own fluids still

lingering upon hers. Truly she was beautiful to me and I hoped and prayed I would never do

anything to make her think otherwise. “You are absolutely gorgeous Victoria.” I told her

sincerely. “Even with a severe case of bed head and no makeup on?” She queried suspiciously.

“Especially now, because you are in your most natural state, I can see the real you. If I wasn’t

already madly in love with you I wouldn’t be able to resist falling for you in this minute. You are

my everything, my hopes and my dreams all rolled into a wish come true.” My voice cooed to her

in mating call of its own design.

“For that I am glad, because you are my dreams come to life as well. I’m still trying to figure

out how all of this happened…” she began. “Victoria,” I broke in placing my finger against her lip

to quiet her. “Don’t try and over think it, just accept it, we were meant to be together, we’ve

always been meant to be together. I know that in the depths of my heart and my soul.” I finished

as I kissed those soft yielding lips of hers once more. The best part of all of this was that I knew

just exactly how lucky I was that I’d found her at long last. There was no doubt at times that

she’d be a total handful and try my patience to its limits with her crazy antics but I also knew

that I wouldn’t want to miss one minute of it, not for anything in the world. If last night had

been any indication at all I knew that she’d be able to convince me of absolutely anything. It

made me smile.

“So pray tell kind sir, why are you grinning like a Cheshire cat, who’s just had a bowl of cream?

As I believe that I was the one that just enjoyed your vessel of cream.” She purred at me just like

the seductive little kitten that she was to me. “I was thinking about last night. How crazy all of it

was and how somehow despite my better judgements I let you talk me into it and how it turned

out to be some of the best fun I’d ever had in my life. If it hadn’t been for you and your charming

wheedling to get your own way, it never would have happened. But I’m so glad I did it, it was a

great experience and I actually learned a great deal from the experience.”

“You make it sound like I somehow conned you into performing. Why Philip I did no such

thing, you made that decision of your own volition.” She began to protest. “Victoria you can

easily wrap me around me your pretty little paw and have me eagerly do your bidding. I made a

decision to face my own fears last night that much is true, but there was definitely a need for me

to not let you down either. I fear you’ve been let down enough in your life by people and I’m not

going to be one of them. I’ll always back you up and support you and I needed you to know that I

meant it. I needed you to know it just wasn’t a bunch of empty words. I’m pretty sure that life is

always going to be an adventure with you, filled with plenty of surprises to keep me on my toes.”

I told her quite plainly. “Would those be toe shoes by any chance? Bet you’d look utterly fab in

those and a leotard complete with a tulle tutu in baby pink perhaps?” She started to giggle.

I reached behind me and grabbed the pillow from under my head and took a playful swing at

her with it. “Oh yeah?” she responded as she picked up her own pillow and gave me a solid thump

with it. From there on it was game on. We both tossed pillows at each other laughing like a pair

of lunatics the entire time. It was entire madness two alleged grownups naked as the day they

were born behaving like a pair of children romping around enjoying a honest to goodness pillow

fight on a lazy Sunday afternoon. As she grew tired from the exertions of the game she tried to

pin me to the bed “Say Uncle and I’ll quit.” She demanded in a childlike demeanor as she tried to

look menacing holding her weapon of choice in her hands above me. “Not so fast.” I retorted

easily rolling out from under her and positioning myself over her body. “You say Uncle.” I teased

her. She just shook her head defiantly and laughed. “Nope.” She replied staunchly not about to

give in. “Looks like I’m going to have to resort to some other tactics to get my own way about

this one.” My eyes were only full of love for her as I pinned her and began to kiss and tongue her

ears throat and shoulders until she was putty in my hands. She soon began to moan and squirm

beneath me and finally her words came like music to my ears. “Uncle, I give up. You win.” She

gasped. “Aha” I crowed triumphantly. “More please.” She purred at me. “You nut.” I smiled at

her and gave her exactly what she asked for after all how could I possibly deny my lover anything

her heart desired, especially when the thing she desired most was me.

A plaintive “merrrow” broke up our little make out session as Sydney decided to join us.

Clearly he felt respectable people should be out of bed at this hour of the day and taking care of

more important things like feeding him. I gave him an affectionate pet but would have been just

as happy if he had decided to make himself scarce and had spent the day snoozing on on the back

of the sofa as he basked in the sunshine. “Guess we should make some sort of move to drag

ourselves out of bed.” She said dubiously. “Think we could get the pizza delivery guy to deliver to

our bedroom and feed the cat on the way out if we tip him really well?” I offered. She just burst

into laughter at that idea. I joined her in the giggle fest but clearly Sydney looked at us like that

was so not an option in his world. I gave her one last hug before we got up.

“If we ever have kids can we agree they spend weekends at least once a month with Grandma

and Grandpa so we can have silly, special times like this just the two of us?” I asked her. “Totally

doable, we’ll be happier people and better parents as a result of having us time. The only flaw

with that plan is straightening out after they’ve been spoiled rotten by their grandparents.” She

answered, which just served to make us both laugh good naturedly knowing the truth in those

words. Somehow we managed to make it downstairs, each of us having the presence of mind to

toss on some form of cover up, for me that was a pair of my boxers and for Victoria it was one of

her old t shirts and a pair of rather fetching looking panties. Heaven help us if we had another

day of friendly neighbours and family dropping by. They’d just have to deal with it if they did

pop around unexpectedly.

“This has to be the best day ever.” I said snuggling up to Philip as we cuddled on the sofa in the

living room. Sydney had been fed, watered and otherwise placated by both of us and was now doing

what he did best, attempting to figure out how to get on to the top shelf of the entertainment centre

that contained a fish bowl which contained a blue Beta fish in it by the name of Sushi. “You named a

fish Sushi?” Philip had questioned me rather amused by the choice when he’d inquired if I had a

name for him. “Sure” I’d shrugged “after all chances are Sydney being as resourceful as he is that

could very well be his fate.” “Aren’t lazy days like this the best? I so seldom have them anymore it’s

rather a luxury for me. Tomorrow it’ll be a whole other story but for today I’m a very happy camper.” I

murmured happily as Philip nibbled on my neck. “Seems perfect to me as well but then any time I

spend with you is perfect.” He crooned into my ear. It sent shivers of delight down my spine the way

that he said it.

“So I’m not sure if this is a good time to bring it up or not but I had this scathingly brilliant

idea last night and I wanted to talk to you about.” Philp said to me. “Any time is a good time for

us to talk about anything Philip.” I assured him. “Well it’s like this. Last night meeting Miss

Antoinette and all was quite the honour for me. I loved her energy and spirit. It kind of gave me

a glimpse into the future with you. You might be silver haired and perhaps not quite as agile as

you are now, but you’ll still be every inch the lady, filled with life, charming and disarming as

ever.” He told me. I flushed under his compliments. “Thank you Philip I take that as quite the

compliment. She’s been a real inspiration to me, a trail blazer in a world where it wasn’t always

easy and wasn’t openly accepted. It takes a lot of courage to do what she’s done. I have the

utmost respect for her. She’s also been incredibly kind to me as well since I’ve met her and been

working at the club. I wish there was some way that I could show her both my gratitude and

affection for her.” I sighed. “Well I think I might just have the answer to that.” I told her with a

glint in my eyes as I prepared to propose my idea to her. “What would you say if I did a portrait

of the two of you together in full drag? We could present it to her formally at her birthday party

in October. Think she’d consent to sit for one?” I asked not entirely sure if I was over stepping my

bounds even asking.

Her answer was to bounce into my lap and throw her arms around me after which she began to

smother me with kisses. “That is sheer genius. I know she’d adore that.” She gushed between

kisses and hugs. Suddenly she stopped short. “But I can’t pay you for something of that magnitude

Philip and it’s bound to take heaps for time because I already know you’ll take great care in

making it as perfect as possible, as you capture everything just right.” She added regretfully.

Once again I held a finger to her lips. “Woman you are simply going to have to listen to me at

least every now and again.” I told her sternly. “I said it was a gift from both of us, secondly I

wouldn’t dream of taking any money from you or anyone else for it It’s going to be a labour of

love for the woman I love and her benefactor and mentor. Besides as long as I’m on the receiving

end of your hugs and kisses I’d consider that more than fair payment.” I grinned at her and then

kissed her firmly on the mouth to stop any further protests she might have. It was a very

enjoyable tactic to get her to be silent. I knew it would be one that I’d have to employee on a

fairly regular basis, but I was a trooper and more than willing to do what I had to do.

When I felt she’d been kissed properly I finally released her. “Nice try but if that’s how you

handle me and my mouth, I’m just going to ramble all the more about things.” She said as she

stuck her tongue out at me like the cheeky little minx that she was. “Well I always believed one

had to be firm but fair at a time like this.” I told her before moving in for even more kissing

maneuvers with her. The truth of the matter is the simple fact was that I simply loved kissing

her, over and over again. There were so many perfectly delightful ways to do it and I planned on

perfecting each and every one of them with her as my study buddy. “I’m totally starving again,

even after that massive breakfast we had earlier.” I informed her as we sat snuggling. “Well I

guess I’d better do something about that. After all I do have to keep your strength up if I plan on

continuing to ravish you the way that I’m planning to.” She informed in a solemn tone but her

eyes were twinkling merrily at me at the prospect of all that ravishing she had in mind. “So what

would the lady of the manor like for dinner this evening?” I inquired of her. “Not sure, do you

have any suggestions?”

“Well if we had a barbeque I’d suggest that. We could go get those steaks I bought when we

went shopping on Thursday and grill those along with some grilled veggies, a baked potato and

voila a quick and easy dinner. I suppose we could just do the steaks under the broiler though.” I

suggested to her. “Actually if you have a sense of adventure which I don’t after watching my Dad

over the years then we can have one.” She informed me. “Okay so I take it we’ve got a bbq then

and just what does your Dad have to do with this?” I asked arching an eyebrow at her. “Oh it’s

one of the prehistoric types we had when I was growing up. You know the type charcoal briquettes

that you start with lighter fluid and a match. Well Dad would inevitably have flames of epic

proportions going on which let our neighbours to panic and put in call to the local fire station. I

was the only kid in the third grade that was on a first name basis with an entire station of

firefighters.” Then she shook her head and laughed. “I have no idea how my Mom put up with him

at times, he can be quite the goof at times. Guess she loved him and still does.” She surmised.

“Well if you’ll be so kind as to tell me where it is I’ll go drag it out of its hiding spot and get it started so we get a nice set of coals going to grill on. As long as you think I’ll look okay without

eyebrows.” I said which earned me a horrified look until she realized I was only teasing her about

the eyebrow thing. “Oh you.” Was all she said as she leaned in and kissed me. Since I was going to

be in charge of the charcoal lighting and grilling Victoria offered to clean and prepare the rest of

the meal for me to cook. But first I had her get dressed in a few more clothes and slip over to my

place to grab me a fresh change of clothes. We’d go over after dinner and grab some more things

but for now I’d be happy with a pair of jeans and t shirt of my own. She was happy to comply as

neither of us wanted to cause any more neighbourhood scandals other than the ones we already

had.

Once I was dressed I went out to the little garden shed in the back yard and poked around until

I found the old fashioned grill and the briquettes. As I got into the light of day in the back yard I

realized it had seen better days but I was still confident I could make it work for at least tonight.

It was a relieved Victoria that emerged from the house a while later, with a tray laden with

freshly sliced veggies which she in her increasing boldness in the kitchen seemed to have

marinating is some virgin olive oil, garlic and a few other herbs. It actually smelled like a pretty

good combination to me. There were also a couple of potatoes wrapped in tin foil and perforated

so they wouldn’t explode during the baking process in the hot coals. The steaks looked thick and

tender, nicely marbled and I planned on grilling them to perfection. She’s also had uncorked a

bottle of red wine along with a couple of glasses which also reposed upon the tray she carried.

“You’ve thought of everything it looks like.” I said smiling to her as she set it down on the

picnic table. “I think so even the plates, cutlery and tongs for you to use are here.” She crinkled

her brow as she ran over her mental check list. She was so darn cute whenever she concentrated

on something. I put my arm around her and pulled her in for a hug. When the goals were perfect

I poked through the coals and buried the foiled covered potatoes to bake. Then I leveled out the

coals. It seemed to amuse her. “This may come as a shock to you but I actually have a clue about

what I’m doing here.” I quipped at her. “I can see that, just thinking about Daddy and his

flaming inferno’s is all, which produced a charred beyond recognition exterior and a rather rare

interior. Bit of challenge to get your knife through even.” She laughed over the memory and I

joined her. Dinner when it was finished cooking was excellent and we both dug into it heartily and

enjoyed our simple but filling feast along with the wine. The sun began to sink further from view

as I put my arm around her when we’d finished dining. What more could a man ask for I thought

his best girl by his side, a full stomach all capped off with a gorgeous view of the setting sun. It

was getting chillier as the sun dipped behind the horizon and she snuggled closer into me. Life as

I knew it was good, beyond good actually.

We finally rose and cleaned up the table and I carried the tray in the kitchen for her. She

started the washing up while I tended to making sure that the grill was properly cooled. I arrived

inside just as she was finishing wiping the last dish. “Typical man.” She teased me “Arriving after

the dishes are all done.” I took it all in good stride and teased her back. “Well if you’d rather

take the opportunity to meet all the eligible fire fighters in this neighbourhood I won’t be so

cautious next time I put the grill out.” Her only retort was to toss the wet dish towel at me. I

dodged it easily and then caught her in my arms. “So think its bedtime?” I asked her in a husky

voice. “That depends are you planning on grabbing a set of pyjamas when we get some more

things for you to wear from your place?” She asked waiting expectantly for my response. “I hadn’t

planned on it.” I whispered into her ear. “Then mister when you get back it’s definitely bed time

for the two of us.” And with that she reached up and kissed me passionately.

ACT XV OF PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

In everyone's life a little rain must fall but when you're in love you'll be able to weather

the storms as long as you have each other. The storms will pass, the clouds will clear

and the sun will warm your hearts once more.

We actually ended up going over to Philip’s place together partially so that I could take some things

of my own to keep over there but mainly because we simply wanted to spend time together. It was

that desire to spend time together that had led us to a rather playful little romantic romp in his bed.

Neither one of has required any major form of enticement to make love to each other, which is how

we had ended up completely unencumbered of our clothes. Sprawled on the top of Philip’s bed, he

was working his magic on me and had me alternately mewling and purring with delight and pleasure.

There was definite strength in his hands and caresses but at the same time there was such gentle

tenderness in his caresses. The way he moulded my flesh to his never once breaking the contact

between us, flesh against flesh, lips against lips, tongues boldly exploring one another, heated breath,

rapid pulses thundering. These were moments we both lived for striving to connect as fully as

possible with each other. Our voices sang out to each other in rapturous joy as we pleased each

other with passionate but always loving care. This was lovemaking at its finest pure, intense beyond

description and something I was rapidly learning I had never experienced until Philip. Never in my life

had I been so unabashedly expressive with a man before I had taken Philip as my lover. He was the

only man that had ever created such a safe haven for me to explore my sexuality. Philip listened to

my needs and desires, not only in the words I spoke but the way my body spoke to him and

responded to his. So unselfish, always so giving, kind and patient he had allowed me to finally be

able to trust another human being. Finally I could truly say I knew what it was like to both be able to

love and allow myself to be loved in return.

This whole episode between us had begun so naturally and had just progressed until we were in

the height of passion in a tangle of intertwined arms and legs here on my bed, that only a couple

of days before she had made up for me. I loved the spontaneity of our love making. The intensity

of it was something I had never experienced with any partners of my past either. With mere

words this woman could seduce me as if she were performing some slow sensual striptease for my

intellectual self. She was so in touch with not only what she wanted and needed but what I did

as well. You need to have chemistry with your lover not only the physical kind that too many

people never seem to get past, but the intellectual, spiritual and emotional ones as well. Victoria

and I had found that elusive balance of all of them and were reaping the rewards of our discovery.

We brought out passions and desires in each other deeper than either of us had even known we

were capable of possessing.

As we both hit our climaxes together, we clung to each other as we were tossed on the waves of

mutual orgasmic gratification. Our pelvis continued to kiss one another as we rode those swells of

pleasure. Lips joined heatedly interlocking into each other as our internal fireworks exploded in

blast after blast of dazzling brilliance. Until finally only gentle trails of fading colours remained

and even then I could not bear to break the connection, remaining buried inside of her. She made

no effort to break the connection either as we continued to kiss one another. They were softer

kisses now, gentle soothing, reassuring that we would never lose the crazy passion that we had

just experienced together. I knew I never wanted to live my life without it.

“Have I told you how much I love you Victoria?” I whispered quietly to her as we lay still joined

together. There was a soft giggle “I believe you just did and without the use of any words…at

least ones that were discernible in the heat of the moment.” She responded. Nuzzling her I

couldn’t help but giggle myself until I ended up bursting into complete laughter. I rolled her on

top of me and brushed her hair off of her face, then used my hands to frame her face. “Do you

know how incredibly lucky we are that we can laugh while we make love?” I asked her totally

enthralled with the entire concept. “Technically it could be argued we’ve finished.” She replied

with her eyes twinkling at me merrily. My response was to wriggle my hips against hers reminding

her even though I wasn’t rigid I was still a part of her. She wriggled back “Point made.” She said

drawing down to kiss me once more.

It was almost a bittersweet moment for me when I did finally slip out of her but in my heart I

knew the rich intenseness of what we had just shared would never truly leave either of us and

that we would find ourselves revisiting it countless times together in the future. “So shall we just

stay here this evening?” I asked her as we both seemed totally at home in the cozy nest for two

we’d created in bed together. “If we do that we’ll have to get up super early get dressed and at

least one of us will have to tromp next door and feed Sydney. As tempting as staying here is, it’s

easier to nip downstairs naked take care of his demands then, just go back upstairs so we can curl

up and snuggle until we really to have to get up and start our day in earnest.” She sighed.

“Never really thought about it, guess I’m still not used to dating a single unwed mother.” I

teased her. “Not to mention the sensation it would cause if you streaked over there to be a

responsible pet parent. Though I have to admit I wouldn’t mind seeing you running naked. I’m

sure it would be quite the vision.” I smiled at her. She pretended to be miffed by my comments

but I noticed that familiar pink stain creeping up her cheeks. “Oh my God, you so have been

caught streaking before haven’t you my dear?” I challenged her, which only served the

colouration to deepen further. “If I say yes, is this going to be some sort of deal breaker between

us?” She inquired almost timidly. I just burst out laughing again. “No, no, not at all this isn’t

some episode of the Jerry Springer show after all, but I’m rather curious tell me about it. What

on earth possessed you? Is there someone that is remembering the occasion a little too fondly that

I’ll want to punch in the nose at some reunion or other event, should they bring it up?” I

questioned her.

Letting out a sigh, I began my explanation. “What can I say it was the seventies, streaking was

the in thing. We were young, more than just a little… now how shall I say this without incriminating

myself further here, under the influence of a certain herbal substance?” I grinned. “In other words it

seemed like a good idea at the time but after the fact you thought better of it?” Philip supplied for me.

“Exactly, it was one of those stupid I dare you sort of stunts, the it was late at night and the only one

that may have seen us was one of my neighbours who, bless his heart was blind as a bat without his

glasses on and probably didn’t have a clue as to who or what went whizzing by his front porch.” I

laughed at the memory. “I guess my folks may have been right I could be quite the handful at times

when I was growing up. Are you really sure you want to keep me around?” I added seriously. Clearly

this was one of those times Philip felt he had to silence me because he pulled me down to him and

planted a firm kiss directly on my lips. I loved the way that he would calm my fears and silence my

protests. “Guess you’re sure.” I smiled at him. “Oh yeah, I’m sure.” He said as he kissed me again.

Neither one of us was overly motivated to untangle ourselves and so that we could be

responsible pet parents. We were going to have to figure something out so that Sydney would be

able to be equally at home in both our country and city homes as we’d decided to call out two

dwellings, as neither of us really cared to refer to them as yours or mine. That just seemed too

cold and clinical to us like it was some sort of a legal contract not a personal committed

relationship. So until we decided together what to do about the matter we’d come up with the

idea of referring to her place as our country home as it was closer to the park and river than mine

was, while mine was a little closer to the down town core of the city and hence would be referred

to as our city home. Eventually we’d make the move fully to a single dwelling as it would make no

sense to either of us to maintain the expense of two completely separate residences for any

length of time. I knew Victoria had a great deal of sentimental attachment to the country home

due to her late Aunt Emily and the many childhood memories that were attached to it, while my

recent acquisition of property meant little to me. The only matter of any importance to me in my

address would be the fact that I was sharing it with the woman I loved.

“So how long are we going to continue to do this commuting thing my dear Victoria?” I asked

her as we each carted over some more of my clothes and other personal items. She was struggling

with the key in the lock as she tried to balance a small box on her bent knees. “I agree we have

to make a decision as this is really rather silly but at the same time I don’t want either of us to

have any regrets about moving things along too quickly either.” She dropped the box on the porch

and gave the door a solid little kick with her foot in frustration. I set my own burdens down and

wrapped my arms around her. “There, there, don’t fret my pet.” I comforted her. “Sorry, I’m

just frustrated, I’ve worked so hard trying to get this place into shape, there’s still so much to do,

things are going so great with you, and I’m just being majorly neurotic that I’ll do something

stupid and …” with that she burst into tears. I held her close and stroked her hair as she sobbed

her body quaking from the efforts. “Victoria, you aren’t going to lose me, no matter what, I love

you with all my heart. Please remember I’m not one of the past disappointments of your life I’m

your present and we are going to face the future together. Also I know how attached you are to

this place and I wouldn’t dream of asking you to give up your dreams of making this yours.

I think you’ll find I’m actually a pretty handy kind of guy to have around the house.” I assured

her in a loving tone. Her sobs began to subside, she looked up at me with her tear stained cheeks

and red nose which was swollen from her crying jag. “I’m being a silly little goose aren’t I?” she

sniffled at me. “Yes, but you’re my silly little goose so it’s okay but” I added with a serious note

to my voice “you have to learn that my love for you is unconditional. When you get insecure like

this I’m just going to love you just a little bit more. I promise you here and now I’m always going

to make time for you, I’ll listen to you as well I’ll treat you with respect and kindness. Victoria

it’s okay that all of this is overwhelming you at times.” I told her as I used my thumbs to wipe

away her tears. “I’ve been on the verge of tears a few times myself the past few days. I’m just

so overwhelmed by the way you love me and how much you’ve breathed life into me. There were

parts of me that I had closed down and shut off before I met you. We were made for each other.

There’s this rather charming Chinese proverb I once heard and I’ve never forgotten it.

It goes like this: An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of

time, place or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break. You and I

are that red thread we were destined to be together and nothing is going to break the special

connection that we share with each other, even if we do get tangled up at times.” I told her as I

brushed her forehead with a kiss. She clung to me tightly. We’d been so focused on each other

that neither of us had noticed the sudden change in the weather. Large drops of rain had begun

to fall and the wind had begun to rise. “Come on we’d better get inside.” I said as I kissed her

softly once more. The door when she inserted the key turned easily this time and we hustled into

the warmth of the house. Sydney was sitting by the door waiting for us with a look that said.

“Silly humans I was wondering if you two had enough sense to come in out of the rain.” As he

licked his paws before stalking off. Clearly he didn’t feel the need to chaperone the two of us. It

was then we heard the rumble of the thunder and saw the first streaks of lightening, as the

darkened entryway was illuminated by nature’s light show. “I’ve always loved a good storm and

this one looks like it’s shaping up to be a pretty major one the way it came up so suddenly.” She

said as she peeped through the window of the front door.

I sidled up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. “I’ve always loved them too.

There’s just such power and energy in them, this wild unleashed passion. When I was a kid, I

loved it if it stormed like this when I was staying overnight at my Grandmother’s place. She had

this amazing skylight in her reading room. She’d make me a big mug of cocoa and I’d go in there

and lie down on my back and stare up at the patterns and designs the lightening made. It never

failed to fascinate me.” I leaned forward and grazed her cheek with a soft kiss. She turned to face

me. “Ironically I used to do the same thing myself when I was a kid and I’d lie there and wonder if

there was any one else out there doing the same thing I was. I guess I finally have my answer to

that question. Must be that red thread you just told me about we’ve been connected to each

other for years.” The smile had returned to her face once more and even with the storm raging

outside she was at peace with herself and with the fact I truly was going to be a constant in her

life.

“I know it’s getting late but how about we make a couple mugs of cocoa and watch the storm for a

while?” I suggested to Philip. “Actually I’d really like that. Just let me run these upstairs first because

the cocoa will mellow me out and I know I want feel like dragging them upstairs later so may as well

get them out of the way. I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a couple minutes.” He said with a quick kiss

before he and I parted company. When I Philip met me in the kitchen I was already busily measuring

out the ingredients that I’d lined up on the counter. “You’re making it from scratch? I must say I’m

impressed.” “One of my super powers is that I make a totally wicked cup of cocoa.” I informed him.

“Well if I ask you very nicely will you share your secrets with me?” Philip asked with a charmingly little

boy smile on his face. “I might be able to see my way clear to doing that, seeing as how I’m

moderately fond of you.” I teased him. “You’re only moderately fond of me?” He feigned his

disappointment at that pronouncement, then wrapped his arms me from behind and murmured in my

ear. “Would you consider upgrading that to relatively fond of me, once we’re married? After all we’d

be related then. So if this is like a family secret it would be safe with me then.” He whispered in my

ear before nibbling on it. “Well when you put it like that, I suppose I could share it with you.” I

laughed gaily at him.

The ingredients were now in the pot and I placed it on the element on a medium high heat and

began to whisk it in a figure eight pattern. “This is the real secret you have to whisk it in a figure eight

and never change the direction you’re going or it just won’t taste the same.” I informed him, which

earned me a really skeptical look. “Seriously that makes a difference?” he asked obviously thinking I

was joking with him. “I know sounds totally weird but I swear it’s the truth. My Grandfather taught me

how to do it and he was a pharmacist, said it had something to do with the molecular structure or

some such thing or so he claimed. All I know is Gramps made the world’s best hot chocolate and he

taught me to make it as well.” I told him as I removed the pan from the heat. Philip retrieved two

mugs from the cupboard and I poured the piping hot chocolate into them. “Would you like

marshmallows in yours?” I asked. “Definitely if we’re going to do this may as well go all the way with

it.” She opened a bag and plopped a generous handful of miniature ones on to the tops of the

steaming mugs of cocoa. Perfect now let’s go snuggle up and watch the storm together. We each

took a mug and made our way into the living room. We sat down on the floor before the large picture

window and began sipping our cocoa.

Amazingly it was the best tasting cocoa I’d ever had in my life. She sat scrutinizing my face as I

sipped, my eyes growing wide in both disbelief and delight. “Told you.” Was all she said before

leaning in and kissing me softly on my lips, the kiss was warm and slightly sticky with the traces of

melted marshmallow on her lips. It was truly one of the sweetest kisses I’d ever received both

literally and figuratively. “I shall never doubt you again, no matter how crazy it may sound.” I

promised her as we finished the hot chocolate and stretched out together on the floor side by

side. She rested her head on my chest and wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close. The

storm was still raging outside and the rain streamed against the window panes, but the two of us

were safe and warm inside nestled in the comfort of each other’s arms. The thunder would

begin with low rumbles, until it grew to fierce growls and roared with it all its might.

The bolts of lightning raced across the sky in some crazy game of electrical tag. Piercing the

darkest recess of the night with light as bright as day. The wildly raucous games the thunder and

lightning were playing with each other were in stark contrast to the peace I was experiencing with

Victoria in my arms. I knew we’d weather our storms together from time to time, like her earlier

upheaval about where we were eventually going to rest our heads together at the end of the day

on a permanent basis. I was also secure in the knowledge that the two of us would be able to talk

things through and work them out. We were bound to have our ups and downs together, all

couples do but it would be the way we handled them that would set us apart from those other

couples. She had strength, far more of it than she gave herself credit for. How many other

women would have the courage to undertake even half of the things that she had. I truly found

her remarkable and I knew how lucky I was that she was mine.

Mother Nature was putting on quite the spectacular show outside the sanctuary the house

provided for us. Drops of rains melded together and ran down the panes in mighty fast flowing little

rivers. Cracks of thunder snapped like whistling rawhide whips through the night, as if attempting to

coral and contain the errant streaks of lightning which boldly lit the sky. It was raw and intense and I

loved every minute of it but not as much as I loved the man that held me next to his chest, stroking

my hair. His heart beat was steady and even a soothing contrast to the wildness of the night. In his

arms I knew I was would always be safe and sound. The earlier tempest of doubts I’d experienced

earlier was in the grander scheme of things relatively minor. Philip was as solid as rock taking it all in

stride, reassuring me and calming my fears which had no true validity to them at all. I admired his

confidence and I knew I’d always be able to count on him to be there for me. With his loving patience

I knew I could learn to let go of the past and truly allow myself to be happy and know the meaning of

what it was like to be so loved, so unconditionally.

“This is wonderful. It’s been ages since I’ve taken the time to do something like this and I

can’t think of anyone I’d rather share this with.” I told her as I kissed her temple gently. “Funny,

I was just thinking the same thing. Let’s promise each other here and now that no matter how

busy our lives get we’ll take time out together to share moments like this.” She said as she turned

her head up so her eyes met mine. “Definitely, I completely agree with you. No matter how nuts

things get we’ll take time to step out of the madness even for a few moments and share special

times together because moments like this will see us through in the long run.” I reflected. “The

next few days are going to be a whirlwind of activities for both of us. You’ve got your opening

night gala for the gallery to finalize and get into our routine with our work. I’ve got a column to

write, shows to rehearse and a book to write. Not to mention the everyday chores of life to take

care of.” She sighed at the thought of it all. “Now none of that sighing business because you and

I are a team and we’ll handle all of this together and we’ll make it all work.” I reminded her.

“Your right Philip, I just need to get used to the fact I don’t have to do it all on my own any more,

that you and I will make it work, by working together.” I smiled up at him. “It’s a hard habit for

a stubborn broad like me to break of being so fiercely independent but I’ll work on it.” She

promised me. “That’s all I can ask, but right now I’d like to ask if you minded if we went upstairs

to bed. It’s just hit me how unbelievably tired I am and I don’t think my poor back can take a

night of sleeping on the floor, even with you.” I said to her.

“I know mine couldn’t take it and I’m feeling pretty sleepy myself.” She admitted. We helped

each other to our feet and took the empty mugs into the kitchen, where we ran some water into

them and left them in the sink until the morning. Then headed to the stairs to make our way up

to bed, where we slowly climbed them together, with our arms around each other’s waists. We

each undressed and unceremoniously left our clothes where they fell, not caring about any sort of

order or structure. We crawled into bed and snuggled in together, like two peas in a pod. There

would be no late night love making for us this evening but it didn’t matter to either of as we were

nestled so snuggly in each other’s arms. The storm was beginning to subside and what has been a

raging tempest that had rattled the window was replaced by the gentle patter of rain on the

window. It drummed out a soothing melody which would easily lull us both into the sleep our

bodies so desperately needed, before it did though we shared some gentle kisses and tender

caresses. Sleep cast its spell upon us and we drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.

ACT XVI OF PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

Even in the midst of a real life fairy tale romance we all have to face a little reality, which for most of us that reality involves going to work to fulfill our responsibilities. While we all have to to carry on, we can still create some wonderful memories to carry in our mind’s eye and heart to see us through those times we have to be apart. Follow their example and be sure to create your own special memories with your special someone.

The morning after the storm dawned bright and clear, as well as far too early for my liking which is

often the case on a Monday morning. Normally I’d be feeling this dread of getting back into the grind of

work after a couple of late nights of frivolity and socializing but now it was a far different reason that I didn’t want to get out of bed. Now my reason for wanting to remain in bed was the warm body curled next

to me that I didn’t know if I could bear to be parted from. She nuzzled her cheek against my chest

affectionately as she began to stir from her own slumber. Then a trail of soft little kisses glided across my flesh as she worked her way up to my lips. Victoria had this rare gift of being both endearing with her

aura of innocence as well as having a slow smouldering sensuality with took my breath away and quickened

my pulse.

“Think we could both play hooky today?” She asked lightly, as she slid her hand down my torso and to her own personal entertainment centre of delight. I let out a low moan as she grasped it and began to stroke it so lovingly. “You’re making a darn good case for it.” I answered as I positioned myself so I could kiss her while she continued to tease me like this. Not to be out done by her early morning maneuvers my one hand

had found its way to that lush mound of flesh known as her breasts. They were warm and firm in my hand

as I alternated cupping each of them and massaging them gently. She began to stroke me a little more

ardently as her legs rub together as though she were trying to duplicate the actions of a crickets mating

call only in this case the call was silent. Still I was able to pick up on her little premating ritual. I teased her little buds on the tips of her breasts, feeling them stiffen as I did. That little trick served to cause her to rub her thighs together even more urgently and in my mind I heard their sweet song calling to me.

Ever the gentleman my hand obediently found the source of her own smouldering desire, that velvet

mound between her thighs. As I cupped it, I felt the moisture of her dewy arousal upon my hand. Stroking her swollen petals, she let out a little chirp of delight as my finger began to delve between them, seeking that small delicate pearl of delight. Slowly circling it with the tip of my finger her chirps raised several octaves. Priming her in this manner her slickness increased and the heady scent of her arousal tickled my nostrils. My own member was throbbing in her hand and an early morning coupling between us seemed to

be inevitable. The need to be inside of her grew with each stroke and every kiss we exchanged. This

glorious good morning we were exchanging needed to be consummated.

Overcome with desire and need I rolled on top of Philip so that I could straddle him. His hands went to my

hips instinctively as I sat up ready to mount him. The swollen head of his engorged member pressed against

my puckered lips of flesh which begged to be parted and have this probing tongue of flesh kiss me internally.

The need was great to feel his presence in me and I plunged down as he slipped into my tight crevice. I bore

down on him pressing him into me as far as I possibly could but still wriggled against him in and attempt to go even further still. Momentarily I sat there basking in the feeling before I began to slowly ride him. Each stroke was euphoric and filled me with pleasure. Philip’s hips would rise to meet each of my downward thrusts as the sweet heat of friction we were creating together warmed me from within. Years ago as girl at summer camp I’d

learned how to use the time honoured method of rubbing two sticks together to create enough friction to ignite a fire. Repetitive motions which caused certain warmth to grow before it finally began to smoulder, sending up faint wisps of smoke, until it finally ignited into a flame that burned bright. A warm tingling was growing in my own depths and I felt as if I too were going to burst into flame at any given moment. It would explode into an all-consuming wave of energy and sweep throughout the two of us setting our senses on fire.

Maddeningly the swell of heat that was intensifying between us felt as though it would spontaneously

combust and consume our loins and each other in its fiery flames. Beads of perspiration began to form

upon my forehead as I focused all of my energy into her. My hips gyrating in time with hers, dancing out

our own heated mambo. Frenzied movements, urged us on to feed one another’s burning yens to sate our

desires. The climax with in me was closing in, ready to rage like a forest fire out of control.

The spark had long since become a flame which engulfed me and my beloved Philip it its heat and light. It

couldn’t be contained a moment longer it needed to shine and radiate its heat, free to burn brightly. With a

final deep plunge I my felt the warmth of my love bathing Philip as his own waves of passion swept over me

engulfing me. Riding each swell and each crest I cried out his name over and over again. His own shuddering

climax, matched my own, until I collapsed into his waiting arms, trembling. He held me gently stroking me,

whispering my name softly over and over again as if it were a sweet lullaby. Spasms of delight still caused me to shudder as my heart continued to pound wildly, racing like an animal trying to outrun a fire racing through a forest. Normally it might have frightened me but lying here in Philip’s arms all was safe as I took refuge in his arms.

Philip nuzzled my face affectionately. “You certainly know how to give a man a workout first thing in the

morning.” He crooned softly into my ears. “Well I have to get you ready for the day you’ve got ahead of you

don’t I?” I whispered back as felt a massive smile growing across my face. “You look mighty pleased with

yourself missy.” He teased me as he twirled strands of my hair around his finger. I flushed. “You should be.”

He continued. “You are a most amazing and invigorating lover my darling.” He softly began to kiss me. Those

kisses conveyed so much me, gratitude, love as well as his undying devotion to me. It was a most humbling

experience to be kissed like this. My fervent hope was that he felt those same things in my kisses. My need for the hope that I was conveying the same sentiments to him turned out to be immaterial as he murmured

between kisses. “I am so grateful to you that you’ve chosen to share your all-consuming love of life and bestow it all upon me, I shall try to always be deserving of it my love.” Tears welled in my eyes, for this man I had just made love to with such passion. “It is I that am not worthy of you Philip.”

I felt that I had never spoken more, truer words in my entire life. This man was perfect in my eyes. In such a short time he had demonstrated to me in countless ways both large and small how much I meant to him.

How many other men would have even dreamed of doing half of the things that Philip had done, not to mention

done them with the good humour and grace that he had. Most men would have been too caught up in

themselves or their own foolish pride to even hang out in a gay bar lead alone go on stage and perform in one.

He was clearly comfortable with his own masculinity and unafraid of what others might think or say about him.

As long as he knew the truth about himself he was confident enough to do anything. I admired that confidence

in him, as far too many men of my past would have either balked at my request with a barrage of words

attesting to all the things that they weren’t. Philip though was the kind of man that didn’t have to tell anyone what he was or wasn’t, as his actions were what spoke for him. “You deserve me.” He smiled and kissed me

again. I loved the ways he chose to calm my anxieties and soothe me.

“Meow” as you also deserve me too.” Sydney chimed in with his own thoughts on the matter. Along with it

came a look of and “Since you deserve me you’ll feed me now.” Clearly was etched upon his wee fuzzy face

as he wiggled his whiskers at me expectantly, “Kid we so have to teach you to knock before entering.” Philip

sighed but still managed to give Sydney a scratch behind his ears. “Now come on you little scamp, I’m going to feed you this morning and have some quality male bonding time with you while your mother has a minute or

two to catch her breath.” He said leaning in for another kiss. It was comically endearing watching Sydney

weave around Philip’s legs and feet as he tried to cover himself in his bathrobe. “Why not just stay naked and bring the paper in completely starkers?” I teased him. “Madam” He intoned seriously “It’s not that kind of a

neighbourhood, we are model and modest citizens, must I remind you of that fact? As he drew he ties of the

robe and belted it around his waist. His little speech only served to make me giggle especially with the whole boxer short episode still so fresh in my memory. As he exited with Sydney doing his little cat dance of delight, Philip lifted the back of his robe to expose his extremely fine derriere to me. “Cheeky.” I called after him. “Are you planning on taking up strip tease as your next talent?” I managed to choke out between giggles. He turned

and retorted. “You can only hope my dear.” After which he grinned and blew me a kiss. Was it any wonder I

was so madly in love with this man? He could be so delightfully whimsical and find the humour in anything it

seemed. I stretched and hopped out of bed and made a small pit stop in the bathroom to freshen up a bit and

grab my own bathrobe before I joined my two favourite men in the world.

When I entered the kitchen I wasn’t sure if I should be amused or annoyed with both of them. There was

Sydney perched on the kitchen table enjoying his breakfast, complete with a placemat under it. “Sydney you

know you’re not supposed to be on top of the table, naughty kitty.” I began to scold him. Sydney just stopped dining long enough to look at me as if to say, “Hey you don’t eat off of the floor, so why should I? I’m part of this family too you know. Besides Dad said I could so there.” And went back to wolfing down his breakfast.

“Philip, he’s not allowed on the table especially during meals.” I began, lecturing like I was the school cafeteria lady intent on educating the masses on dining etiquette. “Shall I serve your breakfast on the floor to you then?”

I looked at him and began to shake my head. “Sydney made a fine case for dining at the table, besides if I’m

going to be a pet parent I’ll have to learn to pick and choose my battles of will with him.” I just began to shake my head at both of them as I began to laugh. “You’re both incorrigible.” “That’s us double trouble.” Chuckled Philip as he caught me around the waist and gave me a giant hug and a kiss. “Will offering you a cup of coffee to enjoy while I make breakfast get Sydney and I out of the dog box with you?”

Philip offered giving me his best little boy in the world face. “You two both have me wrapped around your

little paws as it is. I don’t think I could truly stay cross at either of you for much more than a minute at the most.” I smiled at him as I stretched up on my tippy toes to give him a kiss, to let him know that minute of

annoyance was up and all was readily forgiven and forgotten already. “But to answer your question yes, coffee would be most welcome, thank you.” I said. Philip gave me another quick kiss then grabbed me a freshly

brewed mug of coffee which he whisked over and sat on the table before me. “Just as the lady likes it, a wee

bit of milk in it.” I smiled up at him from where I’d taken a seat at the kitchen table, while Sydney continued to noisily chow down on his morning meal. “I hope you realize, I could get used to all of this.” I purred at him as he sank into a seat beside me. Then we both sighed in unison. “I’m going to hate being a part from you.” We both said simultaneously. “Just like an old married couple already, we don’t just finish one another’s sentences we start and end them together. We’re pros at this couple thing already.” Philip smiled at me as he placed his hand over mine and gave it a loving squeeze.

“I wish we could just keep spending each and every minute together but we both know we’ve got

responsibilities to take care of. You’ll be in my heart and with me every step of the way though.” I

assured her. She smiled softly, “Just as I’ll carry you in mine Philip.” She leaned in and gave me a sweet gentle affirmation of that fact in the form of a kiss. As we sipped those all-important first cups of coffee of the day and prepared our morning meal together we talked over our plans for the day. I was going to

head down to the gallery to check on how things were progressing for the opening night gala. Things like

finalizations of guest lists, caters, wait staff, florists as well as ensuring that my most prominent works would be displayed to show off their ultimate potential as welcome additions to my future clienteles art

collections. Victoria in turn was going to put her nose to the grind stone and knock off her weekly column, which I was already dying to read. I mean after all its not every man that can say his girlfriend is an advice columnist, who doles out saucy advice.

Besides I loved the fact I was now her personal research assistant for it and was looking forward to

giving her that personal touch and effort with her research requirements. She’s drop it off at the office

then come by the gallery to see how she could pitch in with planning the gala with me. I was a little

anxious about the opening night but knew with Victoria by my side it was bound to be a smashing success

and the evening would go off flawlessly. It probably took us far longer to get showered and dressed than

we anticipated as the desire to have that skin on skin contact still cast an extremely prevalent spell upon the two of us. Her lips aquaplaning over my flesh as the water cascaded down, my own skimming her flesh

in return. Sudsy lather coated the most interesting and intimate of places as fingers and hands ensured it was washed away by the warmth and pressure of the water. Getting dressed was a challenge as well as we

found it virtually impossible to keep our hands off one another.

There was not a single doubt in my mind that we both would have been happier had we been undressing

one another rather than dressing. Though there were several visual perks that I committed to my memory

to help sustain me while we were apart. Watching her pull those little silk panties up those gorgeous legs of hers and watching them gift wrap her perfect butt cheeks and that sweet little honey pot of hers. Her

breasts framed with the delicate lace edging of her bra, which perfectly matched her panties, made a most

enticing picture indeed. It was all I could do to keep myself from unwrapping those precious gifts and

making love to her yet again. I did however wrap my arms around her and drew her close as my hands ran

over her silk covered cheeks. Her neck stretched upwards and she threw her head back as my one hand

travelled over her hip and around to that warm silk covered mound between her thighs. Cupping it in my

hand I ran my thumb along the delicate arch between her petals of flesh. She moaned and bit her lip as

she pressed into me. When I finally removed my hand from where it rested there was a slight moisture as

well as her most divine scent lingering ever so faintly. She grabbed me and kissed me deeply, using a most satisfactory amount of tongue action which caused me to let out a little moan of my own.

I had every intent of making a few pleasant memories of my own with Philip before we had to be parted. My

hands caressed his strong arms and chest before mischievously disappearing until they had a handful of that

amazing butt of his. I giggled at the thought I had of wanting to tattoo his very hot bottom with a hickey, sort of a leaving my mark on his more than fantastically perfect ass before releasing him into the wilds of the city. I settled for a few more caresses and playful squeezes. Also feeling rather bold and naughty I also cupped my

hand around his more than ample cloth covered package and massaged him until he moaned as his legs

began to quake, leaving him teetering on the edge of knowing I’d put a finish on this play time when we were

together again. “You so don’t play fair Victoria.” He hissed with heated breath into my ear, as he continued to nibble upon my ear lobe. Which was making me a little weak in the knees as I pressed against him.

“I’m either going to have to take you back to bed and finish this properly or we’ll have to agree to behave

ourselves until we have the time to do this right and believe me we’ll do it right either choice you make.” He growled in a low throaty roar that sent ripples of shivers washing over me. I grabbed him and pulled him into a deep kiss because if we were going to be responsible adults I was still going out in a blaze of glory. He gave me a playful swat on the bottom signalling it was time to make a decision about which choice I was going to

make. “So tempted, to say let’s go back to bed but the reality is we’ve got work to do. So you’d better go

before I beg you to stay,” I sighed burrowing my head in his chest. He kissed my forehead softly, trying to

ease us into this decision to be responsible adults. “It’s not forever sweetheart, besides we’d wear each other to a complete frazzle if we made love as often as we wanted too.” He sagely reminded me. “True enough, but

what a way to go.” I grinned up at him. “Touche, my insatiable lover.”

Philip had decided to take the car to work with him as he wanted to bring home the painting he’d gifted me

with a few days earlier. We walked with our arms around each other over to where it was parked in his

driveway of our city home, and shared one last sweet lingering kiss before he drove away. I gave him a

cheerful wave and blew him a kiss as he pulled away. I meandered back to the house and headed for the

kitchen to grab another mug of coffee before I buckled down and got down to some serious work of my own.

Sydney gave me a plaintive meow as he followed me into the study with my mug of coffee in hand. “I know

buddy, I miss him too. The house seems really empty without him.” I said as I sank down into my desk chair

and took a fortifying swig out of my coffee cup. Definitely time to get cracking on this article I thought to myself as I opened up my lap top and booted it up. I grabbed my note pad, which contained the notes Philip had so

painstakingly made with the information he had garnered from the reading he’d done. I scanned over the

notations he’d made and realized he had a definite knack for writing himself. Writing this particular column was going to be a breeze. I had to grin as I read the last couple of lines he’d written which said. “It was an honour and a privilege to be a part of your creative process, just as I know you’ll be an inspiration to mine.

I love you Victoria with all my heart and soul. Philip.” It was so like him to leave me a thoughtful little

reminder than I was never far from his thoughts. I began to tap away at the keys as I constructed my column.

My fingers fairly danced over the keys as I made sideways glances at the notepad on my desk. This was going

to be some of my best work ever, especially being able to give it a really personal touch after my own research with Philip. Once it was finished, I gave it a final spell check and once over before I first printed a hard copy, as I was one of those people that believed in having a couple of backups just in case is it somehow was

whisked into some cyber vortex and disappeared. I was one of those people that believe technology was

great…when it worked that is. Satisfied it was everything a well written column should be I hit the send key, as I sent it wafting its way to the destination of my choice. Then I logged into my work account to see what

research I’d have to do for my next column.

“Oh good grief” I thought as I opened some of the questions I’d received from my readers. Anything was fair

game writing a column of this nature so I tried to take all of my reader’s questions into stride. Over the time I’d been writing the column I’d dealt with everything from sex toys, lubricants, dating do’s and don’ts for a variety of relationships issues, the latter including such things as when do I introduce my kinks of choice to my

perspective lover. I dealt with everything from comically light hearted issues to some rather serious ones such a how do go about telling my extremely conservative parents I’m gay, lesbian or transgendered. People felt

comfortable writing to me about a vast variety of issues which I chalked up to the fact they were allowed to

remain anonymous often signing their letters off with cute little acronyms relating to their questions. Things like Keeping It Newly Kinky aka KINK. No questions were considered off limits and I always endeavored to answer

them with sensitivity and with honest well thought out responses. I typed up some notes and printed those out along with this week’s questions that I’d selected to answer. A quick glance at the time display on my

computer screen and I realized just how quickly the morning had flown by. After I filed my notes I’d freshen up and then be on my way to see Philip and see how I could be of assistance to him. I’d probably be more of a

hindrance than a help to him but I’d see if my services could be of any benefit to him.

Pulling into my parking spot behind the gallery, I turned off the ignition and sat there for a few minutes before I got out and entered the gallery to start my work day. Images of Victoria flashed through my mind.

She was a most extraordinary woman and one that for a variety of reason’s had worked her way into and

had captured this man’s heart and soul. We’d know each other less than a week and already I knew I

couldn’t live the rest of my life without her, nor would I want to. Call me crazy but I just instinctively knew she was the woman for me and we’d have a life time of happiness together. Granted it would be

crazy, intense and far from the normal definition of happiness for most people but for us it would be

perfect, or should I say it would be “purrfect” for Miss Kitty and me.” I laughed over that as I got out of the car and headed inside. Everything was just as Victoria and I had last left it, and I didn’t expect my

assistants in until ten so I had the joint to myself. I grinned again at the thought of my studio being a

“joint”, seems I may just have a little natural born stage performer in me after all. As a vision of

performing a song or two from Chicago on stage with Victoria popped into my head.

I shook my head, look at the influence that woman has had on me already, just where would be down the

road together. Which caused my brain to morph into a scene from the Wiz, with Victoria, dressed as

Dorothy as we eased on down the road together arm and arm singing merrily away. I scolded myself, Philip

you’ve got work do to now no more goofing off and dreaming of the silliness yet to come and definitely

don’t start thinking about how she got your motor running this morning either or you’ll never get any work accomplished. I flipped on some slights in the office area and put on a pot of coffee, which being addicted to the stuff I drank by the potful. Then I opened and booted up my computer ready to go over the planning schedule for the opening night gala. Things seemed to be coming together nicely and I wasn’t anticipating any glitches for the event but at the same time part of me remained on guard knowing how easily things

can happen. I was also hoping to start a couple other works that were fresh in my mind after being so

inspired by the muse I now had in my life.

Grabbing another fortifying cup of coffee I wandered into the studio where I made the magic I created

happen. I selected a blank canvass and placed it on one of my easels. Next I took out some of my charcoals and began to etch out the visions and bring them to life. It had struck me over the weekend and after

performing that it would be a most amazing thing to do a serious of drawings and paintings of Victoria’s

world of performance. I’d even decided it they sold as well as I hoped they would I’d donate some of the

proceeds to some of her pet causes that she’d mentioned to me such as Casey House an aids hospice. That

was just another of the reasons I loved her, her caring and compassionate nature for others, so if I could help her make a difference in someone else’s life I was fully prepared to do just that. My mind was in full throttle when it came to ideas for this project. There would be moments captured of the performers

morphing into there on stage personas behind the scenes. I wanted to capture the on stage energy that

was raised through the eyes of the drag queens as they performed pouring out their hearts and souls into

their passion for entertaining.

I wanted pictures that showed the pleasure felt by the audience as they viewed their favorite performers giving it there all. If I managed to pull this off the way I was hoping to I’d have this wonderful record of human spirit triumphing over what some would deem the lines of normal social conventions. The pride and

energy of these souls would be a prominent element of the works. I couldn’t believe how far I was coming

with the project when I heard a steady but persistent knocking at the front of the shop. A quick glance at my wrist watch and I broke into a grin knowing it must be Victoria. Hurriedly I grabbed a rag to wipe my

charcoal stained hands on and raced to the door. Just as I had anticipated there she was waiting for me

tapping her foot not with impatience but with the energy of the performer she was inside. “Come in,

come in.” I greeted her warmly. She smiled and danced in the door. The moment I closed it from the

prying eyes out on the street we were wrapped in each other’s arms. “I’ve missed you so much.” “Me

too.” As we exchanged long lingering kisses. “I’ve missed my girl.” I said again as I kissed her temple.

Then I grabbed her hand. “Come on you’ve got to see what I’m working on.” I informed her excitedly. She

was immediately caught up in my enthusiasm as we sailed into the studio together.

“Well what do you think?” I inquired as studied her closely trying to gauge her reactions. She stared

silently then began to beam in delight. “Philip it’s, well it’s me, or should I say it’s Miss Kitty.” She was clearly impressed. “But I never posed for this. It’s such an incredible likeness already.” I wrapped my arms around her and looked into her eyes as I stroked her cheek lightly. “Victoria I have committed you to memory. I know the curve of your face, the fire that’s in your eyes, the way a smile lights up your face

when you do something you love and are passionate about. I know you and the beauty that is you my love.”

I informed her. She flushed from my compliments just as she always did with a combination of both

embarrassment and humility. “You know you’re a beautiful woman Victoria.” I said as I placed my finger

under her chin and tilted her face up towards mine so I could lean in and kiss those soft inviting lips of hers. She was still flushed when I finished kissing her but now the hue that rose so beautifully on her cheek bones was that of a woman deeply in love and filled with passion. The best part of that look was I knew it was all for my eyes only.

ACT XVII OF PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

“Oh dear I’m so sorry I didn’t realize you had a guest Philip, I mean Mr. Renault.” A voice

squeaked breaking our revelry. The two of us turned to see a rather flustered young woman,

smartly dressed awkwardly trying to decide to retreat or continue on with what she’d been

seeking Philip out for. “Pamela, Philip is fine you know I find that whole Mr. Renault thing far too

formal. I’m glad you’re here, now I can introduce you to my girlfriend Victoria Bellamy. Victoria

this is one of my assistants Pamela Morrison.” Philip replied smoothly unflustered at having our

intimate little moment glimpsed by someone. “A pleasure to meet you Pamela.” I smiled and felt

a kindred ship with the young woman, who clearly was a bit taken back catching her boss making

out like a teenager. “Likewise.” She smiled back seeing I was clearly not perturbed by the

interruption. “I just needed to speak to you if you have a moment about the opening night cater.

It seems he’s made some grave error and it’s going to be a nightmare trying to get someone at this

late date.” She said wringing her hands together in dismay. “Well this is a fine kettle of fish to

be cancelling on me 3 days before the event.” Philip said with a tinge of exasperation to his voice.

“It’s not your fault Pamela I don’t hold you responsible, we’ll just have to find someone ASAP to

fill in is all. I’m sure it’s going to be a challenge at this late date to find someone suitable and

who won’t charge me double the rate for the last minute booking but it can’t be helped.”

“Do you mind if I ask who the caterer in question is?” Victoria asked. Both Pamela I answered

her in unison. “Fab chef, but a total flake when it comes to business and often over extends

himself with bookings and cancels at the last minute. If he wasn’t for the fact he’s such a genius

in the kitchen he’d have no business at all.” Victoria replied crisply. She dug through her purse

searching for her mobile. “Now how many will be at this little soiree of yours?” she asked all

business. “We’ve had a hundred RSVP’s, but I always allow for a few extra given the nature of

people.” “Passed hot and cold appetizers, wine bar, champagne and few petite fours and other

miniature French pastries going to work for you?” She pressed. I nodded mutely, “Sounds

perfect.” Wondering what she had up her sleeve. A single digit hit on her phone and soon she

was connected. “Hi Tino, how are you?” she inquired brightly. “Yes I know it’s been a while…the

writing is coming along brilliantly and yes still doing the drag queen thing.” Which upon hearing

Pamela looked rather startled and confused as she looked at both Philip and I. “Yes we do have to

get together sometime soon”. A brief pause and one of her tingling laughs filled the air.

“You’ve got me, I need a favour for a friend of mine. Could you possibly squeeze in a little

catering for me Thursday evening for about 120?”.. “Yes I am aware that I’m mad as a hatter and

that you’re a busy man.” She agreed with him clearly determined to have her own way. “Pretty

please.” She wheedled charmingly into the phone. I figured only some truly heartless soul would

be able to say no to her even over the phone. “You will? You are a total duck thank you so much

Tino. Yes, yes you are completely at liberty with the menu, just hot and cold appetizers passed,

some of those divine miniature French pastries of yours and we’ll need a wine and champagne bar

as well. I’ll leave the menu up to you other than that….Yes if you can arrange that, servers as

well that would be brilliant. You are a total star my friend. I owe you big time for this” She

laughed again. “Yes you’ll be one of the first to get a signed copy of the book. Now I’m going to

pass you over to a young lady named Pamela that will work out the details with you as to venue,

set up times etc. Talk to you soon and thanks again Tino.” She said sincerely as he held out the

phone to Pamela. Who grinned thankfully and scurried off to the office to iron out the details.

I was still a bit shocked she’d pulled it off so quickly finding a replacement. “Is this the guy

from that hamburger joint you fancy?” I teased her. “Not at all.” She retorted sticking her tongue

out at me saucily. “I’ll have you know Tino is one of the finest chef’s in the entire city, he’s

worked for all the best restaurants and hotels over the year Canoe, North Forty…” and she began

rhyming off places that were and weren’t familiar to me. “Trust me you’ll adore him and his

food. His staff are always impeccable and professional. He’s really a top notch cater and I know

he’s doing me a massive favour doing this.” I still must have looked a bit puzzled about how she

had managed to pull this whole thing off so effortlessly other than the promise of an autographed

book one day.” “We both climbed the ranks together, back in the day he was a prep cook and I was

still little more than a well-paid gopher for the corporate fat cats until I became one myself. We

meant at several of the functions I used to have to organize back in the day for clients. We’ve

remained friends over the years, I’m not one to burn my bridges, especially with people that have

been kind, nor is he. So long story short you sir will have a smash hit on your hands with your

clients.” She grinned at me.

“You’re my girl and amazing to boot.” I laughed at her and grabbed her around the waist and

planted a firm kiss on her lips. “Thank you” I whispered in her ear. “All in a day’s work for us

amazing women.” She laughed. I really did think she was amazing for how she’d finessed her way

into sorting out what could have spelt potential ruin for my opening night and didn’t even bat an

eyelash over it. Just seemed to think of it as a little hiccup in life which could easily be cured and

to my amazement it was. She’d showed me so many sides of herself and I liked this facet of her

as well, the strong confident, take charge kind of a woman that wasn’t about to let something

phase her. My love grew for her with each part of her that I discovered. I had a feeling that

there would always be new and exciting things to discover and unravel in the wonderful mystery

that was my Victoria. It was easier and easier for me to imagine how savvy and what a formidable

force she would have been in the corporate world. Smart as a whip, cool as a cucumber and sexy

as hell, what more could a man want in a woman?

“I really am grateful to you, for handling that so smoothly and expediently.” I told her softly.

“My pleasure, I’m sure you’ll find some way to thank me later.” She grinned before stretching up

and nuzzling my neck with her lips. “Thinking about thanking you is all I’ll be able to think about

if you keep doing that.” I murmured into her ear. “Exactly, all part of my plan to have my wicked

way with you later my dear.” She purred back. “But for now lunch would be great and we won’t

run the risk of freaking out your assistant with our public displays of affection.” She grinned at

me. Which just made us laugh. “Sounds like a plan just give me a minute to let Pamela know

were heading out for a while. Just make yourself at home and look around to your heart’s

content. I’ll be back shortly.” I told her as I gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Which earned

me a soft smile. Lunch was a quick and rather hurried affair as I was anxious to return and see

how well Pamela was doing with the final details. Victoria teased me about being like an

expectant first time father, filled with trepidation and anxieties over the birth of his child. What

could I do but agree with her whole heartedly because after all she was dead on about it.

Normally I would have balked about sharing my anxieties and fears that it would be anything less

than a complete success, as I wanted to be seen as self-assured and confident. But somehow with

Victoria I was able to let my guard down and allow my vulnerabilities to see the light of day. It

was an entirely new experience for me but at the same time it was a rather liberating one. I

knew that she’d be there by my side no matter what and would encourage and support anything I

set my hand to. She believed in me and that was something that money could never buy and it

was a priceless gift from her that I treasured.

Pamela was busy clicking away on the keys of her laptop when we returned and the fax machine

was busily spewing out page after page. “Oh hi.” She said as she saw us entering the office. “Tino is

just faxing over the contracts as well as a copy of the menu he’ll be serving along with the price list.

He’s just been brilliant to work with, so accommodating.” Gushed Pamela. “That’s great news.” Philip

said as he crossed the room to take a look at the pile of papers in the tray of the fax machine. He

began scanning them and a smile crept across his face. “Your friend has made some excellent

choices from what I can see, a nice mix of hot and cold appetizers along with something to please

both the vegetarians and non-vegetarians alike. His prices are more than reasonable. I don’t

suppose you know anything about that? He asked arching an eyebrow as he looked at me quizzically.

I shrugged nonchalantly in response.

Philip looked like he wanted to ask me out right if Tino was perhaps an old flame of mine that I had

remained on friendly terms with but thought better of asking me that in front of his assistant. “Well if

you must know.” I began and couldn’t help notice that Pamela’s ears seemed to perk up. I wasn’t all

that surprised based on the fact she knew I did drag, I’m sure she was looking for another clue as to

the private life of her new boss and the lady or gentleman or whatever I was that he was involved

with. Over all I thought she’d taken the little tidbit of information rather well but then this was Toronto

and it took a lot to make a born and bred Torontonian do so much as a double take. “I’ve tutored both

of his kids over the years as well as giving their career aspirations a little jump start thanks to some

connections that I have.” I replied simply and truthfully. “He’s just grateful and a truly lovely person is

all. The answer seemed to satisfy both of them for the time being. Pamela once lowered her head a

notch and continued pouring over the words on her screen that she’d been working on so diligently

just moments ago.

“Now I’ve already taken up so much of your time and I should let you get back to work on your

creations. I should probably go and let you go back to it, unless there’s something else I can help you

or Pamela with.” I said. Philip didn’t appear overly keen on me leaving but he knew the reality was he

had to get moving on the project at hand. Pamela interjected shyly at this point. “If you have the time

to spare I’d love to get your thoughts on some of the other arrangements I’ve made for the opening

night showing. I’m a bit new to all of this. I’d really appreciate it, that’s if Philip doesn’t mind after all he is paying me to do it, and do it right.” She added a little shamefacedly. Philip brightened at the

prospect that I’d be close by. “Pamela, I’d rather you asked for help when you’re feeling a bit over

whelmed with things. It takes a lot of maturity to admit you want a little guidance from a seasoned

pro. If Victoria will consent I’d be more than happy to have her stay and offer her thoughts.” Philip

told her kindly. “Thank you.” She muttered shyly to Philip. She turned to look at me, clearly on the

edge of her seat about my answer. “I’d be more than happy to help.” I said as I gave her an

encouraging smile. “Wonderful.” Philip declared as he slapped his hands together. “I’ll just get back

to work and leave things in your most capable hands ladies.” He gave me a perfectly respectable

kiss on the cheek before he sauntered back to his studio whistling happily. It made me smile, secure

in the knowledge he was happy just knowing I was near. To me that was part of what feeling loved

was all about.

Pamela pulled the chair from Philip’s desk over beside hers and eagerly started filling me in on what

she’d done and selected. Over all she’d made some great choices and we worked well together. I

tried not to stick my oar in too much as it was her job after all. I made a couple small suggestions

here and there which she readily agreed with. She really was delightful and I felt an easy

camaraderie developing between us as we worked and chatted away. By the time we’d finished and

everything had been finalized down to the last detail, I knew we’d be firm friends. “Thank you so

much Victoria. I feel so much better about all of this now that it’s done and over with, well not quite.”

She reminded herself. “I’ve still got to get through the actual opening night.” And she laughed

brightly. “Now my biggest decisions will be picking an outfit and the right shoes to wear.” “You can’t

go wrong with the classic little black dress. It’s chic, classic and still can convey your professional

demeanor.” I responded knowing that Pamela was indeed the type of woman that had a little black

dress hanging in her closet. “You're so right and it won’t mean driving myself crazy trying on dozens

of new outfits to find the perfect one. Mind you I do enjoy a good shopping spree now and again.”

We both laughed merrily over the truth of her words.

There was a short awkward pause and I could tell from the look on her face that she very much

wanted to ask about the earlier comment I’d made about still doing drag while I’d been on the phone

with Tino, but she was too polite and far too professional to blurt out the question that was burning on

her lips. I decided to make it easy on her and broach the subject myself to avoid any

misunderstandings or misconception in the future about me or about the relationship Philip and I had.

“You’re probably wondering about the comment I made earlier on the phone about still doing drag. It

would have been inevitable that you didn’t hear my end of the conversation nor did I try to hide it.”

She let out a little gasp at the fact I was so forthcoming about the topic with her but she also looked

relieved at the same time. The topic was definitely out in the open. “Well I did wonder about it.” I

could see her struggling to find the right words to delve in the topic further. “I know that it’s a little

awkward to discuss, seeing as how we’ve just met, but we are both going to be seeing each other on

a regular basis I’m quite certain and I really don’t like having to hide things from people. So I’d rather

just confide in you. First off you should know I’m actually more of a drag impersonator since I’m

actually a straight female.” I informed her. “But I thought drag queens were gay men…” She

suddenly stopped herself clearly trying very hard to not say anything offensive or appear that she was

questioning my statement about being a straight female. “

“Long story short, I quit my career on Bay Street because I wanted to follow my dreams of

becoming a writer. I also recently moved into a home I inherited from an elderly aunt of mine, which it

turns out is right next door to the house Philip purchased when he relocated here to Toronto. Bills still

needed to be paid and renovations on the house had to be made, so in order to make ends meet an

old roommate of mine got me a job a few nights a week at a club on Church Street where he

headlines.” I finished up my brief synopsis of the situation for her. “That is so cool and it sounds like it

must be so much fun.” Was her enthusiastic response. “Oh I assure you it is. You’ll have to come

out to see me perform some time…” which is when a male voice trying to sound distinctly like a

woman’s falsetto one thrilled out. “And darling let’s not forget catching my performance as well.” We

both spun our heads to see Philip grinning from ear to ear. I started laughing as I’d had no idea Philip

was ready to how shall we say come out of the closet about his new found hobby. Pamela’s jaw just

dropped and I could see the wheels spinning in her head, was Philip a bisexual?

Just how many more surprises were going to be thrown at her, in one day? Philip came over and

rested his hand on my shoulder. “I’m what’s known as” and he made a dramatic pause, increasing

the level of tension for poor Pamela, “a good sport. Who loves his girlfriend and will do anything and

everything that I can to make my girlfriend happy.” He finished with a little “ta dah” sort of a hand

gesture. “Well played.” I praised him as I burst into laughter. Once Pamela processed all the

information she’d just been given she too joined in the laughter. “You two are great, just great.

That’s so incredibly cool and must be oodles of fun. I’m definitely going to be sure to take in your

next show. When is it?” she asked eagerly. A pen poised in her hand to write down the date and

time. Now it was my turn to look confused. “Oh my God, it’s this Thursday, the same night as your

opening, to your preferred clientele.” I blurted out. “It never even struck me that it was the same night

until just now. I can’t just cancel at the last minute and I can’t not be here to support you either

Philip.” I whaled miserably. Despite the fact I found it distasteful I was becoming a drama llama

complete with a private audience of two. There was dead silence in the room and I truly was on the

verge of tears, honestly not knowing how we’d handle the situation. Philip was my world, there was

no way I couldn’t be here for him, and at the same time I couldn’t cancel my performance either. This

was a fine pickle that I’d gotten myself into. Philip couldn’t just post pone one of the biggest nights of

his career. To me there was no foreseeable solution and I was totally disheartened by that fact. In

fact I was downright miserable about it.

With a snap of my fingers, I announced. “By George I think I’ve got it! You can and will attend

both Victoria.” She looked at me like I’d clearly lost my marbles. “Just how am I supposed to be

here by your side until well after nine by the time people leave and make it on stage in full

costume and make up even if I don’t go on stage until ten? It’s not possible Philip.” I just waved

her off. “Now listen this might sound a little crazy but if you’re willing to indulge me and hear me

out I think we can pull this off as well as stir up some interest in my latest series. Since I’m

planning a full series on the performance art of drag queens what better way to promote it than

to have Miss Kitty appear in all her glory. She’s the subject that’s being celebrated in the first

painting in the series so, who’s better to promote it than the lady in question. You come to the

opening gala in full drag make up, costume the whole nine yards. You’ll charm everyone as your

alter ego.” I rattled off at her as my excitement level over the idea grew.

“Oh Philip, it is one thing to do it on stage.” She began to protest, “but it’s quite another to do it

at your opening night showing.” “Don’t be daft, as you are so won’t to say. It’s still going to be

performance art, you could even do a song or two if you so desire. Think of it Victoria it’s perfect

in so many ways. You’ll be helping me out majorly to promote my work and you’ll do it with style

and flair. It’ll be a fresh new twist on the evening that will pump some life and energy into it.

Also you’ll be able to make it on stage, I’ll arrange to have a car waiting out front to whisk to

your performance. Come on say that you will? Pretty please.” I wheedled, now found myself in

the position of being the one cajoling her into something. “Don’t make me bring out the big guns

and do the puppy dog eyes.” And with that I gave her my most soulful big eyed look that I could

possibly muster, as I took her hands in mine and gave them a warm squeeze.

“How am I supposed to be able to say no to that face?” she sighed. “That my dear is entirely

the point of it, you’re not supposed to be able to say no to it. Come on, this is going to be

brilliant, just trust me.” I said taking her hands in mine. “Well I kind of owe you after all you’ve

done for me and if you’re really feeling confident that this will be a help and not hinder your

business than by all means I shall trust you that this is the way to go.” She finally agreed. “Trust

me, I’ve got a really good feeling about how this will all turn out. I really did think this was one of

the best promotional ideas I’d ever come up with and my instincts told me it was indeed going to

stir up more than a little interest. Especially when the philanthropists in the crowd tossed their

support behind the cause. This was definitely going to be a win, win situation for all parties

concerned. I was also thrilled that despite her own misgivings that this might not be the best of

ideas she was going to willingly support me in my decision and support me in any and every way

that she could. It spoke to my heart about her belief in me and how much she loved me more

than her words could have at this moment.

ACT18

The next couple of days were exhausting as we worked towards accomplishing both our individual and mutual goals. I scrambled to come up with the perfect songs to do at the gala for Philip’s clients as well as working my tail feathers off as I practiced the routines to make sure they were was flawless as possible. The outfit I’d wear was the least of my worries as upon hearing that I was going to perform at the opening night of the art gallery, Sush had volunteered to design the ultimate outfit for the evening. I’d tried to convince her that I’d wear something I already owned but she insisted it had to be something sensationally fabulous to wear to mark the occasion. Thankfully, taking time for fittings wasn’t necessary as Sush, had created outfits for me in the past and always kept my measurements on file, which really wasn’t necessary as she knew them as well as she knew the back of her own hand. I also filled my days with research for my next column, and doing little things to make life easier for Philip.

Phillip for his part work ceaselessly on the first in the series of the paintings he wanted to unveil. I’d had no idea how much went into the creative process for an artist. I found it fascinating to be able to view it firsthand as well as being at least in some small part of it. He revelled in the entirety of the creative process and you could see the true passion he had for it in his eyes as he worked. I’d interrupt him only long enough to bring him a fresh cup of coffee, or insist he take 5 minutes away from his project to eat a little something. He’d nuzzle me with adore and get a gleam in his eyes as he insisted he’d rather spent the precious few minutes of these breaks with me as opposed to taking any form of nourishment, claiming I was the only manna he required. I’d stubbornly hold my ground that he needed to keep his strength up and he would acquiesce and ravenously wolf down whatever I’d brought him.

Philip’s assistants had long since vacated the gallery, and there was no one but the two of us in the stillness of the building. I was curled up in a chair in the corner of the artist’s studio, pouring over some research material for my next column. The clock had long since struck midnight and ticked into the wee hours of Thursday morning and there were times I had to fight off being lulled to sleep as the words began to swim before my eyes. It was important to me to be there when Philip finished his latest work of art. There was a certain comfort just being able to be near him, to glance up and see him concentrating as he dabbed paint on the canvas, then he would stand back with a critical eye, chewing on the end of his brush before applying another stroke. Other times I would sense his eyes were on me, and I would look over the edge of my book to see his eyes softening as he drank me in and a warmth would spread throughout me as he gazed upon me.

“Victoria? My love?” I heard his gentle voice calling to me. My eyes which had closed of their own volition were suddenly alert. He turned to me and held out his hands to me. “It’s finally ready and of course I want you to be the first one to see it and give me your opinion of it.” I uncurled myself for the chair and stretched languidly like a cat would waking from a nap as I made my way over to Philip. “Behold,” He said triumphantly. I stared in amazement at what he’d so loving and painstakingly crafted. A thousand thoughts ran through my head as I stood staring at it, unable to articulate how in awe of it I was. The portrait was of me, in the backstage dressing room as I transformed from me to Miss Kitty. I had no clue as to how he had managed to capture the vulnerability that I felt before I transformed myself into my alter ego, who was everything I wasn’t At the same time he’d also had captured the confidence I acquired as I donned my new persona. This picture had managed to capture so many aspects of the energy and emotions that flowed behind the scenes of a live stage performance. There was the camaraderie between the other cast members who were captured in the reflection of the mirror. The colours and vibrancy of costumes strewn about the room, and though it had no words, save for Philip's signature in the bottom right hand corner, the picture spoke volumes.

“Victoria?” He said gently wrapping his arms around me and turning me to face him. “Philip, I’m utterly overwhelmed by it. I had no idea you could capture so many different nuances of a person in a single painting. I feel like you know exactly what I’m thinking and how my thought process and perceptions change as I lacquer on the layers of mascara.

How I find courage in the layers of makeup and the costumes. It’s utterly fantastic what you’ve created here. I love it without question.” A smile of humble gratitude crossed his face, making him appear even more handsome than I

already thought him to be. “I’d never have been able to capture it the way I have if it hadn’t been for you. That one night on stage taught me so much. It was a definite learning experience for me. You find when you begin that you’re so raw, vulnerable totally exposing yourself. Then as you begin to create your new identity it’s like you gain some sort of new found strength and confidence that you never even knew you could possess.

You take on this new persona and suddenly anything seems possible and you feel like you can conquer the world.

The only thing that has ever made me even more so than that night is knowing the wonder of your love. You bring out the best in me and fill me with a strength that comes from deep within me. You are far more than just my muse Victoria. I love you, with all my heart and with all my soul.” As he finished intoning those words, he took my face in his hands and kissed me. Despite the fact we were both physically and mentally exhausted from the late nights and all the intensity that had filled the days as well, there was a definite energy that was surging between us. Which led us to fulfilling at least a partial fantasy I had of Philip and I that first day he had kissed me in the studio. A frenzied flurry of movements soon had us naked and caressing each other as we stood before the painting. He very gallantly through down a paint spattered tarp. The answer to the modern day gentleman spreading down his waistcoat for his lady. He gathered me in his arms and swept me up so that he was cradling me against his chest. Sweeping low he gently placed me on the canvas.

As I lowered her upon the canvas tarp the irony was not lost upon me that once again I would be immortalizing my

beloved Victoria on canvas. Though this was a much more personal rendering then the one which loomed over us

drying on the easel. It was as if we were bringing the portrait to life in some sense. There was a certain vulnerability

to making love in the gallery, especially since my assistants had copies of the keys. Though it was doubtful that they

would drop by at this hour there was still the under lying possibility of one of them happening by, filled with their own

form of performance anxiety over the opening later this evening. The desire in us over rode any form of common

sense and only the need to give each other all that we possessed existed. The love we shared was incredibly tender

and gentle tonight. Kisses rained over bared shoulders and the most intimate of areas covering each other like the

strokes of my brush coloured the canvas. Soft hues of pinks, deepened into shades of rose and reds as our levels of

arousal rose.

My quivering brush poised above her palette before I dipped into that liquid which would coat me countless times

before we were through. Her hands caressing me as though she were a sculptress molding and shaping her own

vision of what the perfect male should be. It was a special communion we were sharing, as we blended together our

mediums and coloured each other’s world with love. We shared whispered words affirming our commitment and love

to each other as we rocked back and forth locked together. Taking our time to reach that shared moment of ecstasy,

climbing together to reach that peak in tandem. The moment when it hit us simultaneously it swept over us carrying

us on a wave of unsurpassed glee. We remained together cradled in each other’s arms, always finding it difficult to

separate after what we had just shared. She shivered in the coolness of the room and I drew the tarp around and

pressed my body closer to hers to protect her from it. She nuzzled neck and whispered her thanks to me.

Perhaps it was the artist in me but I imaged we looked very much like the couple that were entwined in one of

Gustav Klimt most well-known works entitled “The Kiss.” It was a most striking work of art and had always held a

special place in my heart. I had to smile at the thought of it. “Well, someone seems happy.” She cooed softly as she

nestled into me. “I am indeed.” I assured her. Despite the lack of physical comfort provided by the wooden floor

beneath us I think we were both so physically spent we could have cheerfully just remained locked in each other’s

arms and spent the night on the floor together. Which of course was not the most practical of solutions. “I hate to do

it but we both need to grab at least a few hours of proper sleep. It’s nearly five in the morning.” I told her as I glanced

at the clock on the wall as it ticked silently onward. More shared kisses and we reluctantly uncoupled ourselves,

gathered our clothes and dressed. For some reason we carefully folded the tarp and stowed it safely away as though it

had become a treasured part of the history we were creating together. I left a note on Pamela’s desk telling her what

my anticipated time of return would be, but assuring her that it was fine to contact me before that if she had any

questions or issues she needed clarification on. After that we locked up and headed out to the car.

The plus side to commuting at this hour of the morning was traffic was pretty much no existent. The TTC street

cars lumbered along their tracks stopping only intermittently. Newspaper delivery trucks such as the Globe and Mail

and the Toronto Star were also on the road dropping off bundles of papers and placing them in vending boxes

awaiting the throng of commuters that would soon be inhabiting the nearly barren streets and snatching them up to

read on the public transit. The sun was rising and illuminating the skyline of the city urging it to come to life and start

pulsating with the corpuscles of human activity. To me I was more than content to be heading home with my girl by

my side, her hand resting in my thigh. I was even looking forward to a warm welcome from Sydney who I really

hadn’t seen much of the last couple of days other than to come home briefly to grab a quick shower and change only

to go back to the studio at the gallery. I was quickly learning to love this new found domestic life I was so rapidly

embracing.

“Home sweet home” I said as we pulled into the driveway. “May I see you home?” I asked ever the gentleman,

despite the fact I was quite certain of the answer. “You may indeed sir.” She smiled. Arm in arm we climbed the

steps and opened the door. True to form there was Sydney, meowing his little heart out, “You call this parenting?

Where are you people when I need you? Honestly this had better not become the new norm coming in at this hour

constantly.” I picked him up and gave him a cuddle and scratched behind his ears to mollify him, Victoria gave him a

kiss on the top of his fuzzy little head. “We’ll both try to do better Sydney, now how about we take care of you and

give you a little something special.” I told him which earned me a purr which I took to mean he found this acceptable.

Victoria just arched her eyebrow at me. “You’re going to let him eat on top of the kitchen table again and give him

treats too boot aren’t you?” She said trying to look stern but failing. “More than likely.” I grinned at her, which just

made her laugh. She followed us out to the kitchen and grabbed a bag to take care of as she termed it “toxic waste”

from his litter box.

We met at the bottom of the stairs, both exhausted but happy with the fact we were together. “I should probably

shower and shave before I crawl into bed but I’ve barely got the energy to brush my teeth at the moment.” I told her

as I caught myself in a yawn. “I feel the same way if it’s any consolation to you at all.” She answered me stifling her

own yawn with a quick hand to cover her mouth. “So you’d be willing to settle for fresh breath and a shave?” I asked

hopefully eager to just snuggle up to her in the comfort of our bed. “I’ll settle for just the fresh breath. The stubble’s

rather sexy.” She told me as she stroked my face to emphasize her point and gave me a smouldering look. “Ladies

choice it is.” Which made her giggle. Side by side, hip to hip we brushed our teeth, then headed for the bedroom. We

shucked our clothes, not caring where we dropped them and pulled back the covers before we crawled into them.

Stretching out in the comfort of the bed felt like such a luxury to me but it was nothing compared to being able to

snuggle next to Victoria. If felt like it had been far too long since we’d been able to share time this way.

I spooned her body as she lay on her side my hand cupping the fullness of her breast as I did. She pressed the

warmth of her bottom against me and snuggled into me easing the allowing me to flow with the contours of her body

into my own. I gave her a tender kiss just behind her ear and she let out a contented little purr. “I love you Philip.”

She murmured before she drifted off to sleep in my arms. I was only a split second behind her and that was only

because I felt Sydney leap on to the bed and curl up at our feet. I drifted off happy to be surrounded by the warmth

and love of my little family. When we both woke we were still in the same positions that we’d fallen asleep in, clearly

we had both just been too exhausted to even more a muscle during the night. I nibbled delicately on the nape of her

neck and earlobe. “Hmmm, you must be hungry this morning.” She murmured softly. “Always when you’re on the

menu.” I breathed hotly in her ear. “But I regret to inform you that it’s already well past noon and as much as I would

love to remain in bed and play the part of the big bad wolf with you I’ll have to offer you a rain check.” I rubbed my

stubbly cheek against the velvety softness of her own cheek. “It’s going to be awfully hard to wait to collect on it.”

She moaned in protest. “I’ll make it worth your wild my dear.” I told her as I nipped at her ear lobe. “Oh Mr. Wolf

what sharp teeth you have.” She quipped. “All the better to eat you with my dear.” I responded which sent us both

into a gale of laughter which left the two of us gasping for air. “I love that we can be silly like this.” I said as I rolled

her on top of me and looked into her eyes. “Me too.” She responded and kissed me on the tip of my nose.

We ended up showering together a little pre cursor to the rain check that I had promised her and fully intended to

honour at the first possible opportunity. As I shaved my face, she shaved her legs. It was rather sexy seeing her

wrapped in a towel and perched on the edge of the tub as she zipped her own little pink razor up and down those

gorgeous legs of hers. The plan was to have something to eat, then while she packed her drag bag I’d pop over to the

other house and pick up one of my suits and a pair of dress shoes for the evening festivities. I’d take it with us and

change at the gallery later, just as Victoria planned to get ready there. Sush had dropped off her new outfit the

previous day but she hadn’t had a chance to show it to me yet, so naturally I was eager to see what cunning little

outfit she’d be sporting for the occasion. No matter what it was I could already feel the rush of anticipation with just

a modicum of trepidation about the evening that would soon be unfolding before my very eyes, and good very well

make or break my career here in Toronto.

We arrived to at the gallery to find my assistants already busily at work. Victoria and I could both feel the energy

as it picked up momentum. Florists dropped off floral arrangements, catering staff arrived to set up tables and drape

them with table clothes so they could arrange the floral centre pieces and colour co-ordinated napkins on them.

Pamela held a clip board in one hand which she was checking off each small detail as it was completed. Another of

my assistants had his mobile glued to his ear, as he conversed quietly with one of our expected guests for the evening.

“Hi Philip, Hi Victoria. Already for the big event?” Pamela greeted us eagerly. “The show will go on.” I grinned at her

and the three of us broke into a chuckle. “Now I don’t want you to worry about a single thing, it’s all going off like

clockwork and unbelievably were even ahead of schedule. So relax and enjoy. Oh and Victoria I took the liberty of

adding a couple of extra lights in the bathroom so the lighting will be better in there when you do your makeup for

tonight. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to scoot and return a couple of phone calls about tonight.” Pamela said as she

hurried off to fulfill the rest of her tasks.

“She’s a sweet girl Philip to think of me.” I told him. “Victoria I think she’s rather in awe of you and want to try to

impress you in any way she can.” Philip responded. “In awe of me? Don’t be silly.” I laughed at him. “No it’s true,

she’s still young and impressionable trying to make her mark in the world and here you come along a seasoned pro

and graciously take her under your wing. You didn’t criticize her rookie mistakes with planning this event. You were

kind and compassionate knowing she was experiencing growing pains that we all have to as we learn how navigate

the world. You also made it a point ever so subtly that it’s important not to burn your bridges and to remember those

that help you along the way and not take them for granted. You give her something to aspire to Victoria.” I told her

which only made her flush.

Still not overly used to accepting such kind compliments from Philip I quickly changed the subject. “Well it seems like everything is under control so I think I’ll make myself scarce and go put on my pretty face, while you do whatever it is that you have to finish up with.” I told him softly. He wrapped his arms around me. “You can’t improve on the perfection of your beauty Victoria, but I will admit I find you particularly fetching when your hair is tousled after we’ve made love and you have that glow in your eyes for me.” He whispered softly in my ears. He gave me a soft kiss on my forehead and left me to my own devices as I set out to get ready. The ladies powder room was small but was set up nicely a small table with mirror over it which would make it so much easier to apply my make up as opposed to having to balance my compact as I readied my face for tonight’s back to back shows. The room even had a small bouquet of fresh cut flowers in it which I was sure was a concession to tonight’s even. Also there were as Pamela had promised a couple of small table lamps to ensure I had adequate lighting. I smiled grateful that she had thought of it. I unzipped my drag bad and removed my makeup bag, then sat down and prepared to do a little painting of my own. I took great pains not to mar the pristine atmosphere in the little room, by getting so much as a fleck of eye shadow or anything else on the table top. I worked steadily shading and contouring my features, as carefully as Philip had done while creating his latest painting.

My eyes fluttered as I attached my fake eyelashes, and my lips twitched into a little smile as they did. I still couldn’t believe I was actually about to do this, but I would do anything Philip asked me too, if I thought it would be to his benefit, just as he would do anything for me. It was heartwarming to know I was so loved and in such a healthy give and take relationship. When I was satisfied that my face was flawless it was time to get dressed. I took a quick check of the door to ensure that it was locked securely sot that one of Philip’s staff or one of the catering staff wouldn’t inadvertently wander in while I was changing. I removed my stockings from the depths of my bag and carefully removed the latest stunning outfit Sush had made for me. It was perfect for tonight and I totally loved it. It was sleek and chic with a sophistication that was perfect for the evening but still managed to have an element of drag queen fun and campiness to it. I inched the hosiery up my legs carefully so as not to snag them on my nicely French manicured nails.

Then it was time to slip into my costume. It was a form fitting little black corset which had been inlaid painstakingly with sequins and beadwork to make it shimmer. Next I slipped on the smart little tuxedo jacket complete with tails which were embellished with intricate beading as well. I reached for the little black velvet bow tie as I heard a soft tapping at door.

“Victoria? Would you let me in please?” Philip inquired politely. I unlocked the door and popped my head around the edge of it. He stood there clothing bag in hand. “Mind if I share your dressing room with you?” He grinned at me charmingly as he made his request. “Well I was promised a private dressing room, you know how we divas are about sharing.” I answered in my best drag queeniest voice possible. It just made him break into an even wider smile. “Pretty please, Miss Kitty?” he wheedled. “What if I still say no?” I said trying very hard not to grin back at him. “Well then girlfriend, I’ll just have to drag out my own fierce alter ego then.” He responded with a snapping flourish of his fingers and placing his hand on his hip. “Quick learner.” I complimented him. Then grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the room as we both laughed merrily. “I’m not quite ready to make my grand entrance, so hurry up would you please.” He slipped in and locked the door behind him. I retreated a few paces and Philip paused as he drank me in. “You look fantastic Victoria.” He said softly as he laid his suit over the back of the chair. Then he embraced me and planted a firm kiss upon my lips. “I’ve been dying to do that for what seems like hours.” He murmured into my ear. It would have been so easy to get caught up in the moment and remain entwined for hours like this but we both knew we had to get a move on.

“Before you change would you help me with the clasp on this bow tie please Philip” He took the tie from my hand and I spun around and lifted my hair so he could attach the clasp at the back of it. Sush had designed it like a little velvet chocker with the tie attached to the front of it. Philip took the opportunity when he’d clasped it in place to nuzzle the nape of my neck. “Would you behave yourself?” I admonished him. ‘Things like this start out innocently enough then the next thing you know…” I began in a voice that trembled with the thrill of what usually came next for the two of us.

He nipped gently at my neck. “I haven’t forgotten I still plan to play the big bad wolf you.” Philip growled low in my ear, sending electric pulses surging throughout every fibre of my being. If he didn’t knock it off I was going to be completely swept off of my feet by his advances. “Another time my dear but remember anticipation is half the fun.” He said as he kissed my cheek suddenly all business again.

While Philp changed, and yes I admit it I did steal glances at him as I finished putting on a few final touches. I was slipping the post of a pearl earring into my earlobe and caught his reflection in the mirror. He cut a most dashing figure in his suit a, dress shirt perfectly matching silk tie. Philip looked as if he was about to have a photo shoot done for Gentleman’s Quarterly. “How do I look? Do I look like a successful artist, brimming with confidence?” He asked with just the slightest note of anxiety to his voice. “You seriously look amazing Philip. Very polished, professional and oozing confidence.” I assured him as I advanced towards him. I reached up and adjusted his tie ever so slightly, “Now you are absolutely perfect and ready to go” I smiled as I reached up on tippy toes to kiss his cheek. “Already to go as well?” he asked. “Yes, I just need to slip on my heels and grab my top hat, then we can officially get this party started.” He grabbed my drag bag in one hand, as we planned to stow it in his office during the event. The other arm he offered to me as a proper escort would. I smiled as popped the top hat onto my perfectly styled hair, and slipped my arm through his. “Alright let’s go out there and make this affair a smashing success that will be remembered for years to come.” As I straightened my back and unlocked the door with my free hand.

When I started writing this second book, I wanted to write another romantic tale, coupled with tasteful erotica, and the subplot to include some of the amazing experiences I have had in my own life. I’ve had the unique privilege of being initiated into the world of Drag Queen performance, despite the fact I was a straight woman. This story is still very much a tale of romance but it's taken on a far deeper meaning for me where the subplot is concerned and I want others to know that love is love no matter who shares it.

The Bruce to Caitlyn Jenner story has generated a great deal of attention in the recent months and while that story has raised a great deal of controversy for many people, it’s something that is very real to me. Currently, I have a friend that is in the process of transitioning, as well as other friends that have transitioned in the past. To me nothing has changed about these people they are still the same warm, loving, caring, intelligent, humorous and spirited people that I’ve always known, loved and been proud to call my friends. It takes a special type of courage to be true to yourself and I have the utmost respect for these individuals.

I fully accept that not all people share my views, nor do I share theirs but even when people do have differences I cannot in all good conscience tolerate or accept cruelty or malicious statements and hypocrisy such as the ones I have seen so prevalently posted on places like Facebook, Twitter and other social media sights. Tolerance, acceptance, love and peace are truly a part of my belief system.

I’m making a conscious decision to speak out on behalf of the LGBT community because if I choose to sit by passively will I be the next person targeted, for one reason or another whether it is real or imagined, by another group of people who will somehow be able to justify it as immoral, to suit their own belief system. I urge you all to think about it and choose a peaceful path filled with compassion and tolerance.

Originally this chapter had a much lighter tone to it but my writing partner Mike Thomas (who’s works can be found here (http://amoristicpillow.weebly.com/ ) called me on it because he knows how passionately I do feel about

acceptance and tolerance. With his help I believe we’ve found a way to turn this story into a valuable learning tool that while it may not change some people’s minds about the LGBT community, it will at the very least challenge them to think about how they view not only themselves but other people and if we have, then this project will be a successful one.

I have reworked the previous chapter as well to maintain consistency in the timeline of events so it is a good place to start to catch up before the latest installment.

Thanks so much for all your support and enthusiasm for my works, it is always greatly appreciated!

Be well, be kind

Peace!

ACT 19

It was a proud moment for me to be launching my latest business venture but more importantly there was the

security of knowing that no matter how it turned out, I’d have the love and support of the woman who was on my arm.

I allowed myself to steal glances at her as we surveyed the gallery together one final time before the doors were finally opened. The bright vivacious creature truly was my inspiration and so much more to me. There was a definite adrenaline rush flooding the room as various people took their positions. Pamela was hovering by the door checking her

wristwatch waiting for the first of the clients to arrive. Catering staff stood poised ready to pick up trays of scrumptious looking appetizers and flutes of champagne to circulate amongst the guests. The bar staff were uncorking wine allowing it to breathe. The gentleman in the chef’s jacket calmly directing his staff I presumed was Victoria’s friend Tino, who I hadn’t yet had a chance to meet. There was this undercurrent of energy in the room which just caught everyone in its path and carried them along in its flow.

“Philip, just a quick minute. I want to introduce you to Tino.” Victoria said softly as she guided me over to where he stood surveying the buzzing activity in the room with a practiced eye. His face lit up as he saw the two of us approaching. “Why Victoria, you are as lovely as always but somehow I was expecting more of a grand entrance out of you. Aren’t you going to be performing tonight?” He said as he gave me a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek. I just grinned mischievously at him. “You never know what I might do.” My response and the truth of it caused all three of us to burst into laughter. “Very true.” He responded before turning his attentions on Philip. “Oh and you must be Philip”

he said extending his hand and smiling warmly. I took his hand and gave it a firm shake. “Tino it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m so indebted to you for taking on this assignment, so last minute for me.” I told him sincerely. “Not a problem at all. More than happy to help out, think nothing of it.” He said jovially. I couldn’t help it, I had to like the guy despite, the fact that he may have at one time had designs on Victoria.

“So all ready for the big night?” Tino inquired of Philip and me as he made a small gesture with his hand to one of his servers who promptly arrived with glasses of champagne for the three of us. “Here’s to the evening being a success for one and all.” He intoned as we each took a glass. “To a successful evening.” The three of us chimed together as we tipped our glasses against each other and the distinctive sound of clinking glasses filled our ears before we each took a fortifying sip. “I’m also really anxious to see just what’s going to be revealed on that easel later this evening, as I’ve been admiring several of your other works while we’ve been setting up this evening.” Tino said. “Thank you. I do hope it’s going to be quite the show stopper and the first in a series. Until then.” Philip began. At which point I cut in with

“Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction will bring him back.” “Well I shall indeed be back to see what the big secret is all about but for now I must get back to business. If you’ll both excuse me, I’ll catch up with you both later in the evening.”

He said as he flashed up both two thumbs up and grinned.

“Well it looks like we’re on Victoria, the first our guests are arriving and I want you by my side because as far as I’m concerned we’re a team and we’ll make it or break it tonight as team.” Philip intoned solemnly. “Ready or not here we come.” I responded. He gave me a wink and whisked me across the floor on his arm to meet the first of the arrivals. I was surprisingly at ease despite my earlier bouts of nerves. There were also some very real and valid reasons why I knew this evening could potentially turn into a complete and utter nightmare. The LGBT community could be a controversial topic at the best of times but in the current climate it could be considered a ticking time bomb. The very public decision of former Olympic gold medalist Bruce Jenner to embrace and honour who he truly was after years of trying to deny it and finally take the plunge and having surgery to enable him to be the woman he always knew he was meant to be. It was a majorly hot and tremendously controversial subject. So right now Philip deciding to honour such topics in his work could become a land mind just waiting to be triggered and blow up on him. Tonight could turn into a real nail biter not to mention cause Philip to lose some affluent clients who could help make or break his gallery here in Toronto.

So far the evening was going quite smoothly. People were enjoying taking in Philp’s art works and those of the other artists that he featured in his gallery. They were also happily indulging themselves on the excellent cuisine that Tino and his staff had prepared and were offering in grand style to the guests. Even though it was early in the evening a couple of painting had already been sold, so maybe my fears had all been found less and I should just take a couple deep breaths and relax and just enjoy the evening and my up- coming performance. It was then I noticed some rather familiar faces entering the room and my face lit up entirely. I looked over at Philip who had clearly spied our V.I.P. guests moments before I had and was judging my reaction to their arrival. “Oh Philip, I can’t believe you invited the girls for me.” I gushed really over whelmed to see my dear friend’s familiar faces coming towards me. “I knew you’d had reservations about performing tonight so I figured it might be a good idea to call in the troops so you’d have some moral support.”

He grinned at me. “But how? When on earth did you get a hold of them?

You’ve barely had time to come home and shower. Let alone do anything else with all the work that you’ve been doing on the painting. Did you go through my mobile?” I asked quirking an eyebrow at him. “No I would never dream of invading your privacy. I did however pop into the club one evening, and have a little talk with Sush, who was only too happy to arrange to have a little entourage of your friends here for moral support.” Philip informed me. “You diva’s need an entourage don’t you?” He teased me, as I embraced each of my friends warmly including Miss Antoinette who

informed me that she wouldn’t have dreamed of missing tonight for all the world. I was deeply touched that they cared so much to come out and support me. I also noticed that despite appearing in drag they had all toned it down several notches from their normally over the top looks for something much more understated. It was rather amazing but I swear if I hadn’t know they were all men I would have just naturally assumed they were women. Sush in particular was a flawless beauty and it wouldn’t have surprised me in the slightest if someone inquired about getting her number for a potential date this evening. She looked absolutely stunning in her outfit.

Philip and I ensured that our friends were taken care of with food and drinks and continued to circulate through the growing crowd. As we did so, once again I found faces in the crowd that I was more than a little familiar with. “Philip” I whispered urgently. “I used to work with some of these people. There’s Charlie Dugan, he was the head of the marketing department, and that’s William Kendal, one of the VP’s of a firm I used to deal with and there’s…” my voice trailed off as I found myself face to face with one of my old colleagues who to be honest I was never all that keen on for a variety of reasons. The words pompous and arrogant sprang to mind instantly to me. For Philp’s sake I was determined to remain polite and poised, when the reality was I could have cheerfully turned and walked away. “Nice to see you again.” I said politely, and although it came out rather stiff and formal sounding to my own ears, I somehow knew that fact would go unnoticed by this ignoramus. “You must have heard I was going to be attending tonight and just couldn’t stay away, had to see the Davester.” He said smugly, completely oblivious to the fact Philip remained by my side, and had a look that indicated “I’d rather like to pop this guy one, right in the nose.” “Actually David, I’m here as the owner gave me a personal invitation.” “Oh really, is he one of those artsy fartsy types like you used to live with? If he’s an artist I bet the guy is a real fruit just like that well for the sake of argument that freak you used to live with, what was his name? Tinkerbell?” As he gave a cruel little laugh at his idea of humour. “His name is Hinesh and he’s a very dear friend of mine.” I replied, barely able to conceal my contempt for David and his utter rudeness. “Whatever, Vicki, lighten up we both know the guys a little light in the loafers. Probably do the same thing as that Jenner freak and try and cross over to your team, you know be one of the girls.” He laughed making some effeminate gestures with his hands. His laugher was cruel and rang hollow in my ears. My blood was boiling and if there hadn’t been so many people around I would be making a scene of epic proportions.

Part of me was waiting for Victoria to slap this jerk the other part of myself was holding myself back from doing

something similar but only with my hand balled into a fist. I couldn’t believe this guy. The anger was rising in

Victoria’s cheeks and her stance changed, not unlike a cat that when challenged and getting ready for a fight puffs

themselves up in order to look larger and more formidable to their enemy. Her voice remained calm and even, and I

admired her reserve. “I notice you’re going stag tonight David, were the escort agencies all booked or your mother

refused to accompany you?” she asked sweetly.

The Davester began to bluster at her, but she just laughed lightly “Oh Dave, lighten up, it’s a joke right?” she added

with an acid tone to her voice indicating that it wasn’t but she’d clearly taken all the crap from him that she was going

to. Quickly switching gears she said “David, may I introduce you to the owner at whose invitation you’re here this

evening. This is Philip Renault the owner, resident artist and…” She delivered crisply in an almost clipped tone, which

only marginally concealed her growing ire with the buffoon that stood before us. Before I cut in with “her future

husband.” The look I gave him as I delivered it conveyed a definite attitude of cease and desist with your negative

remarks or I’ll have you by the collar and escort you out myself. This was one client I could definitely afford to lose was

the way I was looking at it.

“Now, now imagine that.” David said as he quickly scanned me up and down. “No offense old man just joking

about you being an artist and therefore some sort of pansy boy. I really do admire your work, besides it’s got a good

market value to it, which is all that matters to me.” He said extending his hand to me. I took it and made sure to give

it a good firm shake. Good old Dave cringed and winced as I shook it, which made Victoria grin at his obvious

discomfort. I didn’t get a chance to say another word to this world class jerk as he made his escape immediately

claiming he urgently needed to speak to someone he had seen that he knew on the other side of the room. “Victoria,

do you want me to ask him to leave? He’s clearly a complete and utter ass. I’m so sorry that happened.” I apologized

to her. “Philip that guy has always been a creep and he always will be. If I weren’t a lady I have a few other choice

words to call him and you’d probably think I was salty old sailor.

Let him stay, it could get interesting. I’m not going to let him ruin your special night though. I’m sure he’ll probably

just end up leaving early, after he tries to hit on one of your guests and gets shot down in the process.” She said trying

to make a joke of it though I knew she was seething inside. I had to admire her, she was far more composed about all

of this than I was. I’d wanted to shake that guys hand so hard that he ended up on his knees and that was just for

starters. He should be counting his blessings that we all weren’t twenty something years younger, because my

teenage self wouldn’t have had been so couth had he insulted my girl. I would have met him on the football field after

school and cleaned his clock. I couldn’t dwell on this clown now I had to regain my composure and play the role of the

consummate good host.

Victoria and I continued to make the rounds and she introduced me to some of her other former colleagues who

were in attendance, who were quite engaging people and I enjoyed our brief chats with them. Over all things seemed

to be going well, although after some of the comments that ‘the Davester’ had made earlier the odds were there were

some other rather narrow minded people in attendance this evening that would share his views. Now I found myself

debating with myself do I stay true to my believes and ideals and carry on as planned or do I play it safe and derail

the plans I’d made about unveiling the portrait and having Victoria perform. Victoria had this unique talent of being

able to read my mind. “Don’t you dare even consider thinking about copping out and not going through with

unveiling your efforts tonight.” She said quietly placing her hand delicately on my arm. “You are not going to let that

narrow minded bigot or anyone else stop you from showing off your talents. You clearly believe in this series and

what it stands for and you’re not going to let some barbarian dissuade you because if you do you’re really no better

than he is Philip. I didn’t even have to think about it the moment I heard her words.

“You’re absolutely right Victoria and I know I’m better than that. If I lose clients over my decision to carry on with

this, then so be it. At least I’ll have a clear conscience and be able to live with myself and sleep at night. Yes, I want to

be successful and be able to provide a good life for the two of us, but I don’t believe it was ever my bank balance that

attracted you to me. You love me for me. You’ve opened my mind to a whole new world and introduced me to some

wonderful people that I probably would never have met if it hadn’t been for you. I may be taking a risk doing this but

it’s one that I’m more than willing to take. You with me on this?” I asked her. Her response was quick and empathic.

“I am so totally on board with this. In fact I’m more determined than ever to make this the best performance I’ve ever

done tonight. I want you to be proud of me, the same way that I’m so very proud of you for sticking to your guns and

seeing this whole thing through.

Now if you’ll give me a quick kiss, I believe I have to go to a little presto change so that I can razzle dazzle your

clients.” She winked at me as I gave her a quick kiss. She squeezed my hand and hustled off to transform herself. After

she left to change, I hunted down Pamela and another of my assistants Jay. Unbeknownst to Victoria I’d put together

a little mini documentary that with the help of my assistants, Sush and a few other people I’d put together to help

introduce the inspiration for my latest works. Jay was going to move the screen into position, while I was gathering

together the guests. Pamela would then dim the lights and the presentation would begin. Then as the lights came up

just a little Victoria’s music would be cued up and Miss Kitty would emerge into the limelight.

Clearing my voice I began “Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please.” I waited a few moments for

people to end their conversations and draw nearer as many of them were scattered about the gallery viewing various

pieces of art. “Ladies and Gentleman if you would all be so kind as to indulge me for a few moments, I would be

grateful to you. First of all I’d like to take this opportunity to thank each of you for your attendance this evening and

for being a part of my Toronto launch.” Which was met with a polite round of applause. “Now the reason for your

presence here this evening is the fact that you are all known to be art lovers. As you know art comes in various forms

and recently I’ve had the privilege of being introduced to form of performance art that I would never have dreamed I

would become acquainted with, but it’s opened my eyes to an entirely new world. It’s been an inspiration for my

latest creations which I will be unveiling to you in shortly but before I unveil them, I have a short presentation to give

to help you understand how this latest project of mine came to fruition. So without further ado.” The lights went were

dimmed considerably and the video began to flash on the screen. The room was silent as the audio began to play.

A montage of clips featuring such things as stills from Tootsie, Victor, Victoria, Priscilla Queen of the Dessert, the

original Hair spray featuring stills of Devine. I couldn’t help but over here a couple negative comments, still I wasn’t

prepared to back down. The video continued to play. It cut to a shot of Miss Antoinette first as a man relating the

Stonewall Riots in New York City and how it was considered a major milestone in gay liberation and the modern fight

for the LGBT community. Next she appeared in drag, as Miss Antoinette and spoke of Operation Soap which though it

didn’t happen until 1981 was considered the Toronto equivalent to that historic series of events in New York.

After I finished reinventing myself into my alter ego in record time, I popped my head out of the restroom waiting for my music to be cued, but instead the room was dark and shadowy figures stood clustered about staring at a screen on which a video of some sort was playing. I inched out of the room to get a better view and to also hear what was being said. It stopped me dead in my tracks. Philip who had clearly been waiting for me to emerge stealthily worked his way over to me in the darkened room. He wound his arm around my waist and drew me close to his side, never saying a single word as we both watched in silence. There was a strength and sincerity to her words, describing the struggle she’d had to endure just to be allowed to be who and what she was, along with so many other people in this city. It broke my heart when she spoke of being brutally attacked on her way home from her shows over the years, the harassment and discrimination in multiple forms.

I began to tremble from an overload of emotions. I knew the truth of those words all too well from my own personal experiences. More than once I’d spent nights in emergency wards waiting in apprehensive torture as friends, people that I loved and respected were stitched back together, bodies bruised and battered from vicious attacks by ignorant people that felt that they somehow had the right to decide how other people should be kept in line an taught a lesson for no other reason than they were being themselves. The people had believed in this vigilante form of what they considered morality were nothing but cowards to me, and they enraged me. Philip remained silent his only reaction was to wrap himself even closer and more tightly as he were trying to shield and protect me he provided me with my own little safe place in his arms.

In the shadowy darkness we both saw a couple of silhouetted figures work their way towards the doors and exit. It may not be Stonewall but I couldn’t help but thinking I was walking into a real hornets' nest by performing tonight. Yet it wasn’t anxiety that filled my heart it was a fierce sense of pride. I was going to do justice to the art form I had been so graciously and loving accepted into despite being a straight woman. I was going to take a stand for my friends and what I believed in. A determination and confidence to do this and do it extremely well filled me. Poignantly they told their stories on the screen, from the trials of learning and accepting who they were to the triumphs of celebrating the discovery of the drag world where they felt a sense of family and made lifelong friendships and more. As the film faded out with clips of performances and Gaga's “I was Born this Way” hammering home that very point, I felt my moment arriving.

Philip kissed my cheek and went over to address the remaining guests. There was a polite smattering of applause from the guest but it was awkward. Still Philip pressed on determined to make this work. “Ladies and Gentleman I’m sure my little presentation wasn’t what you were expecting by any means this evening and I am well aware that some of you are uncomfortable with the subject matter.” At which point he looked pointedly at the Davester, who remained unmoved and dispassionate. I did notice however that he was standing directly next to Sush and was preening in an effort to get her to notice him. Philips voice continued on in a strong, self-assured manner. “So ladies and gentleman, if once again if you’ll indulge me I’ve arranged for a little performance art this evening in the form of a miniature drag show in an effort to capture some of the magic and majesty of this art. Now it’s with great pleasure that I introduce the one and only incomparable Miss Kitty.” It was a now or never defining moment for me. Nodding at Pamela who was standing by ready to start my music for me, I began a mental countdown to the beat and put my best foot forward. The strains of My Name is Tallulah greeted my ears as the blood rushed through me like a fast flowing river. I loved the vampy quality to the song, which easily allowed for air kisses and little come hither gestures with the flip of a gentleman’s tie or a crooked finger beckoning them to you. I began to lip synch to the words as I began my sultry little strut around the room. I had always loved the film Bugsy Malone ever since I’d first seen it years ago as a kid, but as I grew older the songs had taken on a far deeper meaning for me. This one, entitled “My Name Is Tallulah”, to me stood for all the lonely souls out there and how sometimes just having one person that crossed your path in life, even for a small while and was kind could make a difference to you. I’d never forgotten the song or the principles I believed it stood for.

“My name is Tallulah. My first rule of thumb,

I don't say were I'm going Or where I'm coming from

I try to leave a little reputation behind me.

So if you really need to, you'll know how to find me.”

A quick spin and a thrust of my hip as I looked over my shoulder.

“My name is Tallulah, I live till I die.

I'll take what you give me and I won't ask why.

I made a lot of friends, in some exotic places.

I don't remember names but I remember faces.”

I sashayed over to Philip and ran the tip of my finger along his jaw line as I delivered the line.

“Lonelyyy you don't have to be lonely,

come and see Tallulah,

we can chase your troubles away.

Ohhh, if you’re lonely,

you don't have to be lonely.

When they talk about Tallulah,

you know what they say,

No one south of heaven's

gonna treat you finer,

Tallulah had her training

in North Carolina.”

I was clearly engaging my audience and I noticed several faces in the crowd actually were wearing smiles of delight on their faces, as they clearly were getting into the spirit of it all Those few positive responses were enough to spur me on.

“My name is Tallulah

and soon I'll be gone.

An open invitation is,

the road I'll travel on.

I never say goodbye

because the words upset me,

you may forgive my going

but you won't forget me.”

It was gratifying to me to see people starting to respond so well to my facial expressions and dance moves and getting into the music and the show. Many hands were clapping in rhythm and i could see some arms waving to the music as more and more of the audience participated in the celebration.

“Lonelyyyy, you don't have to be lonely.

Come and see Tallulah,

we can chase your troubles away,

oohhh. If you’re lonely

you don't have to be lonely.

When they talk about Tallulah,

you know what they say,

No one south of heaven's

gonna treat you finer.

Tallulah had her training

in North Carolina.”

The last notes of the song faded as I walked away seductively, blowing kisses as I went. I spun quickly and was pleasantly surprised to see more smiling faces, than there were grim and sober ones. The rounds of applause that I did receive were sweet music, that rung in my ears. Philip was clearly happy, Pamela was clapping with delight etched onto her features, Tino flashed me two thumbs up and was grinning from ear to ear at me. Even the previously more staid and stodgy members of the group were appearing to be enjoying the show. So I launched into my second and what I planned on being my last number of the evening here at the gallery. The music began once more and I launched into my rendition of Cabaret.

“What good is sitting alone in your room?

Come hear the music play,

Life is a cabaret, old chum

Come to the cabaret.

Put down the knitting, the book and the broom.

It's time for a holiday.

Life is a cabaret, old chum,

so come to the cabaret.

Come taste the wine. “

As if on cue I saucily grabbed a glass of passing waiter’s tray and took a sip before handing the glass off to a nearby gentleman before i continued on.

“Come hear the band.

Come blow your horn.

Start celebrating right this way.

Your table's waiting.

What good's permitting

some prophet of doom,

to wipe every smile a way.

Life is a cabaret, old chum,

so come to the cabaret.”

My movements were in perfect synch with the song and I was really throwing my heart into this performance. I

continued to sing, loud and strong and from my heart.

“I used to have this girlfriend known as Elsie,

with whom I shared four sordid rooms in Chelsea.

She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower,

as a matter of fact she rented by the hour.

The day she died the neighbors came too

but when I saw her laid out like a Queen,

she was the happiest corpse, I'd ever seen.

I think of Elsie to this very day,

I remember how she'd turn to me and say,

"What good is sitting all alone in your room?

Come hear the music play.

Life is a cabaret, old chum

come to the cabaret.

And as for me,

I made my mind up, back in Chelsea.

When I go, I'm going like Elsie,

start by admitting from cradle to tomb,

isn't that long a stay.

Life is a cabaret, old chum.

It's only a cabaret,

old chum and I love a cabaret.

I ended the number with a dramatic slide across the floor on one knee, hands raised dramatically in celebration. I had always loved this song, for it stood for celebrating life and honouring who you were and never allowing yourself to be forced into a cookie cutter mold of what society thought you should be. The crowd went nuts and applauded madly including several whistles. I knew my face was flushed pink from both the exertion of the number and sense of having done a stellar job for Philip. I looked over at him and blew him a kiss. He was applauding madly but strode over and gave me a hand to help me to my feet. “You were fabulous, absolutely fabulous.” He gushed. “Everyone totally loved it, just listen to them.” Shouts of “Encore, Encore.” were being added to the growing din of noise. “Well your public awaits Miss Kitty what do you say?” Philip inquired. “I’d say give the people what they want.” I grinned back at him. I was delirious things were going so well, and I felt like I could have danced and performed all night. The irony of it being that once I left here, I’d be doing pretty much exactly that. I was totally psyched now and in full performance party girl mode so it was appropriate that the next song that came on was “Get This Party Started”, it was full of energy and life and I planned on fully rocking it out, the same way that I choose to live my life.

“I'm comin' up so you better get this party started

“I'm comin' up so you better get this party started.

Get this party started on a Saturday night.

Everybody's waiting for me to arrive,

Sendin' out the message to all of my friends,

we'll be looking flashy in my Mercedes Benz.

I got lot of style, check my gold diamond rings,

I can go for miles if you know what I mean.

I'm comin' up so you better get this party started.

I'm comin' up so you better get this party started.”

I was singing and dancing my heart out, and I could feel the sheen of perspiration on my brow, as I ended with

“Get this party started right now.”

Philip was quick to step in, and spoke up over the applause which had become more genuine, with each number I had done. “Ladies and gentleman thank you for your kind response to my special guest this evening. Now I feel, I need to be honest with you, the lady who has just performed so enthusiastically is in fact a lady born and bred. She circulated amongst you earlier this evening dressed far differently than she is now and she has heard various comments and speculations on this evening from various individuals. The reason for my deception was to attempt to open your eyes to the fact that people are people no matter what the outward appearances may be. Now if you’ll permit me I would like to ask a very special person in my life to help me unveil my latest painting, which is the first in a series I’ll be doing. It is a celebration of art, the human spirit and a desire to honour and be true to oneself. Victoria Bellamy would you do me the great honour of helping me, unveil my most recent project.” Heads began to swivel as people who knew me as Victoria scanned the room trying to determine where I had disappeared to. “I’d consider it an honour and privilege to be a part of the unveiling.” I said stepping forward. There was a shocked silence in the room as I glided over to what I know the silk covered painting that rested on its easel. It was only then that I noticed there was a series of covered easels now present. The performer in me came out in full force, I didn’t break my stride, just followed lead towards the first easel though inwardly I wasn’t even sure myself where this whole evening was headed now.

Not unlike a covered canvas waiting to be unveiled, as humans we often cover our vulnerabilities and cloak them fearing to expose our true selves to the eyes of our critics in society. Though at heart we are decent, moral and loving individuals there will always be those that judge us, simply for the fact we choose to be open and honour ourselves for the unique individuals that we are. I urge anyone that reads this no matter what your circumstances, gender or sexual orientation to stand tall and proud and be who you are with tolerance and kindness to all.

ACT 20

Philip knowing I’d be bewildered by seeing multiple canvases waiting to be uncovered, flashed me a very brief smile with a telepathic message to “Trust me on this.” Knowing that I could always trust him I just went along with it as though it had been planned this way all along. Somehow as curious as I was as to what lay beneath them, I couldn’t entirely divert my eyes from the faces of the crowd either. My friends of course wore warm smiles of support on their faces. A few people looked sheepish with the knowledge that I perhaps had overheard some of their rather callous remarks that they may have made earlier, a couple of them looking down right ashamed of themselves as a result of that fact. Some people shuffled about nervously from foot to foot, possibly because they too had heard the remarks and hadn’t agree with them but they’d chosen to remain silent and not state their true opinions to avoid any form of confrontation. It was a relief though to see that the majority of people seemed very relaxed and eager to see what lay beneath the covered easels, and it fueled my heart with hope.

“Now, without further ado and with the help of my charming assistant Miss Victoria Bellamy who is better known to some of you as Miss Kitty we shall make the first of the reveals.” It was Ms Bellamy herself who introduced me to her amazing friends and co-performers and the more I had the pleasure to know them the more they inspired me to depict onto canvas their struggle of the pursuit of their inalienable rights of a life of liberty and happiness despite the barriers of society and ignorance. Incarcerated and vilified without due process for being different and misunderstood when they should be celebrated and lauded for their spirit and uniqueness. Art is supposed to elicit emotions and i hope my work moves you and any who come to see it, to be silent no more. To embrace what makes us different and rally against those that would use it to divide us all. Please think about all you have seen this evening from the video, the performance, the art work and most of all the people you have met. Then looking inside yourselves and think about who you want to be, a divider or a uniter. The choice is always yours.

Philip intoned to the waiting throng. The two of us reached up and carefully drew off the covering to reveal his work.

“Voila, I present the first few pieces of my latest series, which I have titled Wholesome Prison Blues. An introspective look at the lives and dreams of the Drag Community. ” Philip intoned with a certain dramatic flair and then stepped aside to let the works speak for themselves and they spoke volumes. The pictures were stunning and I had to catch my breath for a moment because despite the fact I had seen some before , now I was seeing them in a whole new light.

Now when I looked at them I saw that there was a certain strength and courage in the figures. You could sense the determination to follow their dreams, while staying true to themselves at the same time. There was no guilt or shame in them they were simply being who they were meant to be. Remarkably, Philip had captured far more in this piece of art than I had initially thought and I found it humbling. A man that only a short time ago, who had had no concept of this world in which I was involved seemed to have a far greater grasp of it than I could have ever imagined. It flooded my heart with love that he could be so accepting and none judgmental, despite any reservations he initially may have had.

A quick nod of his head and the other easels were uncovered in rapid succession. It was then that I realized Sush, Pamela and the others had joined us so stealthily I’d never even noticed their presence. They all just blended in seamlessly. I quickly scanned the other four paintings with eager interest. What I some completely let me in awe, it wasn’t just a serious of drag queens preparing behind the scenes and performing as I thought they would be. It was something far more thought provoking to my way of thinking. The backdrops for these paintings were of common

everyday events that anyone could easily relate to. A car being washed in a driveway buckets of soapy water, a garden hose at the ready. A scene you’d see on a typical weekend in any neighbourhood on a summer day. An aisle in a grocery store, a shopping cart laden with boxes of cereal, fruits, vegetables, cartons of milk and juice.

There a picture of a nursery, a parent holding a child in their arms as they sat in a rocking chair singing a lullaby to the sleeping babe in arms. The final one was of a family seated in a church pew, light that was flooding through stain glassed windows shining down upon them in a rainbow of colours. Ordinary scenes to the extreme if it weren’t for the startling juxtaposition of the central character. The central figure washing the car wasn’t dressed in jeans and a t -shirt but was in a sequined evening gown, high heels and perfectly coiffed hair. It was a drag queen. Each of the paintings featured a drag queen in them but they weren’t performing they were merely being people and doing the same mundane chores and loving family things that all people do. I was overcome with emotions and felt the tears welling up in my eyes. This is what it was all about after all, everything they stood for, fought for and even died for. To be seen as just people when you got right down to it, just people like everyone else. And he managed to say it all through exquisitely crafted pictures that capture their defiant spirit and courage and the struggle to establish their place in this crazy world. If a picture can speak a thousand words then the awe and wonder and silence of the on looking crowd spoke volumes of the emotional impact of the paintings.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, if you think I’m trying to make a statement with these and future works, I am. It is my hope to show the rich diverseness of people as individuals, while still illustrating the commonalities that we all experience as human beings. With these paintings and others like them I am hoping to open and expand the way we perceive and think of other people who differ from ourselves. It’s been my experience that we often fear or ridicule things that we are not familiar with and that we don’t understand. I hope to be part of a positive change in society, by educating others to the fact that acceptance of others is where compassion begins. Thank you.” Philip ended with a thoughtful look on his face. In that moment I was so proud of him and felt as if I might actually burst the seams of my costume as I swelling with so much pride for him.

There was a polite round of applause that grew as it seemed to sink and register with people what had just been said to them. Sure there were some people that still looked rather abashed and taken back by all of this but by in large the majority seemed to be onboard with what Philip had just said so eloquently and by the works that he had created.

People began to come forward to take closer looks at the finished pieces of art. The feedback that I was over hearing about the paintings was by in large positive. People pressed closer to Philip to shake his hand and congratulate him and I got a bit lost in the crowd. Wanting him to have his moment in the spotlight or as Warhol would have put it “have his fifteen minutes of fame.” I just tried to fade into the crowd but that wasn’t about to happen.

“Victoria, or should I call you Miss Kitty? I had no idea how talented you are or that you were involved in anything like this.” Charlie Dugan’s voice greeted me, his eyes were twinkling at me as he said it. Trying to be nonchalant about it all I shrugged. “I’m a woman of many mysteries.” I responded cryptically. I had always liked Charlie and gotten along well with him but he was never someone that I was particularly close to. He was often quiet and reserved and tended to keep to himself, never offering details of a personal nature about himself. We made some polite small talk about people that we had both known, mutually, from the days that we had worked together and how things were at the firm, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was looking at me in a far different light than he ever had before. Well I supposed that was perfectly natural under the circumstances, her I was dressed as a cabaret performer, in a completely over the top outfit and makeup and it was a far cry from the conservatively dressed woman he had known from my days in the boardroom.

“Victoria, I’d like to introduce you to someone if you have a moment.” He said softly after a break in the conversation.

“Of course.” I said thinking perhaps he was going to introduce me to his wife. He took me steered me towards a small cluster of people that were admiring one of the paintings. He tapped a gentleman on the shoulder. “Scott, if you can tear you’re self away I’d like you to meet a friend of mine.” Scott excused himself from the little group and greeted me warmly. “It’s so nice to meet you. I totally loved your presentation this evening. One of the best I’ve seen in years.” He gushed. “Best he’d seen in years?” I thought flattering but a tad confusing to me. “Victoria, this is my husband Scott Parker.” It took it a split second to sink in with me that Charlie Duggan and I had both been keeping secrets for all those years we had worked together. “Scott it’s lovely to meet you. I’m so glad you enjoyed my performance tonight. “Oh I did, I truly did. It was fabulous. Now I am, going to have to beg you to forgive me but I simply must meet the artist.

Give him my congratulations and see if I can still snap up one of these paintings or if they’ve been spoken for.” He smiled at me. “I hope we can chat another time.” And with a slight bow he excused himself.

“Nobody knew at the office Victoria.” Charlie said softly. “Scott and I have always kept our relationship rather low key, partially a generational thing I guess. I joined the firm at time when things like this weren’t readily accepted. Over time I guess staying in the closet about it became more of a habit for both of us than anything else. We’ve been together over thirty years now and I’ve never regretted a moment of sharing my life with him. It hasn’t always been easy but we’ve made it work.” He said reflectively. “Charlie, why on earth didn’t you ever say anything? I never would have judged you. I’ve always liked and respected you for your ethics at work, but I never really got the opportunity to get to truly know you, since you so often kept to yourself.” I told him. “I could say the same about you Victoria. I liked and respected you for a number of reasons, but you too tended to be evasive for the most part about your personal life. I remember one time catching a glimpse of you coming into the office late one night when I’m quite sure you thought it was deserted.

I’d just turned off the lights in my office but I didn’t want to disturb or frighten you with my presence. It wasn’t uncommon for you or any of us for that matter to come in late to look over some documents or pick up a file that we wanted to go over so normally I’d never have given it another thought. But there was definitely something different about you that night, you were a far cry from the woman that I knew during business hours. Partially it was the way you were dressed, you’d clearly been to a concert and it certainly hadn’t been an opera by any means. You looked happy and relaxed and it was the first time I’d ever seen you in that light before. I remember standing there waiting for you to leave before I left as well I also remember the drive home and thinking when did we all get so uptight and feel the need to hide who we truly were, just for the sake of propriety and to be accepted in the corporate world.” He reflected.

I remembered the night in question, it was late I’d been to a concert at the Danforth Music Hall, it had been Dark Star Orchestra playing, and on the way home I’d stopped by the office to pick up a couple of files to go over on the weekend.

I also remembered with a grin that the security guard at the concierge in the lobby hadn’t recognized me, despite the fact I’d called him by name because we often had a little chat. He always insisted on calling me Ms. Bellamy and told me I worked far too much, that I should learn to enjoy life more. I’d always tell him the same thing, one day Stanley, one day, as I’d head towards the bank of elevators. Fortunately I’d finally found my ‘one day’ and was enjoying my life. I was also now wise enough to know how blessed I was to have found it. “You’re still making me think Victoria and I want to thank you for that. After tonight I’m thinking it’s time for Scott and I to sit down and have a long talk about being more open about us. Stop hiding who we are from the majority of the world and really start opening up more. It’s time to allow myself to be honest and realize that it’s okay to be me, the real me.” And with that he took my hand in his and squeezed it. I instantly felt a new type of camaraderie developing between us.

“You know Charlie, I have to be leaving shortly as I’ve got a show to do at club over on Church Street.” I said apologetically, really wishing I could stay and we could have a better conversation. “Why don’t you invite Scott for me and if you two don’t have any plans for the rest of the evening, I’d love to have you be my guests. It’ll also give you two a chance to get to know Philip better and we can catch up more as well.” I said to him genuinely hoping he’d take me up on my offer. “I’d like that and I think Scott would as well, thank you.” He said sincerely. “You’re a pip, Victoria a real pip. I’ll look forward to seeing you again later.” He said. I grinned at him. “Fantastic, I’ll look forward to seeing you there, you can get the address from Philip or his assistant Pamela.” “Count on it.” And with another squeeze of my hand he was off to find Scott.

I weaved my way through people over towards Philip, so that I could tell him that I’d be leaving now and would meet him at the club later. As I worked my way over towards him, I received handshakes and compliments along the way. It seemed that over all the evening was going to be a success. There were little sold stickers on the edges of several frames already and it seemed there was still a buzz of interest amongst the crowd. I dearly would have loved to have been able to stay until the last guest had left but I knew I had other obligations that I had to keep. Catching Philip’s eye he, pardoned himself from the couple he’d been engaged with and came over to me. “Hey you.” He smiled. “You were

amazing tonight and I’m totally blown away by how well everything is turning out, despite a few tense moments. I owe this all to you, for inspiring me.” His eyes softened as he spoke to me and the gentle warmth of his voice thrilled me to my core. “You are so not going to believe what happened.” Philip continued his voice rising with excitement, as he fished in the interior breast pocket of his jacket and produced a business card which he handed to me with a flourish.

“A couple of members of the board of directors from the AGO were here tonight. They want to set up a meeting with me to discuss doing a feature on future pieces in this series. They feel it’s something relevant that the public would be interested in and that it should be seen by as many people as possible.” I starred in stunned silence at the card embossed with the distinctive logo from the Art Gallery of Ontario on it, along with the other information. “Do you know what this means?” he bubbled excitedly. “One day my paintings could be in the National Art Gallery in Ottawa.

The possibilities of what could happen are limitless and none of this would be happening if I hadn’t met you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you truly are my muse.” He wrapped his arms around me as he leaned down and kissed me with a fierce intensity. It was hard not to get caught up in the moment and if it hadn’t been for the roomful of people, it’s doubtful we would curbed our enthusiastic celebration. “I’m so proud of you Philip.” I whispered my voice catching in my throat as I looked up into his eyes. It was such a special moment and I selfishly wished we could just share it alone. For now though not only did I have to share him with other people but I had to leave him as well.

“You have to leave now don’t you?” I questioned her, as it dawned on me how conflicted her expression was. There

was a definite genuine joy lighting her eyes and pride in me emanating from them for me, but there was also a subtle

underlying sadness as her smile and chin quivered imperceptibly to someone that did not know her as intimately as I

did. I drew her close in my arms and held her close as I whispered in her ear softly. “Darling, I swear I’ll be by your

side the first moment that I can be. You know that and that I love you more than anyone or anything in the world.” I

reassured her gently. “I know.” She murmured as she held me tightly. “I’ll come with you and help you grab your

things. Then I’ll walk you outside to meet the girls. Sush and the rest of them are out front waiting with a couple of

cars that I’ve arranged to pick you up and deliver you safely at the club.” I told her while at the same time, I

desperately wished that it didn’t have to be this way and that she could remain with me until the last guest had

departed.

“No Philip, you stay with your guests, I’ll be fine. You and your talent are the reason that all these people are here,

but I am going to want to hear all about it every little detail when we’re alone at home, deal?” She said smiling at me

trying to appear far happier then she was actually feeling about having to depart. Try as she might, she could never

mask her true feelings from me. I gave her a quick kiss on the hip of her nose, which always seemed to bring a natural

smile to her lips. And it did, just that. We exchanged hastily whispered ‘I love you’s’ before I was besieged with yet

another inquisitive patron of the arts, who wanted to hear more about my new series. I watched her slip into the

crowd with a small lump in my throat.

“Victoria, leaving so soon?” Tino asked me. “Afraid so, the show must go on, as you know.” I said with a small sigh.

“Ah yes, too true.” He smiled at me sympathetically knowing I was torn about having to leave Philip. “I’ll be catching up later with you. I’m going to pop around and try and catch a couple of your numbers once I’m done here.” He said.

“Sounds good, I’ll look forward to seeing you there. And Tino,” “Yes?” “Thanks again for being so incredible for pulling this whole catering together tonight. I know how last minute it was and how crazy the hospitality industry can be at the best of times. Philip and I really are incredibly grateful to you.” I said. “Not another word about it. It’s not a big deal, friends have one another’s backs, it’s as simple as that.” He assured me kindly. “You really are the best.” I grinned at him as I gave him a quick impulsive hug. “Now scoot.” He commanded teasingly pointing at the door. “Yes chef, I will the minute I grab my things.” I grinned at him. “I’ll see you later.” And with that I carried on Philp’s office to the things I’d stored there earlier.

It didn’t take me long to grab my things and soon I was pulling it along behind me as I headed back into the gallery and into heart of the action. In the short while I’d been gone, the crowd in the gallery had thinned out considerably.

Scanning the people that were left I hoped to catch Philip’s eye and give him at least a little wave good bye to let him know I was on my way. When I spied him I noticed there was a rather attractive, willowy creature by his side. Who seemed to be just a little more familiar with him than I would have liked. Her laughter tinkled as she sipped her champagne and laid her hand on Philip’s forearm. I immediately felt my back stiffen and I felt as if my well-manicured fingernails were springing to an even greater length just a cats talons did when they were readying themselves for a fight.

“Victoria darling there you are, I was hoping to catch you before you left. This will just take a moment.” I called to

her the moment I spied her. “There’s someone here I’d like to introduce you to.” Victoria approached but I couldn’t

help but notice it seemed a cloud had crossed her face almost as if a storm were brewing. It pained me to see it and

I’d hoped there was nothing wrong, perhaps she was just tired and anxious about making her next gig on time, I

reasoned to myself. I’d be sure to check with her privately though at the first opportunity. “Victoria, I’d like you to

meet Claudette. This is the woman whose work you’d admired at my place the day you saw some of her glass work

skills.”

Was it my imagination or did Victoria just wrinkle her nose ever so slightly at that information and sniff daintily as

if in haughty distain of having to deal with something thoroughly unpleasant? “Oh its, such a pleasure to finally meet

you Victoria. Philip has told me so much about you and that performance of yours was so amazing. You’ve got a

great deal of talent.” She enthused but with a decidedly catty undertone to her voice. Victoria didn’t look all that

impressed with Claudette’s praise. “Thank you.” Victoria replied rather stiffly as she slipped an arm around my waist,

in a manner that could not be mistaken for anything other than her staking her territory.

“Oh my God.” I thought. Victoria has somehow gotten the mistaken impression that Claudette has designs on me.

My mind flew back to the first time I had mentioned Claudette to her and it seems to me she became a tad touchy that

time as well. What was worse was the fact that Claudette still had not removed her hand from my arm. Did Victoria

and her women’s intuition, know something that I didn’t and was somehow until this moment completely oblivious

to? “Pardon me for interrupting but I just came to tell Philip I was heading out now, and just wondered what time you

thought he might be arriving at the club to meet me.” She said pointedly to Claudette, putting an emphasis on the

words, meet me. “Isn’t that sweet, just can’t be parted from him for a minute can you dear?”

Claudette retorted, still not relinquishing her grip on my arm. Enough was enough, and I’d had enough, this was

not going to turn into a cat fight by any means. My love and devotions were to Victoria and to her alone and I was

going to nip this thing in the bud before it somehow got out of control and escalated. I took Claudette’s hand and

removed it for starters, which caused a disgruntled look from her and a smile of smug satisfaction to cross Victoria’s

lips. “Actually Claudette it’s entirely mutual I assure you, that we don’t like to be a part for any longer than we have

to be. Now if you’ll pardon me I’m going to walk my fiancée out and ensure that she’s safely on her way.” Claudette

looked rather stunned at my use of the word fiancée, while Victoria looked tickled pink.

When we were safely out of Claudette’s hearing Victoria began to giggle. “Found that little incident with Claudette

amusing did you?” I teased her. “No, not at all, other than the fact that you were so completely blind to the fact that

she was interested in you in more than a professional manner.” She stated between giggles. We paused just outside

the doors to the gallery, I took her in my arms and looked down at her. “Victoria I may be a little clueless about some

things but I am clever enough to know that I love you. I also know you are the only woman for me.” I kissed her

deeply, it was far too briefly for my liking but I believe I made my point about how I felt about her.I walked her over to

the waiting car and opened the door for her. One care full of her friends had already pulled away while Sush and Ms.

Antoinette were already in the car that was waiting to whisk Victoria away from my side. I gave Victoria another

quick kiss bid farewell to the group of them with a reminder that I’d be seeing them all again shortly. I closed the door

and the car pulled out into the street.

I knew I had to get back into my guests, mingle, answering questions and saying good night as they headed home

or for other destinations. I also wanted to have a word with Tino and thank him profusely for the incredible job he’d

done. There were several things I needed to tie up before I left, but for now I just wanted to take a minute out here in

the cool night air on the streets to collect my thoughts. It had been quite the evening, to say the least. So much had

transpired in such a short amount of time and it was rather mind boggling to say the very least. Overall I felt

everything had indeed been the smashing success that Victoria and I had hoped it would be. Sure I’d alienated a few

people with my choice of presentation not to mention the depictions in my art but that was life and you couldn’t

please everyone. Just like that line from the old Ricky Nelson song Garden Party. “It's all right now, learned my lesson

well,You see, ya can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself.” And I had chosen to do just that by pursuing

this series.

Yes I’d made a statement and had definitely taken a stand tonight. I was proud of that fact and even if there was

further fallout from my decision to plow ahead with this project, I knew I could live with my decision. I felt as though I

had been educated by Victoria and her friends and now it was time for me to pass on my new found knowledge to

others. My mind was still reeling with the fact that by having my pictures shown at the AGO and potentially beyond I

had a wonderful opportunity to use my talents for an even broader scope than I could have ever imagined before. On

top of it all the paintings I had done were selling like hotcakes, I was generating real interest in not only the art world

here in Toronto but on a social and human rights level as well. To think I owed it all to fate and meeting the woman

that had brought all this and so much more into my life. I took a deep breath and headed back inside.

ACT 21 OF PERFORMANCE ANXIETY\

Despite my initial underlying anxiety about how the evening would ultimately play out it had in my opinion

turned out phenomenally well. When I first conceived the concept of pursuing this project I knew I was

potentially playing with fire and could end up getting majorly burned by it. But there was a stronger force in

me that told me this was an issue that’s time had come, it was an issue that needed do come out of the shadows

and be brought into the light. What I was doing wasn’t trail blazing in the strictest sense of the word but it was

still a totally new experience for me. I’m not sure why but somehow I felt as if I was somehow meant to pick up

this torch and try to enlighten other people by utilizing my talents as an artist. This may have been a cause

that was near and dear to Victoria’s heart but it had also become close to my own as I got to know and

experience that was to me a brave new world. The crowds thankfully had thinned out considerably and finally it

was with great relief that I was able to lock the front doors to the gallery, as the last guest of the evening

departed. As great as things had gone I still felt something was missing without Victoria by my side to celebrate

all these wonderful new opportunities that were unfolding.

Tino, who was a total star in my books, as he’d held back a plate of his sumptuous appetizers for me to

enjoy. He knew all too well how the hosts of these events seldom got to enjoy the actual fair being offered as

they were preoccupied with providing the ultimate experience for their guests. I popped them in to my mouth

far more rapidly than I meant to, but I was honestly starving by that point. They tasted even better than their

mouth-watering appearance had led me to believe they would be. If I’d been left to my own devices I probably

would have found a way to devour, even the crumbs that remained on the plate. I’d made sure that the last

thing Pamela had done before she left for the club was to cut Tino a cheque for the balance of the payment for

his services. I’d also made sure there was an envelope with a healthy cash bonus for not only himself but for his

crackerjack team of servers. He balked at taking the bonus of course, insisting the payment itself was more

than fair enough, but I held my ground with him, telling him how much I appreciated his stepping up to the plate

for me at the last minute.

After a final walk through to ensure everything was ship shape for the opening of business the following day I

was ready to lock up for the evening. Tino was going to catch a ride to the club with me so he could catch at

least the tail end of Victoria’s act. I loosened my tie and undid the top couple of buttons on my shirt and it was

sweet relief to me to be able to do that. “I know that feeling.” Tino laughed and I grinned at him. Obviously the

guy was a kindred spirit. I tossed my jacket over my shoulder and we headed out to the car. The night was still

and cool at this hour and we both just savoured the quiet and the calm of it all for a brief moment in

companionable silence. As I pressed the button on my key fob the unmistakable sound of doors being unlocked

echoed in the night. The past few days had been exhausting and under the circumstances the old me, pre

Victoria would have headed home, hit the shower, then crawled into the comfort of my bed and slept the sleep

of the dead, but that man seemed like a complete stranger to me now. Here I was still raring to go and heading

to of all things a drag show, ‘oh how the times they are a changing.’ I thought with a grin. Buckled in and ready

to go I stuck the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life, purring like a kitten. The radio oddly enough

was playing AD/DC’s " You Shook Me All Night Long" with perfectly timed lyrics of “…She was a fast machine she

kept her motor clean, She was the best damn woman that I ever seen…” oh the irony of it all because my

Victoria was the high octane fuel that kept my motor clean and she truly was the best damn woman that I’d ever

seen.” I turned it down immediately.

“She still loves to sing along to the radio I’m guessing?” Tino laughed. “She was always such fun, even when I

first met her.” He reminisced. I sat listening intently not sure if I wanted to hear what was coming next or not.

“We had some crazy times together back in the day. We both were busy busting our chops trying to get to the

top of our fields, focused and driven so when we cut loose we really cut loose. Victoria always used to say, she

worked hard but played just as hard or harder to stay sane and balanced. She always was very focused about

anything she undertook and had her head screwed on straight. I always knew that she’d be successful at

anything she put her mind to.” He said with an almost reverence in his voice. “She came over one night to have

dinner with my wife and I, a couple of months ago and dropped her bombshell about becoming a writer on us. In

one sense we were both flabbergasted because she was so incredible at what she did and was going to be

financially set for life. But she very calmly and rationally explained what was motivating her to completely

turn her life upside down. She said it wasn’t challenging her any more, it had all become so routine and that she

was afraid she was losing a major part of herself and that she didn’t want to be a ‘slave to the man’ any

longer. At first I thought she was just tired, stressed you know…burnt out. I can’t remember the last time she

took a proper vacation to relax, something would always seem to crop up at the office and she’d end up flying

home after just a couple days or cancelling her trip altogether.” I could tell that he cared dearly for his old

friend and I remained silent hoping he’d go on. Thankfully he did.

“Victoria told me several stories about her co-workers as well, working themselves into early graves with

heart attacks, having nervous breakdowns and she even told me about one guy who ended up taking his own life.

I have to tell you it scared the crap out of me when she was relating it all to me, then bam it hit me like a ton of

bricks what she meant. She wanted to regain control of her life, she wanted the chance to have an actual life

again. Victoria wanted a shot at having time to do more than just shuffle aimlessly back and forth between the

office and her condo, with just the odd diversion to keep her sane. She had a need to be creative and feel vital

again. Secretly I think she also harboured the desire to find someone she could really connect with. The next

thing I knew, her Aunt Emily had passed away and left her the house. Then she put her condo on the market,

packed up bag and baggage and moved in. Next she gave her notice at the firm. She found that job doing that

column so she said at least she could honestly say she’d achieved her goal of getting her foot in the door to

becoming a writer. Sush, knew money had gotten a bit tight for her with all the renovations and not pulling in

the salary that she had been. Don’t get me wrong she’s far from destitute and she’s invested wisely and well

over the years, but she wanted to get back to her roots and do more of the struggling artist thing. So a drag

queen named Miss Kitty was born and came out of the closet so to speak. Then to put the icing on the cake and

complete the picture for her, you entered her life.” He finished, just as we pulled up in front of the club.

“Victoria’s been pretty candid with me from the first day I met her about giving up her career to follow her

dream. Even though, I’d only just met her I felt there was something special about her from the first moment I’d

laid eyes on her. I’m not sure that initially she was as enchanted with me as I was with her but I figured I was

going to hang in there see if I could grow on her over time. Her candor, her spirit, just everything about her

and I wanted to get to know her better, no matter how much time and energy it took me.” I said. “Fortunately

for me, she’s given me the chance with her, despite that rough patch we hit when I discovered her little secret.”

I paused for a moment, it was embarrassing rehashing it as I knew how uniformed and ignorant I had been in the

not so distance past. When I finished, Tino gave me a consolatory smile. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. It must

have been a major shock to find that picture and then stumble across her face splashed all over those posters

the way you did. I more than likely would have gone in and gotten to the bottom of things myself. The important

thing is that you’ve opened your mind and while you might not always totally ‘get it’ about everything that

happens in this world at least you’re trying to understand and accept it even if you may not always agree with

it. Nobody can ask for more than that out of you.” “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I agreed with him, feeling just

a little better about how I’d behaved that night a couple of weeks earlier. “You’ve come a long way baby.” He

joked. “Now come on let’s get inside and catch the show and have a good laugh.”

We bounded up the steps to the club like a couple of high school guys out on the town and ready to party.

The more I was getting to know Victoria’s inner circle of friends the more they were becoming my friends as

well. It suited me just fine as these were some pretty phenomenal people in their own rights and I genuinely

liked them already. The club was dim and it took our eyes a few minutes to adjust to the lighting as we first

entered. There was my best girl up on stage singing her heart out. She caught sight of me and flashed me a

massive smile as she continued to sing and dance her heart out on stage. I flashed her two thumbs up, then

started wending my way through the crowd trying to find Pamela and the other people that we were meeting

there. I was rather surprised that I actually bumped into more than a couple faces of clients that had been at

the gallery premiere. I found the cluster of familiar faces just as Victoria finished her set. Naturally I started

applauding like a mad man as she took her bows and graciously accepted her accolades from the audience. The

woman that stood before me on the stage never ceased to amaze me. There she was after a gruelling week of

preparations, sleep deprivation, and being the perfect hostess and consummate performer and yet she still

managed to look as fresh as a daisy on summer’s day. She introduced the next performer with panache and

blew kisses to her adoring fans as she exited the stage steps lithely. She quickly weaved her way through the

throngs of bar patrons, towards me. I held out my arms to her and she flew into them and embraced me with a

fierce bear hug. When we broke apart, I slipped my arm around her waist as friends pressed into congratulate

her. There was a flurry of activity in the forms of hugs, kisses, high fives and excited chatter, as friends offered

their hearty praise and well deserved accolades.

Smiling and laughing the entire time, Victoria was in her element and did my heart good to see her so full of

life. It had been a challenging evening and to see her exuding such happiness eased any fears that I may have

harboured that it had been a burden to her were alleviated. “A drink to celebrate is in order. What’ll it be Miss

Kitty?” A voice rose about the rest. “I’d love a bottle of water. I’m completely parched.” She answered with a

smile. “Come on now. No champagne? A cocktail of some sort perhaps?” Tino challenged her. “No” she replied

with a tinkling laugh, “water will be perfect.” “The ladies wish is my command.” And with that he headed off

to the bar. She whispered in a voice that was meant for my ears only. “I have to keep my wits about me, we’ve

got some celebrating of our own to do when we get home. The brush of her thigh against mine as she whispered

to me sent small shivers of delight up and down my spine. It would have been so easy to sweep her up in my

arms, purposely stride towards the door and carry her all the way home so I could finally be alone with her. It

seemed like eons since I had last felt her flesh upon my own and I yearned to make love to her with an intensity

that was growing with each moment. God how I loved her and wanted to express it to her in every physical

sense of the word. My heart ached for her caresses and my loins were working themselves into a warmth that

was spreading throughout me as I felt a familiar stirring, which wasn’t helped any by the fact she had slid her

hand down to my buttocks and gave me a small squeeze just then. It was a gentle lady like move that would go

unnoticed by anyone other than the two of us, but it clearly telegraphed our need to couple with each other in

the very immediate future.

Just then Tino returned with my bottle of water and I quickly uncapped it and took a long refreshing drink of the cold water. “Thanks Tino, I so needed that.” I said as I flashed him a grateful grin. I found myself, introducing Philip to my old co-worker Charlie and his husband Scott among other people. Miraculously at least outwardly I was being social and interacting with my friends who were all so wonderfully supportive of both Philip and I. Don’t get me wrong I was grateful for them and their unwavering support and I did want to spend time with them and properly thank them. But for now it was like I was outwardly doing and saying all the right things but inwardly I was secretly willing myself to be back in the privacy of the home I shared with Philip. All I could think about was how much I wanted it to be just the two of us to talk things over in earnest about all that had unfolded this evening. To feel his arms around me, to rest my head upon his chest as we talked quietly. To know that soon there would be shared kisses and gentle touches that would lead the two of us to even greater heights or expressing feelings about each other. To feel his lips skimming over my bared shoulders as if he were writing poems upon my flesh. Poems that I would commit to memory to read over and over time again in my

memories. “Victoria? Are you all right?” A voice gently prodded me. “Oh yes. Just a wee bit tired is all. It’s been a rather long week and I think I’m finally coming off the adrenaline high of it all and my body and mind are beginning to really relax for the first time in days. So I’ll have to apologize for zoning out on you like that.” I responded as I was scrambling to collect my thoughts.

Fortunately my friends are both an understanding and forgiving group of individuals. “I think it’s us that should be apologizing to you and Philip. You two have had a majorly hectic week preparing for tonight. You’ve also both packed far more into one day, then the average person could not to mention the fact that you managed to pull it off with such aplomb.” Charlie said. “Yes” agreed Tino “Why don’t you two call it a night and head home and relax, if Victoria is done her performances for the evening?” “That sounds like a capital idea. You two deserve to put your feet up and unwind.”

Scott added. “I’ve so enjoyed getting to know you better Victoria but these gentleman are right, go home and enjoy a little peace and quiet together.” Pamela pitched in her thoughts. “There’s no need for you to worry about opening the gallery tomorrow either Philip. That’s why you hired such a crackerjack staff like myself to take care of things like that.” Philip looked at me solemnly and stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Do you think they’re trying to give us the bums rush and get rid of the two of us?”

He asked trying to sound mildly insulted at that prospect but his weary but twinkling eyes betrayed him. “Yes”

chorused the group around us, who then burst into laughter. “Are you really sure you don’t mind. It seems so rude to leave so soon and there’s so much catching up that I want to do with all of you.” I fretted. “You are the least rude person in the world Victoria.” Miss Antoinette assured me from her perch on a bar stool. “Now be a good girl and take that young man of yours home and get some rest my dear.” “Well… if you all insist. ”I started to say reluctantly as heads bobbed up and down to assure me that they did indeed mean it and understood. “I’ll just grab my drag bag from the dressing room and we can be off then Philip. “One step ahead of you, it’s already here hon. I asked Candy Cane to bring it up with her when she came up for her next number and here it is.” Sush said pulling the bag from behind her and passing it to Philip.

I hurriedly exchanged quick hugs and kisses with my friends along with promises that we’d seriously make plans in the very near future to catch up with one another. Philip took my hand after that and led me out to the car.

Once in the car and fastened in I snuggled as close to Philip as I possibly could. My hand rested on his thigh. It suddenly hit me how exhausted I truly was, as I tried unsuccessfully to stifle a massive yawn. “My girl’s tired.” He said, as the stroked back a wisp of hair that had fallen across my cheek and kissed my temple softly. “Hmmm hmmm” I murmured

“I think I’m more tired than I realized.” I responded as rested my head against his shoulder. “It won’t be long now. A few short minutes more and we’ll be home. I promise I’ll take care of you when we get there.” I smiled and closed my eyes as he inserted the key into the ignition. I didn’t even realize that he’d left the curb where we’d been parked led alone driven the two of us home. The soft warmth of his kiss on my cheek roused me slightly and my eyelids fluttered open. “Are we ready to go? I asked numbly still thinking we were parked in front of the club. “Honey we’re home.” He responded gently.

“We’ve been home about ten minutes now actually I’ve just been watching you sleep, you looked so peaceful. I was also debating the best way to get you inside without disturbing you. I was getting ready to carry you in actually.” He said brushing is lips against me once more. “That’s very sweet of you my love, but I think I can make it to the door under my own steam.”

Philip scurried out and around the car to open my door as I steeled myself for want seemed like a marathon walk to the front door at the moment. He held his hand out to help and I was grateful that he had. I was a bit unsteady on my feet from the exhaustion and these blasted high heels I still had on weren’t helping the situation any too much. I faltered as I stepped out like a new born colt trying out their unsteady legs for the first time. Philip was on top of the situation immediately and scooped me up easily into his arms. “That’s it missy. No protesting I’m going to carry you. I’ll bring your bag inside in the morning.” He scolded me in an authoritative yet loving manner. I just gave him a smile and wrapped my arms around his neck as he cradled me protectively in his arms as he carried me across the front lawn and up the stairs to the house. Unlocking the front door was a bit of challenge with me in his arms yet somehow he mastered the situation and swept me inside and carried me to the living room and set me down gently on the sofa. Sydney who’d been hot on our trail since the moment the door had first opened, leapt up beside me on the sofa and nuzzled his fuzzy little head against my resting hand, as if saying, “welcome home I’ve missed you.”

It felt good to finally be home and for the first time in days I was actually beginning to relax. Philp slipped my shoes off and propped my stocking clad feet on his lap, so that he could massage them. His strong hands caressing my tender aching feet felt like heaven to me. The pressure he applied with his thumbs running up and down the length of my arches.

Brought with it a pleasurable pain as he worked out the kinks in them. “You’re going to spoil me Philip.” I purred as he worked his magic on my feet with his hands. “I’m the one that should be pampering you. It’s your big night after all.” I apologized to him as he continued his administrations. “Quite the contrary this night belongs to both of us and none of it would have happened without you. Besides I enjoy doing things for you.” He smiled warmly as he leaned in and kissed me. Which earned a disgruntled “mrrrrrow” from Sydney who had gotten sandwiched between the two of us. As a miffed Sydney hopped down off the sofa, Philip somehow managed to inch me further along the sofa, until I was ensconced in his lap. “Much better to kiss you now my dear.” He mussed as he did exactly that. Those kisses were warm, gentle reminders of the depths this man loved me.

“Now”, he said as he stroked my face softly. “You put your feet up and relax, or if you feel up to it now why not go upstairs and hop into a nice hot shower. It’ll help you unwind and be able to sleep better. While you do I’m going to feed Syd here and take care of his needs. I’m also going to put the kettle on and brew you a cup of one of those herbal sleepy time teas that you like so well. I want you totally mellowed out so you can get a good night’s sleep tonight.” Philip said as he kissed the tip of my nose lightly. “You seriously just want to sleep?” I asked him, demurely batting my eyes at him.

“No, I really want to ravish every inch of you, and write poems on your flesh with my tongue and lips.” His answer though not unexpected had the effect of sending electric impulses throughout my erogenous zones. “But I also am a realist and I know that as much as you a more than willing partner, we’re both extremely tired. So tonight we cuddle, enjoy the nearness of each other...then tomorrow morning when we wake up refreshed, we’ll have our wicked way with each other.

In ways that are probably considered illegal or immoral in a great many places in the world.” He breathed hotly into my ears which only served to fuel my desires. “Besides the anticipation will just heighten the experience for both of us.” My response was to purr, as he slid a kiss from my earlobe down my throat and over my shoulder. I shuddered from both desire and as he had predicted anticipation of the delights that the morning would bring the two of us.

While Philip performed his duties with Sydney and in the kitchen I did take him up on his offer to just go and unwind with a hot shower. The hot water streaming down had had a most therapeutic effect just as Philip had intended it would.

It felt wonderful to have the layers of stage make up finally come off. It was a much more relaxed woman that Philip found curled up on the sofa when he walked into the living room with a tray laden with mugs of tea and a small snack on it. I eyed the plate questioningly. “My specialty peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We’re having a tea party. I even cut the crusts off and sliced them into little triangles for the occasion.” He responded quite pleased with his logic at this hour of the morning and I couldn’t contain my smile. “Besides you’re like me, you are pretty much always hungry and I know you like to have something after you’ve done one of your show, so figured why not just make us a little something to enjoy with the tea?” “Why not indeed.” I responded as he set the tray down on the coffee table. He handed me a steaming mug of the fragrant herbal tea, took one for himself in one hand and the plate of sandwiches in the other and placed them on his lap, so we had easy access to our little late night feast. As we nibbled on our late night snack and drank our tea we talked over the events of the evening.

Humbly he looked at me and softly spoke, "Victoria, I can't say it enough, but thank you for everything tonight, none of this would have been possible without you." “Me?” I asked incredulously. “I’m not the artist, you are! You came up with idea for those amazing pictures. I would never have thought to visualize the idea that although their appearances are so different , deep down inside they have the same basic dreams we all have in the pursuit of happiness. You are the one with the creative talents that were recognized by the AGO members. You are the one that came up with that film vignette and took a major career risk going through with his project” I reiterated, truly believing this night was all Philip’s. “Fair enough my dear, but had I not met you and your friends I never would have found such truly inspiring subjects for my works. You opened my eyes and my heart to a whole new world of experiences and as result my creative juices really began flowing. You introduced me to some people that I have come to view as extraordinary and whom I'm proud to call colleagues and friends. Someday I hope to be able to call some of them long time, dear friends. You showed me the magic of humanity, just when I had begun to lose faith in it more and more over the last few years. You, in the strictest sense of the word, have become my muse. And furthermore, there was no way I would have been able to even pull off the last minute catering had it not been for you. I either would have ended up getting charged twice the going rate for a last minute job or ended up feeding my guests cold delivered pizzas. Face it sweetheart you and I are pretty great on our own but when we put our heads together and team up, we’re an unstoppable a force to be reckoned with. So I will stand by my earlier statement that this is our night.” Philip maintained. I considered it briefly and nodded in agreement. Smiling, he stroked his finger down my nose, in a playful gesture. “See that wasn’t so hard to agree with me, now was it?” He inquired which only served to make me giggle. “No it wasn’t so bad at all.” I agreed. We polished off the few remaining finger sandwiches on the plate and drank the last swells of tea from our mugs. Placing them on the tray Philip carried them into the kitchen and put the dishes in the sink for us to deal with in the morning. It was a weary and contented couple who climbed the stairs to their bedroom, arm in arm.

Despite our agreement to wait until the morning to become truly amorous with each other I couldn’t help but tease Philip with a little miniature strip tease as I peeled my panties down my legs and removed them. I could see the appreciative gleam in his eyes and noticed that he even ran his tongue over his top lip and I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he gulped silently. Good I was having the effect I desired on him. If I had to wait to make love to him and he was the one that thought the anticipation would bring us ultimately more pleasure then I was totally willing to play the game. I decided to leave my t shirt on as it clung nicely to my curves showing them off to a certain advantage, as well as the fact that it just barely covered my bottom and that special sweet spot that he had grown so found of over the past couple of weeks. I dove on to the bed and crawled across it, like a panther stalking its prey and I knew that Philip’s eyes would be trained on my cat like movements and the curve of my thighs. All is fair in love and war, I thought mischievously to myself. The joke however ended up being on me though as I crawled in under the covers and waited for Philip to join me in bed. He purposely took his own sweet time undressing, which proved to be sensual series of delights for me. When he was down to nothing but his boxers, I bit my lips waiting for him to remove them. He hooked his fingers in the band and started to slide them down. Unveiling is hips oh so painstakingly slowly, the briefest glimpse of his pubic hair being revealed. Now it was my turn to gulp. That’s when he quickly returned them to their original position on his waist. “Let that be a lesson to you, missy, two can play at creative ways to prolong the pleasure.” He gave me a sexy seductive laugh, flicked off the lights by the bedroom door and made his way towards the bed.

Crawling into bed beside me, he took me in his arms and I snuggled into him. “I love you, you know.” He said as he stroked my hair. “I love you too.” I said as I moved into a position so we could share some late night kisses. Even though we weren’t making love, we were still sharing a very precious form of intimacy which was drawing us closer as a couple.

Philip was an amazing kisser and I revelled in sharing this experience with him. Being only human, naturally our bodies responded each in their own unique ways. I could feel Philip’s firmness pressing against my thigh through the cloth of his boxers and knowing I wasn’t going to be benefiting from it this evening it was both frustrating and strangely titillating all at the same time. I was truly beginning to understand why he wanted us to wait until we were both well rested.The hot shower, combined with the herbal tea, and the comfort of lying in Philip’s protective arms was causing me to grow dreamily drowsy once more. I had just dozed off with my head on Philip’s chest when the phone on my bedside table began to ring. “Do you want me to get that?” Philip mumbled half asleep himself. “No, but if we don’t …” As if being able to read my mind, Philip reached over and grabbed the phone and handed it over to me. “Hello?” I mumbled groggily into the receiver.

“Victoria?” the voice on the other end sobbed. Immediately I was a wake and fully alert, my heart racing madly. “I didn’t want to bother you but I didn’t know who else to call, you know Sush’s parents don’t live here and you’re her closest friend in the world. “What’s wrong with Sush?” Is she ill?” I demanded to know with concern in my voice. Even though Philip could only here my end of the conversation it was enough to jolt him into reality and spur him to action. He quickly padded over to the lights and turned them on as he began rummaging through drawers for a pair of jeans and a sweater to slip into. Then he dug out something for me to wear. “You’ve got to take a deep breath and tell me what happened.” I replied as calmly as I could. The words on the other end of the phone spilled out at me. “We were walking home after the show and decided to cut through the park. There were some guys in the park…they, they started with wolf whistles, which was fine, we just kept walking. Then they got more aggressive with their comments, and when they realized that we were actually men it got really ugly. They started calling us faggots and cursing us for being freaks, said people like us didn’t deserve to be alive.

Then they started spitting at us…it was horrible… then the hitting started us. Said we weren’t going to be pretty boys any more when they finished with us. Sush tried to reason with them, but they were complete animals. Her trying to reason with them, just enraged them further….” She sobbed into the phone. As much as I wanted to know the full story right now my main concern was getting to my friend. “Where are you two now? Are you safe?” We’re in the emergency room at St. Mike’s Hospital. They brought us here by ambulance. Oh Victoria I’m scared half to death, Sush is still unconscious….” She stammered into the phone. “I’m on my way, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Hang in there, and make sure you get seen as well”…”Oh God, Vic’s hurry please.” She pleaded into the phone. “I’m hanging up now and should be there in about 15 minute’s tops.” Phillip who was dressed, sensed the direness of the situation. “Get dressed, I’ll grab your shoes you can put them on in the car. I’ll get the car and meet you out front. You can tell me about it on the way.”

And with that he disappeared and I heard him thundering down the stairs. I dressed in record time with the clothes he’d laid out for me and sprinted down the stairs. Grabbed my purse, locked the door and ran barefooted down the front steps and front walk to the car where Philip was waiting for me in the driver’s seat with the passenger door open for me to hop into. I leapt in beside him. “GO!!” I panted at him as I slammed the car door shut.

to be continued....